This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments show a high degree of consistency, emotional nuance, and personal, non-repetitive storytelling that aligns with a genuine individual's experience. The user describes a specific, multi-year journey of social transition, doubt, and detransition, offering tailored advice that acknowledges the complexity of the process. The language is natural, varies in tone, and includes personal philosophical and spiritual reflections, which are difficult to fake convincingly.
About me
I started identifying as a man when I was 18, believing it was the answer to my depression and feeling like I never fit in with other girls. I lived as a trans man for two years and was on the verge of starting testosterone and surgery when I realized my dysphoria was really just deep self-hatred. Taking a break on a solo road trip helped me reconnect with myself and my faith, and I decided not to go through with the medical changes. I moved to a new city and slowly eased back into living as a woman, first as non-binary and then fully as female. Now at 22, I'm happy and comfortable in my body, understanding that my gender confusion was a symptom of my other struggles, not the cause.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was 18. I was in a really bad place mentally—deeply depressed, dealing with what I think was PTSD and body dysmorphia, and I’m pretty sure I’m neurodivergent, probably autistic. I never felt like I fit in with other girls or understood how to "do" gender the way they did. I didn't feel girly at all.
Around that time, I found a lot of transition videos online. They described feelings I recognized, and they presented transition as the solution. It made sense to me then. I became convinced I was actually a man. I came out as trans socially, started binding my chest—sometimes using physical therapy tape so tightly it damaged the skin on my back—and went by a different name. I loved the attention and feeling tough and interesting. I was on the path to starting testosterone and had even begun the process for surgery. I lived as a trans man for about two years.
But I started to have serious doubts. I felt disconnected from myself and the world. I was depressed and couldn't access my real feelings. I realized my dysphoria was actually self-hatred and a rejection of myself—I wanted to be anyone other than the person who had been struggling for so long. I knew I couldn't make such huge, life-altering decisions feeling like that.
I decided to take a break from everything. I went on a solo road trip, camping and spending time alone without any outside noise or opinions. That time away was crucial. It was during this trip that I reconnected with myself and found my faith in God again, which helped me put everything into perspective. I also met my current partner, who supported me through unpacking my real issues.
I decided not to transition medically. I stopped right before I was about to start testosterone. I’m so grateful I did. Looking back, I feel sick thinking about where I might be now if I had gone through with it.
Socially, detransitioning was scary. I was frightened of going back to a female identity and what people would think. I was lucky because I moved to a new city for university around that time, which gave me a clean break and a new social environment. At first, I identified as non-binary for a while because switching directly to she/her pronouns felt too unnerving. It was a helpful middle step for me mentally.
I started presenting more feminine gradually. People at my new school naturally used she/her pronouns for me because I still had a female voice and face—I just came across as a very butch girl. That took the pressure off. Eventually, I felt comfortable enough to ask my close friends and family to switch back to my birth name and she/her pronouns. Everyone was respectful and actually happy for me. No one at school asked prying questions; if they did, I just said I’d rather not talk about it and they accepted that.
Now, I’m 22 and living happily as a woman. I’ve redefined what femininity means for me. I’m never going to be the pretty girl in high heels and a dress, and that’s okay. I can be myself—wear pants, sit with my legs open, laugh at crude jokes—all as a woman. I’m growing my hair out, occasionally wearing makeup, and I can even go into a women’s clothing store without having an anxiety attack. I like my feminine shape now, the same one I used to hate.
I’ve realized that for me, gender is a minuscule part of who I am. My gender dysphoria was a symptom of deeper issues: depression, neurodivergence, trauma, and low self-esteem. I overthought myself into a different gender. Transitioning wouldn’t have healed my real wounds; it would have just been a distraction. True healing came from introspection, self-love, and finding the right environment.
I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to where I am now, but I absolutely regret how close I came to making permanent changes. I’m so relieved I stopped in time. I now believe that for many people, especially teens, gender dysphoria is often something they grow out of, especially when underlying issues are addressed.
Here’s a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
18 | Started identifying as transgender, began social transition (new name, binding chest) |
18-20 | Lived socially as a trans man, pursued medical transition (was close to starting T and surgery) |
20 | Began having serious doubts, went on a solo trip to reflect, decided not to transition medically |
20 | Moved to a new city for university, started presenting as non-binary as a step back |
21 | Gradually started presenting more feminine, eventually switched back to birth name and she/her pronouns |
22 | Now happily living as a woman, comfortable with my body and redefined femininity |
Top Comments by /u/PlaneBB:
I have no idea tbh… I guess I lived as trans a bit longer after I started having serious doubts and figured out I wasn’t trans.
I checked your profile for a sec and found that you were 17 and hadn’t had top-surgery yet. I think it is absolutely not too late for you to detransition if you wanted to. As I’ve read from people on here, your face will become more feminine and your voice will too. Besides, if you’re 17 you might be going off to college soon! A new social environment. That could be a new start.
Also, what I found was that true friends will be happy for you regardless of the decision you make. If they end up dropping you, perhaps you’re better off finding new friends.
Maybe talk about these doubts with a family member or a close friend… I’m sure they could give you the support you need.
Well, I was at a similar point as you are when I started doubting my transition. I had a doctor who could help me with T, and was also getting close to getting a place at a hospital for my surgeries. I had been living as a transman for a while, and at first I really loved it! I loved the attention, the way I looked. I loved being tough and cool and interesting.
However, I also noticed that my connection to myself and the world around me was gone. I couldn’t access my feelings, and was frankly depressed as hell. The dysphoria was, in my case, pure self hatred and rejection of myself. I wanted to be anything but that person who had been suffering from mental health issues for so long. I didn’t understand that yet, though. I didn’t understand any of my feelings at that time and I decided that I couldn’t make life altering decisions in the emotional disconnected state I was in. So, I decided to travel and leave my old life behind. I had to be alone, without the constant opinions of my surroundings, and reconnect. I did not only find myself on that trip, I found my faith and my partner at that time, too. This helped me to see through the fog of my own insecurity, and see that in reality my body was perfectly fine as it was.
Of course this process of re-establishing my female identity took a long time. I gradually started getting comfortable with it again. I can actually go into clothing shops without panic attacks! I’m growing out my hair, having fun with make up again, and actually like my feminine shapes that I had grown to hate so much.
My gender dysphoria was purely a manifestation of deeper emotional issues that I had. I am also pretty sure I’m neurodivergent, and frankly… I overthink a lot. I managed to overthink myself into a different gender. I now am also able to see through the delusion that so many of these transgender, genderfluid, non-binary people are in. It seems like a group of broken people; rejects that somehow believe that by changing their bodies they can change how they feel. Unfortunately, that is not the case. You can only change the way you feel by actively working on yourself. Introspection, self love and the right environment do wonders. Good luck on your journey :) and I hope my story is helpful to you
Dude don’t talk about this shit when high on magic mushrooms! Honestly! You could give her a bad trip. Afterwards perhaps?
What I would do is just shower her with love. I think she probably doesn’t feel secure in her body and femininity. Make her feel beautiful. Tell her you think she is beautiful, and that you like her voice the way it is. Tell her you’re concerned that if she makes the wrong choice, it will potentially impact her negatively for the rest of her life… and ask her to weigh this decision carefully. After all, there’s no hurry, right?
Hey! Thanks for sharing. It is definitely difficult to go reverse on your trans identity. It’s embarrassing for sure. I was also extremely certain about my trans identity and even got into fights about it with family etc. When I returned to being female I felt like an idiot. Tbh, my family quickly accepted me back as I was and were happy that I was my old self again. They never said it out loud, but I could sense it. As for my friends, I hardly talk to the ones I knew during my trans identity. My old friends also quickly adapted to my change again and were happy for me. I was lucky enough to switch cities when I returned to being female. Since you’re 17, you must be going to college soon. It could be a fresh start for you!You could explore who you are free from your home town. About the embarassment, tbh, any time you divert from the norm it’s embarrassing. It doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. It just means you’re trying to live according to what is right for you. There is no shame in that.
Besides, if there is any time to detransition it’s now! You’re young. You’ve only been on T for 3 weeks. Perhaps just stop T for a while, until you’ve figured this out. That way you won’t make any decisions that you might later regret. When I started having doubts, I was very close to receiving medical “treatment” for my gender dysphoria myself. Because of my doubts I decided to take a trip on my own, to sort through my thoughts without the noise of the world around me. Certainly helped me a lot.
Also, you’re 17! And you started identifying as trans at 12! You haven’t even had the chance to experience life as a woman yet. It might be worth trying. It is actually not as bad as it seems ;) There are perks. And tbh, now that I have embraced it, I am actually starting to like being a woman. I’m starting to recognise myself again. I hadn’t for years.
If you ever wanna talk, you can dm me on here! Good luck with your journey.
Yep, I totally get you :) I was a more masculine girl, and accepting that I was never going to be a pretty girl in high heels and a skirt, but that I could be myself as a woman in a different way, changed my life. I didn’t have to be a man to wear pants, sit with my legs open and laugh at crude jokes XD I was able to define my own femininity in a way that I was comfortable with it. I can actually be myself now, without the pressures of conforming to a gender stereotype. It’s great :)
You’ll get there my friend! Know that you are loved, and that regardless of your decision you are a beautiful human being. Good luck!
I would definitely wait a while. Usually on a first date, you talk about the basics: hobbies, interests, work, family. Talking about the past is going quite deep. I think you can naturally bring it up when you do start having conversations about the past. Both of you will have things you want to share, things that you might be afraid to share. While some people might have these conversations after a few dates, others might after a longer time. Go with the natural flow of how the relationship progresses :)
Personally, I don’t think you’ll ever be able to figure out “who you are”. I have struggled with this a lot myself. Im probably neurodivergent and totally understand this struggle of trying to figure out who you are. I overanalysed myself to the point that nothing was left. It is important to note that personal identity is like many things a construct of our minds. Really, the only thing you can do is just be. It sounds a lot easier than it is! But yeah, letting go of this search for an inner psychological truth will only lead you to more emptiness.
Regarding the transgender question: Do transgender people exist? Yes, I think they do exist. You could say that the identity is what makes a trans person. However, I do think that it is a little bit more complicated than that. I think there is, as you called it, an unlucky bunch who were born transgender. This is a very small portion of the trans or other-gendered population that we see today. This population also benefits from growing up without “gender affirming care” and usually grow out of their initial gender dysphoria. Nowadays we see a far bigger transgender population, with “rapid onset” gender dysphoria.
Somehow transgenderism has become fashionable, desirable and good. Why? Well because some people are making big bucks off of the industry. That is usually the first reason why people do anything: money. The second one is power. They heavily propagandised it and now you see a large group of young people falling for the hype, as they would with other hypes. Why do they fall for it? Bullfrog have a pretty good answer at least for the FTM issue. Teen girls don’t want to become women. This is very understandable… being a woman is not always a lot of fun. Menstruation, sexualisation, hormonal changes, societal expectations etc. Having a mental illness, autism, or (sexual) trauma will also make a person more prone to want to be the other gender. Perhaps because they feel “other”, or because they seek escape from the current life and body they are in. The hype also plays into the human need to be part of a group, to have a certain group identity.
So those are my thoughts. I wish you a lot of luck on your journey and if you ever need someone to talk to, or bounce ideas off of, you can always send me a message. :)
Hey! Thanks for posting. I read the other comments and your answers as well, so I get a better idea of what’s going on with you. I must say, I am a little bit confused by you myself. On the one hand, you are uncertain enough about your transition to post on this Reddit, but in your responses to the advice and questions you seem to be almost defending your trans identity. I might be interpreting that wrong. Apologies if I did…
Now, I can’t tell you if you’re trans or not, just like nobody in this community can. Personally, I always question rapid onset gender dysphoria, especially when it involves a teen. I think there are many reasons to dislike your given body, especially as a young person. I personally experienced some body dysmorphia as a teen. I disliked certain body parts growing and I disliked the attention that I got from men at that age. It made me feel icky, made me want to hide. Put some depression, neurodivergence and a dad that only used to talk to his son on top and there you go… Another person confusing themselves into thinking they’re male.
And don’t get me wrong, I had serious gender dysphoria that I talked myself into. I also couldn’t look in the mirror at times. I taped my breasts to the point of the skin on my back ripping. I tried SO hard to pass, but in the end it only made me feel neurotic and miserable.
You’ve repeatedly mentioned wanting to be a cis man. I don’t think I have to tell you that, but you are never going to be a cis man. This means you will never live the life of a cis man either. That is one reality you have to deal with.
After growing up a bit, I started getting interested in men again. I also managed to get together with some people. I had a couple of dates and some casual relationships, but nothing of value. I longed for that again. I longed to be attractive again, too.
Meeting my current boyfriend has helped me a lot. He’s helped me accept the reality I am in, and helped me deal with the shame I felt after detransitioning. It took me a long time to fully let go of my masculine identity. I slowly started wearing my binder less and wearing more androgynous clothing, before actually presenting female again. I am now actually at a point where I’m wearing make up occasionally, am growing my hair out, and can go to a woman’s clothing store without an anxiety attack. When I identified as trans, I would have never believed I could do those things. It’s crazy how a person can be in two completely different head spaces in the same lifetime.
You’re at a crossroads in your life right now. Do you go on with the life of a transman? Or do you go back to your life as a cis woman? It is a tough decision, and it is a decision that should not be taken lightly. Take your time. And I agree with people here advising you not to do your top surgery. Wait it out. Play with both ideas, and give yourself the time to be fully sure until you make irreversible life decisions.
I wish you a lot of wisdom 🙏🏼
Hmmmm I’m not 100% sure but it sounds like your family might be scapegoating you. A scape goat is the person made into the “black sheep” or the “problem child”. Oftentimes when a family system is toxic it chooses one person blame things on that aren’t even related to them and the entire family bullies this person. Family members that do this might have been victims of abuse themselves, or might have had to endure toxicity in their own family structures. They might be deeply insecure about themselves, and might have fragile egos that they boost by putting others down. They might even be on the narcissistic side. Does that sound like your family?
Now, in case you do feel like it resonates, allow me to talk a bit more about it. Being the scape goat is a very difficult and painful position to be in. Maybe you’ve always been the scapegoat or maybe you are because you’ve stood out from the rest of the family by having had a trans identity. Regardless of whether you are or not, if you want your situation to change it has to start with you. After all, the only thing we have control over in this world is our own attitude.
Firstly, take a look at your role in your family. Are you accommodating and trying to please them a lot? Are you taking a lot of responsibilities on? Do you tend to be the more quiet person that doesn’t speak up when he’s hurt or uncomfortable? If the answer is yes to any of these questions you might have to really think about your role here and how to change it. It might be very difficult, but by shifting your role in your family towards a more equal status, they might end up treating you with more respect.
Another thing that comes into this is creating boundaries. Your family is crossing the line constantly by talking about your past trans identity! I don’t know if you have tried talking to them about it, but if you haven’t, you should. If you have before, tell them again. You don’t have to necessarily go into the why… Shame or embarassment is something abusers feed off of. Instead, just say it is something you really want to get past and that them bringing it up is not helping you. If they continue to make comments even after you have asserted yourself, enforce your boundaries. You can do this by walking away and by repeating the boundary and asking for an apology. You deserve that much!
Lastly, practice self love and appreciation! You don’t deserve any of this. By practicing this you allow yourself to form a healthy relationship with yourself, and you might find it easier to assert yourself towards your family.
I hope I haven’t overstepped with this advice! I am basing my comment off a very short post. I went off on a hunch… Let me know what you think.
Hey! Shall I share my story? I personally got “rapid onset gender dysphoria” when I was 18. I was dealing with a lot. I was depressed to the point of being suicidal, had body dysmorphia, PTSD and I’m pretty sure I’m neurodivergent somehow. Probably autistic.
I was convinced I was male when I started watching these transition videos. They described the feelings I had and gave transition as the solution. For almost two years I was out as trans and I was about to get hormones when I decided to take a breather and take some time away from everything. I did a road trip on my own, camping and relaxing. There, I decided I didn’t want to transition. For me it was because I found my connection to God again, and through that, I found a connection with myself. I also met my current partner who talked to me about these things and helped me through some of the real issues I was having.
Now, I’m 22 and happily living as a woman. I like my body most of the time. I like putting on make up and am growing my hair out again. It’s almost shoulder length. When I think of where I would be now if I hadn’t reconsidered, I feel sick to my stomach. Back then I couldn’t fathom having children and feeling good about myself. And now I want to have children with my partner as soon as our lives allow it.
A lot of people think that puberty stops when the body is done with growing. This is not true though! The brain keeps developing until 25. The prefrontal cortex, which is all about impulse/emotional control only really matures around 21. I personally felt a huge shift in my mental stability from 20 onward. Maybe give yourself some more time… You might end up liking your body and your female identity again.
Good luck with everything, and if you ever need to talk, hit me up :)