This story is from the comments by /u/ReasonableTable401 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, the account "ReasonableTable401" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user consistently identifies as a desister (someone who considered but did not medically transition) and a gender-nonconforming man. Their comments display a coherent, nuanced, and deeply personal perspective developed over many posts. They share specific, relatable details about their life, such as their Catholic faith, struggles with OCD, and experiences with clothing. The tone is passionate and often frustrated, which aligns with the genuine emotional weight of the topic for detransitioners and desisters. The arguments are complex and self-reflective, not simplistic or repetitive like a scripted persona.
About me
I spent most of my life thinking I wanted to be a girl because I liked feminine things and felt uncomfortable with rigid male stereotypes. The pressure that I had to transition or I would be miserable made my self-hatred much worse. My turning point was finding a therapist who helped me tackle my underlying OCD instead of affirming a transgender identity. I learned my problem wasn't my male body, but my inability to accept that a man could be like me. I now live as a gender non-conforming man, and while the world is still difficult, I am finally learning to accept myself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was very young, around 7 or 8 years old. I remember trying on a dress and feeling a mix of fear and excitement, worried my dad would catch me. That feeling of longing and envy, this thought that "this is unfair," was a constant for me. I didn't have the word for it then, but I spent most of my life thinking I "wanted to be a girl." I now see that was a misinterpretation of my discomfort with rigid gender roles and my own interests that didn't fit the male stereotype.
I never medically transitioned. I thought about it a lot, especially when the idea that "if you don't transition, you'll kill yourself" became a common narrative. That messaging made my self-hatred so much worse. For a while, I really believed that changing my body was the only way to fix the awful feeling of dysphoria. My turning point came about a year before COVID. I was trying to figure myself out and intentionally sought a psychologist who specialized in OCD, not gender. I was terrified of being led down the transition path. This was the best decision I ever made.
Working with a therapist who didn't affirm a transgender identity but instead helped me tackle my underlying OCD and low self-esteem changed everything. The dysphoria, that feeling of hating my body and my parts, hasn't really gone away, but my perception of it has. I don't let it have power over my mind anymore. I learned that my problem wasn't my sex; it was my inability to accept that a man could like the things I like and wear the things I want to wear without it meaning anything about his core identity.
A huge part of my struggle was internalised homophobia and society's rigid boxes. I have a lot of hobbies and interests that are considered feminine, and I love wearing skirts and dresses. I used to think this meant I couldn't possibly be a man. I now see that's a toxic and sexist idea. I started just wearing what I wanted in college, developing my own non-conforming style, and it was liberating. It didn't solve all my sadness—I still feel like an outsider in a world that genders everything—but it allowed me to be myself.
I also have OCD, and I'm convinced that for me, and many others, the urge to transition is a manifestation of that, a form of rumination and obsession. I read about "transgender OCD" and it clicked. Getting reassurance or affirmation for these thoughts would have been the worst thing for me; it would have fed the OCD monster. I benefited immensely from non-affirming therapy that treated the root cause, not the symptom.
Looking at online trans communities made me deeply uncomfortable. I saw so much sexualization, the infantilization of women, and a reinforcement of the very stereotypes we should be breaking down. It felt like a cult. The idea that "womanhood" is a costume you put on, a set of stereotypes, makes my stomach hurt. I ache for the people making permanent changes to their bodies based on what I believe is a fraudulent ideology.
I don't regret not transitioning. I regret that I ever thought it was the answer. I regret the years I spent hating myself for not being masculine enough. My only regret is that I didn't learn to accept myself as a gender non-conforming man sooner. My Catholic faith was also a grounding force that helped me stay the course and not make any irreversible decisions.
I am now a man who sometimes wears skirts and has "feminine" hobbies. I'm just me. I don't use special pronouns or identify as non-binary because I believe that just reinforces the idea that men must act one way and women another. My goal is to be seen as a man, no matter what I'm wearing. I believe gender is a social construct built on the biological reality of sex. I was born male, and that's what I am. Everything else is just personality and preference.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 7-8 | First recall of cross-dressing, feeling a sense of longing and envy. |
| 20 | Began wearing skirts in public for the first time, started developing a gender non-conforming style. |
| ~33 | Reached a major turning point; began therapy with an OCD specialist to address root issues, not gender. This helped me reframe my dysphoria. |
| 36 | Present day: Living as a gender non-conforming man, comfortable in my style but still navigating a gendered world. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/ReasonableTable401:
I love how the comic/illustration says "half a decade". Just by the words chosen, you can tell this is trying to influence your thoughts. "Decade" sounds like such a long time... it's difficult to conceptualize it's only 5 years.
Anyone else creeped out by the chosen illustration style, or is it just me? I get anime-Chick tract vibes from it.
NB is so enticing to me, as a gnc person. With it I can explain myself to any woke stranger, "well I'm non-binary" and they nod approvingly (note - I never did nor never will call myself nb).
But it's complicated, right?
First off, I think there is something pathological/cult-like to pronouns, and I just don't want to participate. I'm a he/him, but why do I need to tell you that? Why do I need to make demands? We have first/last names - and what people perceive us as (their interpretation, how they refer to us, re:pronouns). My goal is to be known as a he/him no matter how gnc I am, and if people start misgendering me, then I'm doing something wrong. Unfortunately this plays a little bit into societal expectations... and while I'd like to see gnc individuals more prominent, I realize we live in a society that is structured on procreation, male/female. NB's more often than not include "they" in their pronouns, and that particular pronoun makes little to no sense when you think of specific biological imperatives.
Second, from a biological standpoint there is no third sex. So to me NB is even more ridiculous than transitioning, because all it states is some days I'm a woman / some days I'm a man / or I'm neither - sounds a little >!schizophrenic*!<. It's often coupled with specific presentation quirks (yet people on nb forums constantly say there is no one nb style), and sometimes outright denial of gender.
Finally, I think it is a fad. You've got lots of people who don't fit in with how society says their gender must operate, they don't necessarily want to be trans, yet trans is "cool" right now so being "they" makes them special. It's a way to be transgressive without major harm (unless they microdose HRT, bind, etc...).
Society has failed a lot of us when it lays down strict gender codes, and instead of fighting those codes, nb people are accepting gender roles and saying "in order to transgress these roles, I need to say I'm not a part of either set of roles, therefore reinforcing those roles exist and are set in stone".
*not trying to abuse this word - but it makes people seem like their not right in the head.
I think what you see online is superficial. You don't know the struggles they go through on a daily basis, the long-term health implications of HRT or surgeries they've undergone, the voice training they have to maintain.
By being trans - you would be an outsider to men and women. You could never be one of the women - they might accept you but there would always be a shared experience you can never participate in fully or at all. And men - well, knowing our kind, except for liberal men you would be an outcast.
Even if you passed - you would forever be worried about being clocked, and to me that would leave me looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life - that has to get tiring at some point.
But above all, would you truly be able to believe you were a woman, and not just a man performing "womanness*"? Because there is no way I could convince myself of that. I'd forever feel like a fraud, like I was lying to everyone around me. And there would be so much doubt in my mind that they accepted me as a woman, no matter the reassurances. These were some of the thoughts that kept me from pursuing HRT.
*OK, I made this word up. I didn't want to put "femininity" here because I feel like it's one thing to like things we typically associate with femininity, and another to be a woman. Also, "performing femininity" can have some negative connotations (sexist stereotypes), and might mean different things to different cultures.
I read the summary - is this even a valid study? Did they only concern themselves with adolescents who started blockers? Wouldn't a better study track both adolescents who started and didn't start (but remained trans-identifying) to see both groups outcomes?
One time I was attending a show and tell event at the college I work at (yeah, it's woke). A woman - who most certainly identified as one - asked where the bathrooms were and I point them out. She left, and someone asked where she went. I said, "oh, she had to use the bathroom". A non-binary them/them person (that is how she identifies) said, almost correcting me, "they went to the bathroom". They emphasized "they" so I know I was being "scolded for my insensitivity".
IDK, maybe I'm reading into it too much and am insensitive. I was wearing a cute af outfit that day - got some compliments on my shoes and was even called "cute" by a coworker before she apologized ("Oh, I should call you handsome, I'm not supposed to call guys cute"). So... I'm not the typical cis male neanderthal, at least I don't generally give off those vibes. And yet I actually felt terrible for a few days, and still to this day.
I personally don't believe in any genders anymore aside from biologically male & female.
I just read it somewhere recently that the concept of gender separate from sex was a recent (1960's?) "innovation". Still need to look that up. But at this point I see gender as a description of the age of a particular person. So "woman" is an adult human female. So in that sense it isn't a "thing" beside a classification of age, and is tied at the hip with biological sex.
They sound like they just don't like the gender roles that come with being male. I don't know.
Can you try to find out? There are a lot of terrible gender expectations living as a male, especially being seen as a white male in today's culture (this is obviously dependent on the person and what society they are in). Non-binary can also be a safe escape to do things like paint your nails, color your hair without being seen as weird - or at least - any internal phobia that makes one embarrassed. "Oh well, it would be embarrassing to do __________ feminine thing if I were a man, but thank goodness I'm not a man". That sounds a bit shallow... but there are so many toxic expectations on men that it's almost impossible to see without growing up as one and even simple things like going to the bathroom sitting down can be seen as "gay" (I never heard this growing up, but people on Reddit mention this one all the time). I mean, I cringe a bit when I discuss my hobbies - are people going to think less of me because I knit - and I'm darn proud of that hobby - and yet I sometimes get a pang of embarrassment. It doesn't happen very often, but no matter how much I knit I can't shake that occasional thought popping into my brain.
There's also the fact that non-binary is trendy and can bump one's social status in the right circles, but not really something any of us could determine.
I guess my only "concern" is that, with any mental comorbidity, that the proper treatment is being done/prescribed in the correct order. Specifically, if affirming providers fail to address other issues first (autism, OCD, personality disorders, BDD, etc...) the person will be led - regardless of their issue - down the wrong treatment path and will end up worse when they realize they made the wrong decision.
With how vocal and welcoming* the trans community is, being part of something bigger than yourself is a major plus to becoming one of them, and might feel like an escape from depression for a period of time.
*a one-way street - don't you dare disagree with them...
I''m kinda curious what the event was.
This really bugs me - as a kid I struggled as I deviated from the norm, and if someone had just told me when I was a kid "hey, you are OK - do whatever you want - ignore stereotypes" I seriously would be in a better place today. It would have taken family to be less critical of others too, though.
It so so so frustrates me when a male posts on reddit as nb and is like, "look at me, I'm nb because I wear different clothes" or every single nb female has the identical look, down to the septum piercing. Or the times I've read someone's post, "not sure if I'm trans, I don't think so but I like wearing feminine clothes". They don't really think they are trans - but then someone replies and says, "Oh, you're trans, you just don't know it yet.".
I just want to say, I dislike being female. I feel so weak, so powerless. I wish everyday that God had made me a man, so I can be independent and free.
I wish I (as a man) felt independent and free, and I do not feel powerful (and tbh, I don't want power). Maybe I don't see or appreciate my privilege, but besides a physical advantage in height and my singular muscle in each limb, if they can even be called muscles, I'm trapped in my own unique way, as are others.
I know nothing I can say can bring comfort - my gut feeling is these thoughts aren't logical per-se - they are emotions we all have about our physical self manifest from some inner turmoil.
Even on the ocd sub, when someone describes classic tocd, you have some person telling them they should see a gender specialist. No, they should work through the ocd first, make sure they won’t be feeding their tocd with reassurance they are trans, and then deal with gender issues if they still exist.