This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user posing as a detransitioner.
The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, detailed narratives with specific timelines (e.g., "on T for nine years," "off T for two years").
- Consistent emotional depth and introspection about complex, long-term personal experiences with transition and detransition.
- Empathetic engagement with others' posts, offering support and sharing relatable regrets and challenges.
- Nuanced perspectives that acknowledge both personal regret and support for others who are happy transitioning.
About me
I was born female and started transitioning at 17, living as a man for nearly a decade. I took testosterone and had top surgery, which felt completely right and gave me a sense of safety and purpose for a long time. After a traumatic assault shattered that sense of safety, I began to question if my transition was really about escaping my life and low self-esteem rather than my true identity. I stopped hormones two years ago and now, at 31, I deeply regret the permanent changes like my voice and missing my breasts. While I don't think being trans is wrong for everyone, for me it was a temporary solution rooted in trauma, and I'm now trying to find peace with the woman I was born to be.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated. I was born female and I started my transition when I was 17. For almost ten years, I lived as a trans man and I truly felt content with that identity. It gave me a new purpose and felt like a new chance at life. I was miserable before that and felt completely different from everyone else, and realizing I was trans was an answer to that feeling.
A big part of my dysphoria was about my body. I hated my breasts and my feminine features like my face and voice. The idea that I could actually do something to change that was a huge relief. I took testosterone for about nine years and I also had top surgery to remove my breasts. At the time, I was joyful about the surgery and felt it was the right decision, even during recovery.
I was able to live "stealth," meaning people who didn't know me from before just saw me as a man and treated me like one. I had a stable support system and for a long time, it made me happier. But my feelings started to change. I began to feel alienated from parts of the trans community and started doing a lot of self-exploration. I questioned why I had this deep desire to be seen and treated as a guy.
A major turning point was when I was raped by a man at a festival. That experience shattered the sense of safety I had built while identifying as a man. It made the whole thing feel pointless in a way. In the months after, I thought a lot about my family dynamics—my parents had a lot of issues and fights throughout my childhood, and I was raised very differently from my school mates. I never felt like I was a "good girl" or any good as a girl. I started to understand that some of my initial motives for transitioning might have been rooted in that low self-esteem and a desire to escape my life and become someone else entirely, someone stronger and unbothered.
About a year after the assault, I got into a relationship and wanted to see if I could finally accept myself the way I was born. It seemed impossible for a while because transitioning felt like starting over and leaving the "old" me behind. I wanted to embrace the parts of myself that I had tried to leave behind.
I stopped testosterone about two years ago. Now, I'm 31 and I heavily regret a lot of the changes. I miss having breasts intensely at times, and I regret my deeper voice and other changes I can't take back. The first year of detransition was super tough and weird. I had a really hard time perceiving myself correctly and still sometimes struggle with it. My face has been changing back to look more feminine, which I was initially worried about, but it's been happening slowly. My body hair is also growing back, though it's less than it was before.
I don't think being trans is wrong for everyone. I still have trans friends who are happy, and I truly wish them the best. But for me, happiness was a temporary feeling. It made me happy for a time, but it wasn't what I needed in the long run. Maybe if I had channeled my energy into something else, like working through my childhood issues and self-esteem, I could have found peace without transitioning.
I have deep regrets about my transition, especially the permanent changes. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a very personal and complex thing, and it's important to really question your motives. For me, it was tied to trauma, low self-esteem, and a need to escape rather than a true identity.
| My Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 17 | ~2009 | Started identifying as transgender (FTM) and began social transition. |
| 18 | ~2010 | Started taking testosterone (T). |
| ~20s | ~2011-2018 | Had top surgery to remove breasts. Felt joyful and content with the decision. |
| 29 | ~2021 | Was raped by a man at a festival, which began a major shift in my perspective. |
| 29 | ~2021 | Stopped testosterone after being on it for about nine years. |
| 29-31 | 2021-2023 | Began the process of detransition, re-identifying as female. |
| 31 | 2023 | Now living as a woman again, experiencing some reversal of effects from T, but dealing with regret over permanent changes. |
Top Comments by /u/PhilosopherNo3659:
I was raped by a man at a festival and it changed the sense of safety I had or thought I had while identifying as a trans man. It kind of made it pointless to me in a way. Also prior to that I started to feel alienated by parts of the trans community, was doing a lot of self exploration and began questioning why I feel that desire to be seen as a guy, treated like one. In the following months I also thought a lot about family dynamics and began understanding myself better. Questioned my initial motives, got into a relationship about a year later and wanted to see if I was able to accept myself the way I am. Seemed impossible for a while as transitioning was like startling over, leaving “old” me behind, becoming someone else, stronger, unbothered, and while I felt that way for some time I did not anymore and I wanted to embrace the parts of myself that I’ve left behind.
Tbh that would creep me out so much. You have told her repeatedly that you are not interested, yet she does not acknowledge it and now acts irrationally due to her desire over you. If you wanna stay friends, I would do some kind of intervention with your other friend maybe and tell her one more time there won’t be a romantic relationship; you don’t want to lose her as a friend, but she needs to step back into reality and understand there is not gonna be more. Also I find it icky to „joke“ about detransitioning like that when she has two detrans friends. ☠️
It’s somewhat hard to find an answer to that based on the fact I truly felt content with being trans for close to ten years unless I did not anymore. This is gonna be a little longer for context.
I had a stable support system and was able to live stealth with people I did not want to disclose I was trans - i was socially seen as a guy and treated like one.
Now I feel deep regret regarding a lot of changes I can’t undo and know it wasn’t what I needed, eventually.
I still have some trans friends and I’ve met a lot of people identifying as trans who are happier that way. When I started my transition, I got a new purpose and a new chance at life, that’s what it felt like to me. I wanted to be someone else and I was willing to work for that, and it did make me happier. My dysphoria was mainly about my face, voice, chest and overall feminine features but the feeling of being able to do something about it was relieving to me, as before realizing I “was trans” I just felt absolutely miserable and was unable to do anything at all to feel any other way. I was 17. I’m 31 now. My parents had issues through all my childhood, lots of fights, etc., we never had friends over and I was raised differently than most of my school mates. I never felt like I was being a good girl or any good as a girl. There were other reasons as to why I thought I was trans, but the main thing it gave me was an answer to the question of why I’ve felt so different for all my life.
What I’m trying to say is that happiness is a temporary feeling and not a good measure to determine whether something’s good for you in the long run. It did make me happier but maybe something else I could have channeled my energy into would have maybe just worked as well. I would never go to my trans friends and tell them they should detransition because maybe it won’t make them happy in the long run and that’s not the point I wanna make. But in order to answer your question I think it’s an important aspect to consider that it’s possible your feelings may change and what made you happy before won’t anymore. I hope that my trans friends will continue feeling content with their decisions as I truly wish them happiness. I don’t know if this is helpful to you, maybe ask yourself why you felt the need to start hrt, what it gave you, then also ask yourself why did you feel the need to stop it? I hope you can figure out what you wanna do! It’s cool you are being so introspective and trying to gain insight into different perspectives. Wish you the best!
Hey. Thanks for sharing. I always hated my chest too and when I finally had the appointment planned, I was joyful. Even when I had a somewhat rough recovering phase, I still felt content in my decision, both in removing them and being ftm. However now, years later, i heavily regret my decision and miss having them intensely at times. Same for my voice and other changes I can’t take back. If you are already doubting it now, and feel more at ease with the thought of being a woman for a while now, maybe postpone the appointment for some time to give yourself some more time to think and reflect about your perspective of this and underlying causes. Really wish you the best and hope you can figure out your way to achieve acceptance and happiness!!
Hey! I experienced the same thing after being on T for six years or so and my hair is definitely growing back now. It’s still a lil less than it was in that area, but I keep seeing new hair. It took a long time though to get better. So I hope yours is gonna grow back eventually too!! 💗
Thanks for sharing. I feel you on the first few months of detransitioning being super tough and weird and your thoughts on the mastectomy (because same!). Had a really hard time perceiving myself „correctly“ and still sometimes struggle with it a lot. You seem like a really cool person. Wishing you the best. 👽💗
My first impression was female. I think your face will continue changing. I’m off T since at least two years after being on it for about nine years and I still experience changes and my face looks really different and more feminine now. Was super worried about it. So try to be patient with the changes, even if it’s difficult, they are gonna come and at some point you look at yourself and start recognizing yourself as a woman again. First year or so felt tough. Wishing you the best!
Hey!! I hope your surgery will go super well and that recovery will be quick. I can relate to your promise.
I hope you will be able to feel more like your old self, and that you can feel reconnected, up to a point where you are able to recognize your current self as someone admirable, too.
Hope you know what I mean. It’s just kinda what I’m trying right now when a big wave of regret comes up. Please stay safe! Keeping my fingers crossed for your surgery and wishing you the best.