This story is from the comments by /u/PeregrinePanic that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the extensive comment history provided, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user demonstrates a deeply personal, nuanced, and often painful narrative that is consistent over a multi-year period. The story includes specific, lived experiences with transition, detransition, health complications, marriage, and pregnancy—details that are complex, emotionally resonant, and difficult to fabricate consistently. The user's perspective is critical of both transgender and detransitioner communities in ways that reflect genuine, hard-earned insight rather than a scripted agenda. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with someone who has experienced significant harm and stigma.
About me
I grew up on a rural farm, a rough-and-tumble kid who always felt I was supposed to be a boy, and female puberty felt like a nightmare. I took testosterone and had top surgery in my twenties, which I needed to survive my severe physical dysphoria, but the hormones caused life-threatening health problems. My husband and I decided to have children, and the choice to stop fighting to be seen as a man felt like a relief. I now understand my desire to transition was deeply tied to trauma and autism, and I wish I had gotten more therapy first. Today, I'm a mother living as a woman, and while I still have hard days, focusing on my family has given me a peace I never had before.
My detransition story
My whole life, from as early as I can remember, I felt like I was supposed to be a boy. I grew up on a small farm in a rural area, raised in a very old-school way. I was always rough and boyish, wanting to do the farm work outside instead of the "woman's work" indoors. I had no interest in dolls or dresses; I was into cars and jeans. I felt completely different from the other kids and ended up with no friends, so I had no one to compare myself to except my family and what I saw on TV.
When puberty started, it was a body horror nightmare for me. I had no idea what a trans person was, but I knew I wanted nothing to do with being a woman. I already wished I was born a boy, but puberty made it so much worse. I used to cry myself to sleep about it, but I tried not to cry because I thought it was "unmanly." In high school, I even duct-taped my chest down. The constant sexual attention from men, starting before I was even ten years old, was disgusting and made me hate the idea of being a woman even more. I felt completely alone and hated my body.
I started testosterone in my mid-twenties. The sound of my old high-pitched voice made me physically sick to my stomach if I heard it played back. I also got top surgery because the feeling of having breasts was unbearable; if they moved or were touched, it would make me vomit. I will never regret those changes. I needed them to survive; I was suicidal because my body made me so sick. The true horror show for me was female puberty.
However, I realized I would never truly be a man. I’ll always be short, with a small, feminine face and dainty hands and feet. At best, I was seen as an effeminate man; at worst, as some weird thing. It was a constant fight. I had to stop testosterone after a few years because it caused serious health issues. It triggered early menopause, which led to autoimmune diseases I was genetically predisposed to, like Rheumatoid Arthritis and a blood clotting disorder. I developed a huge blood clot in a major vein, and a piece broke off and traveled to my lungs, almost killing me. I now have a condition that will likely shorten my life. I also still have pain from my top surgery, which I had in 2017; my nipples and scars hurt to this day.
A major reason I detransitioned was because my husband and I decided we wanted to have children. We thought about how being perceived as a gay couple, or me as transgender, would affect our child's life, especially in our rural area. It felt unfair to subject them to that when I had a choice. The fact that I felt I had a choice said a lot to me. I started to become more okay with the idea of living as a female again. It was a relief in some ways to stop fighting the current. Since I had already fixed the major sources of my physical dysphoria—my voice and my chest—it was easier to cope. Now, as a woman, I'm seen as masculine, which I prefer.
Looking back, I think a lot of my desire to transition was rooted in internalized misogyny and trauma. I was diagnosed with autism, which I think played a big part in my feelings about gender and social roles. I also spent a lot of time on sites like 4chan in my teens and twenties, which made my self-hatred worse. I’ve come to believe that everyone experiences some form of dysphoria in their life, whether it's about aging, puberty, or their body. For some, it's so severe that medical transition is necessary. For me, it was necessary to address the physical pain, but I wish I had gotten more therapy first to deal with the underlying issues.
I don't regret top surgery or the voice drop from testosterone because they were medically necessary for my mental health. But I deeply regret the health complications from testosterone. If I could go back, I would tell my younger self to get top surgery and only stay on testosterone long enough for my voice to drop, then stop immediately to avoid the health risks. I also wouldn't have socially transitioned. I’ve learned that transition isn't an identity; it's a treatment, and it should only be considered if there's no other alternative.
Now, I'm a mother, and I love my family more than anything. Being a parent has given me a new purpose. I’m trying to live for others rather than just myself, and that has brought me a peace I never had when I was focused solely on my gender. I still have days where the dysphoria is bad, but it's more manageable. I know who I am, and that’s what matters.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
2 | First recall wanting to be a boy. |
Puberty (approx. 10-13) | Intense discomfort with female puberty; began hating breasts and voice. |
15-25 | Spent significant time on 4chan; self-esteem worsened. |
Mid-20s (approx. 24) | Started testosterone therapy. |
2017 (approx. 28) | Had top surgery. |
2018 (approx. 29) | Stopped testosterone due to serious health complications. |
Early 30s (approx. 30-31) | Decided to detransition socially; wanted to start a family with husband. |
Early 30s (approx. 32) | Became pregnant. |
34 (Present) | Living as a detransitioned female; managing chronic health conditions; raising a child. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/PeregrinePanic:
My husband actually briefly took estrogen for a while when I was transitioned. We’ve talked about it after we both detransitioned and it seems my transition shook his sense of self to the core. He used to be EXTREMELY confident and knew exactly who he was. He never cared what anyone thought of him. When I transitioned, we lost the feminine component of our relationship. Subconsciously, he tried to fill that void himself. Nothing about my husband is feminine. He’s about as masculine as they come, but he was (and still is!) so in love with me that he never even considered leaving and just ended up contorting himself into something else. I slapped him with so much propaganda that he thought the source of his unease was himself. I feel SO awful for what I put him through. Thankfully, we’re both extremely happy now just existing the way we were born. I couldn’t have done it without him, but I wish I hadn’t made him suffer so much in the process.
Perhaps your partner was going through similar feelings. It took my husband a long time to identify his own feelings and then admit to them, it’s not an easy thing to process. I wish you both all the best.
I completely understand. Someone got angry at a comment I made because they didn’t read the whole thing and then screencapped the part they did read and posted it on truscum to talk about how transphobic I was being. I linked to my original comment and told many people in the thread the whole context and eventually many people saw that what I was saying wasn’t actually transphobic at all. Even the OP apologized and ended up reading the rest of my comment, then made a new thread saying they were wrong about it.
It’s a small victory, at least.
Lots of people here, myself included, can word things a little harsh because of intense feelings, or because we want to give people a non coddled view on stuff but we’re generally pretty accepting of other people’s journeys.
Yes it’s extremely normal, which is why gender clinics used to primarily use “watchful waiting”, to see if the child grew out of it or not. It’s especially common for gay kids. Puberty blockers were only used on kids that were trying to self-castrate and things like that. I feel like we’ve swung too hard in the other direction, and a lot of kids are going to end up with a lot of unnecessary health issues and regret.
If you’re uncomfortable at all, STOP. You can always start back up later! It sounds like a lot of how you feel is based off the people you’re around. You need to spend more time alone and offline. Get to really know yourself before you move forward.
HRT does have very permanent effects, so you need to be sure. I was extremely sure, and I still detransitioned. I’m not bothered really by what changed, but I did end up developing some chronic illnesses that nobody told me was a possibility. (Testosterone triggers menopause, which can trigger early autoimmune disease, in the case of biological females.) Anyway point being, there’s always shit that can go wrong, regret, illness, etc. so you need to make sure you truly want this enough to take on those risks before you proceed.
It ain’t a “transphobic generalization” when you see it in abundance in literally any space with trans women in it. You DO NOT see this in cis-female spaces. And no, OnlyFans e-girls don’t count. In fact, all the trans women I know are pretty loud and proud about being that way, even though they really very much should NOT be. Learn to use your damn eyes.
You have an extremely feminine face. I saw your post the other day about your mom saying you were an ugly girl, and this post confirms my suspicions. She was definitely just jealous. This is an unfortunately too common occurrence. Bad mothers who made their looks their personality end up abusing their daughters because they’re jealous that they’re youthful and pretty. Been there done that myself and it sucks. Still feel like I’m ugly to this day but my husband is very kind and supportive and always drags me back out of it.
You’ve already made the connection. Pornography directly influenced transition.
There are multiple studies that show that pornography is addictive and can even damage developing brains. I don’t think it would be much of a leap to prove its direct involvement in transition but nobody’s going to fund that study since it goes against the narrative.
If you have AGP then you aren’t trans, full stop. You need to have SEVERE physical dysphoria to transition in my opinion. As in listening to your own voice makes you vomit, or feeling your sex organs or secondary sex characteristics make you feel ill or give you a strong desire to cut them off. I was textbook transgender and I still detransitioned, granted it was mostly over the extreme health issues T caused me and wanting to raise a child in a rural area that kicked it off for me. But if you are able to live a normal happy life without transitioning, why would you? If I could have I certainly wouldn’t have.
Adolescent boys are not the majority referred to gender clinics anymore. It is now adolescent girls, by a vast margin. (Many grow to just be GNC or gay kids which is why I didn’t say trans girls/boys) Since girls are more prone to social contagion, there is a high level of regret since they were never trans.
I’m gonna be real with you. Transition isn’t worth it most of the time. I was textbook trans. My dysphoria was present since I was 2 and so severe that hearing my voice made me vomit and having my chest touched post puberty also made me puke. I had top surgery in 2017 and it STILL hurts to this day. Testosterone may have lowered my voice some but I have a chronic sore throat now. I have endometriosis and an autoimmune disorder triggered by the Testosterone. Going off T significantly improved my health and it was extremely depressing at first. It didn’t feel fair. Honestly the world’s opinion of trans people has only gotten worse, too. I want to raise a child and I’m pregnant now (something I never thought I’d have the “balls” to do, but I’m “manning up” and doing it anyway) but it’s clear to me that living as a trans man would make their life worse. I don’t want to be selfish and take away advantages they would have otherwise. It just doesn’t feel worth it, any of it. I wish someone had told me it was ok to be a masculine woman and feel the way I do and be the way I am. I wish people would have looked into my mental and physical health more. Turns out I have autism and a nerve disorder that caused or worsened a lot of my issues.
My advice is to just try to accept yourself as you are. Get your physical and mental health checked. When you’re an adult, maybe you can re-evaluate. It’s possible that transition IS the right choice for you, but you need to spend a lot of years self reflecting, in therapy, learning the real consequences to HRT (and possibly making peace with that) and checking all your avenues before going down that route. Too many people rush it. I didn’t even rush it and I still got burned. It’s easy to think it’s worth accepting the consequences until you end up one of the few who gets burned. Just try to keep that in mind while you decide.