This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this user account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The comments demonstrate:
- A consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative of detransition.
- Self-reflection on complex topics like identity, medical history, and social experiences.
- Empathetic and detailed advice tailored to other users' specific situations.
- A conversational tone that includes casual asides ("Y'know," "thank!") and acknowledges the user's own ongoing struggles.
The passion and criticism of transition practices are consistent with a genuine detransitioner's perspective.
About me
I started taking testosterone as a teenager, hoping it would fix my depression and the deep discomfort I felt about being a woman. The hormones made my anger worse and never truly solved my dysphoria; it just shifted my insecurities to different parts of my body. I felt incredibly lonely and exhausted from the constant performance of trying to pass as male. I’ve been off testosterone for two years now and am learning to exist as a gender non-conforming female. Finding peace for me wasn't about changing my body, but about finally learning to accept it.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I’m still figuring a lot of it out. It started when I was a teenager. I was really struggling with my mental health and was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 19, right before I started taking testosterone. Looking back, I think a lot of my feelings were tied up in that, and in a general discomfort with my body and with the idea of being a woman.
I think I had a lot of low self-esteem and depression, and I saw transitioning as a way to fix those feelings. I hated the idea of being seen as a woman, especially in a sexual way. Being called “she” or “ma’am” felt like a punch in the stomach. I thought becoming a man would solve everything. I started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone in my late teens.
But transition didn’t fix things the way I thought it would. The testosterone made my anger much worse, which wasn’t good for my mental state. It also never really got rid of my gender dysphoria; it just changed what I was dysphoric about. Once my face and body became more masculine, I became hyper-aware of the fact that I didn’t have male genitals. This was especially hard when it came to dating. I’m attracted to men, and I found that gay men wanted to be with men who had penises, and straight men, obviously, wanted to be with women. I felt like I didn’t fit anywhere, and it was incredibly lonely.
Another huge thing for me was the constant effort to “pass.” Even on testosterone, I had features that people could read as female—wide hips, a certain way of moving. It started to feel like I was wearing a costume or a uniform that I had to maintain every single day. It was exhausting. If this was supposed to be my true self, why did it require so much work? My outward presentation stopped being an expression of who I was and became a performance. The dysphoria came back just as strong as before, just in a different form.
What really started to change for me was when I began to relax my presentation. I let people start to read me as female again. I remember the first time I dressed in very modest women’s clothes—a long skirt, a blouse, a vest. I was covered up and didn’t feel sexualized. People called me “ma’am,” and the world didn’t end. It was a big moment for me. I realized I could be a woman without having to fit into a stereotypical, sexualized box. I started to wonder if I had robbed myself of the chance to be a young woman, to have those experiences, because I was so quick to transition.
I’ve been off testosterone for about two years now. I don’t really identify as trans anymore, but I struggle with the label. I sometimes think about going to a gender clinic and identifying as a non-binary female just to get the medical understanding I need, but I don’t love that label either. I’m just trying to exist as a gender non-conforming female.
I don’t have many regrets, but I do have a lot of thoughts about what I might have done differently. I wish I had known that I could have short hair, wear masculine clothes, and be called “he” sometimes without medically transitioning. I wish I had been told to consider how isolating it could be, and how much work “passing” would be. My thoughts on gender now are that it’s incredibly complex and tied up with so many other things like mental health and self-image. For me, finding peace wasn’t about changing my body to match an idea, but about learning to accept and love my body as it is.
Age | Event |
---|---|
17-18 | Started planning my social and medical transition. |
19 | Diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Started taking testosterone (T). |
Around 27 | Stopped taking testosterone after being on it for roughly 8 years. |
28-29 (Present) | Living as a gender non-conforming female, exploring presentation and identity off hormones. |
Top Comments by /u/ParkerDunne:
100%.
My outward presentation stopped being an expression of myself and instead became something that I was constantly worried about maintaining in order to pass, almost like a costume or a job uniform. As I put more and more effort into passing, the dysphoria eventually became just as bad as it had been before transition. The only time I began to feel any kind of peace was when I finally stopped focusing on making myself look a certain way and instead started trying to accept and love my body as it is.
As you said, nobody explains that to you at all.
If this is real and you have seriously done so much drugs that you managed to forget why you detransitioned in the first place, then I would reccomend getting into serious treatment for substance abuse before doing anything else medically to your body. Moreover, please inform the doctor handling your transition of your full history related to both transition and substance abuse. What you are describing sounds extremely unhealthy.
First thing's first, this sub has a hard rule against promoting cross-sex hormones, so you're not really going to get a spectrum of views about that here. I'll address a couple of your points, though:
I figured being trans would be hard and painful.
In my experience, it is hard and painful, and also very lonely.
Detransitioners didn't start hrt thinking they'll detransition later, right?
No, I didn't go into it expecting to regret it. But there were also a lot of things that I was never told, and never thought of for myself, when I was 17-18 planning to transition. Things that I wish I had been told to consider prior to transition include:
-Even with testosterone, if you have wide hips, curvy legs, thin shoulders, big eyes, little feet, and/or other little giveaways like that, then not everyone is going to see you as, or react to you as, a man. In my personal experience, I found that even with HRT it still took a lot of effort when it came to personal styling, vocal training, body language practice, ect. One of the results of this for me, was that after a few years, it really wore me down and started to feel like a costume or a job uniform that I was maintaining. I felt like if that was my true self, then why did it take so much work?
-There's a non-negligible chance that your dating pool will be decimated. This depends on the type of people that you surround yourself with, but unless you plan on surrounding yourself with trans and/or bisexual people, it can be very hard to start a relationship with just anyone. Lots of people may find it easy to accept you as a friend, but in my experience, sex and dating is a much harder sell. In particular, being attracted to men, I found that gay guys want to date men with penises, and straight guys want to date women who, generally speaking, look like women. This isn't a universal experience, but it's one that I've had more than once.
-Social and hormonal transition can really cut you off from being able to bond with people of the same birth-sex. This may feel fine to you, but in my experience, it ended up contributing to loneliness. Once I began to really pass, I found I couldn't weigh in properly on a lot of conversations with men either because I either didn't have any experience or, my experiences were very different-- less like men's experiences, and much more like the experience of lesbians or masculine women or both. I'm not a lesbian, but I find now, about 10 years after beginning my transition, that those are the people with the closest life experiences to mine. This isn't so bad if you don't mind telling people that you're trans for the sake of the conversation, but my main point is, that for me, it ultimately began to feel like an act.
The way I look with short hair and masculine clothes makes me feel good. I enjoy being called he.
You can do all of those things without medically transitioning. This is something that Ithink I genuinely failed to realize prior to my own transition. On a semi-related, note, one thing that genuinely changed my outlook on my own transition was about a year ago, the first time that I dressed in very modest women's clothing-- floor length skirt, long-sleeve button up blouse and a vest. I was feminine but fully covered, with no accentuated curves; basically I felt like I looked like a woman, without feeling like an inherently sexualized being. The impact that had on me is something that I'm still wrapping my head around. I still wonder, if I had figured out prior to transition that I could in fact be a woman without having to wear tight clothes and be ogled by men, would I have made different choices re: my body and my gender presentation.
Being recognised as a girl or woman, being called she, etc. makes me feel like I've been punched in the stomach
The comment below mine does a good job of addressing this, so I'll leave it to them.
Like the other commenter said, nobody can tell you for sure if you'll regret it or not. But the above are some experiences I've had and things that I wish I had considered when I was your age. Ultimately, it's your choice, and all I can really do is encourage you to consider it from as many angles as you possibly can. Good luck to you, friend.
Toronto area! And thank!
If things don't pan out with this family doctor, I am thinking about going to a gender-affirming care clinic and seeing if they can help me as an FtM to non-binary patient. I don't love the idea of labelling myself that way, but I wonder if that would be the best way to be medically understood and treated as a gender non-conforming female. Any other suggestions are much appreciated, of course!
I would say give yourself some room to experiment with your presentation and identity. For me, it was relaxing my presentation enough to be read as female that made me realize that I didn't actually mind it so much. Y'know, people started calling me "ma'am" and the world didn't end. I didn't really pass as male, but I was still treated like a person. I didn't have much of a chance to be a young woman before becoming a trans man, and now I do kind of wish that I had had that chance. So I guess that my advice would be to play around with your presentation and with the idea of being a woman and see how it makes you feel to actually have those experiences-- if you feel like you can, I mean.
I've also had a very similar experience. I was suicidal and diagnosed with bipolar around 19, just shortly before starting T, and now that I've been off of it for close to two years, I'm quite certain in retrospect that it made my anger much worse. It also never really 'fixed' my gender dysphoria, just kind of shifted the things that I was dysphoric about-- like, having a more masculine face and body just made me more aware of not being having male genitals and not being attractive to men who liked men because, well, because they like men, which I was not.
Anyway, I don't want to talk too much about me, but if you ever need someone to chat with about this stuff, feel free to shoot me a DM. I don't have many answers, but I can definitely relate.
I was thinking about this just this morning, actually. You can go to meetings and groups for trans support, but once you give up the label 'trans' (I'm struggling with that myself) it seems like you have nowhere to go to talk about struggles with gender. I'm glad we have this sub, at least.