Yeah it sucks to finally feel comfortable being a woman, only to have all of society doubt that I'm woman/to not even look like a real one anymore. I wish I had advice. I'm 3 years off T, nothing is really changing anymore. All I do is try to ignore that I'm like this, since I'm just stuck like this now. I'm enjoying the quarantine while it lasts, where I can exist without being constantly judged by the public (currently not working). Dreading applying and working a job this summer, since I know I'm a big ol freak of nature to others now, but I'm just gonna have to grit my teeth and do my best, when the time comes. Try to focus more on what I bring to the table rather than how others perceive me. I hope that people end up proving my pessimism false, but based on how I've been treated after detransitioning, I also try to brace myself for the uncomfortable situations to come.

Yes, it was easier to continue life as a guy for about a year after stopping hormones. Once the balance began to tip I just let myself be female again while taking some steps to make myself look more feminine and less trans, because that ended up being easier. It’s simpler to live in my natural body and as my natural gender than to continue testosterone injections. In the beginning though, it would have been too much for me to fight against years of T effects. So I did detransition but socially, not right away.

Ah man. My PCP wouldn't start me on hormones and didn't think I was trans. Unfortunately, I moved provinces and was able to find a doctor to write a prescription for me with no prior counselling or checks of any kind. This was back when it was harder to get on hormones, his clinic felt they were helping trans people get around the overly-gate kept system. Wonder how many of his other patients ended up like me.

Your PCP was right to ask you questions. Mine didn't really probe, per se, just was skeptical. Maybe if she had asked me questions or countered me a bit with some logic, I would have though deeper about things.

Overall when I was starting out as trans, I had plenty of upset from my family and peers, especially my mother. But it was only expressed as panic, crying, anger and shutting down. I saw such blind rejection as transphobia - I wish these people had tried to talk to me, help me, instead of ostracizing me. However, did they even have coherent answers themselves? In 2013, trans was just becoming mainstream, so likely not.

I was highly academic as a young person and most of my self worth came from my smarts. I find it so ironic now, that I thought I was so intelligent but still made one of the most epic mistakes of all time. Looking back, idk how I was so un-critical of it all, especially since the women in my family are outdoorsy, practical, and relatively masculine, and I was never pressured from within my family or friends to be more feminine.

Crazy how deeply ingrained cultural misogyny can be.

I felt the same sense of isolation, loneliness and abnormality after “completing” transition by my metrics. I couldn’t truly connect to either men or women, and I also felt different from other trans people, for by that point I was already mentally moving past my trans identity. My trans status felt like a wall between me and everyone else, like I was always somehow separate from the majority of people, cis people. They wouldn’t relate to me, they’ll think I’m a freak if they know- those are the thoughts I had. I think the despair and emotional stress from this was partially behind my detransition. Since transitioning felt pretty pointless like you say, I decided why even bother with it anymore. I can only speak for myself when I say that after detransitioning, I feel like I’m treated as more “in the fold” by family and friends of my sex and it feels more aligned, and more right to not be fighting against the current of my biology but floating with it as it goes. I’ve found a level of contentment in this area, despite still feeling like I appear unconventional for my gender.

As it is now the past is the past and we have to focus on how to make our current and future moments into the best lives for ourselves we can.

All the best on your journey going forward

What messes with me is how in pretty much all media, breasts are constantly fixated on and talked about as the paragon of sexuality and attractiveness for women. I guess all those other things are attractive too. But after hearing the millionth quip about how amazing boobs are, I just feel so defeated knowing I'm missing the one thing the media touts as a woman's best feature. Even though it's obviously untrue and sounds ridiculous when I've typed it out, it's hard to not let that get to you.

Yeah, I feel exactly the same. I thought I'd get better over time. It's been years and I still feel awful and like I can never be enough of a woman for him or any other guy for that matter.

As hard as it is to believe people when they say good things, we have to just try to accept they aren't lying. Rejecting their support and needing constant validation can drive people away - it's something I actively try to reign in for myself.

Part of what's helped me the most is just accepting how I feel about my appearance and accepting how I look now. Accepting the hard reality. Although it does still bring me to tears on really bad days, there's still nothing we can do to change certain things. We just have to live the rest of our lives in these bodies, so we might as well make the most of it.

Moreover, despite being pretty stuck in hating how I am now because of transition, a part of me still knows I'm judging myself more harshly than I deserve, and might not actually look as hideous as how I feel. I suspect there's body dysmorphia at play in my own case.

I became pregnant accidentally a year after stopping T and everything was healthy until I terminated the pregnancy. Just my anecdote. (Edit: I was on t for 4 years). I’ve read of cases online where T is stopped to have kids and all goes well, I think one just needs a good doctor to monitor closely and perhaps a physical exam before trying to conceive in case any issues could be noticed beforehand. Being off for a while to allow hormones to stabilize might be a good idea too.

It might be awkward, but maybe an opportunity will come up in your class to mention briefly what your situation is. I relate to how important it is for people to know what your story really is, rather than have them assume you’re something you’re not.

If you’re between years 1 and 2 off of T then time on e is still working on your body. The other day I took a selfie and realized I had the same outfit and position as a pic from last year. So I went and compared them and was actually shocked at how much has changed. I would have posted it since there are threads on here from people without hope, but don’t want my face on here. Of course everyone’s body is different, but I think it’s similar to what I heard when I was transitioning: that the fine-tuning, “best” changes happen in year 3. Stick it out, and be as healthy as you can be because that will make anyone look good.

Still I’m somewhat androgynous (in my self perception anyhow) at 2.5 years after T. I just have to let go of attachment to being some perfectly beautiful women and realize that there are things I cannot change anymore, and to accept that. It can be hard but, there is so much more to life than our looks.

Granted it is stressful to stand out, so I do try in some areas to appear more female and it’s working out for me. I have moments when I’m obsessing over what I see as being wrong with my appearance, and get sucked down into those thoughts. I find action is the best way to thwart such anxieties, like jus doing something that takes the focus off my physical form. Time in nature, reading, baking something, whatever you do. Last night I was stargazing and watching the meteor shower. Experiences like that take me out of all the inner squabbling and pressures that exist here on Earth, and remind me that I am as neutral as anything else in the universe, and that everything simply “Is”. Including my body.

I guess with time I’m accepting how I am even if it’s not aligned with what “society” would like to see.

Strike a balance between changing what you can to make yourself more comfortable and connecting with the real inner you that is beautiful by virtue of being a living being.

I think I was similar in that I was actually dysmorphic, but that combined with wanting to escape pressures to be feminine/pretty all the time while being a masculine woman as a teenager (and other factors) lead me to identify with gender dysphoria. I never really figured out it was dysmorphia all along until I'd been detransitioned for a while and still felt dysmorphic.

Well after 2 1/2 years off T my body and face still aren't back to normal either. After this long, and making the efforts I want/like to be read female (which isn't a ton, since I just want to be me now) I don't think much else is going to change. I'm read as male by pretty much everyone new that I meet unfortunately, despite never getting a beard from T and having long hair. All I can think to do is just accept that this is how I look and sound now. I appreciate those who accept me as I am, even though there are many who probably think I'm a freak now. There's nothing else I can try without sacrificing who I am and feeling fake. So I try to focus on my life rather than how I come across, what my words are rather than what they sound like in my voice. It's taken time and some breakdowns over feeling like I've ruined life to get through to a neutral or stoic mindset, and even then, I still have rough days.

So basically I do what makes me feel good and have otherwise given up on fixing myself (which is freeing, in a way, and what I should have done instead of transition in the first place).

Regarding hormone imbalances, getting your levels checked and working with a doctor who might be able to come up with a solution to get them back in check is what I'd recommend.