This story is from the comments by /u/Proper_Imagination that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "Proper_Imagination" appears to be authentic and shows no serious red flags of being a bot or a fake detransitioner/desister.
The comments are highly detailed, emotionally nuanced, and consistently reflect the perspective of a concerned parent of a gender-questioning child. The user's narrative is complex and evolves over time, showing genuine internal conflict, research, and engagement with both supportive and critical viewpoints. The language is natural, varied, and contextually appropriate, with no repetitive, scripted, or formulaic patterns that would suggest automation. The user's passion and occasional frustration align with the expected emotions of someone navigating this difficult topic.
About me
I am a mother navigating my child's social transition after he identified as transgender at age eleven. My gut tells me his distress is rooted in the intense pressures of female adolescence and a fear of not being "pretty enough," not an innate male identity. I support his social transition to keep our connection, but I absolutely refuse to consent to any medical interventions like puberty blockers due to the permanent risks. I am terrified by the social influences and the pressure to medically transition, and I worry his supportive friends don't truly see him as a boy. My hope is that with love and therapy for his anxiety, he will eventually find peace with his female body.
My detransition story
My journey with my child's gender has been one of the most confusing and heart-wrenching experiences of my life. My child, who I raised as my daughter for eleven years, came out as transgender a little over a year ago, at age eleven. He is now twelve. My gut feeling has always been that his trans identity is tied to a deep-seated discomfort with the pressures of female adolescence. I noticed that around fourth grade, he became very interested in makeup and YouTube beauty tutorials, and I suspect he felt that no matter what he did, he could never be "attractive enough" as a girl. Socially transitioning hasn't really helped him feel better about his looks.
He has always preferred female friends and, when younger, was even shy around men. He has two older cis brothers but doesn't feel a strong connection to them; he doesn't share their interests in movies, games, or roughhousing. There was a school camp coming up, and when I asked if he wanted to bunk with the boys, he was ambivalent and ended up choosing to stay with the girls he's always hung out with. I sometimes wonder if his female friends, while supportive, don't truly see him as a boy.
I respect his preferred name and pronouns because not doing so causes him pain and disconnection. It's incredibly hard for me to call him my son; it feels unnatural. I usually say "my child" or "my kid." I see him first and foremost as my child, a person I love unconditionally, beyond labels like son or daughter.
I am deeply concerned about the influence of online communities and social trends. He has a friend who identified as non-binary in sixth grade, then as a trans boy, but had detransitioned by eighth grade, thankfully only having used a binder. The gender therapist they shared even told me, probably breaking confidentiality, that she could "tell" that girl was going to detransition because she was so "over the top" trans activist. It makes me worry about a social contagion element, similar to past trends like anorexia.
I believe that for some people, transition is the right path, but for others, it's not. Both realities should be valid. We desperately need better research to understand the recent surge in teens, especially girls, identifying as trans and to develop non-medical ways to address gender dysphoria. The current environment treats any therapy that isn't immediately affirmative as "conversion therapy," which shuts down all exploration. My child’s current therapist is genderqueer but is thankfully not pushing medical transition. She uses CBT to address his depression and social anxiety and has expressed concerns about side effects like osteoporosis from blockers.
My biggest fear is the medical path. My child believes catastrophe will strike if he doesn't get puberty blockers before his first period. I will not consent to blockers or cross-sex hormones before he is eighteen. The idea that a child can make such permanent decisions about fertility, sexual function, and long-term health is terrifying to me. I’ve learned that in some places, kids as young as thirteen can be considered emancipated for gender care, meaning they could potentially access hormones without my knowledge, which is a horrifying thought. I always believed in a minor's right to confidential birth control, but this feels entirely different.
I am trying to stay connected, to listen without an agenda, and to provide a foundation of love. My hope is that he will find his way, and my deepest wish is that he will eventually re-identify with his female body. Recently, he put his hair in a ponytail and made dangly earrings, and it gave me a tiny sliver of hope. This is a difficult journey for both of us, and I am just trying to navigate it with as much grace and love as I can.
Timeline of Events
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11 years old | Child came out as transgender. |
| 12 years old | Socially transitioned; uses he/him pronouns and a new name. Attends school camp and chooses to bunk with female friends. Explores interests but struggles to connect with male peers. Expresses urgent desire for puberty blockers. |
| 12 years old | I continue to refuse consent for medical intervention (puberty blockers/hormones) while supporting social transition. Child's therapist focuses on underlying anxiety and depression, not medical transition. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Proper_Imagination:
I am so sorry. I have not experienced what you're going through with your body, but I have experienced the loneliness of going through something very difficult and feeling there was no one to really understand or talk to, and not knowing if I can trust my "gut" and being very ambivalent about the paths laid before me.
Seek out people IRL who can just listen and care. Even if they don't know what you've gone through, your being able to tell them, and them being able to hear it, will help you.
Social media is horrible for that kind of deep relational work.
Is there someone in your real life you can talk to, even if they haven't had SRS?
You've every right to want to have functioning sex organs and satisfying and pleasurable sex life. Toxic masculinity is entirely a separate issue, it's about how you treat other people. Get medical help for the ED before you come to any conclusions. Have you tried going off porn?
So glad it's working out for you. Thanks for sharing. Would you be willing to say something about the underlying issues and how you came to understand how they were connected to your gender identity? At what age did you start feeling gender dysphoria? If you'd rather not share, totally fine, of course.
Consult a gynecologist who specializes in sexual function, Or a sex therapist. Or both. If you've had any kind of sexual trauma that may factor in as well.
Do you think porn has given you a distorted view of how female genitals are supposed to look and how penises are just the best thing since ever?
I am so sorry for the horrific abuse you experienced from the people whose job it was to nurture and protect you.
You're panicked to be perceived as a woman in public, but feel safe to be female/woman alone and in social media where your body is not vulnerable. Seems like it could be that your trauma is impacting your gender identity, but not your sexual preference. Trauma doesn't necessarily turn straight women lesbian!
Explore with a therapist if you're really dysphoric or using maleness to protect your body.
Carey Callahan's article for the Economist gets into this (see post in this subreddit). It has to do with how gatekeeping was being abused to keep trans people from ever getting transition or delay it unreasonably. The example was given of someone who was denied transition because they were not going to be attractive enough as a trans woman. That is a really bad reason. So the removal of gatekeeping was in part a reaction to that kind of abuse. It is seen as giving dignity and autonomy to trans people.
OP didn't say the bill makes detrans a crime. Said it criminalizes any therapy that is not affirmative, which will result in more people transitioning who will decide later to detrans.
Suggests that the bill prevents therapists from addressing non-trans psych issues in trans people for fear of being labelled as "conversion".
Link them to detrans YouTubers. Real people, real voices, faces and their "lived experiences". Ask them "would love to know your thoughts after seeing a few of these".
Keep asking them questions when they say something you think isn't cool. Get them to think about why they think they know something.
If you approach her you can simply say "If you ever want to talk, I'm here. I felt really alone when I detransitioned, and I really needed somebody who could relate. " That is not bugging her, and she may not be as confident as she appears. I'm sure that she would appreciate you reaching out to her, even if she doesn't feel a need to connect. If she doesn't you don't have to take it personally either.
I hope it's ok I share from the parent perspective. My kid initially said "I'm not a girl". Not "I'm a boy". Before she was trans identified she kinda thought boys were immature and gross. I think many trans boys/men are more trying to escape the problems of femaleness than truly feel themselves to be male or desirous to be the quintessential stereotypical dude.