This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user demonstrates deep personal reflection, emotional complexity, and a consistent, nuanced struggle with their own detransition process over time. The language is natural, includes personal anecdotes, and shows a deep understanding of the internal conflict, which is not typical of bot behavior. There are no serious red flags suggesting this is an inauthentic account or a bot.
About me
I started taking testosterone and living as a man three years ago, thinking my anxiety about my female body meant I was trans. I tried to detransition five times, but each attempt felt like I was losing a part of myself and was incredibly painful. I’ve realized my feelings were more about overwhelming anxiety than a true male identity, and I confused the two. Now, I'm learning to separate what I truly want from what I thought I should want by being brutally honest with myself. I'm still in the middle of figuring it all out, unsure of my regrets but committed to understanding myself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I'm still trying to figure a lot of it out. I started transitioning over three years ago, taking hormones and living as a man. But it was never a simple, clear-cut decision for me. I've always been an overthinker; my boss even told me I "overengineer" things. I analyze everything to death, and that definitely applied to my transition.
Looking back, I think a lot of my feelings were tangled up with anxiety rather than true gender dysphoria. I would get these intrusive, anxious thoughts about my body and my identity, and I mistook that anxiety for a sign that I was trans. I’ve come to realize that anxiety about something doesn't always mean that thing is wrong for you. Like, you can be anxious about a new job, but it might turn out to be great. I started to question whether the discomfort I felt with my female body was really about gender, or if it was just a general anxiety that I was attaching to the idea of being trans.
I tried to detransition multiple times—I think about five times in total. Each time was incredibly hard. When I tried to stop taking hormones, even for just ten days, I felt terrible. It wasn't the physical withdrawal, but the mental weight of knowing what I was doing. It felt like I was killing a close person. Changing my name and pronouns back with supportive people felt like a loss, like someone was dying. I would force myself to try and "like" being female again, but it just made me shut down emotionally. I’d dissociate and then later, when I finally felt something again, I would just cry.
A big part of my struggle was separating what I truly wanted from what I thought I should want. I made lists, writing down how I felt about having certain traits, like breasts or a beard, and also about random things, like going on vacation. I did this to see if I could pinpoint a real feeling. I noticed that when my emotions became too overwhelming, I would shut down completely, and then even destructive thoughts would seem appealing. But that’s not a real feeling to trust. I wouldn't trust the feeling that crashing my car is a good idea just because I feel that way in one intense moment, so why trust every intense feeling about my gender?
I also thought a lot about my future. I realized I want to have children and what I consider a "normal" life. I couldn't picture that life as a trans person. I was stuck in this uncomfortable middle ground, unsure if I was unhappy with the changes from testosterone or unhappy with the lack of changes. I think what I truly wanted was for my life to change in a bigger, more meaningful way, and I had latched onto transition as the solution.
I’ve benefited from being brutally honest with the people in my life and with myself through journaling. I’ve learned that communicating my needs, even when it feels guilty or scary, is better than hiding. I’m not sure if I regret transitioning yet. For me, it’s not so much about regretting what I’ve done to my body, but more about what I will lose if I stop, and what I will get in return. It’s a process, and I’m still in the middle of it.
Here is a timeline of the major events I can remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 21 | Started taking testosterone and began social transition. |
| 24 (for about 10 days) | First attempt to stop HRT. Felt terrible mentally. |
| 24-25 | Made approximately five separate attempts to detransition over this period. |
| 25 | Had been on HRT for over 3 years. Attempted small detransition steps like changing name/pronouns back, which felt like a loss. |
Top Comments by /u/Practical_Call:
No one can tell you what to do. If you go on a trans sub people will probably tell you to give it a try, here people will tell you to not do it. Talk to a therapist about this stuff, they also won’t tell you what to fo (I hope) but they can at least guide you towards a decision.
How did you manage to start detransition? For a little mir context: I can relate a lot to what you said. I also wish to have children and basically a normal life. I can’t imagine a normal life as a trans person. I don’t know if I feel so uncomfortable with my body because of the changes or because of the lack of changes. Like I am in that middle thing. Yet I can’t manage to actually go on with detransition. I stopped hrt intentionally for 10 days and I felt like utter shit. Not because of the lack of hrt but because I knew what I was doing, I knew my destination if I continued. I tried detransition like 5 times or so now and I kept forcing myself to „like“ it, even though I actually cut myself off of my feels, dissociated and cried a lot when I had a sense of emotion again. I don’t know, maybe I am doing it wrong?
You will live with „yourself“ for the rest of your life and your partner may leave for whatever other reason, or she will stay until the very end. What I mean with this: be honest to her, not communicating your needs won’t help you or her and maybe she will be able to help you with your consideration.
I agree with rest, move away or stop talking to them. Honestly, before you ghost them I‘d try to be honest with them. I learned that being honest can at first feel bad, like I felt guilty for telling others what they did wrong, but after that I felt much much better because I didn’t have to hide my feelings and let them go on with treating me badly. It’s just an idea of course, just think about it and trust yourself, you will make the best decision you can regarding your trans „friends“. On a side Note, if you think about detransition, how do you feel about being the boyfriend, son, maybe brother etc compared to being girlfriend, daughter etc.? I think experimenting is equally good for people questioning transition and detransition.
I think it’ll be helpful if you try to don’t get into answering the question wether or not you are trans. Whatever you are, you will find it out in the right time. When you wake up and notice the question comes up, try to tell yourself „hello question, I have stuff to do, so can we please think about you later? Thanks“ Or something like this. Don’t be angry at it, just keep yourself busy with other stuff so you’ll lose it out if your mind. I know it sounds weird but it works.
It makes sense that people cry about the things they have done to their bodies. But for me it’s not about what I have done to my body, more like what I will lose and what I’ll get in turn for it. I have been trying to be as honest as possible to everyone I talk to about my transition and detransition. I have put so much mental energy into thinking everything through, some even said I am over reflective, which is also partly contributed by my personality type. I tend to over analyze and overthink a lot. Or as my boss would say, „you are overengineering“
I actually already do this. I write journals every day. When I have thoughts about wanting (not wishing) male traits, it’s mostly anxiety that comes with it. I even have a list of things to which I ask myself how I feel about them if I have them or if I don’t have them. That includes stuff like breasts or beard, but also random things like going for vacation to see if I actually feel something in that moment. When my emotions get too much to handle, I tend to completely shut of my emotions and suddenly the most cruel things I can imagine seem to make me „happy“. People say I should trust my feelings and take every feeling I have seriously. Sometimes I feel like it’s a good idea to crash my car into the next tree (just an example), but on 90% of other occasions I feel like it’s a horrible idea, because you know, it actually is a horrible idea.
So the thing that I truly want is my life to change? I think it’s a good idea to write down why I want things and why I think I would benefit from them. Thanks
Good idea. Suddenly having intrusive thoughts (if I read correctly what you wrote) ring bells for me in regards to ocd. You can also check out r/transOCD if you’d like to. There are some people with cis ocd too (ocd about being cis after all). But take everything I wrote with a grain of salt, I am not a Professional.
Whenever I am trying to detransition, even if only small steps like changing name/pronouns with close people that will support me no matter what, it feels like a close person is dying. (I have been on hrt for over 3 years with several attempts in stopping it altogether)
I personally wouldn’t consider anxiety as dysphoria. After all we humans tend to have anxiety about thing which then turn out to be nice. For example being anxious about a new job. Yeah of course it can feel bad, but it also can feel good. Or meeting new people. I’d consider examining where this anxiety comes from. Also from an outside perspective, it seems like you are worried Instead of being sure it’s wrong? Also as others stated you don’t have to take estrogen. If something doesn’t make you comfortable you can try to give it more time to see how it develops or you stay away from it now and maybe try again later (or don’t try again later).