I don’t know about discussions; I mean obviously it should be allowed to be discussed. But why stop there?

Why aren’t we allowed to hold meetings about the tribulations of being born in female bodies against our wills in female-only spaces? A lot of trans women want to claim that they have legitimate feminine experiences and it is true they share some things such as being raped etc, but they do not share the experience of being born this way. They never had to think “ok so I was born the weaker sex this *ucking sucks” because no matter how much they pass or how oppressed they are in other ways, they chose to be female and give up their male privileges, which are privileges that they could have retained had they chosen to live with dysphoria. Females with dysphoria don’t have this luxury. They don’t have any choice at all. And they can never beat a male born body at the 50 yard freestyle, no matter how they identify.

Mtfs also have other privileges other than that one. They can transition and compete well in sports, whereas ftms transition and so pathetically badly in professional sports, due to their smaller bodies among other factors. They also have superior surgical outcomes over female born people who have dysphoria (they hate to admit that they are privileged over ftm trans people because then they have to admit they are still benefitting from male privilege no matter how far they transition. it’s so much easier to compare themselves to cis women without dysphoria and act like they have it the worst of all)

And in the end, males have this attitude that they can be or do whatever they want. And when a lesbian tells them “No, you aren’t what I want when I say I’m seeking a lesbian,” they often throw a tantrum and try to attack her, and say things like “that’s only acceptable if you’ve been raped and are traumatized and that is the reason” or something of that nature. For some that’s not even an acceptable “excuse”

Broad shoulders are attractive and help you look more hourglass.

A deep voice can be considered sexy in a woman.

Being pale is neutral in the west and is positive in many many different countries including for example the Philippines and Iraq.

Skinny legs are desirable. Being tall is also desirable but you’re not even tall.

Try shaving down, not up, on your legs. They won’t be as smooth and will stay spikey to the touch but it will eliminate the red bumps.

Try dandruff shampoo for the dandruff but know you are young and this might be a temporary hormonal issue, just like acne.

Your nose is probably fine. Many women have dysmorphia about their noses.

Big breasts are highly desirable and sagging occurs with any breast size eventually. Be thankful you never had them removed! Many many people prefer larger saggier natural ones rather than fake hard ones or tiny ones.

As for your clitoris, many many people like and prefer bigger clits, and they are easier to find too! Not a bad thing.

Your friend destroyed your self esteem. Time to cut her out of her life. She probably did that to make herself feel better about how ugly she feels herself. It has no actual basis in reality.

Your body dysmorphia is most likely still with you, and you cannot see now how attractive you are in actuality.

As for your age, I look way better now at 35 than I did at 20.

I bet if you sent me a picture I’d think you were attractive. Women are so hard on themselves at your age and don’t appreciate how beautiful they are.

…. Also as far as “never worrying about a man looking at another woman” ? You should be ashamed of yourself for not paying any attention to these women you claim to admire so much: the celebrities and beauty queens all get cheated on just as much as regular women. Keeping your man isn’t about being the most attractive woman in the room; it’s about relationship dynamics, about a healthy sex life, and a compassionate caring attitude.

I agree with this, although for a diff reason. I think masculine women and feminine women should be accepted as they are, and not forced into a binary because we already get so much of that from straight people already. Because at that age(I’m 35) it wasn’t popular at all to be trans and I still at that age wanted to be the other gender very badly, yet transitioning would have been presented as my only sane option today. So I might have made serious changes as a preteen that couldn’t have been undone.

We come from very different places, but I felt the same way you did in middle school about my gender. My parents were very accepting of my male interests, my male dress, and when I finally came out for a while as first bi and then lesbian (I’m much older now and bisexual) they were accepting of that too. But I always wanted the freedom that would have come with being a real male. And I did always feel that I was in the wrong body.

Unfortunately transitioning to male would not have brought me that power and freedom, because that only comes with being a heterosexual cis male. You have to be born with that sort of privilege to be so careless and so oblivious and also so ignorant. All you can hope to be is an image that mirrors that; you can take hormones to put a beard on a feminine face, or look down the barrel at a 70 percent complication rate for the whole shebang. But I wasn’t interested in being a short guy with erectile dysfunction or a micro penis and scars (best case); I wanted to be a regular guy who can attempt to date any girl I see, get girls pregnant, etc. Since that is not at all possible and never will be, I decided there wasn’t anything wrong with accepting myself the way I was. Being genderqueer never really helped with that; it made me feel like more of an outsider and in the end it was just a word that confused my cis friends and made me feel like I was bowing to the pressure that all females must be super feminine.

Being a masculine woman, on the other hand, has made me feel 100 percent myself. Am I still dysphoric at times that I am not male? Yes. But I’d never even consider medically or even socially transitioning, and I’m an atheist. My family wasn’t religious either.

I’d rather be a strange intriguingly manly woman than an almost-man.

I also had my tubes removed in my thirties like many cis women who don’t plan to reproduce.

I have found it incredibly easy to date a huge chunk of the gay and straight/bi population as a masculine woman. The men don’t really mind so long as I shave my armpits (I also make sure my eyebrows look nice. Those are important whether you are male or female. Fill with powder or pluck depending on your issue but look up a guide! Online! Don’t just get your tweezers out; they won’t grow back after a while!!) but some don’t even care about that. I know trans people struggle to find partners, especially mtf, at the lesbian events I attend in Ca. So for me it has been about my happiness and being able to be happy both with myself and with my partners. The opinions of acquaintances are worth nothing, generally speaking, and if you worry about them too much it works against you.

Ps; you can talk to your public school counselors. They are licensed by a medical board. If you can’t do that please talk to someone. You are not alone. 💕

It’s still the message we get. Now we get female “empowerment” which is just selling our sexuality for money. And women going to work AND ALSO doing all the chores and all the child care. Which is fine I guess because I’m tired of women being stigmatized for their sexuality, and it’s good for us to get more employment opportunities, but I hate that it’s still leads to men having power and women being at their feet, serving them. A lot of this female empowerment is very male oriented and designed for a male gaze. Just now, money is involved.

That’s me. I identified as genderqueer for a time and stopped because I don’t identify as trans. (My question was always if I’m trans then wtf am I “transitioning” to if I’m non-binary)

I feel more like GNC woman fits me a lot better with a lot less confusion from greater society. I’m also philosophically a bit gender critical but I don’t know how much I align with that either since they can be dicks on some issues.

I never took testosterone but I did remove my tubes to eliminate the specter of pregnancy. I did that for a few reasons but how I feel about gender is a huge one of them.

I’m 35

So true. But they’ll argue that doctors discriminate against them for being trans instead, of course. But again, they did opt in to female hood and we can never really opt out of having been born smaller and weaker, never really having the freedom to roam by ourselves alone without knowing we are taking a risk. Which we have to do to live well, and which incurs blame when bad things do happen to us.

I identified as nb for a while and I still think segregated restrooms to protect people born female wasn’t a bad thing; passing mtf just used those before, anyway. I don’t want non-binary men in the restroom with me. Or straight guys. I know that’s probably too conservative a view for here but I am just all about trying to protect women from rape and men can and do impersonate trans people to get away with creepy behavior.

Any way back to mtfs; they’ll never truly understand how intimately the issues of abortion and birth control affect us. That panicky feeling of thinking you might be pregnant when you don’t want to be.

I take huge issue with a few things you’ve written here:

1. “first time was totally my fault” 👀. What in the actual fuck???? What country are you from?? Rape is never your fault no matter what. No matter what.

2)”it doesn’t sound bad but if you were there you’d support my decision” regarding going contactless with your daughter. I agree with that decision without any yelling having to have occurred! Look at the circumstances of that baby’s creation!

Otherwise great post 💕

I don’t mean to be upsetting and I’m not a hardliner conservative, but no matter what you do you’ll always have the backstory of having been born male, and you’ll always have the Y chromosome in your DNA. So don’t feel pressured to make any extra painful changes you’re not sure of, because they won’t make you fully female anyway. Especially when it comes to bottom surgery because those surgeries are just barely even available and workable, let alone a good experience.

There is a point in identifying otherwise; idk if you clicked my Blair white link but no one, including conservative hardliners, views her as male. No bottom surgery required.

Same here actually. It was always just the incongruity but eventually my body looked so terrible in boy clothes and so good in girl clothes objectively that I gave in and incorporated a lot of feminine stuff. Too much actually; it was like a pendulum swinging forward and then sharply back. I was always envious of girls with the less hourglass shape. Until I got older and stopped caring about my body at all; I still feel the incongruence it just doesn’t bother me like it did then.

Patriarchy does suck though