This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's comments are highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and reflect a complex, personal, and evolving journey with gender dysphoria and detransition. The writing is nuanced, includes specific personal medical steps (like getting tested for PCOS, ketamine therapy), and offers empathetic advice to others, all of which are typical of a genuine detransitioner or desister.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort started as a deep hatred for my body during puberty. I pursued hormones and a male identity, but it only felt like a temporary fix for a much deeper problem. Through therapy and other treatments, I discovered my dysphoria was actually rooted in childhood trauma and a possible hormonal condition. I now see that my distress was a kind of internal trick, not a sign I was in the wrong body. I'm finally getting the right medical help and working to heal from the inside out.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been complicated and painful, and I’m only now starting to understand the roots of it all. I was born female, but from a young age, I felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially when I went through puberty and developed breasts. I hated them. This feeling grew into a conviction that I was actually male. The visual and sensory perceptions were so strong; I was adamant I was in the wrong body, even though a part of me knew I wasn't. It’s a really hard thing to explain—it’s like your own mind is tricking you.
I pursued what’s called “gender-affirming” therapy and hormones. Looking back, I’m disappointed. I feel like this path is highly experimental and was sold to me as a simple fix, like a fast-food solution to a very deep problem. No one ever checked my hormone levels before prescribing me HRT, which I find strange. I’m actually getting tested now for PCOS because there might be a link between that and gender dysphoria.
For me, gender dysphoria turned out to be a moving target. I thought hormones would fix it, then maybe surgery. But the goalposts kept moving. The emptiness and distress were always there underneath. It’s a short-term band-aid, not a real solution. The problem is internal.
I’ve been doing a lot of work lately to understand where these feelings came from. I took a medical leave and started working with a wonderful therapist who doesn’t just affirm my dysphoria, but actually questions it. She helps me explore my visual and sensory perceptions. I’ve also done ketamine therapy, which was a big breakthrough. It helped me uncover that a lot of my gender dysphoria was tied to sexual abuse I experienced as a young child. That was a huge piece of the puzzle for me.
I see gender dysphoria as a genuine disability. In my experience, it fits the definition of a kind of hallucination or delusion, where you see body parts that aren’t really there. It causes so much distress. I remember the "spike" in dysphoria people talk about before coming out. It was terrible. I couldn't handle it and would go to outlet stores just to try and distract myself from the feeling. If something is supposed to make you feel good, why does it make you feel so terrible?
I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to where I am now, which is a place of seeking real, underlying causes. But I do regret that I wasn't offered other kinds of help first. I was a young person following what adults with degrees were telling me to do. Now, I’m focusing on treatments that alleviate the dysphoria from the inside. I’m working with an endocrinologist to understand my body’s actual physiology. That feels like the missing piece.
My thoughts on gender now are that it’s not a simple thing. For me, it was tangled up with trauma, my body’s own chemistry, and a desperate need to escape from myself. I’m learning to separate all those things.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | Started feeling intense discomfort with my body during puberty, especially hated developing breasts. |
| 18 | The feelings intensified ("the spike"); was convinced I was male and began socially identifying as such. |
| Late Teens / Early 20s | Started hormone therapy (HRT). No prior hormone level checks were done. |
| Mid-20s | Realized gender dysphoria was a "moving target" and the affirming approach wasn't working. Felt empty. |
| 26 | Began questioning the transition process. Started working with a new therapist who explores the roots of my dysphoria. |
| 27 (Present) | Took medical leave. Underwent ketamine therapy, which uncovered a link to childhood sexual trauma. Currently being tested for PCOS and seeing an endocrinologist to check my hormone levels and overall physiology. |
Top Comments by /u/Quiet-Willingness-22:
I’m disappointed as well. “Gender-affirming” therapy is highly experimental with negative long-term health effects and a false expectation that you can become the opposite sex. I feel like gender-affirming therapy is advertised like In & Out Burger.
For me personally, I would love to be offered treatments where a medical professional is questioning me on my visual, tactile, and sensory perceptions of being male. I have a therapist now who is wonderful and is asking all of the right questions.
I would also love to have treatments that alleviate gender dysphoria from the inside. I don’t want to feel this incorrect perception that I’m in the wrong body when I know I’m not. The thing with gender dysphoria (my personal experience) is that the visual perceptions are so strong that your internal sense of self is adamant that you are the opposite sex when you know you’re not. “Gender-affirming” therapy offers a short-term band-aid 🩹. The problem is that gender dysphoria is a “moving target” that will refocus on all the things that aren’t male/female enough. So you convince yourself, you need another surgery, another shot, etc. However, when there aren’t any more surgeries that can be done ✅, the emptiness of gender dysphoria is still there.
I think this sums up where you’re coming from, but let me know if I’m off-base.
I have had similar feelings as well.
It’s so hard having gender dysphoria because it’s hard to identify with something that a) is hard to understand and b) you know is not grounded in reality.
One of the things that has kept me going is finding evidence based research and going on a full-on medical leave. During this time, I have already done ketamine therapy and found that some of my gender dysphoria was tied to sexual abuse as a young child.
I am also going to an endocrinologist to get my hormone levels and physiology checked. I want to understand (to the best of my knowledge) what’s going on on the inside from a person who’s medically trained. I honestly feel like that’s the missing piece for me.
Let me know if I’m making any sense or if my thoughts are helpful:)
No clue.😕 The trans community speaks as though the spike in dysphoria is due to you coming to terms with it and accepting it. In this way, the spike occurs to ready yourself for then social “coming out” phase.
My question is if something is supposed to make you feel good, then why does it make you feel so terrible?
I remember the spike part well. I couldn’t handle the distress and went to an outlet store on New Years to relieve the dysphoria.
Don’t worry about not fitting in. I don’t know how old you are but I’m in my late 20s-the people I wanted to “fit in” with at 18, I no longer care for and I don’t think about. You also start to forget names of people as well.
First off, please take a deep breath and know that you have a lot of love and support from this community.
Secondly, your post above references wanting to die. I have had bouts like this and would recommend in-patient care where you can be seen. I would recommend a place that understands gender identity disorder and allows you to express your thoughts openly about dysphoria. In the US, I have found a loving therapist who understands my viewpoint that GID is a genuine disability and based on my experiences, fits the medical definition of a “hallucination”/“delusion”. This is due to the fact that we see body parts of the opposite sex in our line of vision that are not there in reality, which causes the distress.
I’m assuming that based on your comment at having been treated at Tavistock, you are based in the UK. Do a quick Google search and see what you can find. Here in the US, we have Betterhelp. I would also recommend going to an endocrinologist.
Lastly, please try not to beat yourself up. You were a young person at the time of your transition and you were doing what the older adults with degrees to their name were telling you to do. Choose what’s best for you.
One final note: the Tavistock is currently being sued by 1,000 families in a class-action lawsuit. I’m not going to sway you either way, but it’s helpful info as that’s where you mentioned getting treatment.
Much love and please stay safe❤️
I definitely am and a great question!
I am getting tested for PCOS today (I use Allarahealth) because there is some clinic research that shows that PCOS can be a contributing factor to gender dysphoria.
Also, question for others: does anyone find it strange that no one from the therapist to the endocrinologists, are bothering to check hormone levels before prescribing HRT? Just a thought…