This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user discusses deeply personal and specific physical and emotional consequences of HRT, dating struggles, and internal conflicts about identity in a nuanced, emotionally charged way that is consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister. There are no red flags suggesting a bot or inauthentic account.
About me
I'm a gay man who started transitioning because I felt invisible and thought becoming a woman would solve my struggles with dating. The hormones permanently changed my body and sexuality in ways I deeply regret, and the attention I got while living as a woman felt hollow and fetishizing. I detransitioned after realizing it was an all-or-nothing trap that wouldn't lead to the happiness I wanted. Now I'm trying to accept myself as a feminine man, but I feel bitter and invisible again. I had to try it to know, but I'm left dealing with the permanent damage.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition is complicated and honestly, a bit of a mess. I started transitioning because I'm a gay man who never felt like I fit in with what a gay man was "supposed" to be. I’m feminine, and it felt like no one in the gay community was interested in that. I saw trans women online getting attention, even if it was fetishizing, and it seemed better than being invisible. I thought maybe that was the answer for me.
I went on hormone therapy a few times. I was told by a doctor and a trans friend that if I stopped, everything would just go back to normal. That wasn't true for me at all. Even after short rounds of HRT, my body was permanently changed. My sexual function is completely different now, and not in a good way. Orgasms aren't as intense or explosive, my libido is just different and weaker, and I can lose an erection almost instantly. It’s like that overpowering, urgent feeling of being horny is just gone. It’s a huge loss that I wasn't prepared for and that I regret deeply.
A big part of my questioning was about dating and relationships. When I was living as a trans woman, I did get more sexual attention, but a lot of it was from chasers, which was a horrible experience. Now that I’ve detransitioned, I’m back to feeling invisible. I present myself in a more masculine way online because I feel like I have to in order to have a chance, but it feels disingenuous. I’m a handsome guy, but I still don’t get matches. It’s made me really bitter. I sometimes think that "staying true to yourself" is bullshit and that you have to compromise to get what you want in a partner.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what "transness" even is. I go back and forth. Part of me wonders if it’s a real thing for some people, a genuine feeling of being the opposite sex. But another part of me sees so many parallels with narcissism—the idea of creating a false self that isn't rooted in reality, the inability to see beyond your own feelings. It’s a concept I’m still trying to figure out.
In the end, I detransitioned because of the permanent physical changes from hormones, the pressure to pass and get surgeries I couldn't afford, and the realization that it might not lead to the happy, fulfilling relationship I wanted. I had a strong feeling that even if I got surgery, it wouldn't make me much happier. The practicalities of life as a trans woman seemed incredibly hard, and I was worried about being on medication forever and ruining my body further. The biggest thing for me was asking what the point was if I wasn't on HRT, since my body would just revert to looking male. It felt like an all-or-nothing trap.
I don't regret exploring transition because I felt I had to try it to know, but I deeply regret the permanent damage the hormones did to my body and my sexuality. I’m trying to learn to be happy with myself as I am, a feminine gay man, even though it feels like an impossible challenge most days.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
Age | Event |
---|---|
Mid-20s | Started questioning my identity as a gay man, felt pressured by dating struggles and invisibility. |
26 | First started hormone therapy (HRT). |
26 | Stopped HRT after a short period, discovered sexual function was permanently altered. |
26-27 | Went on and off hormones multiple times, trying to figure out what I wanted. |
27 | Fully decided to detransition and stop all HRT for good due to health concerns and disillusionment. |
27 (Now) | Living as a detransitioned gay man, navigating dating and dealing with the lasting effects of HRT. |
Top Comments by /u/Powerful_Weight_1603:
I did multiple rounds of hormone therapy.
One thing you should know is that even taking hormones for just one week and stopping can permanently ruin your genital functionality and sexuality as you know it (the overpowering feeling and urge of being horny, libido etc). This was the case with me.
I wonder a lot about it Transgenderism or transitioning is just feeding into a unique kind of narcissistic. There’s so many parallels tbh. Even the way you mentioned “empty vessels”, it sort of reminds me of a pathologically narcissistic person which most people know have like a “dead look” in their eyes or overall appearence. Also the idea of the false self, inability to see beyond ones feelings, idk there’s just soo many parallels.
That is correct. It’s basically not the same as it was before. Orgasms are not as explosive or intense and don’t last as long, getting horny is different and I don’t feel that mouthwatering thirst or heaviness when I am horny anymore, and even when I’m in the middle of jacking off i essentially can go flaccid if I wanted to within a few seconds. So… that’s why I’m saying… if you’re gonna do this… be sure you actually want this.
I was told by a trans friend that “everything goes back to normal” if you stop, even the doctor that prescribed me the hormones told me this but this wasn’t the case for me.
I messaged you.
I know it’s hard. Some days I get really down and hopeless about this stuff too. I think if you only took hormones you’ll be fine, and even if you don’t re-gain complete functionality there’s things you can do to help support it (taking maca root supplements as an example). This shit is so hard to deal with.
Hey, thanks for your post.
So, I actually detransitioned for a multitude of reasons. A lot of it had to do with the way HRT was affecting my sex life, the pressure to pass, performance, money for surgeries (which… I had a strong feeling at that time that even getting surgery could improve my happiness but not by much). For me, there is no point to transition if I’m not on hormones because my body would just revert back to looking male anyways, for me HRT really makes that difference than someone who doesn’t use it. Idk. But also, I’m not sure if I’m okay with ruining my genitals even more than they already are and being on medication for the rest of my life.
Like, I do badly want to use it, but also I’m taking into account things such as never finding a real relationship (and yes it sounds pessimistic but many male HSTS transwomen don’t get married or have long term relationships), trouble navigating through life as it’s hard enough for me already without transition… like all these things. And like, if I’m not on HRT what’s even the point of cross dressing or even trying to look like a woman anyways? Because it would not work. This is such a hard thing for me to navigate. I do agree with the part tho in trying to be happy with myself since I am the one constant thing.
So, I read the article and thought it was interesting. I have thought about many times how transgenderism and narcissism are interestingly similar, but I feel like I need more insight on this. Do you have any additional thoughts?
The idea that one must project this “self” which is not rooted in reality is something both trans and narcissists do… that’s what gets me, among other similarities.
I’m gonna need to re-read this article tho some more.
I feel you 100%. I’m not even overtly feminine online on tinder and stuff, I know I look handsome but yet I still don’t get matches or anyone interested in me. It’s such bullshit. I’m not sure if being a transwoman is better either because it’s essentially the same life as a gay man except you’re feminized , fetishized and get more attention. Sometimes I hate being a fem gay man. And I have an unpopular opinion but… sometimes I do feel like compromises need to be made. You want a gay boyfriend? Butch it up a little. No offense to anyone who thinks this way, but I think the “stay true to yourself” thing is bullshit sometimes. We all make compromises in life and sometimes if we want a particular partner, we have to fulfill the image of what they would want. I’m not saying for you to do that, but it’s a thought I’ve been having. I’m 27 but dating has made me so bitter too in the gay world. Nobody likes feminine gay men and anyone that says it’s not true… sorry but I don’t buy it 100%. I was lucky enough to have sex with some hot bi/straight men when I lived as a transwoman. Now I almost get nothing, even as a masculine presenting gay man.
Oh yeah I definitely get you. It’s also weird because for the most part… I don’t really ever see them being interested in me? Like I know there’s so many gay guys that like fems and I see them as couples online but… where are they? I feel like those men that do like them are so rare. And for me to completely revert to looking a straight cisgender jockey gay just feels kind of disingenuous to myself to be honest. So it’s weird… I’m not sure if another gay man would ever be interested in me, even if I did look masc/cisgender and I told them about my past, that alone would turn me off.
Okay so question, why do you not believe in transness? Like I go back and forth on this a lot. I feel like there are unique group of individuals that do indeed feel like they are the opposite se, or that is their perception of themselves. It doesn’t make it true per se, but don’t you think flat out saying it isn’t real is just being dishonest to a degree?
Yeah I feel you on that. I envy you for having a boyfriend and someone who loves you but also sometimes I’m happy just being by myself. I found myself to really like bisexual men too and their energy. Also, yeah… will never date a t-chaser again. Worst experience ever.