This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "OhStarlightEarnest" exhibits strong signs of being authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
Key points supporting authenticity:
- Complex, Evolving Personal Narrative: The user shares a detailed, nuanced, and emotionally charged personal history. This includes introspection on sexuality (realizing they are gay, not straight or bi), internalized homophobia, shame, autogynephilia (AGP), experiences with bullying, and a long, non-linear journey of self-acceptance as a gender non-conforming gay man. This complexity is difficult to fake consistently over two years of posting.
- Consistent Core Identity: Throughout all comments, the user's core identity remains consistent: a desisted male who considered transition primarily due to internalized homophobia, discomfort with male stereotypes, and a desire to express femininity, not because of an innate female identity.
- Emotional Authenticity: The comments are filled with raw, passionate, and often self-critical emotions—frustration, shame, anger at societal norms, fear of being perceived as predatory, and deep personal insecurity. This aligns with the expected passion and pain of someone who has experienced this specific type of harm.
- Interaction and Engagement: The user directly engages with other posters, offering advice, sharing similar experiences, and even apologizing for or clarifying their own previous comments, which demonstrates a real person reacting to a community.
- No Scripted or Propaganda-Like Language: The language is personal, meandering, and self-reflective ("idk," "I'm rambling," "sorry if this is incoherent") rather than repeating concise, agenda-driven talking points.
In conclusion, the account's history shows the hallmarks of a genuine individual working through complex personal issues within the /r/detrans community.
About me
I'm a gay man who almost transitioned because I thought my discomfort with male stereotypes meant I was supposed to be a woman. My journey started from a place of internalized homophobia and a deep dislike for the aggressive masculinity I saw around me. I realized my desire to be female was actually an escape from accepting myself as a man who loves men. Now I'm learning to be a gender-nonconforming man, embracing my softer side without changing my body. I'm finally owning who I am.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and confusing, and it’s taken me a lot of time and pain to understand where my feelings were really coming from. I never medically transitioned, but I came very close to identifying as a trans woman. For a long time, I thought my discomfort with being male meant I was supposed to be a woman. Now I see it was a lot more complicated than that.
A huge part of my struggle was with internalized homophobia. I’m gay, but I had a really hard time accepting that. Growing up, I was bullied by other boys and had mostly negative experiences with men. The men and father figures I was around were often cruel or dismissive. This made me develop a deep dislike for men as a group, including myself. I saw masculinity as something aggressive, violent, and unfeeling, and I wanted no part of it. In contrast, the people I looked up to—my mother, my grandmother, my aunts—were all women. They seemed like better people, so I associated being a good person with being female.
When I hit puberty, I started getting interested in things like dresses and skirts, but I felt intense shame about it. I hid these interests because I knew they weren’t considered normal for a boy. This shame twisted into something sexual; I started fetishizing the idea of being feminized. I now see this as a form of autogynephilia (AGP), but for me, it wasn’t about being attracted to the idea of having a female body. It was an escape hatch. I was turned on by the feeling of shame itself, and by creating a fantasy where I could be feminine and be with a man, but only if I was a woman in the scenario. This let me avoid confronting the reality that I was a man who liked men. I even convinced myself I might be straight or bisexual for a while because admiring women felt safer than admitting I wanted to be like them for myself.
I also have autism, which I was diagnosed with very young. I’ve always had trouble socializing and fitting in. I never felt like I belonged with other boys, and I was constantly analyzing my every move, worried I was being rude or creepy. This social anxiety made me want to disappear. The idea of transitioning felt appealing because it promised a way to express my true self—my more gentle, "feminine" personality and style—without being seen as a weird or predatory man. I thought if I was a woman, people would finally understand me and leave me alone.
I spent a lot of time online in trans communities and almost started socially transitioning—telling close friends and people online to use a different name and pronouns. But I hesitated. I started reading perspectives from gender-critical feminists and detransitioned women. I realized that, as a male, my presence in women's spaces would make many women uncomfortable, and I couldn't morally justify that. The final push to desist came when I honestly asked myself why I wanted to be a woman. The core reason was that I thought it was the only way it would be acceptable for me to be with a man. That was the moment I had to admit I was just a gay man, and my desire to transition was rooted in homophobia and a deep-seated hatred for the male stereotypes I felt trapped by.
My feelings about my body were never really about the body itself, but about the social meanings attached to it. I disliked my genitals not because they were wrong, but because I felt they came with an assumption of sexual aggression that I hated. I’ve learned that my body doesn’t have to carry those implications if I don’t let it.
I don’t regret exploring these feelings because it led me to a place of greater self-understanding, but I am glad I did not medically transition. I regret the years I spent hating myself and running from who I am. Today, I’m trying to accept myself as a gender-nonconforming gay man. I have long hair, I wear pink, and I’m slowly allowing myself to have a softer voice and mannerisms without feeling like I need to change my sex. It’s still a struggle against the fear of being judged, but I’m learning that the only way to be happy is to own who you are.
I believe my problems wouldn't have existed in a world that didn't force people into such strict boxes based on their sex. The solution isn't to change our bodies to fit stereotypes, but to break down the stereotypes themselves.
Here is a timeline of the key events based on what I've written in my comments:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Younger than 8 | Diagnosed with autism. |
| Later Elementary School (approx. 8-11) | Had a dream about wearing a dress and realized I liked the idea of feminine aesthetics. Began to hide these interests due to shame. |
| Puberty (early teens) | Shame around feminine interests became sexualized (AGP). Developed a disgust for male stereotypes and my own sexuality. Believed I was straight or possibly bisexual. |
| 17 | Was reassessed for autism. This was unrelated to my gender confusion. |
| Around 20 | Seriously considered social transition. Told a small circle I might be trans. Spent time in online trans communities. |
| 20-22 (Present) | Hesitated due to moral concerns about male intrusion into female spaces. Realized my desire to transition was based on internalized homophobia. Accepted that I am a gay man. Began the process of desisting and learning to accept myself as a gender-nonconforming male. |
Top Comments by /u/OhStarlightEarnest:
YOU get harassed in the bathroom?!?! This shit is getting ridiculous. UNMISTAKABLY female. You remind me of this one girl I knew in high school who I always thought looked cool asf xD. It sucks how people are so bad at being able to recognize sex that they can't tell short haired woman apart from a man. I literally feel that whoever has harassed you somehow has gotta either be blind or is just trying to be an asshole because you appear to not be conforming... just because you dont see many people stupid enough to do that but also functional enough be out and about in society to harrass people. Please don't let it bother you too much.
As far as brutal honesty goes, you were never a "male" and thus have no right to talk about how "different" your relationship is now compared to when you "were not in a male and female relationship". You are, always have been, and always will be female, and I'm sorry if this sounds a little rude, but you didn't leave a gay relationship, you've always been in a straight one, and I hear a lot of straight people on here talking about how wonderful their lives are now that they are in a "blissful partnership of man and woman"(tm) and I'm just like... you were pretending to be something you are not. You weren't gay ffs. I'm glad you're happy now, but please don't talk like there was ever a period where you somehow weren't in a male/female relationship and how THAT was the problem with it. In any case you look good now that you aren't actively trying to imitate the bodies and appearances of the opposite sex. That doesn't mean you need to be masculine or feminine. It just means you look better when you aren't trying to run from reality.
I'm sorry if this was a little abrasive, but I get frustrated reading stuff like this. Celebrate being straight if you feel the need to do so, but don't act like you ever WEREN'T straight.
Now look... I HATE drag. I especially hate what drag is in modern day. I hate the "gay culture" of modern day whether where talking about the effeminate guys who feel entitled to say misogynistic slurs, or the masc guys who think they're so much better but act like pretentious assholes. I don't like any of it. That said, drag, imo isn't in of itself the disease. I can see it's value to some people if they can lay off the damn "woman-face" type stuff with the fake breasts, hips, and pretending to BE women with pronouns and mocking their biology and stuff. That's the problem with it imo. Not the over-the-top dressing, not the exaggerated make-up, and as long as you keep kids out of it, I don't even care about the sexualized crap they wear. There's no form of entertainment that's going to be for everyone. I DESPISE comedians and just about anything remotely related to stand-up comedy. I just don't like those forms of humor and I don't find it funny. I much prefer things that are further removed from reality, like skits or something if I'm going to laugh at something. I blame the fact that I was the butt of jokes for a really long time in my life, and comedians are almost always invested in and picking apart real problems. It's too serious for me, I don't like it, personally. I see what drag COULD BE in the same way that I realize that comedy is something very enjoyable and thought provoking for some people. It's just not for me.
I always hated that guys could only wear dresses or stuff typically designed for or worn by women as a gag, a joke, or for some kind of theatrics. It's bothered me since I was a kid, and drag queens these days remind me WAY too much of the 40 year-old agp perverts I saw running porn blogs when I was a kid... there's just too much going against it for me to ever be okay with it. It isn't inherently something bad I don't think, though... there isn't anything inherently wrong with clowns, actors, or the aforementioned comedians... so I don't think drag is 100% awful. "I just don't like it" is my best summary. I really hope they stop taking it so far though. Give gnc presenting men normal representation if you're gonna do it. I'm so tired of it always being some "high fashion" celebrity Harry Styles shit, or drag shows.
In any case, rant over... sorry if it went on a bit too long near the end there.
I seriously think it's just that men and women are different in obvious ways that are difficult to explain. Especially in the facial area. It's easier to recognize phenotypes in the body, but facial recognition can be much harder with how similar two faces can be, yet one feature can make them look entirely different depending on what it is. I always find myself clocking trans men and by extension trans women because of how they smile. Women mouths always seem to look different somehow when smiling in a way I don't quite have the words for to properly explain. It's always especially the way parts move, not just the parts themselves. Also there is 100% a certain "trans woman" variety of hyper-femininity that makes them somewhat clockable if you know what you're looking at.
I don't mean to be blunt, but I'm rather certain it was pretty obvious to him that he was male, this doesn't say anything about the concept of "gender identity", but rather that you at least DEFINITELY can't change sex, and that a conflict could definitely arise between feeling like a "freak" (due to how he probably perceived himself based on societal messaging at that time), and probably struggling to find romantic opportunities due to both not being biologically female and not having male genitals... furthermore, idk if he was straight, but assuming he was attracted to women (as he's male, and most people are heterosexual) I can definitely see how even more of a problem may arise from the former.
I do believe the concept of "gender" though, in different terms not confusing sex, carries potential weight with how connected sex and sexuality are made to seem in the heteronormative (ugh... using that word isn't what I expected to do today, but it IS a correct usage) world we live in, might explain why some gay men, myself included, seem to have some traits, interests, or mannerisms considered culturally "feminine" but that just further defends homosexuality as a concept, and paints an awful picture about what we are telling children (and society as a whole tbh) about the way the world works/how they should be.
P.S. Ugh, something just feels "off" about this comment, so sorry if I wasn't too clear or didn't correctly get my point across... idk... I feel like something went wrong. xD I just can't tell what.
This. Omfg I can't walk outside wearing half the stuff I see most women my age wearing these days or I'll either come off looking like a creep or a predator, OR in most places, probably be arrested for public indecency or some form of voyeurism, even if it's not true. Because the people who make it look SO cool are absolutely beautiful already half the time. Plus, aside from all that, more than half of the men I've interacted with to any serious degree would immediately either flat out become hostile to me, or just avoid me like the plague. It can be so frustrating to see this.
It's always the smile. Idk why, and I guess I might not have noticed it if you didn't explicitly mention you were detrans, but I feel like there's something about women's smiles that just clock them immediately to me... like the overall shape your facial features take. It's honestly really nice xD. Idk if it's a guy thing or a me thing, but my smiles always look creepy to me, especially when my teeth are visible, and I see it often with guys, so maybe that's why I notice it so much. Anyway, I second the other comments statement. I can see a bit of a difference, too.
Your face reads female to me. I see a woman, for sure. That said, I'm also aware of detrans issues and what-not, so depending on other things, like if you're relatively tall and had your breasts removed, I could see the concern. I personally think your facial structure is definitely not male, though, so if you pass well enough with make-up (I dunno if you implied you do through the title), you should definitely be fine, imo.
I'm getting really sick of this shit, and while I'd normally be less pissed by it, I literally keep seeing it in this thread and I've kind of had enough. If you can or do have sex with somebody with a male body as a male THAT IS HOMOSEXUAL IN NATURE, PERIOD. Whether the man is just experimenting, not interested in more masculine men, or even literally just attracted to a man who he thinks looks enough like a woman to f*ck. The label applied to a man who can have sex with either sex is BISEXUAL. I'm so tired of people acting like feminine males are simply some fetish category. I understand the reality of men who use other men in this fashion for singular sex encounters, as by virtue of having a grindr account, I'm already painfully aware of them, but we don't call sex addicts and other fetishists by different "sexualities" just because they aren't attracted to all members of one sex. The reason I'm so frustrated about this is because it's literally homophobia. They don't wanna be called "gay" or "bi" so they come up with all this bullshit to justify it. It's 10000000000% as delusional as trying to be the opposite sex in of itself, and I'm not gonna stay quiet about it anymore. Tired of the labels and I'm tired of people constantly acting like femininity and masculinity = male and female, even if men keep fucking up their sexuality like that with porn. If you like penis, and your a man, you cannot be fully heterosexual. I don't care how much they'd never have a relationship with a man, just like I don't care if their homophobic worldview can't accept calling themselves gay or bi. I will call reality as I see it, and GAMPs are by definition at least borderline bi, and just aren't attracted to masculinity.
My opinion on this is both a selfish one and a relatively irrelevant one. I relate A LOT to people who identifying with being trans, and the idea that I'm not in an adjacent category to a sizeable chunk of "amab" trans people seems a little disingenuous. I understand the discomfort with being born the way I was, so my own opinions on whether or not "true trans" is a thing is highly influenced by that. Simultaneously, the feelings and physical reality that can accompany "being trans" are obviously real, but the real question behind the concept of being transgender isn't whether or not its a VALID solution. It's obviously worked for some people apparently, imi the question is whether or not it's RIGHT. I don't want to be callous about this, because it's not my place to say the way anyone else lives is wrong, but I always find myself asking a question: "Why should anyone feel the need to go out of their way to change something about themselves that can't TRULY be changed?" I think it points to a negative origin regarding these feelings, and problem people probably always WILL deal with, but shouldn't have to. I'm personally of the opinion that these feelings can't exist in a vacuum and their origin is inherently social. Whether that means you can't identify with your sex or you identify with the other, if there's no context of other people of either sex involved in your feelings, than I'm pretty sure that's just dysmorphia that's using the concept of being trans as an outlet. You need an object of comparison for gender dysphoria to exist, and that alone makes me like the solution SHOULD be for people to accept both the differences and similarities we share with others, regardless of sex, and to encourage people to EMBRACE their individuality regardless of whether or not its normal for their sex.
It's not quite as simple as that, as there's pressures that could and would resist that sentiment, and to be honest, one of the strongest of those is just it being unsightly or unsettling to some people, which is a very strong way of getting people to reject themselves, social pressures and what-not, but I really think its best solution to these issues. That said, I do think its very possible that transition is literally the best solution for some people, and while my heart breaks for them, I don't think that means we should encourage it as a solution going forwards. Its a vicious cycle, because as long as this is a valid solution, there will be people who would rather have a "normal looking" trans person than a "strange looking" GNC one. I think this, even if its not direct and is well intentioned (as in worrying about their child fitting in with others), is still a big motivator behind parents who trans their kids.