This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments display:
- Complex, nuanced, and contradictory personal reflection that is difficult to automate.
- Internal consistency in their specific history (e.g., timeline of taking T, reasons for stopping).
- Emotional depth and vulnerability regarding trauma, abuse, and difficult mental health struggles.
- Engagement in good faith with others, offering personal experience as advice without a rigid, repetitive agenda.
The user's perspective is complex—they do not regret transitioning but are exploring detransition due to trauma from transphobic abuse. This nuanced position is consistent with the experiences of some desisters.
About me
I was born female and transitioned as a teenager because of a deep, lifelong discomfort with my body. I took testosterone for a year and don't regret it, as it felt right for me at the time. After I stopped, I was targeted for horrific abuse specifically because I was a trans man. Now, my desire to detransition feels confusing because I'm terrified it's just a trauma response to escape that violence. I'm trying to figure out who I truly am beneath all this pain and fear.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated, and I’m still figuring it out. I was born female and from a very young age, I experienced what I can only describe as extreme dysphoria. It was a deep discomfort with my body that was there my entire childhood. I never felt my initial decision to transition was because of trauma or because I wanted to escape being a woman. For me, it was about that deep-seated discomfort.
I came out as transgender around the age of 12. I did a lot of research for months, maybe even longer, trying to understand why I felt so dysphoric and what my options were. It wasn't about not fitting stereotypes, like being a girl who was aggressive or didn't like pink. It was something much more fundamental about my body and how I felt inside it.
I started taking testosterone when I was 17. I was on it for about a year, until I was 18. I was aware of all the potential risks and side effects, but for me, at that time, the benefits felt like they outweighed any risk. I don’t regret making that choice; it felt like the right decision for me then. I’m an adult and I believe in bodily autonomy.
The effects of testosterone were mixed at first. Right after starting, my existing anxiety and depression got worse for a couple of months and I was quick to anger. But after that initial period, my mental health improved a lot. My emotions also weren't so tied to my menstrual cycle anymore, even before it stopped completely. The biggest change was that I found it almost impossible to cry, whereas before T, I used to cry daily.
Life circumstances made it impossible for me to continue testosterone after I turned 18, so I stopped. Once I was off it, some of the changes reversed. My breasts, which are quite large, became fuller again after I gained some weight, though they sag a bit. The clitoral growth I experienced completely shrank back to its pre-T size. Emotionally, it became easier to cry again, but my anxiety and depression worsened, though that was probably due to other things happening in my life.
A huge part of my story is the trauma I experienced after I transitioned. I faced a significant amount of abuse and sexual violence specifically because I was a trans man. I was targeted by fetishists. My transness and sexuality were used to victimize me; people shared images of me online with titles that highlighted I was trans, using degrading terms. I think I became hypersexual for a while as a coping mechanism, a way to try and feel some control over a situation where I had none.
This abuse is what makes everything so confusing for me now. I am considering detransitioning, but I am deeply worried that this desire isn't coming from a place of authenticity. I'm afraid it's trauma-based—a desperate attempt to escape the violence I faced by no longer being identifiable as trans. I’m scared that if I detransition, my abusers might lose interest, and that’s the wrong reason to make such a big decision. I’m worried I’ve somehow fetishized the idea of detransitioning as an escape route. I never transitioned to escape sex-based violence; in fact, I experienced far more of it after I transitioned. And I know that detransitioning won't magically make me safe.
I don’t regret transitioning. I do regret the abuse I suffered. My fear is that by detransitioning, I’ll be making a choice based on fear and pain rather than on who I truly am. I’m trying to untangle all of this. I want to live authentically and happily, but right now, it’s a really confusing and upsetting process to even think about.
Age | Event |
---|---|
12 | Came out as transgender after extensive personal research into dysphoria. |
17 | Started testosterone therapy. |
18 | Stopped testosterone therapy due to life circumstances. |
21 | (Present) Reflecting on my journey and exploring the trauma-based reasons behind my desire to detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/Probably-an-artist:
It’s not worth transitioning for social reasons, you may regret it. Sexualisation also doesn’t go away when living as a trans man, I noticed it increased after coming out. I understand what it’s like to be fetishised and feel a desperate need to escape it but transitioning is not the answer.
Thanks for the advice. I think I’d have transitioned regardless of societal perception but I think you’re right. I don’t think I’d want to detransition if I hadn’t had such a negative experience with being trans. I think it’s possibly the result of abuse. I’m probably going to take time to explore this further. I hope things are going better for you, wish you the best.
I was on T for about a year when I was 17-18. I’ve been off it for about 3 years now. My boobs sag a bit (mostly because of their size) but they eventually became fuller the longer I was off T and the more weight I gained after. My clitoris has also completely shrunk to its pre-T size.
I obviously don’t know what dosage you were on or how much growth you had but I thought I should allow you the chance to hope these things will change. But living with these changes is also the best thing you could probably do. Allow yourself the opportunity to see how beautiful your body really is, even after T.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I relate quite a bit. Assault and abuse caused me to want to detransition since most of the abuse I faced was by fetishists or because I was trans. I understand what it’s like to feel vulnerable after, feeling like they can see something in you that’s immutable. It’s hard to escape and takes time to recover. I would offer advice but I haven’t figured things out for myself yet. I hope things get easier for you.
I don’t think all trans women’s sexuality should be reduced to the belief that they’re attracted to their transness. Whilst, I’m sure that there are trans men and women that do fetishise their trans identities, it’s not fair to the trans experience to assume that it’s both primarily conducted by trans woman and that trans women expressing sexuality should automatically be suspicious.
When I was out as a trans man, I was hypersexual for a period of time because my sexuality and my transness was used to victimise me. That included sharing images and videos online with titles that made it clear that I was trans or even using phrases like “boy pussy”. It was less about my own sexual desires and more about accommodating the types of people who hurt me and feeling as if I had autonomy over it. It was a coping mechanism. Many people sexualise things that have directly victimised them in the past, think CNC. Sometimes it can be cathartic to. It makes sense that many trans people would include the trans experience in this.
I don’t feel that my initial transition was fuelled by trauma, I experienced extreme dysphoria my entire childhood. I feel that my desire to detransition is potentially trauma-based. I’ve experienced a lot of trauma as a result of being transgender and I’m worried that I’ve convinced myself detransitioning is an escape. Part of me is concerned that I have fetishised detransitioning as a result of abuse and I have subconsciously glorified it.
I have never felt that transitioning was an escape for sex-based violence or abuse. In fact, I have experienced significantly more after transitioning. I’m aware that detransitioning would also not eradicate it. I have, somewhat, come to terms with that but I fear I would have the wrong expectations of detransitioning and ultimately regret it.
I don’t really understand why people on this group are so quick to blame “gender ideology” or trans people for their own errors.
Never have I seen a trans person encourage transitioning just because you don’t fit societal constructs of gender. If I did, I wouldn’t blindly agree, I’d be expecting a detrans video within the next year or so. Of course you’re unlikely to fit every stereotype or restraint forced upon your sex because they’re often unfounded. There’s no biological reason girls should like pink or paint their nails, for example.
I don’t really understand how you came to the conclusion of “transitioning because I want to know what it’s like to be a boy (or because I’m slightly aggressive) sounds like a great idea”. I came out around 12 after months (possibly longer) of research on why I was dysphoric and what I could do to fix it. Liking Hello Kitty and being timid never crossed my mind as reasons to - or not to - transition.
I understand wanting to find something or someone else to blame but often, it’s just ourselves and that’s fine. You just have to learn to live with that.
Firstly, as mentioned in my post, I’m no longer on T. I stopped as life issues made continuing Impossible.
I am, again, also aware of many of the potential issues that arise from taking testosterone. For me, the benefits outweighed any risk and I don’t regret my decision.
I’m also an adult, capable of bodily autonomy. For example, if I find my uterus negligible, that’s not your problem.
You also don’t know the current condition of my body. I have urinary incontinence after continuous abuse. Your advice would not save me.
I don’t really understand why people might assume detrans people are grifters but engaging in political discourse online often, you’re gonna have your points shut down occasionally. With something this subjective and personal for so many people you’re likely to experience it more frequently too.
My experience was quite different. I have constantly challenged my decision to transition since discovering I’m trans and I continue to do so. I am open minded to what may affect my experiences with gender and have challenged my beliefs consistently. After starting T, for example, I felt I no longer needed surgical intervention which I was once adamant would aid me.
I understand the difficulties that may arise from detransitioning and the effect this may have on my mentality, relationships, etc. but I also see specific abusers losing interest, a greater ability to explore gender expression, and a life free from the specific abuse I have experienced as a result of being trans.
If I experienced dysphoria being perceived as male or if I regretted a medical decision, I, of course, would have less qualms about detransition. I want to live authentically and happily. But that’s not the case. It’s a really confusing and upsetting experience to explore detransition so far.