This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user shares detailed, emotionally resonant personal experiences with trauma, BPD, and social pressures that align with known detransitioner/desister narratives. The language is consistent, nuanced, and lacks the repetition or generic phrasing typical of bots. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the harm and stigma this community often faces.
About me
I started rejecting being a woman because I was bullied for being a tomboy and felt I never fit the female stereotype. My confusion was really rooted in trauma and mental health struggles that made me lose my sense of self. I never medically transitioned, but I spent years socially denying I was female to escape how society treated me. Finding a loving partner helped me rediscover that I was always just a woman with masculine interests. I’ve made peace with myself by understanding my discomfort was with expectations and trauma, not my female body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started from a place of deep discomfort, but not necessarily with my body itself. Looking back, I think a lot of it was about not fitting into the stereotypical box of what a girl was supposed to be. I was a tomboy from a young age and just wanted to do "boy stuff." My hobbies were more male-dominated, and I felt more at ease hanging out with guys.
This really became a problem in high school. I was bullied and called names like "d*ke" and "mannish" because of how I looked and what I liked. It made me feel like I wasn't a real woman, or that I was failing at being one. I got so tired of not being taken seriously as a young female that for a while, I started telling everyone, "I'm not a lady. I'm not a woman. I'm not a female." The idea of actually transitioning did cross my mind, but I also knew I still liked looking like a woman, so I never went through with it. I realize now that a huge part of that rejection of being a woman was because I hated being sexualized by men. I just wanted to be one of the guys and be accepted for my interests.
A lot of my struggle was rooted in deeper mental health issues and trauma that I didn't understand at the time. I was diagnosed with BPD, which I believe I developed from early childhood trauma. I experienced sexual abuse, had an absent father, and had a mother who was overworked and seemed to project herself onto me. I was bullied into compliance and submission from a very young age by neighborhood kids. I completely lost my sense of self. I didn't know who I was, so I started acting out and surrounding myself with other broken people who often ended up verbally and emotionally abusing me. I felt my place was lower than dirt, and I became a people-pleaser, desperate for acceptance from anyone who didn't seem "controlling."
I think a lot of my confusion was also biological. I came to believe that my desire for male companionship was just a natural part of me. I really think it's just biology. I wanted to be around men and do male things, and there's nothing wrong with that. I see now that I might have just been a woman who liked men and desired that companionship, but my trauma and low self-esteem twisted that desire into something else.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My transition was entirely social—I just rejected the label of "woman" for a long time. I benefited immensely from finally finding a stable, loving relationship with a partner who accepts me exactly as I am—a woman who is a tomboy. Through that, I've been able to rediscover myself. I found out I'm the same exact person I was when I was six, before everything went horribly wrong. I've had to learn to take care of myself, listen to my gut, and set boundaries, and that has been the most healing thing.
I don't regret not medically transitioning. I regret the years I spent lost and hating myself, feeling like I had to reject being female to be accepted. I see now that my discomfort was more with society's expectations and my own trauma than with my body itself. I believe we have a lot of passed-down and inherited trauma and shame, and for me, my gender confusion was a symptom of that. Once I recognized it for what it was, I could make peace with it.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | - | Felt like my true self, a tomboy, before trauma started. |
| Teen Years | - | Bullied in high school, called "d*ke" and "mannish." Rejected labels of "lady" or "woman." |
| Early 20s | - | Socially rejected being female; the idea of transition crossed my mind but was rejected. |
| Adult | - | Diagnosed with BPD from childhood trauma. Began to process my past. |
| Adult | - | Found a loving partner and rediscovered my true self. Realized I am a woman who is a tomboy. |
Top Comments by /u/RaveParties4Birds:
Yep. Can confirm. I was as "pretty androgynous" as I could be. I struggled with everything. Especially after being called "d*ke" and "mannish" in high school cuz I liked "boy stuff" I never wanted to transition but I got tired of not being taken seriously as a young female either so at one point the idea did cross my mind but I also liked looking like a woman so I didn't. But I would tell everyone "I'm not a lady. I'm not a woman. I'm not a female" but really, I think it was because I didn't want to be sexualized by men. I wanted to hang with them cuz the hobbies I was into were more male dominated.
Loved one, you are not alone. And you have every right to feel every way you do. Society, culture, friends, family, doctors teachers all failed you when you were very young. This isn't your fault. You were just a child. And every last failsafe and stumbling block that should have been there... just wasn't.
And we've seen how detransitioners are treated... as traitors... and yall are just so young. But you are not alone and not forgotten. Do the best you can to take care of yourself and eat well and exercise, grooming, wear what you want to wear... your body has taken damage yes, but it's cosmetic and there's still a soul in there and you are still breathing.
Stay with us, look for the best in every situation, even in the depths of despair (it sounds lame but if you actually take it to heart and start noticing even a pretty cloud or a pretty flower or a cute animal it's very helpful for our mental health and makes it easier to carry on.
No matter the damage and failures you've been put thru, you are still you. And maybe one day, it can be fixed or corrected. Til then, there are shoes here that only you can fill, friend. People that only you can get thru to, or touch in a way that fixes their day.
You're important and valid. I hope for the best for you.
You might just like men and desire male companionship. There's nothing wrong with this. It's your biology.
I did the same thing for a long time. I was a tomboy and wanted to do male stuff. I'm with someone now who deserves someone that does exactly that and loves and cares for him and I now have the privilege of doing just that.
And he does the same for me.
I think men do the same thing with women. If you look at some of the writings of a lonely awkward guy, or even some male writers writing women, they do the exact same thing to women as you are describing.
I really think it's just biology. And that's OK. We are all creatures after all.
A lot of it is encoded in our DNA. Like how birds just know how to build nests or animals just know what to do when the time comes to do it, like moving out of the way for a storm as some do.
We've been socialized otherwise, but we have a lot of passed down and inherited trauma and shame that we can't escape. Only recognize it for what it is, once it's called out, it's easy to make peace with it and continue on while being totally aware we have monkey brains.
BPD is a bitch. I was exactly like you. Didn't have a sense of self or anything. I do now. I met someone almost exactly like me who didn't lose themselves. I found out I'm the same exact person I was when I was 6 before everything went horribly wrong.
I don't know when everything went wrong, but they say BPD is usually acquired thru early childhood trauma. For me it was early on being bullied into compliance and submission thru neighborhood kids, sexual abuse, and then an absent father and an overworked mother who seemed to want to project herself onto me. I wasn't able to further my own identity, so instead, I rebelled and started acting out, and hanging around other broken people who would in turn oftentimes verbally and emotionally abuse me, but that's all I knew, so I learned my place was lower than dirt, and I please everyone i cared about who i didn't see as "controlling" because they were anti authority too and I just wanted so badly to be accepted.
Finding the rare person who you could relate to on just about anything is healing. And you learn stuff you didn't know about yourself.
Keep taking care of yourself. Shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair. Take care of your finances, and keep exploring hobbies. You don't have to commit to any of them. If you don't like a hobby or a thing, don't indulge it just cuz everyone else is. And find your boundaries. Pay attention to your gut and stop ignoring your instincts.
People will push back but fuck em. Let them fall away. You don't need them. More and better will come.
Promise.