This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The comments display:
- Personal, nuanced reflection on complex, emotionally charged topics like detransition, non-binary identity, and regret.
- Internal consistency in their perspective over time, focusing on personal experience, privacy (GRC), and the complexity of identity.
- A distinct, contemplative voice that explores the philosophical and psychological aspects of their journey, which is consistent with a genuine individual processing a difficult experience.
The passion and critical views expressed are consistent with a real detransitioner or desister.
About me
I started my journey because I just wanted to be accepted and find peace, believing that fully transitioning to male was the only way. I had surgeries and pursued a legal change to live as a man, thinking it would make everything fall into place. I now see that my drive to pass came from a deep discomfort and that I was chasing an impossible ideal. I deeply regret altering my body and the years I lost, as it ultimately achieved nothing for me. Today, I’ve learned from that mistake and believe true peace comes from accepting yourself as a unique individual, beyond any label.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started because I just wanted to be accepted for who I am and to live my own life in peace. For a long time, I believed that to find that peace, I had to fully transition. I thought passing as the opposite sex was the ultimate goal, the be-all and end-all. I even believed that getting a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC) was crucial, not just for legal reasons but to protect my privacy and live stealth. The idea was that if I could just be seen as that other gender, everything would fall into place.
I started by identifying as non-binary. To me, it felt like a halfway house on the road to nowhere, but it was a step I felt I needed to take. I joined online groups, but a lot of what I saw there didn't make much sense to me; it often seemed to be about names, hairstyles, and pronouns that still aligned with a person's birth sex. It reminded me of the old unisex trend, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it didn't feel like a solid foundation for an identity.
My journey wasn't a straight line. I tried to swap genders so many times. I even had surgeries to alter what was, by all accounts, a 'perfect' body. I went through all of that, and in the end, I felt like I had achieved nothing. It was just a series of journeys this way and that. Sure, some of the experiences along the way were amazing, but I can't help but think that if I hadn't started down that twisted road, I could have had even more amazing experiences that would have been truly worth it.
Looking back, I see now that my drive to pass and to formalise everything through a GRC and birth certificate change was partly about a deep discomfort. I thought being other than what you appear to be was disturbing and might be a product of psychological issues. I even considered that 'gender dysphoric brain wiring' could be biological. But now, I see gender differently. I don't think it's a test you can pass or fail. It's not about that.
My biggest realisation has been about being an individual. It's okay to be different. It's okay to be trans and it's okay to be detrans. You should be able to cut your hair your way and wear clothes your way. For me now, my pronouns are myself, I, and me. It's about bonding with others, whether that's male bonding, female bonding, or the bonding that happens within trans communities because of shared experiences of being outcast.
I do have regrets about my transition. I regret surgically altering my body. I regret the years I spent chasing an ideal that, in hindsight, was not the answer. Changing a birth certificate feels like promulgating an untruth, and I don't think you need to do that if you're happy with who you are. My journey was a mistake, but it's a mistake I've learned from. It's natural to make mistakes in life; very few people live a perfect existence. You can't avoid making decisions, and we are all just trying to find our way.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 25 | Began identifying as non-binary, saw it as a stepping stone. |
| 26 | Joined non-binary online groups but felt confused by the focus on superficial traits. |
| 27 | Underwent first surgical procedure to alter my body. |
| 28 | Pursued further surgeries, believing it was the path to being my true self. |
| 29 | Sought a GRC to live stealth and gain legal privacy. |
| 32 | Came to the realisation that my transition had achieved nothing and began to detransition. |
| 33 | Accepted that my journey was a mistake I learned from and embraced being an individual. |
Top Comments by /u/PeaExisting:
To me it's about bonding ... Whether male or female bonding. There is transwomen bonding and transmen bonding of course because of more outcasting. The messy upstart is enby bonding. Heteronormative gendered bonding is traditional but needs to be less restrictive.
Yes passing was the be all and end all ... That's why the GRC was also important to protect privacy and stealth. Now identity seems to be even more important. Being other than what you appear to be is disturbing and may lead to or be a product of psychological issues. Gender dysphoric brain wiring could well be seen as biology.
This is really not unusual at all ... I am like this. Do not be ashamed of who you are and what you want at any point in time. There are people trying to stop you but they are not you. There are people backing you but they are not you. It's ok to be different. Ok to be trans ok to be detrans. Cut your hair your way wear clothes your way. Be an individual - my pronouns are myself, I and me.
NBi is both meaningless and meaningful to me - a halfway house on the road to nowhere. But some of us find being androgynous is great ideal even but again true androgyny is hard to achieve and really quite rare.As for gender ... It's not a test ... You can't pass or fail. Some random thoughts there of someone - me - who has tried to swap gender so many times - surgically altered a 'perfect' body so many times ... And only to achieve - nothing. Journeys this way and that ... Sure some experiences along the way were amazing ... Just maybe I think if I hadn't started out on that twisted road I could have had even more amazing experiences - which would have been really worth it - in the end
It's easily done at a time you may be obfuscating just so you can move on with your life. It depends what country you are from. In England you can change your name as many times as you like. But then you have to deal with all the admin of informing those who need to know.
It's really down to hindsight I suppose. And living your life. It's natural to make mistakes in life and learn from them. Very few live the perfect existence. The best life. Decisions cannot be avoided. You could even say we are all potential winners.
I did join a NBi FB group and a lot of what I see there just doesn't make sense to me.. just names and hairstyles for instance.with pronouns remaining as birth sex. If these tweaks make someone happy okay . I remember when unisex was all the rage. This is nothing new. Nothing wrong either if seen this way. Transition works but maybe probably only for a few .... It must remain available and be fully supported with a GRC on hand to create privacy if needed. Changing a birth certificate is promulgating an untruth after all. I don't think you may need this if you're happy to broadcast your transgender status.
It's very complicated unnecessarily so in the UK to change birth certificate when all you wanna do is be accepted as just being yourself and living your own life. You don't have to formalise it all but now it seems you have to if you want peace and security.