This story is from the comments by /u/Plastic-Reach-720 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user demonstrates:
- Personal, detailed anecdotes about their spouse, children, and their own medical history (e.g., intersex conditions, specific surgeries).
- Consistent, nuanced viewpoints that reflect the complex and often painful experience of someone who has questioned their gender, considered transition, and settled on a desisted or detransitioned path.
- Empathetic, personalized advice that varies depending on the OP's situation, showing genuine engagement rather than copy-pasted rhetoric.
- A long-term, evolving perspective on the topic, referencing their journey over many years.
The passion and criticism toward medical transition align with the expected viewpoint of a genuine desister/detransitioner who feels harmed by their experience.
About me
I was born female but never fit in, and puberty made me feel like a freak with my deep voice and facial hair. After learning I was intersex, I considered becoming a man but realized my discomfort was from not fitting a box, not being in the wrong body. I had surgeries for function and comfort, not to change who I am fundamentally. My spouse and I, both intersex, are now happy off hormones and have found self-acceptance. I've learned that true peace comes from learning to like yourself first, because that person in the mirror is always going to be you.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s deeply tied to my own body and my spouse’s experiences. I was born female, but I’ve never felt completely at home with what people expect from a woman. From a young age, I was a total tomboy—playing in the dirt, only having male friends, and hating dolls. When puberty hit, it was a really confusing and hard time for me. My voice got deeper, I became very muscular naturally, and I even grew some coarse facial hair. I developed crushes on both girls and guys, which terrified me because my mother was very against homosexuality. I felt like a freak.
It turns out, after a lot of medical investigation, that I am intersex. I have naturally high testosterone for a female, which explained a lot about my body and how I developed. For a long time, I felt like I was a man. I considered transitioning to male, especially because my interests and my natural build felt more masculine. I even had people ask me if I was trans because of how I looked and sounded. It was embarrassing at first, but I’ve learned to embrace it. I now see myself as a "handsomely manly woman" or a nonbinary female. I’ve had some surgeries, but for me, they were about preserving function and feeling comfortable in the body I have, not about changing who I am fundamentally. I had a glottoplasty to raise my voice, which was very painful and required a long recovery, and I’ve had laser hair removal and electrolysis for facial hair.
My spouse’s journey was similar and deeply connected to mine. They are also intersex, with an XXY genetic makeup. They went back and forth for years between identifying as MTF and then taking testosterone, trying to find what felt right. They also hated their body at different times, even their genitals, wishing it would just fall off. But now, after everything, we are both happy just being ourselves. We’ve found that we feel best being off all hormones. Our genitals, which we both struggled with, are now a source of pleasure and we’ve even been lucky enough to have children.
I benefited from a lot of introspection and what some might call non-affirming therapy—asking the hard questions about why I felt the way I did. I realized that a lot of my discomfort was about not fitting into a neat box, not because I was born in the wrong body. I had to learn to like myself, as I am. I believe that if you don’t like yourself before transition, you won’t like yourself after. Transitioning doesn’t erase who you are; it just changes the package. For me, and for many I’ve seen, transitioning while dealing with depression or trauma just makes you a depressed person in a different body. The euphoria is temporary.
I have seen so many people, especially young people, treat transitioning as an option or a way to change themselves, rather than an affirmation of who they’ve always been. I’ve known five heterosexual men personally who decided to transition; one detransitioned completely, two now identify as nonbinary but seem unhappy, one died by suicide after surgery, and one just started. All of them had trauma or mental health issues, and none of them could have ever passed as female. It’s heartbreaking.
I don’t regret the path I took because it led me to a place of self-acceptance. But I do regret that we live in a time where these decisions are sometimes made too quickly, without enough questioning. I worry for young people who are influenced online or by friends to see transition as a solution to their problems. The medical community isn’t doing enough research, and there’s a serious lack of data on detransition. People are hurting, and they need compassion and honesty, not just blind support.
My thoughts on gender are that it’s not as simple as male or female. Biology is messy, and there’s a natural diversity that exists. But I also believe in the reality of our biological binary. For me, being intersex means I exist somewhere in between, and that’s okay. I think what matters most is that you are well—mentally, physically, and emotionally. You have to learn to like the person in the mirror, because that person is always going to be you.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood | Was a feral tomboy, only had male friends, hated dolls. |
| Puberty | Voice deepened, became very muscular, grew facial hair. Had crushes on both girls and boys. Felt like a freak. |
| Late Teens | Discovered I was intersex with naturally high testosterone. Considered transitioning to male. |
| Early 20s | Had first surgeries: glottoplasty for voice, laser hair removal and electrolysis. |
| Throughout 20s & 30s | Continued to identify as a masculine female. Married my spouse, who is also intersex. |
| Various Points | Had additional surgeries like a nose job, partial labiaplasty, and vaginoplasty for function and comfort. |
| Present (Age not specified) | Identify as a nonbinary female. Happy and content with my body and self, off all hormones. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Plastic-Reach-720:
I almost thinking it IS calculated. Somehow. It has to be for people to turn against reason.
All of these people: "The most common reason for detransitioning was the realization that their gender dysphoria was related to other issues (70%). The participants in this study had high rates of mental health comorbidities including depressive disorder (70%), anxiety (63%), post-traumatic stress disorder (33%), attention deficit disorder (24%), autism spectrum condition (20%), eating disorder (19%), and personality disorder (17%)."
This ISN'T medicine. I say this because I know lot's of people in medicine who are extremely concerned. My own endocrinologist confessed to me a couple months ago that he is turning away new patients that come to him wanting to transition. He was saying how people with effing diabetes usually have to waitlust at least 6 months.
Think about it. Think of the Nazi's, they didn't want anyone with disabilities, psyche issues, or homosexual.
How else do you make sure people with disabilitues, psyche issues, or are just homosexual, become so miserable they're suicidal, or at the very least unable to breed? Twenty years ago I knew tons of homosexual people. Now everyone is trans. I know at least four non-homosexual men who've decided to transition. FOUR. How many homosexual people do you know under 30? Under 20?
Get em' young while they're vulnerable, make them think it was their own idea. And if they wise up, isolate them, persecute them...
Frankly, I hope I'm wrong, because otherwise it's fucking brilliant...
I need to read your other post, I know you posted a long one that I didn't dive into yet. I plan to though, because I know you've been through a lot.
My spouse had wanted to transition, but they had mental health issues among other concerns. Knowing them as I did I was worried that transitioning wouldn't help. This was before we learned they were intersex. So I got everything about transitioning I could get my hands on, because I wanted to be both as objective, knowledgeable, and compassionate as possible.
The first detransitioning case I learned about was a man who had detransitioned decades ago, late 80's I think. He said that if he had wanted to cut off his hand instead of his genetalia, he would have been sent to a psychiatrist who would have certainly tried harder to deter him.
I then learned there ARE people who want to cut of their limbs. Surely it must be wrong to want to do that. But THEN I read of a young man wanted to cut off one of his legs from below the knee. It didn't hurt when he started developing the urge, but he knew something was wrong. Eventually, some years later, he developed a shin pain. Soon after, they found the cancer. His leg needed to be removed below the knee.
It was from there I started forming the opinion that some transexual people might have provable biological pathologies, while other people may have unresolved mental health and sexuality concerns. It's entirely possible for there to be all of those, but we neither have nor use data to draw reliable conclusions.
I'm so, so sorry you're going through this.
My take? Detransitioning won't reverse time. It won't undo what's done. The parts of you that you've lost is gone. As much as it hurts emotionally to come to terms with this, you don't really have a choice. And it's okay to be angry. It's okay to grieve.
If you like and love yourself, then you're already ahead. So many people transition to erase who they used to be, and that has never sounded very affirming to me.
Most of all, YOU are a human being. It may be hard for us to live with at times, but most people have issues with their bodies, trans or not. And there are lots of people out there living in less than ideal bodies: assault, age, horrific accidents, degenerative illnesses, all of these rob us of various functions we take for granted.
You might not be able to be physically intimate with your husband in "that* way, but that doesn't mean you can't be intimate. Being intimate with someone is more than just physical gratification, and physical gratification can come from more than just standard intercourse.
It sounds like you have loving husband and an otherwise good and happy life. A lot of people don't realize that a lot of feelings can come from thoughts you have-- work on those thoughts, so you can appreciate what you do have. And, if you're strong enough, re-examine what persuaded you to get the surgery. What fed your beliefs that it was right for you at the time. Give people the words wish you'd been told back then.
I was just talking to a friend I've known for forever about how I now know five, FIVE heterosexual men personally who've transitioned in the last ten years! Of them, one just started, one has fully detransitioned completely, and two are saying NB (but one of them seems deeply unhappy), and one who sadly chose to leave this existence.
None of these individuals could have ever passed. All had trauma. Some of them definitely had/have mental health issues.
The fully detransitioned person only transitioned for maybe 18 months about four years ago. Those both now IDing as NB's are at 5 years, but I really do see one of them completely desisting soon. Person who got SRS left us. Their surgery went well, but then they got infection after infection. I'm deeply afraid for the number five; they have the most serious trauma and mental health issues, and a personality disorder that already has a high rate of suicidality. My thoughts are a good outcome of any kind is not probable for them.
I can't even point any of this out to some of my friends without being called a transphobe.
Being Asian I don't have a lot of hair but in my opinion humans are naturally hairy. I've seen some women in Europe at the beach that were more than a bit hirsute!
Despite being AFAB, I am naturallyvery muscular and have since become only more muscular. I also have a bit of thick wiry facial hair I've had to get electralosis for and endocrinology testing found that I have naturally occuring high testosterone. People have asked me if I was trans, and I have more than once explained that this is simply who I am. The question used to embarrass me, but I have embraced it and am happy to help people understand our naturally occuring physiological diversity.
For a long time I felt that I was a man, and in a lot of ways I still do, but am happy to be myself as a "handsomely manly woman".
What about your wife? Are you thinking about her at all in regards to your sexual intimacy? Is she cool with you not feeling any desire for her anymore, or not really being able to get very hard anymore? Does she even have a choice?
Maybe you can orgasm when you're not fully erect-- by yourself. The less hard your penis is during sex with your wife the higher the chance you have of injury.
Just for context there are people are one hundred percent sure they are dogs or goats or mermaids or dinosaurs or trains etc. It doesn't matter what they believe. It also doesn't matter if they want to live dressed as a dog/goat/mermaid etc if they're not hurting anyone. I have to admit, the mermaid tails they have now look amazing and it looks like fun, I wouldnt mind swimming with a mermaid tail now and then.
And there are people who do live full time as goats/dogs/mermaids etc. I don't think anyone believes they are really a dog etc, but I'm not going to tell them they can't continue to live that way.
One of my children, from their earliest memory, felt he should have had a tail. He would go on an on about how he was missing his tail, and would wear fake tails all day every day. He would fashion a tail out of clothing or other materials around the house. We even had really nice tails made for him. But, he couldn't wear the tail to school and not long after starting school he soon stopped wearing it at home. He's almost an adult now, and his need for tails has gone away and is now a distant memory for everyone.
If you believe you are a woman, and happily living as a woman, where's the problem? Yes there are health risks with hormones, a lot of them, and for that reason it's not for everyone. Even if you are doing great on hormones now, that may not last. Your beliefs might also change in time too, as you yourself will change with time (and you will, time changes us all.)
Extremely effeminate men / masculine women exist and that's okay. We can be loving, compassionate, and accepting of everyone without knowing all the medical details behind how or why people present as they do. If you love yourself and are happy, healthy, and doing well, then focus on keeping yourself that way.
Whether you anyone here are trans or not, what matters most is wellness. "I think therefore I am" has a deeper meaning than just consciousness; it is how we effect ourselves and our reality with our throughts. Whether they are beliefs or doubts, the thoughts that thrive are the ones you feed, so choose accordingly, and be wary so you don't sabatage yourself along the way.
If you didn't have surgeries and you've stopped T then give yourself time. There's a lot of things that are going to change, some of those things is going to be your feelings, but again, time.
What's important is that you love and be loving to yourself, and and that you continue to work on figuring yourself out. Being loving to yourself means different things to different people but I think for most of us it just means being patient, gentle, caring, and kind.
You are still very young and there's plenty of time for you to experience a "female youth", if that's truly what you want. Get yourself in a good place moving forward and don't get lost of focusing too much time on looking back.
Can you tell what you consider old? You thinking like 40, 50+?
Also, yes, the population of detransitioners are by majority younger (I'd say under 40) as the rate of individuals transitioning are both younger than they used to be as well as considerably more numerous.
The hormones will absolutely have a huge effect, and may cause you to lose any feelings of desire altogether, not to mention impotentence that may not reverse even when you desist. On top of losing that intimacy, you'll have mood swings. If you have any kind of mental instability, hormones will make it worse. So much worse.
The breasts you will grow will probably not be anything like you imagine them to be. I can't even begin to tell you how many MtFtM I have seen on this sub who were extremely disappointed with their breasts...
You do not need to be on hormones to be gender fluid.
You do not need to be on hormones to wear long hair, makeup, dresses, paint your nails, or carry hand bags.
A lot of women do those things for fun, but I've gotten to the age where most women feel like it's just a costume and/or a chore, and these are FABs. If you think wearing a bra is fun just know that most women can't wait to take them off the second they get home, or how ungodly painful women shoes are.
I've seen MtFtM's on the sub who feel this way in as little as 2 years, sometimes less. Women do not need to wear long hair, makeup, dresses, paint their nails, carry handbags etc etc to feel like their authentic selves.
Chances are you are already your authentic self, but you've had some fantasies, and now you think you might want to take it a step further. Especially if It's something you've already had a little bit of ahem 'fun' with. Will it make your life more fun? Probably not. Will it suck all the fun out the fun you once had? It's a great metaphorical application of Midas's touch.
True transitioning is not about change. It's about affirming who you are. If affirming who you are requires change from who you've always been, then you, like so many others here, will probably find the changes made in your life to be less authentic over time.
Is your wife bothered by it? It's not like she really has a choice, do she? It's your decision. A lot of women live with silent discomfort regarding things like this for as long as they can the person they love. Same with the kids. A lot of kids are fine with people transitioning until it becomes one of their own parents. Then they see what it does to their parent, their parent's marriage and other relationships, their financial and social stability, and then get to live with the trauma and regret of the decisions they absolutely had no control over.