This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister. The comments demonstrate:
- A consistent, nuanced, and personal perspective on detransition.
- Empathetic engagement with other users' specific situations.
- The use of personal anecdotes and lived experience to inform their views.
- A natural, conversational writing style with appropriate emotional tone (passion, frustration, support).
About me
I was born female and felt a deep discomfort with my body as it developed during puberty. I transitioned to male for five years, taking testosterone and having top surgery, believing it was the answer. It didn't fix my underlying issues with depression and society's narrow view of women. I now realize I was using transition to escape from myself. I am detransitioning, learning to accept being a woman, and living with the permanent consequences of my choices.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was really young. I was born female, and from the beginning, I felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially when I hit puberty and started developing breasts. I hated them; they felt completely wrong and foreign on me. This wasn't just teenage awkwardness; it was a profound feeling that my body was incorrect.
I spent a lot of time online, and that's where I was first introduced to trans identities. It felt like an answer. I started identifying as non-binary around age 15 because it felt like a way to escape being a woman. I had a very warped perception of what being a woman meant. I saw it as a set of stereotypes and limitations, not as something that could be diverse and belong to me. I now see that a lot of this was driven by internalized issues and a low self-esteem that made me want to run away from myself.
This led me to fully transition. I took testosterone for five years, from age 18 to 23. It changed my voice and my body shape. I also got top surgery when I was 20 to remove my breasts. At the time, I was convinced this was the solution to all my problems. I thought it would fix the deep-seated discomfort and depression I felt.
But it didn't. While I didn't have the severe health complications some people talk about, I am now infertile, which is a permanent consequence I have to live with. More importantly, the surgery and hormones didn't fix the underlying issues. I was using a trans identity as a coping mechanism, a form of escapism from my problems. I had to do a lot of hard work in therapy—non-affirming therapy that actually challenged me to ask why I felt this way—to finally understand that my problem wasn't with being female. My problem was with a society that boxes women in and with my own internalized negative beliefs.
I now understand that the female experience is incredibly diverse. There is no one way to be a woman. Letting go of the trans identity I had clung to for so long was jarring. I had built my whole sense of self around it for five years, and untangling that has been a long process. I'm learning to feel comfortable with who I am, a woman, and that is a journey I'm still on.
I have regrets about my transition, specifically about the permanent changes. I regret the top surgery and losing my fertility. I wish I had been encouraged to explore the root causes of my distress—my depression, anxiety, and warped body image—instead of being fast-tracked toward medicalization. I think the concept of "passing" is harmful and promotes a terrible kind of body dysmorphia, making people feel like they are never enough.
Today, I look female to most people, but I still often feel uncomfortable in female-only spaces because of my history and altered appearance. I usually seek out gender-neutral restrooms to avoid any anxiety or awkwardness for myself or others. I firmly believe that sex-based spaces are important, but I also advocate for more neutral options so everyone has a safe place to go.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social concept that can sometimes cause more harm than good when it's used to medicalize natural discomfort with rigid stereotypes. For me, detransitioning was about coming home to my body and accepting my sex, not because it fits a perfect ideal, but because it is fundamentally and unchangeably me.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 9-11 | Early puberty, began to feel intense discomfort with developing female body, particularly hated breast growth. |
| 15 | Started identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities. Felt it was an escape from womanhood. |
| 18 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 20 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 23 | Stopped testosterone after 5 years. Began the process of detransitioning. |
| Present | Living as a female again, working on self-acceptance and comfort with my body. |
Top Comments by /u/Relative-Reindeer272:
I think we should advocate for more gender neutral spaces while still keeping sex based spaces rather than trying to play the “passing” game (which is extremely subjective) and trying to make womanhood into some type of guide to follow. The female experience, in my opinion, is simply not something you can summarize because it’s so extremely diverse in how it can look and feel like for each individual woman. That being said I understand why you come to this conclusion, there’s a lot of people who do.
I feel it’s extremely tricky to help youth with this particular problem (me being part of said youth) because this is a one of the few mental disorders actively promoted by not only people online and in real life but literal medical professionals. It’s like with any other mental disorder that deals with body image issues, you can’t tell an anorexic to stop thinking they are fat or someone with BDD to stop thinking there is something wrong with a certain part of their body. The most helpful thing you can come to learn is why a particular kid is vulnerable to using this maladaptive coping mechanism but it’s the hardest thing to know given that the kids usually don’t even know themselves why they are. I wish I could give a good answer but it’s just so complex and I believe treatment to be different for each individual, the best I can do is advise not being condescending and judgmental to these kids because it can make the problem even worse.
I know for you that last part is kind of scary but if it makes you feel better I use to think some men could get pregnant too (when I was around 9 or 11) but then I got into sex ed and learned that wasn’t the case lol.
If you have the option, go into the family restroom! I look female to most people but I almost never feel comfortable in female spaces so I go into restrooms that aren’t gender specific. I understand why’d you feel ashamed, given how society thinks of anyone perceived as a feminine male as wrong or dirty but it’s always best to pay other people no mind. They don’t know who you are and they have no authority on assuming bad things about you. We are social creatures so we naturally don’t want to feel judged by others but not everyone’s thoughts about you are correct and should be taken as fact. I wish you the best!
Thank you for the advice! I do know why I feel uncomfortable with being a woman it’s just jarring not using a trans identity as a coping mechanism as often as I use to. I’ve had a warped perception of femaleness for 5 years and so it’ll take a while before I feel fully comfortable with who I am but I know it’ll be worth it at the end of the day.
I absolutely understand, I would be very scared too! Unfortunately you can’t make everyone believe you but you have a right to stand up for yourself, no matter how you look like you are still a woman and are ENTITLED to a female space. I could have a whole beard and muscles but it doesn’t erase that I was born female, facts aren’t erased just because someone wants to believe otherwise. I’m really glad my messaged helped you, it hard out there I know but you don’t deserve to be treated like someone you ain’t just remember that.
I understand that, I guess I just didn’t want to promote a sort of mindset where like “oh I’m not good enough of a woman to be in a women’s space” sort of thing if that makes sense. I always will suggest a family bathroom since that usually the best for everyone but sometimes you don’t really have that kind of privilege and well in reality it’s a pick your poison situation here. 😅
It’s certainly not a good situation you got there with all factors accounted for. I wish there was an ideal option but that’s for you to decide which one will cause you the least amount of distress as you start gaining more of your feminine features back. I hope things turn out well for you in your future, I believe in you. 🫂
For me personally it’s subjective only because sometimes I’ll see people in spaces that don’t hugbox say “oh this person is clearly ____ , anyone would be stupid not to think they are this gender” when I came to a completely different conclusion. I find the whole concept of passing leading people to become extremely body dysmorphic and so I generally don’t like promoting it as a goal.