Judging from this photo I think it is really only the stylish hairstyle. It's sad that you get harassed, because everyone should be able to be fashionable. It might also be what clothes you wear, depending where you live and stuff. If where you live is more conservative with fashion, maybe combing hair down.

I don't think you should have to, but if it's your own decision and is for your safety, you could think of it as a disguise or uniform for going out, as grim as that might sound... >.<

This. Finding feminism was my key to realizing I am not and never will be a man. I simply cannot know what it is like to be a man since I was never raised as one, I was raised as a girl, and that's what I am today even if I'm not totally gender-conforming to traditional gender construct, in fact I am agender. But for biological sex, I am no different from other women. But finding feminism I realized I was not alone in wanting to get rid of oppression and sexism. So I shouldn't abandon what feminists have fought for.

Realizing there is a big difference between sex (biological physical body) and gender (made up social identity), was the biggest step for me to detrans. So I am now going with "agender woman", which is showing you can be biologically binary and "gender" can be anything or nothing, but that I can not ditch my girlhood and womanhood for a made up gender construct.

I have come to terms with myself being also gender non conforming woman. I am glad I found this Subreddit because I used to think I was alone, because the only other ones who I could talk to about these issues were downright hateful people obviously filled with resentment... but here I noticed people are actually respectful and not aggressive or hateful, that I do not have to feel on edge or feel negativity, it gives people that time and space to think for themselves, than to be pushed or shoved either way. I love that it's mostly positive and very respectful of personal boundaries.

I have noticed this too... as well as people saying they have OCD for very minor normal things like because they saw some image of pencils where one was off, and they said they didn't like it (like normal), but it didn't give them intense distress or anything, they don't have any other symptoms.

Also with depression I see it so much... I was professionally diagnosed as having Depression and I don't "feel" depressed... but because of the name, lot of people online and even offline, claim to have it are just mixing it up with regular sadness, and they're like "Oh I am cured of my depression since someone cheered me up", but that is not how real depression works at all. You don't even have to feel sad at all, I rarely feel sadness ever, for me it is the prolonged loss of interest in hobbies like I used to love drawing but I haven't felt any interest to to draw anything in years, I never want to draw anymore... and the lack of motivation to do normal things like brushing my teeth, showering, go to school/work, etc... All while feeling very happy and cheerful, but I just can't get myself to do these things without someone pushing me. But just... too many people think it just means being sad, that it's something you can "cheer up" from. >.< It's so frustrating.

I can relate to you, but as former FTM...

When I was still identifying as male (only socially, no hormones/surgery), I already was questioning that decision of mine, even before therapy or anything, and when I would ask about it on FTM Reddits. There seemed to be a strong bias that if you question at all you'll likely be encouraged to do it whether or not you've done professional therapy or not, and even be recommended testosterone patches or pills to buy online, that don't require transition letter from therapists...

I would even talk about how it felt like I only really liked the idea of becoming a man for the fantasy, escapism, or fetish, and there would be some who assure me that's what being transgender is... but honestly? I didn't feel right about that, especially to commit to something like surgery or hormones with permanent effects. I thought more deeply into it, about how it will affect MY life, not other's life... That's why I ended up stopping myself, even though it took over 5 years to fully understand, I had to "experiment" with various identities online before I realized my true self that I am more comfortable with.

For me, it would not solve anything, or make me feel better, to have a man's body. To me it was like longing for cosmetic surgery, something I would only be doing for vanity (I was really into cosplaying male anime characters, and things like topless cosplay is seen as very high achievement among "Fujoshi" cosplayers). But that would not change anything about my actual daily happiness and even my lifestyle would remain stale, but with extra burdens like taking medication and shaving. I realized I didn't want to live life like that just to "pass" in someone else's eyes.

In honesty, just having a male avatar in video games was good enough for me when it came to escapism.

But in real life, I just would prefer if my gender didn't matter. It is possible I was just agender or gender nonconforming to begin with? Even if I would have liked a male chest/bottom, I never actually feel stressed out about my body parts (besides periods but that is normal), and even am Asexual/Graysexual, but I just hated the stereotypes/norms of gender. So I was not by medical definition transsexual. Transgender on the other hand, possibly? But then over time I realized that I did not need to change anything to fit into what my "truly ideal gender" is, because in my own world, the ideal is just me being myself, liking what I like, doing what I want. Disconnecting my body parts from the commonly-gendered things that have nothing to do with those body parts such as hobbies or clothing. Basically ignoring my own gender altogether, living as gender neutral. Over time living gender neutrally, I felt more and more okay with my body, because it stopped having such a deep connection to those arbitrary gender norms, to my past traumas, and I stopped comparing myself to other people's gender.

So I think it is most important to really take some time away from what everyone else says, whether for or against, and really really think for what you yourself want. If you have a therapist, it can help to talk to them about your worries or doubts as well as your desires. Do not feel scared to talk about the doubts, maybe because of a fear that a therapist will say you're not dysphoric, because in the end whichever it is, you will want the honest truth in order to not feel regret.

And better to trust a professional who has studied and worked with many people, than to trust random strangers on the internet. But always listen to yourself first.

Personally, I have only recently come out as "detrans", before I would just say that I "used to be trans" since I didn't know detrans was a thing. I didn't have any problems but... I was always very very careful in how I word it, using terms like "IMO" or "for me", in every sentence, to not risk offending those who are transgender in the LGBT+ communities. But I could sort of feel a bit of passive aggression with at least a few FtM who I told I used to be FtM too (I could just be paranoid though). Other than that, I haven't had problems myself... but I could sense that if I weren't as careful with my words, or maybe if someone is overzealous/paranoid, I could get attacked or accused of undermining transgender people.

Well, I am still new to using the word detrans, and I haven't come out everywhere that I am detrans (only bring it up if transgender topics come up), so only time will tell, when or if I will get attacked.

But I did live with a transwoman roommate for a few years, and she was totally cool with the fact that I no longer was transitioning. And she was even cool with me questioning the whole gender construct. I was of course supportive of her too, because we're friends. Even if I am considered a gender critical feminist, I still feel that as a feminist I should be supportive to her and how she will live and also start experiencing things as a woman (especially as she is passing even in conservative rural Texas, people treat her as any woman).

I can relate to you.

Sadly there are some people who have more extreme standards and make very quick judgements, and you can't really do anything about those people. Understand they probably have things going on with their life that may cause them to be overly cautious like that, maybe they suffered trauma, it doesn't really excuse them from being mean per se, but it can help to give you an idea and to take their harshness less personally which is the one thing we do have the power to change and make things better for us in the long run.

I had a transwoman roommate who had this dilemma, but... it wasn't so much for attention in her case. She was trying to decide whether or not to go stealth. Which she easily blended in as regular woman even in far right-wing pro-Trump rural Texas during the bathroom bill controversy, every stranger cis woman in public saw her as a cis woman.

But, it was because she felt that being out as trans at least on the internet (but she didn't out herself irl except to trusted people), could help other possible questioning transwomen, especially as she was the co-leader in an LGBT+ support group in real life.

So I just assume it's similar to how me and my other friends who have mental illness like depression and anxiety want to spread the awareness that people have this, to get rid of the stigma.

I mean of course I won't deny I've met plenty of horny guys who use "transwoman" as an excuse to use sexualized female avatars in online games or to be seen as less "creepy" when sexualizing little girl anime characters calling themself "IRL Anime girl"... but to be honest I wouldn't even consider someone like that as transwomen in the first place as they are more delusional than actually gender dysphoric, those I've talked to seem totally comfortable having a penis for example and say they couldn't live without it, and live as regular men in real life. Abusing LGBT+ activism as a shield for paraphilias or to enjoy social status as a woman in horny male-dominated space (gaming and anime communities).

I've even met a 14 year old boy in an online social game who was roaming around an adult 18+ hentai sex sim, and saying how he wishes he could be a female sex slave, when he didn't even know how condoms work, and thought women pee out of our vaginas... And bunch of adult guys encouraging him even to transition and use an extremely hypersexual female avatar. I think even some must have done erotic roleplay with him. This is why Second Life has been sued at least once by an ex-staff for turning a blind eye to child porn and sexualization of minors.

But anyway, as difficult as it is, it is important to keep in mind that not everyone is like that, even if it's just a smaller chunk who are genuinely with dysphoria...

For example many intersex people are likely to have this, and there are about as many intersex people as there are redheads... So that is actually not as rare as we probably think. Actually, my transwoman roommate said she is technically born intersex due to her chromosomes. When I saw a video of how she looked before transition, she did look more like a young feminine soft guy despite being in the 20s. She said how it's possibly why she was able to transition so easily and even grow natural breasts and sound female with zero surgeries (she wants bottom surgery but can't afford it), only hormone therapy. She said she is often envied because of that.

I also have another friend who is intersex by their body's natural production of both sex hormones, but insists to want to be seen as only female (looks/sounds very androgynous). This friend is very against the Transgender label which people often call her "self-hating trans", to a point that this friend has become distrustful of LGBT+ groups because of it. >.< But she is asexual and anti-porn, yet living in a womens homeless shelter with several self-objectifying transwoman including a transwoman prostitute, and I believe it's because she wants to avoid being seen as that stereotype fetishist/prostitute transwoman, that she rejects the label of "trans", despite wanting hormone therapy and bottom surgery.