This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly specific, internally consistent, and evolves over time, showing genuine personal struggle. They detail a complex relationship with autogynephilia (AGP), experimentation with low-dose HRT, and a shift from considering transition to identifying as a gender-nonconforming male. The advice given to others is nuanced, often recommending therapy and caution, which aligns with a genuine desister perspective. The emotional tone—frustration, confusion, and a search for solutions—is consistent with a real person navigating this difficult issue.
About me
I started wanting to be a girl when I was very young, and those feelings came back intensely in my twenties, leading me to try hormones. I realized my desire wasn't about being a woman but was tied to a sexual attraction to the idea of myself as female, which online communities mislabeled as a reason to transition. Taking hormones gave me social anxiety as my body began to change, and I panicked. I stopped and now live happily as a feminine man, integrating that side of me without rejecting my body. Through therapy and fitness, I've learned to manage my dysphoria and accept that I was never truly a woman.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was very young, around 4 or 5 years old. I had this feeling that I wanted to be a girl, but I didn't understand it. As I got older, I learned to repress it because I felt a lot of pressure to fit in and be a normal boy. This repression, along with some other issues, really messed with my head and led to a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem.
In my early twenties, these feelings came roaring back, stronger than ever. I started reading a lot online, mostly on trans subreddits, and everyone there told me that what I was feeling meant I was a trans woman and that I should transition. I was influenced a lot by what I read online. I also realized that a lot of my feelings were tied to something called autogynephilia (AGP). It’s a sexual thing where a man is turned on by the idea of himself as a woman. Reading about it was a real lightbulb moment for me because it described my experience perfectly. At first, I was hoping it meant there was a ‘cure’ for these feelings so I wouldn’t have to transition, but the books said that even people with AGP could still transition if it helped their dysphoria. That was really confusing and frustrating.
I decided to try a low dose of hormones on my own, DIY, because I was desperate to feel better. I was on them for about four months. The hormones did make me feel better emotionally; I felt more connected to my feelings and to my family. But my body started to change. My nipples grew and became noticeable through my shirts, which gave me really bad social anxiety. I started to panic about people noticing and about the reality of having breasts while still living as a man.
During this time, I was also struggling with a porn problem. I realized that my high sex drive was fueling these AGP fantasies and making the desire to transition feel more urgent. I decided to cut out porn completely, which helped a bit. I also started to understand that a lot of my desire to transition was wrapped up in other issues. I had internalized homophobia because I’m actually bisexual, and I had repressed that for a long time. I also had poor social skills and couldn't get a girlfriend, which made the fantasy of being a woman even more appealing as a form of escapism.
After a lot of thinking and reading, I came to a huge realization: I never actually felt like a woman. I just wanted to be one, or more accurately, I wanted to possess female beauty. I wanted to look a certain way, but I knew deep down I was still a man. I realized that my perfectionism would have made transitioning a nightmare because I would never be happy with how I looked, and that could have driven me to a very dark place.
I decided to stop the hormones. I started to focus on accepting myself as a gender-nonconforming man. I allowed myself to be feminine—I crossdress, I get manicures, I take care of my skin, and I’ve gotten rid of my body hair. I’m just a guy who doesn’t care about gender stereotypes. I’ve even found a way to see my AGP as an asset; it helps me understand and communicate with women better.
I saw a therapist, but not a "gender-affirming" one. I sought out a more conservative, "gatekeeping" therapist who was willing to look for other underlying issues instead of just immediately pushing me toward transition. This was incredibly helpful. I also started working out, lifting heavy weights, and taking natural supplements to raise my testosterone, which made me feel more comfortable and strong in my male body.
I don’t regret exploring my feelings, but I am so glad I did not fully transition. Getting surgery or continuing hormones would have been a huge mistake for me. My dysphoria is still there sometimes, but it’s much more manageable now. I’ve learned to integrate my feminine side without rejecting my male body. My only real regret is that I didn't figure this out sooner and that I was so influenced by online spaces that only offered one solution.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 4-5 | First remember wanting to be a girl. |
| Early 20s | Intense gender dysphoria returns. Heavily influenced by online trans communities. |
| 25 | Started identifying as a trans woman. Began DIY low-dose hormone therapy. |
| 25 | After 4 months on hormones, stopped. Realized I was autogynephilic and not truly trans. |
| 25 | Began living as a gender-nonconforming male, accepting my feminine side. Started therapy and weightlifting. |
Top Comments by /u/PossiblyFluid:
Try non-trans clinic with some more 'conservative' and 'gatekeeping' therapist who can look for any other mental hardships that your kid may be going through.
"Gender dysphoria" and their wish to transition might simply be a mask for some other issues, and with internet anyone who simply jokes about changing his gender is nowadays considered trans...
From my personal experience (I'm 25) - I have been suffering from gender dysphoria for years (since I was 4-5). I started identifying as a transwoman in winter, started DIY hormones, took them for 4 months, got AA cup... and came to a conclusion that "full transition" is not for me.
My wish to transition was caused mostly by:
- repressed feminity (caused by the need to 'fit in' to boy role)
- repressed bisexuality (caused by internalized homophobia)
- porn
- not high social skills (could not get a girlfriend etc)
Now I'm a bisexual gender-non-conforming male, who acts and behaves femininly and cosmetically feminizes himself (depilation etc). I do still have gender dysphoria, but it is not as acute.
Had I gone through full HRT, Orchiectomy or SRS my life would have been ruined... cuz I'm still a guy.
So please, for the sake of your sons/daughters, get them proper mental issues help (not from trans-friendly-leftist-therapists who push political agenda). There are transwomen who transition, blend in and live a happy life. There are transwomen who transition and get a much tougher life than pre transition... which leads to suicide/detransitioning etc.
I think your duty as a parent is to make sure that if your kids do transition (and get surgeries) that they will get a much happier life (and not the other way round). And for that sake - they need a good mental health check and fix first. Transition should be seen as a 'last resort'.
I tried talking to my therapist, but after the third push towards denial on her part and going into talking about crystal and vibrations and a bunch of other New Age stuff (No offense, I just don't buy into it, decided I didn't want to continue the only therapist I'd built a relationship with.
Try to visit some 'conservative', 'gatekeeper' therapist. They can give a 'different' look and if you any other psychological problems (anxiety, depression) they may help you out without the 'you must transition' shit that "gender therapists" give due to "political correctness".
And there are good men in this world, so don't be afraid of becoming male again - what person you become is up to you.
A large part of my discomfort of being a man is due to a lot of trauma I've experienced in the past. I grew up a neglected and bullied child. I was emotionally starved and taught to shut everything off in regards to my feelings. In the sports world I grew up in, I was constantly told to "be a man" and berated for doing things that looked even slightly like something a man "ought not do". I was called a woman when I showed weakness. I was harassed by my teammates for being shy around girls. I was even sexually harassed in the locker room a few times. It started to feel like nothing I do could ever prove to other people that I am a man. It got me to start feeling like, maybe I'm not a man after all.
I don't think you're trans and your dysphoria does seem to stem from all the trauma and 'hate for men' that you have.
You should definetely work throught all this 'trauma and hate' with your therapist.
And don't listen to people on trans-subreddits, cuz they'll simply tell you "you are trans, buy hormones, get GRS".
Get help from a "gatekeeper therapist" (these are therapist that are hated by trans people for "not prescribing hormones on the first visit").
By the way - it's totally okay for a male to be sensitive, kind, to cry etc.
Don't transition (at least yet). Get help from a therapist for your traumatic experiences.
In the past there were plenty of cases when homosexual men were forced to take estrogen and feminize... it usually led to them killing themselves.
There was also a case when a male baby was born, but his genitals were badly injured at birth. So parents and doctors decided to remove them and raise the child as a girl.
Well that poor BOY was full of estrogens, was socialized as a girl, but wanted to be a man and behaved like one. He eventually killed himself.
From my personal experience (I am male) - for years my testosterone was in ideal range for males, yet I had 'trans thoughts' and now I take estrogens and my testosterone is very low and I still have 'trans thoughts'.
So no - simple hormonal imbalances can't cause 'trans thoughts', cause they'd wane after levels are fixed. Had that been a case, there would be no transsexuals at all: 'trans thoughts' -> fix hormone levels -> 'trans thoughts' dissapear -> patient lives with gender assigned at birth.
I wasn't very feminine to be begin with. It then kind of hit me that I never ACTUALLY felt like a woman. I just wanted to feel like I was and thus I tried doing that by putting synthetic hormones into my body. I started feeling dysphoric looking at myself in the mirror after like 2 years.
Thanks for sharing. Good food for thought. Yeah, gonna see a therapist and try to 'integrate' autogynephilia without transitioning.
Whew -- on trans-subs I only was encouraged to transition... so yeah, thanks again :)
Your method seems fine to me, I am even deciding on doing something similar to you.
I'm only 3 months on low-dose HRT, but now think of just getting 'trap aesthetic' mostly by getting rid of body hair, doing skin care, manicure, pedicure etc. Maybe some slight FFS in the Future. And working out to have butt and flat belly. No HRT.
And just allowing myself to be feminine, to crossdress, hell even calling myself "she" among close friends... but remaining male, that does not give a f*ck about gender stereotypes.
Just being a "good old transvestite".
But still, I realize no amount of medical intervention or makeup can erase every male behavior I learned nor my male biology.
Bingo. I'm the same. I'm just a dude and not a woman. Personally I feel that I don't want to a woman, I want to possess female beauty - outer and inner.
I am also thinking of turning my AGP into an "asset". It already helps to better communicate with women and better understand them.
P.S. good to know there are people out there who are similar in their 'dysphoria fightning ways'
EDIT: added P.S.
Try Finasteride.
It reduces DHT, the 'ultimate' male hormone. It will slow your Alopecia and might help with relieving dysphoria.
Also let yourself be feminine: don't repress yourself if you do. Crossdressing, manicure, pedicure, feminine haircut, etc... Try to create some kind of 'feminine fashion style', by wearing female clothing in a way that looks good on you, fashionably.
The Man Who Would Be Queen: The Science of Gender-Bending and Transsexualism by J. Michael Bailey
Well I do admit that I almost perfectly fit the autogynephiliac description... but even proponents of Autogynephilia still say that "late-onset transexuals are valid and can transition" :(
I hoped there was a 'cure' in those books, there wasn't :(
Over the next several weeks, I slowly felt like I had a new lease on life. Emotions were more accessible, I felt closer to my partner, and I felt like my connection to the world was strengthened. The breast tenderness was annoying, but exciting in its on way.
I'm on a low-dose for 3.5 months and I also enjoy life much more. Dysphoria is certainly down.
I still pass as male, but it is getting harder to hide my chest, which has caused panic. I am afraid of being out, and have been questioning my decision. I like the physical changes, but the reality of having breasts while closeted has made my social anxiety run wild.
My breasts, well nipples mostly, have grown this months and they can be seen through shirts and T-shirts, which also makes me quite anxious...
My advice:
- For now I plan to deal with any 'questions' and 'weird looks' the following way: "Dunno, I was born this way. And why the hell are you looking at my chest?"
- Also If they grow larger I'm planning of trying a bandeau brallette like this one . Check it out as well!
I am trying to decide if I should continue or stop medicine, or at least maybe take a break.
This is something I think about quite a lot lately. I identify as gender-non-conforming-male, so basically a male who doesn't give a f**k about gender norms etc. Logically I get that it's better for me to stop HRT (especially cause I'm DIYing), but I like the changes and I don't want dysphoria back. Right now I just feel good, I'm productive, I am more connected to my family and myself... and I want to have a female body and pass as a female, but live as male (Transestitic wishes).
I have no advice for you here, I'm describing my situation just to let you know you're not alone with such 'tasks' in life.
Take care!
Go on! Live a great male life! Wish you best of luck :)
I am struggling these days... I'm AGP, I've stopped porn, I have good career, I have a coach and he keeps my mental health stable... but I still want to transition... due to AGP. My "male" part is kind of 'dying' now, "female" part grows stronger. Relieving sexual tension (masturbating) does not help anymore.
So my "male" genuinly wishes you luck. I'm glad you've dealt with dysphoria w/o transitioning. Have a great life as a man!