This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex personal narrative that evolves over time. The user shares specific, vulnerable details about therapy (ACT), past suicidal ideation, and internal conflicts that are difficult to fabricate convincingly. The tone is passionate and critical, which aligns with the expected demeanor of someone who has experienced harm. The language is natural and varies appropriately with the context of each comment.
About me
I started identifying as a gay man after getting deep into cosplay and anime fandom, which felt like an escape into a more interesting version of myself. I took testosterone for years and was completely convinced it was my true self until I heard from cis gay men who felt uncomfortable and fetishized by people like me. That made me realize my identity was more about a fantasy than something genuine, and I also later understood my ADHD and body issues played a huge role. I stopped testosterone and found real help through a different kind of therapy that taught me to accept my thoughts without letting them control my actions. Now I'm detransitioned and see the whole experience as a difficult lesson influenced by my need to escape from my own low self-esteem.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really into cosplay and online fandom spaces, around 2014. I was part of a big group of people who were all really into anime and creating characters. For me, a huge part of it was this fascination with wanting to be like an anime boy, specifically, and I was really into gay manga. It felt like an escape into a different version of myself, one that was more interesting and accepted in that world.
I started identifying as a gay man and began transitioning socially and then medically. I took testosterone for several years. For a long time, I was completely convinced this was my true self. I remember feeling suicidal if someone misgendered me, and my therapist at the time just validated those feelings, saying how hard it must be to not be affirmed. Looking back, that feels strange.
A major turning point for me was when I started passing as a man in gay communities. I began to see posts and hear from cis gay men who talked about feeling uncomfortable and fetishized by people like me, who were born female but living as gay men. That really hit me hard. I didn't want to be someone who made others feel that way. I tried to talk to my friends in my trans group about it, but they dismissed it, saying we were gay men and that was just us expressing ourselves. But it made me step back and really look at what was going on. A lot of what we were doing felt like it was more about the fantasy—cosplaying anime boys and writing fanfiction—than about a genuine identity.
Over time, a lot of other things started to make sense. I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years into my transition, which explained a lot about my impulsivity and how I latched onto identities. I also had a lot of general self-loathing and body issues. I hated my breasts and had really painful periods, but I’ve come to realize that wasn't necessarily the same as gender dysphoria. It's hard to separate that feeling from just hating my body. I never wanted bottom surgery, and most of the people I knew who were like me didn't either, which was a clue that maybe my discomfort was about something else.
What really helped me in the end was a type of therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which I originally learned for PTSD. I started applying its principles to my feelings about gender and my body, learning to accept my thoughts and feelings without letting them control my actions. It changed my life. It helped me see that I was seeking external validation for an identity, and that was a big part of how I got into this situation.
Now, I’ve detransitioned. I stopped testosterone. I didn't like what it did to my speaking voice, and I'm okay with that change now. It’s weird to think about how much things have changed. Now, I feel deeply uncomfortable in situations where everyone has to share their pronouns; it feels like being put on the spot about something that just doesn't feel important to me in that way anymore.
I don't really have regrets, but I see the whole experience as a long, difficult lesson about myself. I think my transition was heavily influenced by the online spaces I was in and a need to escape from my own issues like low self-esteem and depression. I benefited massively from therapy that wasn't just about affirming my gender, but about helping me understand my own mind. My thoughts on gender now are that it's incredibly complex and often tangled up with other psychological stuff. For me, it wasn't the solution I thought it was.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| Around 19-20 | 2014 | Started identifying as a gay man, influenced by cosplay/fandom friends and an interest in gay manga. Began social transition. |
| Early 20s | Around 2015 | Started taking testosterone. |
| Mid 20s | Around 2017 | Diagnosed with ADHD. |
| Mid-Late 20s | 2018-2020 | Heard cis gay men express discomfort, which began my questioning. Friends in my trans group dismissed my concerns. |
| Late 20s | Around 2020 | Began detransitioning, stopped testosterone. Started applying ACT therapy principles to my gender feelings. |
Top Comments by /u/Quirky_Chapter8116:
I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this, but seeking external validation for a label/identity is kinda what got a lot of us into this whole mess. It doesn't matter what we think, really. If the detrans experience resonates with you, you are welcome here.
I think you're being down voted to oblivion because you are vastly minimizing the emotional impact of a regretted, or unwanted sterilization. I know it's popular on Reddit to be kinda antinatalist and promote adoption and minimize one's desire for biological children, but most people in the real world have those desires, despite what you think about it.
You are also comparing that pain, which you clearly haven't experienced, to the pain of having gender dysphoria not treated with medical transition. This is a very flawed, subjective view to have, and I encourage you to question why you think that way. Ask yourself, why do I think not being able to transition is worse? How do I know this for a fact? What am I missing here? Am I truly being empathetic, or biased?
Girllll omg this was my entire trans group back from like 2014-2020. I used to be really into cosplay, fandom type stuff, and was around a lot of people exactly like that. Myself included. I'm unable to explain the exact allure of wanting to be specifically an anime version of a guy, and being so interested in gay manga.
But when I started passing as a man in the gay community, I heard many cis gays express discomfort with feeling fetishized by fujoshi/yaoi AFABs. That snapped me out of it real quick. I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. My friends did not follow me though. I would show them a post by a cis gay guy tweeting about it or whatever and they'd scoff, saying something along the lines of "It's just our inner gay men expressing what we truly are, we aren't women fetishizing gay men. We ARE gay men" although half the time they just,,, cosplayed anime boys and wrote shitty inaccurate gay fanfic to flick their beans to.
I promise it's not the only solution. I promise. I don't deal with AGP as a woman, but I do think I dealt at some point with some kind of inverse autoandrophilia, and am too ashamed to discuss it anywhere- not on Reddit except this very comment, not to friends, not to my therapist or psychiatrist.
But. I will tell you this. Acceptance and Commitment therapy, or ACT, is an amazing therapy. It was taught to me for PTSD treatment, and I applied the principles myself towards other psychological issues I was facing, which was not difficult.
I recommend giving that a try. Truly changed my whole life.
Yes
Kinda. Didn't miss my singing voice because I can't sing, period, but I did not like how T made my speaking voice sound.
Yes, got diagnosed with ADHD 3 years after I started transition.
No. Although I see a lot of butches transition.
Kinda. I had that, but it was being addressed before, during, and after transitioning.
Yes, 100%. This greatly influenced me.
I did this a couple times before accepting detransitioning. For me it was the same as before I transitioned, dressing like a man in the mirror felt like man drag pre-T.
I don't know, for me. Can't tell if it was dysphoria, or regular self loathing. I had a less than ideal... Configuration, down there. And painful, debilitating menstruation that I hated. But I guess I'd measure this one based on one's desire for bottom surgery- most AFABs I know have 0 desire for it, either because "it doesn't bother me that much," or "the science isn't where I'd like it to be yet."
I used to be legitimately suicidal when someone misgendered me. Looking back, I can't believe it. My therapist at the time was SYMPATHETIC. "It must be so difficult to not be affirmed."
Now I am somehow at a point where I am deeply uncomfortable when I'm in a group of some sorts and they make us go around and share our pronouns. Still trying to sort out how this change happened tbh. It took almost a decade.