This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The user engages in nuanced, empathetic, and context-specific conversations that are consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister. They also self-identify as a therapist, which aligns with their thoughtful and supportive advice. The passion and frustration expressed are consistent with the stated harm and stigma of the topic.
About me
I was born female and my masculine interests made me feel broken, so I thought transitioning was the answer. I now see my discomfort was tangled up with untreated trauma and depression that my therapists never explored. I took testosterone and had top surgery, but the permanent changes and complications weren't honestly discussed with me. I regret not addressing my deeper mental health issues first and that I wasn't encouraged to just be a masculine woman. I've stopped testosterone and am finally finding peace by working with a therapist who looks at my whole history.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition has been a long and confusing one, and I’m still figuring a lot of it out. I was born female, and from a young age, I never felt like I fit into the typical idea of what a girl should be. I was more masculine, and that felt natural to me, but it also made me uncomfortable because it felt like I was wrong or broken.
A huge part of my experience was that my other mental health issues were never properly addressed. I struggled with trauma, depression, and anxiety, and I now see that a lot of my discomfort with my body and being a woman was tangled up in those feelings. It was easier to think my body was the problem than to face some of the deeper pain I was carrying. I wish my therapists had explored that with me instead of just affirming my desire to transition.
I started by identifying as non-binary, which felt like a safer first step. But eventually, I was convinced that taking testosterone was the answer to finally feeling whole and comfortable in my skin. I was told it would make me feel more sexually attractive and complete, and I desperately wanted that. I went on T and later got top surgery.
The physical changes from testosterone were permanent and not what I expected. The side effects and negative complications were not discussed with me honestly. I wasn't prepared for what it would really be like. After my surgery, I was even told that if I regretted it, I could just get implants, which felt like a huge oversimplification of such a permanent decision.
What finally made me start to question everything was realizing that my body deserves special and unique attention, that only I can provide. No medical professional could understand my body in the same way I can. I began to see that a lot of my feelings were influenced by a society that pushes people into molds and tells them they need to be fixed. I started to believe that it's okay to be a more masculine female; it doesn't make me less of a woman.
I am now deeply concerned about the "affirm only" model that is pushed as the only way forward. It lacks discussion and ignores other options. There seems to be a tunnel vision approach where everyone is treated the same, but we are all different. Some people truly have gender dysphoria, but others, like me, had other issues that were misdiagnosed. I regret that my trauma and other problems weren't addressed first. I regret that I wasn't encouraged to consider all the consequences more seriously.
I don't regret the journey because it led me to a place of greater self-understanding, but I do regret the permanent changes to my body. I’ve found more peace in learning to accept the things I can't change. I've benefited greatly from finding a good therapist who is willing to look at my comprehensive history and explore all my issues, not just focus on gender.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | Began identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities and a desire to escape my discomfort. |
| 22 | Started testosterone (T) after being convinced it was the solution to my discomfort and low self-esteem. |
| 24 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 27 | Began to detransition, realizing my discomfort was linked to trauma and other mental health issues, not my gender. |
| 28 | Stopped testosterone and began working with a new therapist who explores my comprehensive history. |
Top Comments by /u/Ok_Thanks5877:
Thank you for your input. I have been learning and reading and am seeing the danger in that affirm only model that is being pushed as the only way forward. I am confused about why no one will listen to the other options, which is partly why I am here. This has, unfortunately, been presented different than anything else in the mental health world. It needs SO much more discussion. Thanks, again, for your input.
Thank you for that reply - that is something big that I think you are right, isn't brought up. I am learning that SO much isn't brought up. I am hoping you are getting more and more comfortable in your body. Our society right now is trying hard to convince people they have to fit a mold and that simply isn't the case. More feminine males and more masculine females are ok! I believe it is important to honor the way we were created and allow for differences within our genders without making it a problem to be fixed. I think difference help us see other perspectives and ways of being. I think many therapist know in their hearts what you have said about behaviors but they are afraid to say it in todays environment. Thank you for sharing your insights and experience! It is much appreciated!
I have heard as well that doctors and therapist say you can just get implants. It seems to say right there that people might regret their decision. But then there seems to be denial that people regret it. There is so much contradiction it is hard to sort everything out sometimes. I'm sorry you weren't encouraged to consider all that more seriously. But, I am glad that you seem to have found some peace in the whole things. Ultimately, doing our best to accept the things we can't change can bring some peace, even when we don't like the thing. Why does it seem like there is this big push against womanhood and femininity? I keep seeing that theme.
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry this was not known to you. It is angering that the side effects and negative complications are not really discussed. Please don't be afraid to be super honest with your doctor. Are you seeing a good therapist for PTSD who won't make things worse? At a minimum, call 988 if you need to talk to someone - suicide/crisis hotline. There is hope - take it one day a t a time. Thank you so much for sharing.
As a therapist, I do think therapy could definitely help you at this stage. One big caution, there are a lot of therapists who have preconceived notions of how your therapy should go. You would have to interview or research what a potential therapist’s views and approach is to make sure it is what you are looking for. For example, a “gender affirming therapist” may say more to encourage you to stay on testosterone. A therapist with a more comprehensive look at your history and issues may explore many more options with you. If you do start therapy and don’t feel like it’s a good fit, don’t hesitate to change therapists. The most important thing is that you click with your therapist.
Oh my goodness - yes I'm sure it is related and is definitely something to explore to see how it is or has affected you. Any kind of abuse and trauma is - especially if a client brings it up. I hope you are able to find a good therapist that can help you work through it. Interview them - a good therapist will not be threatened by that. You have to be comfortable and feel like you can work with someone. There are good ones out there! I'm so sorry that you have been treated so poorly. It is further traumatizing to have your trauma minimized. You are not off topic - you are correct. Don't give up on us! There are good people that can help you. Thank you for sharing!
How terrible that he seemed to totally discount your experience and displeasure at the course of care. Some people cannot hear that they may have done something better. Good for you for giving honest feedback though. I'm sorry you lost a helpful provider - they are sorely needed! Giving your full history may be helpful for treatment going forward, but I understand your hesitancy to do that. Just remember - you know yourself - if something hits you the wrong way, give yourself the space to figure out why. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Very well said - I related to so much of what you are saying. I am hearing more and more that people cannot believe what they were encouraged to do. It is so disheartening and angering, actually, that those who pledge to do no harm seem to be very careless with so many people. I'm glad you have figured out where you want to be or the direction you want to go. I am hoping that professionals are thinking more deeply about things as they see things not working out the way they say they will.
Also - THIS - what you said here is critical and I wish more people realized this!
"It was a moment of realizing my body deserves special and unique attention, that only I can provide. Perhaps no medical professional could understand my body in the same way I can."
Wow, you have had quite a journey. Thank you so much for sharing. I am so glad to hear that you have found so much peace and realized so many things that seem like have helped you kind of rediscover yourself with fresh eyes. Mostly, I'm so glad you have found a therapist who works well with you. I am hearing a lot of people say that their trauma and other issues were not really addressed or not addressed well and once they were, things really started to change for them - with gender and overall. So is what you are saying that one of the reasons you wanted to go on T was to feel more sexually attractive? More sexually "whole"? Or no? Were there other reasons? I am curious why going on T seems so attractive or desirable to folks.