This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The user demonstrates:
- Personal, nuanced experience with detransition, recovery, and reframing masculinity.
- Consistent perspective across many months, offering empathetic advice to others.
- A natural, human writing style that includes self-deprecating humor, personal anecdotes, and reflective thinking.
- A specific point of view that aligns with a desister/detransitioner who is critical of trans ideology but not of individuals.
The account exhibits the passion and lived-experience insight expected from a genuine user in this community.
About me
I never fit in with other guys, so I started transitioning after finding community online. I realized it was an escape from my anxiety and made my life much harder. After detransitioning, I started lifting weights and my mental health improved dramatically. I now know there are many ways to be a man, and I'm living as one on my own terms. My biggest regret is listening to strangers online instead of the people who truly knew me.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started because I never really fit in with other guys. I tried out for football in high school and rushed a couple of frats in college, but I just didn't get the hype. I didn't understand why they talked to each other the way they did or why they were so competitive. I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn't be that kind of masculine. I was quiet, reserved, and spent a lot of time in my own head. I think I had a really negative view of what it meant to be a man.
I found a lot of my community online. I started reading about gender and talking to people on forums, and it felt like I had finally found a place where I belonged. The idea that I might be trans made a lot of sense to me at the time. It felt like an escape from all the pressure to be a certain type of guy that I knew I wasn't. I socially transitioned for a while. I think a lot of it was escapism, a way to run from my own low self-esteem and anxiety.
But life as a trans person was hard. It didn't make things easier; it made them harder. You take all the normal stress of life and add on doctor's visits, constant stress about passing, and the fear of complications. I realized you really have to get a lot of meaning out of it to endure it, and I just wasn't. I remember talking to a therapist about it after I had started to have doubts. He was nice, but he basically didn't believe me. He said something like, "well don't you want to be who you really are inside?" And after I told him I'd already detransitioned and was happy, he just said, "huh, I've never heard of someone doing that." It showed me that a lot of professionals don't even know we exist.
Detransitioning was the best decision I ever made. I stopped taking hormones and started to just live as a man again, but this time on my own terms. I started lifting weights and have gained over 30 pounds of muscle since I detransitioned—well, some of it's definitely fat. It helped my anxiety tremendously and helped get my testosterone levels back to normal, which created a positive feedback loop for my mental health. I feel so much better now.
I've completely changed my thoughts on gender. I don't believe that not fitting into a stereotype means you were born in the wrong body. I think there are many different ways to be masculine. I used to think it was all about being the loudest, biggest, strongest guy in the room, like a professional wrestler. Now I see it can be more like a James Bond type—subtle, not seeking the spotlight, soft-spoken, but direct and able to perform under pressure. That feels much more like me.
I do have some regrets about transitioning. I regret how much time and energy I spent on it, and I regret listening to people online more than my own close friends and family. I tell people now: do not make the mistake of assuming random people you meet on the Internet have your best interests in mind more than the people who actually know you. I also regret that it's something I can't ever fully take back; it's a part of my history now.
I'm at a point now where I just try to live my life. I work at a large company where a ton of people list their pronouns in their profiles, but I have a hunch many are just doing it to get along. It costs them nothing and they get brownie points for being inclusive. I try to ignore it and let live, but I dread the day it becomes mandatory. Not because it would be disruptive, but because it would feel like a compelled endorsement of an ideology I've come to disagree with.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| High School Age | Tried out for football; felt I didn't fit in with masculine stereotypes. |
| College Age | Rushed fraternities; continued to feel out of place among other men. |
| 22 | Began socially transitioning after being influenced by online communities. |
| 24 | Began to have serious doubts about my transition; found it made life harder, not easier. |
| 24 | Stopped taking hormones and began the process of detransitioning. |
| 24 | Started lifting weights to improve mental and physical health after detransition. |
| 25 (Now) | Have gained over 30 pounds of muscle; feel much better and more comfortable as a man. |
Top Comments by /u/OkHurry8168:
Grift? Grifting would be if I kept posting about my eBook, 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Detransitioning.
For a limited time only I'm offering it at 50% off! I spent years identifying as trans so you don't have to with these killer tips! Get it HERE!
I work at a pretty large company and a ton of people list their pronouns in their profiles but I have a hunch many of them are just doing it to get along. It costs them nothing and they get brownie points for being inclusive. A lot of these people and organizations simply do not want to be on the receiving end of trans activists, although some are true believers as well.
Do not make the mistake of assuming random people you meet on the Internet have your best interests in mind moreso than your close friends and family.
Life does not get easier when you transition it gets harder. Take all of the typical stressors of life and add doctor's visits, stress about passing, complications etc. only people who really get a lot of meaning out of it can endure it.
Agree take a break from the internet for a while and see if you still feel this way in a few months. You are in control of your life not random people on Quora Discord or Reddit
I talked to a therapist about my experience once and he basically didn't believe me. A little bit of "well don't you want to be who you really are inside" and after I emphasized I'd already detransitioned and was happy, a little bit of "huh I've never heard of someone doing that"
He was nice about it, but it seems like a lot of therapists don't know we exist.
Sorry you're hurting.
I try to just ignore it and let live, but I dread the day it becomes mandatory to list my pronouns. Not because it would be so disruptive to my day to day life, but because it represents a compelled endorsement of something I've come to disagree with.
So. Having been there and back again. And having read a lot of posts in this sub.
I am developing a theory that a lot of MTF guys internalized a really negative view of masculinity and the qualities associated with it. As did I at one point, I think.
I never felt comfortable in highly competitive, dude-bro kind of environments. I tried out for football once, and did not fit in there at all. I rushed a couple frats in college, and did not fit in there either. It simply did not compute. Why are these guys so hyped about certain things? Why do they talk to one another the way they do? (I was also a little immature and very up in my own head and not as socially attenuated as I am today, so that contributed as well. But you get the point.)
I've realized there are different ways to be masculine. I am more of a quiet, reserved type, but that doesn't have to mean I'm a pushover. Think professional wrestler masculinity (loudest, biggest, strongest one in the room, confrontational, has to be the center of attention) vs James Bond masculinity, which is what I'm more like - subtle, prefers not to be in the spotlight, soft-spoken at times, but direct and performs under pressure.
This turned into a bit of a ramble and I'm not sure if it will help you, but I'm just gonna drop it here anyway in case it does.
Lifting some weights will help with your anxiety and help your T get back to normal levels, which will also help your anxiety and create a positive feedback loop.
I gained over 30 pounds of muscle since I detransitioned and I feel much better. (Well, some of it's definitely fat.)
Here's an alternate line of thinking for you. If imagining being trans makes you sad, you're most likely not trans.
I've seen trans people be absolutely over the moon at the thought of getting surgery, rushing to schedule it ASAP with no second thoughts. That doesn't sound like you.
I think you're gonna be fine.
> I’m not supposed to worry about looking pretty, I should want to look sharp, stylish, or strong.
Can I be honest? That could be you talking, deep down, not some socially imposed notion that you get from society. You mentioned you have kind of a negative association with masculinity, so I mean it seems normal that you'd feel a little conflicted about it.
I just wanted to say like I admire your attitude about all this, like, it's very wise to sorta try and figure yourself out more before you end up going down a path that you can't reverse.