This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced advice that is context-specific and empathetic.
- Consistent, detailed perspectives on mindfulness and therapy that align with a genuine lived experience.
- A conversational and supportive tone that is complex and human-like, not scripted or repetitive.
The user's passion and advice are consistent with a genuine desister or detransitioner.
About me
I started as a teenager who was deeply uncomfortable with my developing female body and found a community online that made me believe I was a man. I medically transitioned with testosterone and top surgery, thinking it would fix my deep unhappiness. I eventually realized I was trying to escape from myself and that my discomfort was really from depression, anxiety, and poor self-image. I stopped testosterone and now have to live with permanent changes like infertility. I've found peace in accepting myself as a female who just doesn't fit stereotypes, and I'm learning to cope with my real issues instead of running from them.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body during puberty; I hated developing breasts and just felt completely out of place in my own skin. I now see that a lot of this was tied to other issues I was dealing with, like depression, anxiety, and very low self-esteem. I was also influenced a lot by what I saw online and by friends who were exploring similar identities. It felt like I had found an answer and a community that finally understood my pain.
I started identifying as non-binary first, and that felt like a safe middle ground. But eventually, I became convinced that I was actually a transgender man and that medical transition was the only way to fix the deep unhappiness I felt. I socially transitioned, changing my name and pronouns, and then I started taking testosterone. I think a part of me believed that becoming male would solve all my problems and erase the feelings of shame and discomfort.
I did end up getting top surgery. At the time, I was sure it was the right decision. I hated my breasts so much that I thought removing them would finally make me feel whole and comfortable. For a little while, it did feel like a relief. But the underlying issues—the depression, the anxiety, the reasons why I felt so disconnected from myself in the first place—never really went away. They just changed shape.
Over time, I began to realize that my transition was, in a way, a form of escapism. I was trying to escape from being me. I started to understand that a lot of my initial discomfort wasn't purely about gender; it was about the trauma of growing up, poor self-image, and not knowing how to cope with my own mind. I benefited immensely from non-affirming therapy, specifically cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness, which helped me learn to manage my intrusive thoughts and sit with my feelings instead of trying to run from them or radically change my body to make them stop.
I have regrets about my transition, specifically about having top surgery. It’s a permanent change that I now have to live with, and it’s a constant physical reminder of a time when I was very lost. I am infertile from the testosterone, which is another permanent consequence that I have to accept. I don't believe my transition was the right path for me. I see now that my feelings were a symptom of other problems, and I wish I had dealt with those root causes first instead of rushing into medical changes.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a very personal and complex thing. For me, it wasn't the solution. I've found more peace in accepting that I am a female who is just… me. A tomboy, someone who doesn't fit neatly into feminine stereotypes, and that's perfectly okay. I don't need a different label or a different body to be valid.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 | Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and my developing body. |
| 16 | Began identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities and friends. |
| 18 | Socially transitioned, began using a male name and pronouns. |
| 19 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 21 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 23 | Began to seriously question my transition and started therapy (CBT). |
| 24 | Stopped taking testosterone and began detransitioning. I accept myself as female. |
Top Comments by /u/Patricia22:
By delaying medical transition, you always have the option to transition later. By starting hormones or surgeries, you make drastic changes to your body that are often difficult or impossible to reverse later. I would say that encouraging other therapies before medical transition is "less bad" especially if the questioning person is in their teens.
Hi OP. If you are not already in therapy, or talking to some sort of professional counselor, I would do that. Specifically CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) I have heard can be very successful.
I'm not sure what country you are in, but I would go to your preferred search engine and look for "suicide hotline" or something similar. Save that number in your phone or otherwise keep it handy in case of emergency.
My personal tips for dealing with these types of thoughts (or ANY type of unwanted thoughts) is to get into "mindfulness" or if you are a religious Christian you may want to look into "Ignatian spirituality", and I know there are a lot of Buddhist-based mindfulness practices as well. The concept is that thoughts just happen, and often times we can't control them. When we entertain or ruminate on negative thoughts, focus on them, allow them to take up our time, we are feeding them and end up making things worse. We have to understand that these thoughts are natural occurrences, even in "emotionally healthy" people. Think of them as clouds in the sky, passing overhead. You look up at them, notice they are there, and then look away again, moving on with your life. Focusing on negative thoughts is like looking up at the clouds, seeing a bad storm, and freaking out about it, becoming paralyzed, unable to safely go about your life because you keep looking up. Sometimes we become convinced that we are not safe on the ground, but actually stuck inside the storm cloud. Guided mindfulness exercises (you can find them on youtube) help you focus on what is actually happening right now, not what you're worried about. It's like looking away from the cloud and focusing on how the grass feels between your toes, the feeling of the breeze blowing against your face, the line of the horizon off in the distance, the tiny hairs on your skin, and suddenly you realize you're not in danger right now, you're safe. Your head is a little clearer and you can solve your problems more effectively.
The exercises are actually very hard at first. They feel unnatural, stupid, difficult, your mind keeps wandering. But keep going, try to do one at least once a day, or several times per day, or whenever you feel stressed, overwhelmed, scared. If you feel your mind wandering, don't worry, just face it, acknowledge your thought, and turn away to get back on track. The "better" you get at these exercises the more you will catch yourself wandering, because you're more aware of your own mind. It's ok. There is nothing wrong with you. You are loved and you will be ok.
You definitely look male. I recommend cutting or styling your hair in a way that keeps your hair off your forehead, this is something I would say to all men that are fighting against a young looking face.
If you go to a salon or barber I would tell them a #3 (3/8inch) on the sides and #8 (1inch) on top or scissors on top. That's my preferred haircut for men, very "normal" or traditional style.
This is going to sound dumb but I do mindfulness exercises every day and they are so helpful with intrusive thoughts and that sense of shame when remembering the past. Anytime during the day where I have a thought or feeling like that I take a two minute pause and do one of the exercises. I highly recommend doing a morning and evening one too (practicing these helps make the "emergency" ones easier). It's hard to change what others say and do, but you can change how you respond.
How much of this have you shared with your mom? You could have a simple conversation with her under the guise of asking for advice that conveys how you feel. For example, "hey mom, remember how I wanted to be male? And then I realized I'm fine being female? Well, I think I'm happiest as a tomboy, because I like things from both genders (for example I like X but I also like Y) but I'm worried about people judging me. What do you think?" It sounds like your mom is at least somewhat supportive of you, and the concept of tomboys is well known (and dare I say somewhat accepted) even among more conservative individuals, certainly more accepted than "non binary" etc. Whatever happens, I wish you peace and happiness. :)