Of course. Here is a summary based on my experiences.

My whole journey with this started because I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, but I think now it was more about hating puberty and the expectations that were put on me as a girl. I’ve struggled with eating disorders my entire life, and I think there's a big overlap between that and the body dysmorphia I was feeling. When I identified as male, I felt a little better because I told myself that "men don't have to be skinny to be attractive or treated well." It felt like an escape from that pressure.

A lot of my feelings were influenced by the people I was around. I had a sexist, abusive boyfriend and misogynistic friends. I realize now that I wasn't actually striving to become a man; I was striving to become the kind of person they wouldn't look down on. I wanted their respect, and in my mind, that meant not being a woman. It took breaking up with that boyfriend and cutting off those friends for me to see that clearly.

I was also influenced a lot by what I saw online. I saw a lot of content from other people who had transitioned, and it started to feel like gender was just a big performance. I remember seeing a TikTok from someone who was FTM panicking because they caught themselves holding their hand in a "feminine" way and scrambled to look more "manly." That was a huge moment for me. I thought, why am I considering changing my entire body and spending thousands of dollars just so that a stranger at Walmart or a cashier at McDonald's might call me "sir" instead of "ma'am"? My family and friends already know who I am. The opinions of strangers shouldn't have that much power over my life.

I also started to feel really uncomfortable with the community itself. The way they use playful, cutesy language for serious things like surgery, calling it "yeeting the teets," felt gross to me. It ropes young people in, and by the time they realize there are legitimate concerns and criticisms, it's often too late. They're stuck in this bubble where everyone just affirms everything.

Another thing I noticed was that a lot of the people I met who were FTM were obsessed with gay men. They were deep into writing fanfiction and making art about gay men, and roleplaying as promiscuous gay men online. It felt like a creepy form of fetishization. I think for some, it comes from a place of feeling rejected as women but still desperately wanting to be accepted and cared for by men.

Now, my view on gender is pretty simple. Being a woman doesn't mean much to me in a deep, spiritual way. I just wake up, brush my teeth, and go to work like any other person. When I see people on the street, I don't really think "man" or "woman," I just see a person. And that's what I feel like: just a person. There's no way to succeed or fail at being female—you just are. You can act however you want and dress however you want. The goal is just to be yourself, without any pressure to fit a stereotype.

I do have regrets. I regret the time and mental energy I spent trying to become something I wasn't, based on the bad opinions of people I've now cut out of my life and the influence of online spaces. I'm grateful I never took hormones or had any surgeries, because I know I would deeply regret those physical changes now. I'm just trying to move forward and be comfortable in my own skin as who I really am.

Here is a timeline of my journey: