This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, internally consistent over more than a year, and demonstrates deep personal reflection on the nuances of gender identity, transition, and detransition. Their stated position—a non-dysphoric individual who enjoys presenting femininely, has started hormones but remains questioning—is a credible, if less common, perspective. The passion and criticism directed at both trans and detrans communities align with the expected strong feelings on this topic. The advice given is thoughtful and references specific therapies and resources, which is typical of a genuine person sharing their lived experience.
About me
I was born male and started exploring a feminine presentation in my thirties, which brought me incredible joy. I began taking estrogen, but I quickly started doubting it as my health issues returned and I felt new social anxiety. I realized my initial happiness came from expressing myself, not from becoming a woman, and I stopped the hormones. I now believe the focus should be on self-acceptance, not medical intervention, especially for young people. My goal is to find my way back to that simple joy of just being me.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been a long and complicated one, and it’s still something I’m figuring out. I was born male, and for a long time, I was just neutral about it. I didn't hate being a man, but I didn't feel any strong connection to masculinity either. Things started to change for me when I began exploring a more feminine presentation. I discovered that I loved wearing dresses and skirts; I loved learning to sway my hips when I walked and feeling the fabric move with me. It gave me a feeling of euphoria, a real "on top of the world" kind of feeling that I never got from presenting as male.
I never felt like I had classic dysphoria. I didn't hate my body or feel deeply uncomfortable with being male. My drive to transition was all about running toward something I loved—the beauty and expressiveness of femininity—rather than running away from being a man. I see it as heavily influenced by cultural conditioning; I just think women's fashion and social norms are more beautiful and offer more flexibility for self-expression. I find men, including myself, to be generally unattractive and I’ve never understood why anyone is attracted to us.
I started identifying as a trans woman and began taking estrogen in my mid-thirties. But almost immediately, I started questioning if it was the right path. The chronic illness I’d struggled with for eight years had actually vanished when I first started presenting fem in public, but some of my symptoms came back after I started hormones. That was confusing. More than that, I became deeply uncomfortable with the social aspects of fully transitioning. I started passing to some people, but to others, I was clearly clockable, and I became very self-conscious about which bathroom I was allowed to use. I missed the simple, uncomplicated joy I felt when I was just a cross-dresser, before I started medical treatment.
My perspective on gender itself is nuanced. I don't really identify as a man or a woman. I only identify as a trans woman, and I believe there is a real, biological difference between a cis woman and a trans woman. I think gender is a spectrum, but our society is largely built on a binary, which makes everything complicated.
I have serious concerns about how the medical and therapeutic communities handle transition. My own therapist was legally required to affirm me, which didn't feel helpful. To get a balanced view, I had to come to communities like this one to hear from people who regretted their transitions. I read so many horror stories of people, especially young people, who were rushed into hormones or surgery in their first appointment without anyone exploring other reasons for their feelings, like being homosexual, a tomboy, or non-binary. I believe we need professionals who don't put transition on a pedestal as the only solution.
I also strongly believe that children cannot consent to irreversible medical procedures that will make them infertile. Having body image issues as a teenager is completely normal, and transitioning is almost never the right answer for them. We need to be so much more careful.
Do I have regrets? I don't regret exploring my gender expression. The period where I was cross-dressing and presenting fem socially was a wonderful time of self-discovery and joy for me. I do regret starting hormones. It complicated my feelings and my health, and it moved me from a place of running toward something I loved to a place of doubt and social anxiety. I’ve stopped medical transition now. I'm trying to find a way back to that initial feeling of euphoria without the pressure to medically change my body or fit perfectly into a binary category.
The most important thing I’ve learned through all of this is about self-acceptance. The most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself over time. You have to learn to be comfortable being you without letting the opinions of others matter so much. I waited too long to become myself because of social pressures, and then I almost lost myself again to a different set of social pressures. My goal now is to just be me, whatever that looks like.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 30s | 2022 | Began socially presenting as female/cross-dressing. Experienced significant euphoria. |
| 30s | 2022 | Started questioning medical transition, sought out detransition stories for a balanced perspective. |
| 30s | 2022 | Began taking estrogen. Almost immediately began experiencing doubt and the return of some chronic illness symptoms. |
| 30s | 2022 | Stopped medical transition. Decided to focus on social expression and self-acceptance without hormones. |
Top Comments by /u/One-Magician1216:
How can a CHILD consent to irreversibly changing their bodies in ways that will limit or remove their ability to have children of their own? They don't even have fully functioning prefrontal cortexes yet which is a major factor in navigating social situations. Having body image issues as a teenager is normal, and transitioning is the correct answer for just about no one at that age. Better safe than sorry.
One way around it is to start identifying as an independent thinker, a moderate, or anything else that isn't associated with group think. You don't need to belong to a political tribe. I never have.
I believe it's about time we all start trying to understand what motivates other people before demonizing them. We don't have to agree with someone else's preferred policies or worldview to respect them. If we listen with the intent to understand, we might just find ourselves being influenced sometimes. Gasp! 😆 Just try not to listen to people from "the other side" who demonize your side; find the respectful people. I can use Jonathan Haidt's "Coddling of the American Mind" as an example, regardless of if you agree with him.
Living as a trans woman, I believe there's a difference between a cis woman and a trans woman. Socially however, the only words we have are "female" and "woman". Female refers to biology, so we're left with 1 word. While gender is a spectrum, bath room and locker room separation is a binary (unless there a family bathroom). I think it's just a complicated issue.
There are trans people who struggle with emotions related to gender. Well meaning, empaths have validated those people's feelings. I don't find anything inherently wrong with that as long as it isn't taken too far. Many take it too far.
I don't identify as a man or woman. I identify only as a trans woman.
Sorry your question got banned in the other group. This is the least toxic trans related reddit I've been in, although it can be sometimes too. I've also had a "hate speech" violation for holding a not so popular opinion about myself and other transwomen. Like, don't you dare say that little girls should have freedom from seeing adult male anatomy in changing rooms. 🙄 Their rights don't matter, because ours do.
All I can say is good luck!
The loudest voices are typically the most extreme voices. In today's online world, those who hold the extreme views are often able to silence the moderates. I encourage you not to migrate to an opposite extreme in reaction to an extreme. It's okay to believe the people who push their ideology are wrong or acting immature while still agreeing with some of the things they do.
I have to agree with Alvi. Males aren't inherently systemic oppressors. If that's the worldview you've adopted, it's no wonder you'd want to be a women! Throughout history, more men have fought and died in war for their tribe than taken positions of power. While the vast majority of oppressors throughout history have been men, more men have been oppressed by those in power than having ever had power to become oppressors. Creating an oppressor narrative isn't fair to the majority of men who have ever lived. I'm sorry that you went so far in only to regret it! All of us are doing the best we can with the information given to us at that time. Start by trying not to judge your past self by what your present self learned in the process. There are plenty of people who don't live up to some stereotype. Some men have higher voices than others. Etc. I see some people and can't tell what sex or gender they are. There are tomboys and effeminate men and everything in between. It's okay to be strange! 😄 My best advice regarding persisting or not is try to center it around what's meaningful to you and less about the opinions of others. Also, try to accept yourself for who you are in the present, even if it's not what you prefer to be in the future. High levels of emotion usually prevent us from using good judgement. Life's too short. I waited too long to become myself due to social pressures. I wish I'd done it when I was your age. Don't make my mistake. Good luck on your journey! May you find peace and strength within yourself.
I don't want to go too far in either direction. The OP being quoted has valid points, but at the same time encouraging people to fundamentally and irreversibly change their bodies just as an experiment goes against the "first do no harm" principle. In fact, in many cases I would say people get on hormones or get surgery without really consenting. They were only told positive things instead of a balanced view and objective stats to help them determine for themselves if they are the kinds of person likely to benefit from or regret making such a decision. Also never explored alternatives to trans. Don't get my started on minors consenting. 😆 There might come a day when we can objectively help a minor make such a call, but not at this point in history.
I don't personally feel betrayed. When I was making my decision to transition or not, it was difficult. My therapist is bound by law to affirm whatever I want. To get a balanced perspective I went to the detrans community here on reddit to figure out what reasons someone might have regret. I find it very very strange that I can't get advise from any medical professional, but I can from average people like myself. I read a lot of horror stories of people being told they were trans and prescribed hormones in the very first appointment. Later they realized they were homosexual, NB, tomboy, etc and regretted making irreversible changes to their bodies. You're not alone!
So far being trans has worked great for me! That doesn't mean I don't care about it feel the pain of those who haven't been properly cared for by systems we've set up. I get it. The people who created these systems fully believe they're doing the best for people. We need them to listen to people like you so they understand they could do better for people making the decision.
To me, preferred pronouns are just that: a preference. If someone doesn't want to use them, I prefer not to know why, because I don't care. If it's a stranger, I really don't care, but strangers tend to use my preference anyway (I think I pass most of the time?). Just because someone doesn't use my preference doesn't mean they intend to be rude, and if they are being rude, than that's a reflection of who they are, not a reflection of me. All of us gonna deal with people we don't like, and all of us gonna have people we don't like. Just hope we treat others better than some of them treat us, else we got no room to talk.
Congrats! Go you on being who you want! I just hope you either are or learn to be comfortable being you without letting the opinions of others matter. You shouldn't even care what my opinion is. 😆 A therapist once told me that the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself over time.