This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the extensive comments provided, the account for Ok-Cress-436 appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a fake account.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, internally consistent, and spans a long period, covering their initial social media exposure, transition, medical experiences, detransition, and ongoing physical and emotional adjustments. The comments reflect complex, evolving personal reflections and specific, plausible medical side effects. The passion and criticism towards gender ideology and medical practices are consistent with the genuine anger and harm experienced by some detransitioners. The account shows a clear, personal voice and engages in supportive, nuanced conversations with others.
About me
I was a masculine girl who felt different, and I found a lot of validation online that convinced me I was a trans man. I started testosterone at 18 and had top surgery, believing it would solve all my problems. Instead, I became isolated, my mental health suffered, and I developed painful physical side effects. I stopped hormones after five years and realized my dysphoria was rooted in internalized shame about being a masculine woman. Now, I accept that I am female, and while I regret the permanent changes to my body, I finally feel at home in myself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was really young, around four years old. I found a male cousin’s shirt and wore it for months, insisting my parents call me by his name. I don't really remember why, it was just a phase. But looking back, I was always a tomboy. I played with boy toys, loved being shirtless, and played with insects. I felt different from other girls.
When I was 11 or 12, I got on Tumblr. I was already questioning my sexuality, and it was easy to get sucked into the gender identity stuff. I went from lesbian and bisexual spaces to learning about transition and gender dysphoria. It was exciting, and I got a lot of validation online that I wasn't getting in real life. Deep down, I think it felt more acceptable to be a trans guy who was just normally masculine, rather than an especially masculine woman. I started to believe I had all the classic signs of dysphoria: I hated being called she/her, I hated my breasts, and I felt euphoria when I was mistaken for a boy in public.
When I was 16, I told my mom I felt like a boy. She encouraged me to wait until I was 18 to medically transition, but I was determined. I started seeing a gender therapist—she was the only one in our city covered by our insurance. I felt like trans people just knew what was right for them, so I trusted that feeling completely. I started testosterone a little after I turned 18.
For a while, it felt great. My senior year of high school, I was outgoing and proud. I went by Matthew, wore baggy clothes to hide my chest, and bound my breasts without caring about the damage. I still have rib pain from binding too tightly. I thought all my problems were solved.
But after high school, things got dark. Testosterone numbed my emotions. I couldn't relate to women anymore, but I wasn't socialized to relate to men either. I was isolated and started to distrust everyone who wasn't trans. I got into a really unhealthy, competitive relationship with another trans guy, and we were codependent. My mental health suffered. Testosterone also gave me horrible physical side effects. I had two heavy periods a month for the first eight months, and later developed PMDD, which gave me severe anxiety and a sense of doom. My doctor put me on Lupron, and when I found out about the lawsuits against the company for giving it to kids, I knew I was done.
I started questioning everything after leaving that toxic relationship. I was lonely and started listening to podcasts like "Gender: A Wider Lens," which made me question the whole trans movement. I realized that a lot of my dysphoria was socially influenced. I had internalized misogyny and lesbophobia. I'm a butch lesbian, and I felt like there was no place for me in the world as a masculine woman. I thought being a man was an escape. Transition was like putting a band-aid on a wound that needed stitches. I was running from my problems instead of facing them.
I decided to stop testosterone about a year and a half ago. The first few months were rough with hot flashes, mood swings, and anxiety. My period came back after about a month. Emotionally, it was like being a teenager again; I was feeling everything more intensely, which was hard after five years of being numb on T. But now, I feel more at home in my body than ever. I don’t regret transitioning because going through this whole process taught me so much about myself. But I do have regrets. I regret getting top surgery. I miss my breasts and the intimacy associated with them. I only had them for a few years as a young adult, and now I have mostly painful or itchy sensations on my chest. I have dreams where they grow back.
I also regret the damage I did to my body. I have bladder atrophy and vocal fatigue that might be permanent. I feel like I lost years I could have spent working on my real issues instead of trying to change my body.
My views on gender have completely changed. I don't think gender is real in the way I used to. I don't "feel" like a woman; I just am one. Being female is a neutral fact, like having brown hair. Everything else is just stereotypes and social pressure. I’m still masculine. I have short hair, wear men's clothes, and have a flat chest. I get called "sir" sometimes, and I'm learning to be okay with that. Detransition for me was a mental shift—it was about accepting my birth sex and letting go of the need to fit into any box. I’m just me.
I wrote a letter to my parents to apologize for the pain I put them through and to thank them for supporting me even when they were worried. It was a big step in repairing our relationship.
Here is a timeline of the major events:
Age | Event |
---|---|
4 | Went through a phase of wanting to be called by a male cousin's name. |
11-12 | Joined Tumblr and began exploring gender identity online. |
16 | Came out to my mom as feeling like a boy. |
18 | Started testosterone therapy. |
19 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
23 | Stopped testosterone and Lupron after 5 years on T. |
24 (Present) | Living as a detransitioned female for about a year and a half. |
Top Comments by /u/Ok-Cress-436:
I wrote a letter apologizing to my parents for being such a dick when they misgendered me and thanking them for doing what they could to support me. I lowered myself and showed humility which I think helped my parents feel like it was the "old Me" coming back. I think being open and honest is what's going to repair your relationships, not just letting things pass.
Here's a copy of that note I sent them:
I no longer identify as male or transgender. I want to accept my biological sex as female and live my life as normally as I can.
Thank you for supporting me no matter what I did. I know you were doing the best with what information we had at the time.
Mama, thank you for fighting to get me in therapy, taking me to all my appointments, and standing up for me when I couldn't. You have always been my number one advocate.
I'm sorry for the pain that I put you all through. I'm sorry if I made you question your parenting and my childhood. It was a great childhood.
Thank you for always having faith in me and my decisions despite them not being the best for me. I understand that I damaged my body, but I want to try to love it for the rest of my life.
I want to work on myself without being the center of attention again. I think like many other teenage girls my age, I was subconsciously using "gender dysphoria" to mask my shame and fear of developing into a woman.
I still have my fears and my doubts, but I want to try to love my self and my body the way nature gave it to me from now on.
I personally believe no one is born to be transgender. It's an action you take to deal with dysphoria, not an innate state of being. I also agree with everything commented here. Being uncomfortable being a woman is very normal and common, especially at your age. I had to come to understand that being female is as neutral as having brown hair or a big nose. It's just a feature. Everything else is socially constructed from a society that looks down on being female and sees femininity as humiliating.
First of all, I believe trans is something you do, not something you are permanently. No one "feels" like a girl/woman, we just are. Everything about fashion and femininity and pink is all stereotypes.
I was in your shoes and had no hesitations about transition and surgery but now 5 years later I miss my body parts desperately. I cut off my breasts after having them for only 7 years.
Reading your post I think you should look at your trauma and see what affected you throughout your life that made you averse to being female. Of course social pressure and misogyny is a big factor for you, but it might be worth looking into other things as well.
You can read my full post about my detransition on my profile, but I think I just got tired of the trans movement constant panic about genocide, and having to police my thoughts about what was correct vs not.
I went from trans man to nonbinary after a few years because I was too tired to keep up the identity and wanted to allow myself to dress more feminine (Can you tell I had really strict gender roles in my head? lol). After a while it felt like too much of a hassle to explain all about my gender and just decided to reject everything and only identify with my sex.
I was also ready to delve into the real reasons behind my gender dysphoria (that I've had for as long as I can remember) and figure out what exactly caused me to transition. That ended up being internalized misogyny and lesbophobia.
I'm a detrans lesbian here. There are a lot of us. Transition is a form of self harm, but so is denying your own sexuality. There are no rules of what you can and can't do after you detransition. The whole point of detransition is letting go of other people's perceptions and impositions about who you are. Do what you want and honor yourself.
My advice is to stop engaging in trans stuff, especially 4tran, and just focus on being you for a while.
Don't get on hormones or anything in the meantime, just pursue your hobbies and relationships.
I was so much worse mentally when i was constantly engaged in trans content online and it clouded my worldview and made me hate myself and the world.
Spend more time offline and get your head cleared before you decide to transition. Maybe your girlfriend will come around, maybe not. It sounds like this all came on really suddenly for you, so take a deep breath and try not to freak out.
Detransition might bring you peace but I don't want to suggest it as an easy fix like transition is. You need to work through your self hatred problems.
This. I hear many FTMs wishing they could go back to before their breasts developed, ie childhood. I definitely felt the same way when I was in it. It felt like my body was no longer mine but belonged to the whole world. It didn't help that my mom would touch and grab my breasts "jokingly." I craved the time when I could walk around shirtless outside and no one would bat an eye.
You say you're not a girl and never have been one. The only requirement for being a girl is being born female. Everything else is socialization and stereotypes. Are you perhaps fixated on the stereotypes of being female instead of the simple matter of having XX chromosomes? I was very similar to you. As a kid I had all the classic "trans" signs and even made my parents call me by a boys name when I was 4. I thought I had never been a female, just trapped in one's body.
But the more I delve into my own issues I have realized that I do think of women as lesser than. It's taken a long time to accept I'm a woman and be proud of it but it's possible. There is nothing you have to do as a woman except exist. I don't wear makeup, jewelry, women's clothing, etc. I look like a guy most of the time but I know I'm female because I was born that way.
I detransitioned because I became disillusioned with the current trans movement and it spurred me to evaluate my own reasons for transitioning, and I found it was internalized homophobia and misogyny. I now reject gender altogether and choose just to identify with my birth sex while letting go of stereotypes I've held about womanhood.
Never too late. Detransition isn't about "passing" or looking "enough" like your birth sex, it's about radical acceptance of your natal sex and disavowing gender ideology. I was on T for 5 years, had a mastectomy, still have a men's haircut, don't wear breast forms, etc. I still get asked occasionally if I'm female or I'm assumed male. At this point I don't care and I just choose to do what makes me the most comfortable.