This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal internal conflict over several years. The user's introspection, evolving perspective, and specific details about their dysphoria (e.g., it being primarily genital-focused) align with the complex and varied experiences of real desisters. The passion and frustration expressed are consistent with someone genuinely grappling with these issues.
About me
I'm a man in my forties, and my confusion started as a teenager looking at pornography, making me intensely curious about experiencing sex as a female. For over twenty years, I've been plagued by a very specific genital dysphoria, wanting a vagina while being completely comfortable living socially as a man. I came to believe my desire to transition was less about being a woman and more about escaping my depression and finding a new identity. I never pursued any medical procedures, and I am actively choosing to live as a desister. Now, I'm focused on finding peace with the body I have and letting go of the anger and confusion that consumed me for so long.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been a long and confusing one, and I’m still figuring it out. For over twenty years, I’ve had thoughts about wanting to be a woman. It started when I was a young teenager, around the time I was looking at pornographic magazines. I remember I really wanted to know what sex was like from a woman's point of view, to feel what an orgasm was like for them. I also experimented with tucking to see what I’d look like without a bulge, because I hated the look of it.
But looking back, I never had what people call childhood dysphoria. I lived as a man for forty years without it being a major problem. This is what frightens me the most—the fact that these desires came on so strong later and make me wonder if I was just trying to run away from myself or become someone else. I’ve always felt a bit lost, restless, and tired, trying to find meaning in my life. I think a part of me saw transition as a way to explore a new identity and escape from that feeling of being stuck.
My feelings are almost entirely focused on my body, specifically my genitals. I have what I can only describe as genital dysphoria. I hate using my penis; sex has been a deeply disappointing experience for me. It feels like nothing, just mush, and I find masturbation just as boring. I’m not interested in gay sex, either giving or receiving. The core of my desire is to have a vagina and to experience a clitoral orgasm. That’s really it.
Socially, I don’t have any problems. I act like a man, I talk like a man, and I’m comfortable in my role as a man. I don’t feel unhappy being a man. Pronouns and my male name have always felt normal to me. I’ve never felt a need to change them. I tried to imagine myself presenting as a woman, but the clothing feels uncomfortable and awkward on me. I don’t act like a woman, and I know I never could be one. I am a man who, for reasons I can’t fully explain, wants a woman’s body.
I’ve also struggled with the idea of what a woman even is. It’s not defined by clothes, makeup, or jobs—those are just stereotypes. So it must come down to sex, to biology. But since I can’t change my sex in a complete way, I’m left in this confusing middle ground. I probably am non-binary or genderfluid in some way, because I don’t feel fully male or fully female. But my brain deals in absolutes, and I feel like I can only be one or the other, which leaves me feeling excluded from both sides.
I’ve had a lot of depression and anxiety throughout my life, and I’ve often wondered if my transgender thoughts are a result of that depression, rather than the cause of it. The common narrative is that people are depressed because they’re trans and living a lie, but I think it can work the other way too. Maybe I was looking for a solution to my unhappiness, and transitioning seemed like a dramatic way to become a new person.
I never went through with any medical procedures. I am what you’d call a desister. I have gender dysphoria, but I am fighting every day to understand it without transitioning. The biggest thing that holds me back is that my dysphoria is so specific. I can’t correlate my otherwise comfortable identity as a man with this one specific desire, and it plagues me with doubt. I don’t know if medically transitioning would have made me truly happy or if it would have just been a way to escape, like wanting to be a rock star when I’m not a musician.
I don’t have any regrets about transitioning because I never did it. But I do have regrets about the amount of time and mental energy this has consumed. My faith has helped me lately; it’s taught me not to let this eat me up. I’m trying to let it go, move on, and forgive myself and others. I don’t want my actions to be born from anger. I just want to find peace with the body I have and the man that I am.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| ~13 | ~1993 | First transgender thoughts begin, linked to curiosity about female sexuality and discomfort with male bulge. |
| 33 | 2013 | Twenty years of ongoing, fluctuating doubts about gender identity. |
| 40 | 2020 | Actively questioning and discussing my confusion online, identifying a desire to transition but also deep fear and skepticism. |
| 43 | 2023 | Clarify that my dysphoria is solely genital; I am an active desister, choosing not to pursue medical transition. |
| 44 | 2024 | State that I am a man who is happy in his role but has a specific desire for a female body, and continue to live without transitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/RancidWatermelon:
Trans folk will say that you're putting the cart before the horse. Often people are depressed because they are trans, they've been living a lie for so long that they become depressed. In other words, their transgender nature caused the depression. Transition doesn't cure the depression overnight because of lots of obstacles for trans people to sort out.
That makes sense for me.
But I think we also know, that there are people who's depression causes transgender thoughts. I don't know what the incidence rate of those are, but if it's because people are being misdiagnosed as trans without dealing with any underlying issues, then there's a problem that needs to be sorted out.
I've had doubts about my gender for twenty years, I want to present as a woman, to be a woman, to get the surgery. Of course I'm still eager to learn where it comes from, because I don't so much have dysphoria, but I have a desire to transition. And I cannot explain why. It frightens me. It frightens me there was no childhood dysphoria, it frightens me I've been a man for 40 years without a problem. It makes me wonder if Im trying to be someone else, to run away.
So much here I can relate to. Im not bothered about sex or gender.
I would be inclined to say if you want to explore the world, meet new people and try new things, then do it. But I think we both know we need money for that. Money is so very hard to come by. Can barely afford to live anymore, never mind saving to discover yourself.
Can I ask why you want to explore, and try new things?
For myself, it's a case of, things don't make any sense anymore. I feel lost. I don't know what to aim for, what makes me happy, Im, in a cliche way, trying to find meaning. Im restless. Im tired. I want to explore to find me. But I also want to just sit down for a few months and do nothing. Get away from everything and just be me. See what comes out of it.
I've often thought myself how preposterous some of these affirmative trans things are. If I could press a button, I probably would do it. But I don't know if that will make me truly happy or solve anything. Then there's the "if you have trans thoughts, then you probably are". Well, I have thoughts about being a rock star, doesn't mean Im a musician. Im definitely not knocking transgender people, the things they do, I think they're amazing, to find the thing that makes them happy.
But what about us?
What if we could just be us, integrate the masculine and feminine traits, and dress how the heck you like without judgement.
I might say that you're mixing emotion and feeling. We do have empathy towards others to understand how others feel. But I have no idea what an average man thinks or feels. Is he like me? Does he feel pressure to conform yet remain stoic? Does he feel he has to be the provider? All we have are our perspectives, and I don't know whether my experience is like anyone else's. For example... Is my depression just run of the mill, nothing serious, or if someone else was to experience it, would it be debilitating?
I am an active desister - in other words I have gender dysphoria, and I am fighting everyday to understand it. The biggest thing that keeps me desisting is, that, well, I only have genital dysphoria.
Everything else seems totally subjective. No one can explain what being trans actually is, or what the quintessential element of being a woman actually is. It's not clothes, hair, makeup, jobs, hobbies, secondary sexual characteristics or child rearing capabilities.
I act like my gender assigned at birth - I act like a man, I talk like a man, I'm not unhappy being a man, I am, a man. The pronouns and everything else seem totally normal to me. I wish they didn't. But I cannot correlate my cis identity with my gender dysphoria. So I will be forever plagued with this doubt, hoping something will give one way or another.
I can relate to this. I want a woman body, but I'm happy in my role as a man. I could never be a woman if I tried - the clothing feels uncomfortable and awkward, I don't act like a woman, I am a man who wants a woman's body. But at the same time, I don't realate to body dysmorphia. I mean, I'm not unhappy with my body or the male traits as such, I'm sure people like them, for a male, they're fine. I just don't want them.
I'll let other people talk about detransitioning. With my faith and from a psych standpoint, don't let this eat you up and preoccupy you.. You need to let it go, move on and forgive those involved including yourself. You can then look at where this might lead you, like helping others in a similar way. Don't let your actions be born out of anger.
Yes. Grass is greener for me. Probably. I know I had these thoughts for twenty years. Curiosity over vaginas, wanting to experience things from another perspective. Growing up I always had a closer bond to women than men. Whether that's a "mother" connection or camaraderie with other women, I don't know. Never really fit in with other men, only by association.
Yeah. To a point. And it's not just with gender. I want to be a monk and trapped by circumstances. I want to act on stage, but have severe fear. I can imagine myself doing different things and even know I want to do different things. But when the chips are down.... No.
I couldn't identity as non-binary, though I probably am. Gender Fluid, or even Bigender even. I do float around. I just don't know. But my brain deals in absolutes. Im not fully female, and Im not fully male, but I feel that I can only be one or the other and I can't be both. Both my female and my male side has its advantages, but they both exclude me from so much. I don't think like a man. I don't act like a man. But my manliness excludes me from women. I just wish no one cared about gender or sex or any of that other stuff. Why can't I shave my legs and wear a dress with tights if I want to? Why do I have to wear trousers and a shirt at work. Why will people see me as a freak.
The old question. What is a woman. A woman isn't defined by her clothes, her makeup, her social circle, her job, her physicality etc. A woman just is.
So I know there's no such things as stereotypes.
So maybe it does come down to sex.
I've only had one sexual partner - and - quite frankly, it's crap. It's one of the most disappointing experiences of my life. I kind of get bored of it. Imagining myself as a woman, great. And for a long time, looking at porn, I couldn't picture myself in the role of a man. But now that's just disappeared and I'm back to feeling comfortable in my body. But there's still a part of me that thinks I wish I had a female anatomy.