You do read as a woman. But this is a major problem with how the this medical pathway is has evolved. There needs to be differentiation between gender dysphoria and just general dysphoria and dysmorphia. If you really want to pass as a woman, you do. If you don’t like your appearance… welcome to being a human. There are lots of women out here who think they are ugly its part of the experience of any and all genders.

I wish my parents had allowed me to dress and play and be how I want without telling me that only the opposite gender can do that, without telling me that I was cross dressing, without telling me I’d have to stop, and that I was doing embarrassing things. Because it taught me that in order to do those things I had to be a boy, which was impossible. Then when I grew up and found out about medically transitioning, it suddenly was “possible,” which started me down the path of transitioning. Imagine if I could have just been happy being a gender non-conforming female. Instead of only filled with shame if I dared cut my hair without being a boy. Keep doing what you’re doing without telling your son it means he’s a different gender or transgender.

A lot of your angst is also probably to do with feeling like you can’t just be free to express yourself. At least that’s my assumption when I hear that your parents are against it and now you’re attempting to swing to the opposite side of the gender spectrum.

Once I realized I can just be a person who wears whatever and presents however I want, even if I look ambiguous or don’t fit the expectation of “woman,” I felt much better. It sounds simple but I realize now I really had a fear of being a mannish woman. And that’s what propelled me into HRT as opposed to just being happy being butch or something. And now I don’t know why because I am pretty cool looking, and pretty great as an ambiguous looking person after doing testosterone, coming off it, and landing in the middle.

Being trans and always feeling that I was trying to fit as a man just became another form of insecurity. Even as someone who passed well. The best treatment for gender dysphoria is something that will help you radically accept yourself as you naturally are. And maybe you’re naturally super masc, or kinda masc and occasionally like femme stuff, or you enjoy femme stuff often- it’s all cool. All that we consider masc and femme is dictated by our society, try and rise above it. Once you’re out of high school and more free out here in the world it will help. Good luck with everything.

Probably means something different to different people. But in general I would say that it’s coming to a realization that takes you on a different path than you have been on in your transition, one that in some way goes the other direction- whether that be with medication changes, surgery canceling, restorative surgeries, social detransitioning… whatever makes sense for the individual. Just like how initial transition should not be defined as any specific prescriptive set of actions, and is never really “finished,” I would say detransitioning can be the same. I mean… even if we “fully” detransition and look and sound exactly like we started, can we really forget the experiences we had while living as the opposite gender? It’s all a continuation, it’s all one story. You can’t truly erase anything from your story, even the part where you transitioned.

I’m sorry that seriously suckssss. If you haven’t tried yet, maybe try not touching it for a while and see if you get more sensitive? The clit can definitely wear out and desensitize with lots of stim. Also edging. If you are able to get somewhat stimulated, do it with the intent to not cummyet. But keep building up and then holding off. Maybe eventually you will not be able to hold it back and you’ll cum. I fully believe you that the sensitivity is lacking but after all the time of failed attempts there’s probably a mental aspect too. Good luck!!!

Most is irreversible. But here are some changes you might experience when going off T: If you haven’t had top surgery, your chest will likely fill back out again. Vaginal dryness/sexual sensations went back to normal for me. Period returned within 2 months and has been regular. Clit size slightly shrunk but is essentially still just as enlarged, it just doesn’t get super hard like when on T. Skin became softer again, thinner, more sensitive to touch. But less sensitive/reactive to scratches and irritations. Acne under control, face less sensitive to shaving. Mind is calmer, easier to cry when needed instead of going to anger. Easier to quell anger. Subtle changes in face that are hard to pinpoint but it looks more feminine now. Appetite decreased, lost weight. Less strength but I’m also lifting weights less.

Voice is essentially same- the vocal cords do not go back to original state. If you want you can try to train your voice though.

Hair is mostly same from what I can tell but now I shave my chest/abdomen/upper arms/legs. So far my hairline is still masculine but it has only been about 5 months off so who knows what will happen. When my hair was thinning excessively, I used oral rogain which worked wonders so I recommend that if you are developing a bald spot.

Because of the rapid weight loss and then slight gain back, my shape is now closer to my feminine body shape again. Body composition changes with weight loss/gain. But the good news is it’s so much easier to lose weight when I’m not hungry from T all the time.

Be prepared for a period of emotional dysregulation as you come off T. I cried, sobbed everyday for about a month. It was like an intense PMS week but for a whole month where anything could make me cry.

You could try oral minoxidil- it works better anyway and then the cats won’t be exposed. And it’s possible since you’re not on T anymore that it would stay better instead of falling out after discontinuing minox(no hormones to re-lose the hair again). Also I’ve heard of people saying their hair filled out after a while off T. Women’s hair even typically gets fuller when pregnant and stuff. Hair is very hormone and general health/stress related.

You can stop cold turkey without telling your doc. You’ll probably go through at least a month or more of emotional swings, but it’s not inherently dangerous to stop. If you want a more controlled wean off the medication to lessen the emotional effects you can work with the doctor but it’s up to you.

Have you tried oral minoxidil? It’s the only thing that helped me while I was on T. It might also cause unwanted hair growth in other places, but for me it was worth it. If you get some head hair back you can stop the minoxidil and since you aren’t on T anymore you shouldn’t lose it again.

Here’s what it has been like for me. For context, i had been on T for about 9 years. I had lowered my dose a few years back, mainly to reduce acne and problems with irritability/anger. My levels were in the low-ish end of a cis male range- I was occasionally getting periods, but also totally passing as a man. Then I stopped T cold Turkey about 2 months ago. Within a few days I had a really hard time eating because my hunger totally dropped out. I had about a month of crying all the time, very easily at anything slightly emotional. And things that were legitimately emotional I would sob and sob. It felt cathartic honestly. It felt strangely good to finally be able to cry instead of feel a ball of craziness inside me that the T caused. Because I barely was eating, I lost a bunch of weight and my face quickly started to look as it did prior to taking T (except that I have facial hair now). In the first month, it started to seem like I should be getting my period, was having cramps, major PMS, but it wasn’t coming. I got an acupuncture treatment which brought out my period. By the second month, I had my next period exactly 28 days later. All in all it seems like my hormones are basically back to my normal self now after 2 months… but we’ll see I guess if there are any more big changes. I’ve been told by my partner that my skin is softer already too and my face looks like my prior face (except that I’m almost a decade older.) Personally I didn’t want to wean off because I just wanted it out of my system ASAP. So far I’m happy with my choice despite the month of non-stop crying.