This story is from the comments by /u/Plutonicuss that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, emotionally complex, and internally consistent over a multi-year period. They describe a deeply personal journey with specific, nuanced experiences of taking testosterone, detransitioning, social challenges as a butch lesbian, and the physical and psychological effects of their choices. The language is natural, with self-reflection, contradiction, and evolution of thought that is difficult to fabricate consistently. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the genuine trauma and frustration many detransitioners and desisters report.
About me
I'm a lesbian who started identifying as trans to escape the male gaze and the pressure to be a certain kind of woman. I took testosterone for two years and enjoyed passing as male, but I found it incredibly lonely and disconnected from everyone. I stopped after realizing I was trying to fix my trauma and internalized homophobia, not my body. I regret my hysterectomy and some permanent changes, but I don't regret the perspective it gave me. Now I'm learning to accept myself as a gender-nonconforming woman.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was really young, but it got intense around puberty. I was a tomboy and always felt different from other girls. I hated the attention I got from men and boys—it felt like they only saw me as a potential girlfriend or something sexual, not as a person. I'm a lesbian, and that made it even harder because men didn't respect that. I felt like I couldn't be friends with guys without them eventually hitting on me or dropping me when I said no.
I started identifying as non-binary first, but then I thought I was a trans man. A lot of this was influenced by spending time online, especially in male-dominated spaces where I felt like I finally belonged and wasn't judged for my looks. I was also dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia and misogyny—I thought butch lesbians were seen as gross or failures, and I wanted to escape that. I had some trauma from past relationships and sexual harassment, which made me want to be invisible and safe. I thought transitioning would solve all that.
I started testosterone when I was around 19. At first, it felt great. My anger and self-harm urges went away, and I liked the physical changes—my voice dropped, I built muscle, and I felt stronger. I passed as a male and enjoyed being taken seriously, not being harassed, and just blending in. But after a while, I realized that living as a man was lonely. Men didn't want to be friends with me because I wasn't one of them, and women were wary of me because they saw me as a guy. I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere.
I also started experiencing some health issues on T, like joint pain and vaginal atrophy. I hated the idea of going bald or having more permanent changes. Around the same time, I had a psychedelic experience that made me realize that gender isn't real—we're all just people in different bodies. That was a turning point for me. I stopped T after about two years.
After stopping, some changes reversed—my voice got a bit higher, I lost muscle, and my body fat redistributed. But my voice is still deeper than before, and I often get misgendered or seen as non-binary or trans feminine, which is frustrating. I had a hysterectomy (kept my ovaries) while I was still identifying as trans, and I regret it because it changed my orgasms and wasn't necessary. I wish I had explored other options.
Now, I see myself as a woman, but a gender-nonconforming one. I don't regret transitioning entirely because it helped my dysphoria at the time and taught me a lot about how gendered our society is. But I do regret some of the permanent changes, and I wish I had worked through my issues with therapy and self-acceptance instead of medicalizing them. I still have dysphoria sometimes, especially around my voice and genitals, but it's manageable. I'm trying to focus on living my life without caring too much about how others perceive me.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's mostly a social construct. People treat you differently based on whether they see you as male or female, and that's the root of a lot of dysphoria. If we could just treat everyone as people, a lot of this wouldn't be necessary. I don't think male and female brains are inherently different; it's all socialization.
Here's a timeline of my transition and detransition events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14-15 | Started having trans thoughts, influenced by online spaces and trauma |
| 19 | Started testosterone |
| 21 | Stopped testosterone |
| 21 | Had hysterectomy (kept ovaries) |
| 22 | Detransitioned socially, started living as a woman again |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Plutonicuss:
Well you can’t expect her to treat you differently if she doesn’t know how you want to be treated… you should be honest with her and tell you what things bother you. I’m sure if she cares about you she’ll be open to treating you however makes you comfortable.
God I feel like this and anyone who has any places online please lmk too! OP I can invite you to a couple private detrans Facebook groups I’m a part of.
To your last question, I also felt like isolation played a big role in me transitioning. I only had straight women to talk to who didn’t experience any gender dysphoria. I also didn’t want to be a target of violence or sexual harassment, since women especially gender non conforming ones can receive a lot of negative attention.
Totally agree minus the part about linking people here. The more people that know transition isn’t the answer 100% of the time, the better. I’m aware though that most trans people reading will simply discard it as “this will never happen to me. I’m sure about my identity” but... this sub actually helped me not only realize I needed to detransition, but feel slightly more confident in it. I thought I was alone in the struggles I had as a questioning trans/detrans person, and seeing so many stories that matched mine spot-on really did it for me.
I dealt with this too, my previous therapist thought that because I took many steps to be FTM that means now I couldn’t possibly be just female now, that I had to be nonbinary.
I have since found a therapist who’s more neutral and doesn’t try to “label” me one way or another. I don’t think she understands though still. It’s hard to, when the mainstream narrative now is “if you ever question your birth sex you must be a different gender/nonbinary”.
When in reality it’s perfectly normal to not like being seen/treated as your birth sex, or not mentally “feel like a woman” (wtf does that truly even mean?) and still be a woman. I think ultimately your therapist was just trying to suggest something she thought might be helpful but I get how frustrating it is when all you want is to stop being labeled.
Completely get this. I think this was the main reason I wanted to transition so badly, though at the time I wanted a male body too (now I could take it or leave it..)
It’s the worst because most of the sexualization and harassment I experienced was from a really young age. Even before I knew what was going on but knew it felt wrong and it made me not want to be seen by anybody whatsoever if that was all people thought of me.
Now I’m 21 living as a female again and don’t receive any of that attention. I’m so done with it that maybe men can just sense that they should leave me the fuck alone? idk.
I just wish someone was there for me (and you and every other little girl out there) that told me it’s not okay for men to sexualize us, that it doesn’t say anything about us/our worth as human beings and that we deserve Respect. I wish my parents or someone taught me to stand up for myself and not take that shit, I was constantly told “that’s just what men do lol” and taught basically to just smile and be polite to people harassing me.
God this world sucks so much and I’m sorry we have to live in it. Sorry this is so rambly.. I can’t give you much advice but to sincerely stop giving a shit about people like that has helped me a lot.
I was taken seriously, my opinions were respected. As a woman they were almost always ignored, I’d be given blank stares and some guy would speak over me saying the same thing. I was more “invisible” which I loved. No sexual harassment or fetishism that I previously got as a lesbian.
Women treated me colder (but understandable given I looked like a guy) and men treated me more kindly/comradely almost. Men treated me “nicely” before but it was more of a nice guy act of trying to hit on me or seeing me as some delicate fragile thing, as a guy they just saw me as a human which felt so much different.
How different it was made me realize that our minds don’t have gender. People saw me as “male” or “female” before they saw me as just a fellow person. I was the same exact person but treated so differently and when you think about it, everyone else would realize this + probably treat each other more fairly if they were seen as the other sex for some amount of time too.
I feel like females are more visible while males are more invisible. There’s ups and downs to both, obviously women experience far more sexualization, misogyny, and public attention (which many may not want). All I wanted as a teen was to have guy friends but I couldn’t because they saw me as a sex object before they saw me as a person.
As a guy I had almost the opposite problem, I got no attention from anyone. Had to initiate anything. And I liked it because I’m a lesbian and never wanted attention from guys, since it’s always sexual for them.
Overall I think it’s what you prioritize/care about in life. Being a woman will give you more attention but it’s not always positive. Being a man will give you freedom from that attention and ability to blend in and not be bothered.
Sorry I don’t really have advice but god I feel that.
Even now that I pass as a woman again 100%, I still feel super uncomfortable wearing dresses or makeup because it feels like I “shouldn’t be allowed to”. Both just in my mind and because I too spent so long trying to convince everyone I was a man.
Just remember gender roles are completely arbitrary! It’s ok to not feel like you fit in with the majority of women, there are plenty of us out there who feel the same but still are women!
I can relate to this a lot! Tbh I didn’t really tell most people I’m “detransitioning”, but it was pretty obvious by a certain point after I stopped t and asked to be called a different name. So maybe you can just ask to be called another name (either ur birth name or whatever you’re comfortable with) and that’ll kinda be a hint?
It definitely feels weird. My parents were also unsupportive and never accepted me as trans, so I was worried I “proved them right”... but, I ultimately stopped giving a shit! It’s my journey and I’m doing what’s right for me. Idc if that corresponds to whoever else’s opinions. Fuck them, who cares if they are technically “right” or not...
The whole point in detransitioning for me was to stop caring and trying to prove myself for others. I don’t think I would’ve kept transitioning for so long if it weren’t trying to prove I was “actually a man and not just some silly trender”...
Uhh who said most people on here are cis? I think that’s way too simplified way of looking at it, as is the “binary” of cis vs trans. I think the descriptor of “having gender dysphoria or not” is much better.
I still have most symptoms of gender dysphoria but I do not see myself as cis or trans. I’m not perfectly comfortable being seen as a woman and can’t relate to 99% of them, but it doesn’t make me trans. I went on hormones for a while and enjoyed some of the changes I got, but I’m still not trans.
When I was in a lot of trans groups, they all had this idea of “male brains” and “female brains” and the idea of “ feeling like a man/woman”. Now I kinda realize it’s bs.
Most “cis” people don’t feel like their birth sex, they simply navigate the world according to society’s definition of their sex. Some do enjoy it, but plenty GNC people don’t follow gender stereotypes and that doesn’t “make” them trans.
Don’t think about it in terms of “if I’m trans and don’t get on hormones I’ll die” or “if I’m cis and DO take hormones I’ll hate my body”. You can be cis and take cross sex hormones, and still be ok with the changes you get. Or you can be trans and not take cross sex hormones and still id as trans.
I think you should make a list of what exactly you want to accomplish in your transition and the pros and cons of each... for example taking hormones. Don’t forget that it may not even make you cis passing as the opposite sex, and it’s honestly a huge uphill battle to get anyone to see you as the opposite sex. Never mind surgery complications/potentially bad results, social circles you may gain/lose...