There is meaning in all suffering. The meaning can only be found through living. I know it doesn't seem worth it to stay alive for that, for something like meaning, but nothing is more transformative, there is no greater reason to live, than meaning. I don't know your history. I'm assuming you got sex reassignment surgery and regret it. There are many people in the world who become, for example, disabled in one way or another. They get into a car crash, end up with a traumatic brain injury, and lose their ability to think clearly, regulate their emotions, lose their fine motor skills, etc. There are people who lose limbs, people who have terrible chronic illnesses, etc. All of these people lose not only their bodily integrity, but who they are. Their identity, their place in society. They have to reassemble their self concept from within the context of the circumstances in which they've ended up. No one wants to do that, nothing is more painful, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And yet, that is what so very many people end up having to do. With great strength and effort, you can do it too. It will, in itself, make you so much stronger and make you so much better than you were even before your transition, in the ways that matter most.

I understand. It's the abuse and neglect. I think with that it becomes a matter of living your life despite them, despite what they did to you, despite the fact that they won't recognize or take responsibility for their actions. I don't think killing yourself would make them realize they were wrong, and even if it did, that is basing your actions on them entirely - it's an action taken because of them, so it's not free. It's not autonomous. Suicidality is often a reaction to pain and abuse, not an expression of personal will, and in that way they continue to control you.

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I don't know what it's like to walk in your shoes, but I was assaulted in institutional settings as a kid. I understand how painful and destructive gaslighting is from people who have complete authority over you, people you're supposed to trust to look out for your well being, who then end up blaming you after they hurt you. Their inability to take responsibility is the worst and final blow. Ultimately you have to live for you. You have to want to exist for yourself despite everything because you value yourself, you won't let your will be bent by them, you won't be destroyed by them. Sure, they can hurt you, but no one can keep you down.

Is it possible to separate yourself from your parents and cut contact with them, and not live your life in support of their lifestyle in that way? Sites like transgendertrend.com or even possibly hormonesmatter.com take personal stories. Not to mention, since you seem like a prolific writer based off your suicide note, it may be worthwhile to pour your efforts into writing an expose autobiography and submitting it to some counter-culture publishers, who I think wouldn't hesitate to publish controversial content that is likely to spark much interest, whether positive or negative. Do you have any friends you care about? Is there a detransition support group for your area, and if not, would you be interested in starting one, even just online?

Edit: https://thefederalist.com/ would likely take your story as well, as would madinamerica.com, assuming you were also abused by your psychologist.

You did post here though to interact with people, so I think this does matter to you in one way or another, even just a tiny bit. No one here can take away your pain, though if I could, I would. We can only offer you perspectives, words, empathy, advice, etc. I get the immediacy of just needing the pain to end and ultimately it becomes a matter of bearing it one moment at a time until things change. I hope you do. Is there anything else that could be contributing to your misery? Some medications have suicidality as a side effect, and diet can't be underestimated as a factor either. In any case, I hope that, through great strength of will, you're able to hang in there. Maybe looking for a sympathetic non-abusive therapist would be a good idea too, though I realize those are difficult to come by. Sometimes we don't know what we can handle until we're forced to handle it.

Well, what it comes down to then is finding value in the world, finding something or someone(s) in it who are worth saving, worth loving, worth seeing good in. It's hard to live in a world that you hate, but hating the entire world is ultimately a choice. It's a perspective, and that perspective is changeable.

I hope that you do feel less alone and I hope it's not the end. I don't consider not killing yourself to be a failure or a sign of lack of strength. To me, it's the opposite. The attempt you made already was serious and you're lucky to still be alive. I don't know if you have any sort of belief in fate or coincidence, but surviving that is quite miraculous in itself. Maybe something out there is rooting for you.