Personally, as someone who was affected by “social contagion” of gender identity culture, it wasn’t that I wanted to be trans, it was everyone who Thought About or questioned their gender was trans. And at the time there was the wave of “true scum” “you need dysphoria to be trans” content. So if you “questioned” your gender identity you Were trans, and being nonbinary wasn’t real, there was also the brain sex thing, so, as a GNC person you were pushed into “well I don’t like my body and I don’t fit gender roles so this must mean my very brain is the opposite gender”.

And the popular trans you tubers were Blaire White, Kelvin Garrah, etc, who created communities around bashing anyone who wasn’t homosexual transsexual. They (those you tubers and communities) created a view that said “you Have to hate yourself to be trans, all trans people hate themselves and hate being trans”

yeah i know and understand completely that my experience isn’t universal but i feel resentment that none of my friends reach out to me to talk about it even if they Know i went through similar things.

and also with people being slightly “gnc” by using they/them as a female i feel like i could somewhat relate to their experience as someone who’s comfortable with any pronoun and still presents androgynous/masc somewhat often. but a lot of people now are just using “not identifying as a cis feminine girl” to externalized their internalized misogyny.

I would not consider myself a psychopath, admittedly I indulged in narcissistic tendencies for a short period and was generally hated by my close friends even if I was “people pleasing”. But I have realized that empathy isn’t agreeing and affirming everything others say.

I think I developed “psychopathic” traits from exposure to the internet, and online acquaintances fed my delusions. I was sexually groomed into BDSM After I became comfortable as a girl.
TW if you don’t want to hear about pedophilia People who I thought were friends wanted me to be something like a “femdom” and be cruel and soulless, a literal child who they wanted to abuse them. Which Really fucked up the development of my personality.

also regarding my childhood i was raised in a neighborhood where I would fall asleep to gunshots and wake up to a guy pissing on the side of our house. I moved to a wealthy and majority white area when I was 10 and befriended the types of boys who would set stuff on fire and shoot you in the eye with a nerf gun, when before I was friends with other tomboys who just wanted to play soccer and mario.

throughout my childhood being sent to a psychologist was a threat from my mother, and she would call me the r slur very often.

bonus

1. I acted out during middle school/puberty years and used petty crime as a way for affirming my masculinity lol

I pulled a fire alarm and when they came to talk to me the principal said “That’s a surprise, it’s usually boys who do stuff like this” and I was so fucking proud of that. I would also trash bathrooms (girls And boys, I was quite androgynous) Steal alcohol and smokes, which seemed like a “masculine” thing to me because my father was/is a heavy drinker/smoker.

2. I was a member of true crime and political extremist fandom

I saw people who were infamous for their horrible and grand crimes against humanity and all I saw was just how much power they had and that that was what I wanted. All these people were men of course, and I thought that of course a gay girl couldn’t want to be Napoleon or start a revolution.

3. During the second year after I stopped thinking of myself as male, I had an interest/comphet crush in a guy who was probably gay and in the schools GSA with me. We discussed militant politics and revolution vs reform, etc. The year after I stopped talking to him and being interested in him, he attempted a school shooting at my school, and allegedly had a list of names.

I was raised Catholic and was physically dragged to the car to go to church. I was the only older girl in the Sunday school group so I ended up having to help teach it while the older boys could just goof off, so I guess this probably effected me becoming misogynistic and subsequently hating myself for being female.

In regards to being disliked for being emotionally unstable and self centered that was all in real life and I had exited all the toxic communities I was in online by then.

The people who wanted me to abuse them were online, and I had in real life friends who were also involved in inappropriate behavior online.

It needs to be acknowledged how both right and left wing “politigram”/reddit/image boards take advantage of teens questioning their identity. And that both “sides” are currently patriarchal (which is very clear).

Not sure what to call it, but in radicalization or indoctrination I guess, there are many groups of bigots will accept someone if they say they’re a trans guy or trans woman instead of gay or lesbian.

Do you think it’s possible that some former ftm people had aspects of male socialization, by choosing to surround themselves with only males?

Internalized misogyny is a major issue but so is externalized misogyny, and people can use transitioning as a way to externalize their internalized misogyny/misandry and homophobia.

cough cough kalvin garrah.

Quarantine really helped me better understand myself and realize that self love didn’t have to be narcissism and trying to better than everyone else. I used to have depressive episodes every two ish months, but since I have left irl school I have not had any major emotional issues.