This story is from the comments by /u/RockyHorrorPitchaHoe that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic persona.
The user presents a highly specific, complex, and internally consistent narrative about being an intersex individual who lived as a woman for 14 years before identifying as a femboy. The writing is emotionally varied, contains personal anecdotes, and shows a nuanced, evolving perspective. The user also engages in detailed, off-topic discussions (like plastic surgery techniques or hormone effects) that are atypical for a simple agenda-driven account. The passion and occasional anger are consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister who has experienced significant personal trauma.
About me
I started estrogen at 17 for a medical condition, but I never truly felt like a woman. For 14 years, I was miserable and pursued extreme surgeries to try and fit a feminine ideal, nearly getting irreversible bottom surgery. I finally realized I am a very feminine boy, not a woman, and my life completely changed for the better. I now have a wonderful boyfriend who sees me for the man I am, and I wear what makes me feel good without trying to "pass." I take estrogen for my health, but I am finally living as my authentic self, a happy femboy.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing, but I’m finally starting to understand myself. I’m 31 now, and it’s only recently that I’ve begun to separate who I really am from all the labels and expectations I picked up from other people.
It all started for me when I was a teenager. Because of an intersex condition I have, my hormone levels were right in the middle between male and female. When I was about 17, a doctor told me I needed to pick either estrogen or testosterone to be my dominant hormone, otherwise I could get osteoporosis. I knew I didn’t want my voice to drop or to get a more masculine look, so I chose estrogen. That was the beginning of my medical journey.
I never really wanted to be a woman, though. Even when I started, I didn’t want to develop breasts because my mom has large ones and I was worried I would too. This was back in 2008. But I just started to pass as female without even trying. It was strange because I didn’t actually want to pass; it became annoying. I’d have to tell guys I was dating that I was born with a male body, and their reactions were awful. They’d either look at me with disgust or get this weird, horny look in their eyes and stop seeing me as a person. I hated that.
Deep down, I always knew I wasn't a woman. I’d ask guys to call me a sissy boy or humiliate me for being feminine. I think I just wanted to be a very pretty boy, but literally everyone in my life wanted me to be a woman, so I tried really hard to make that identity work for 14 years. I was miserable. I felt consumed by dysphoria and I wanted a ton of surgeries. I wanted my ribs removed, my shoulders narrowed, hip and butt implants, Facial Feminization Surgery, breast implants, liposuction, and I was even talking to a plastic surgeon about inventing a hand reduction surgery. I now see that those surgeons prey on people’s dysphoria.
I almost had bottom surgery. I was literally on my way to the surgical center when I was 21 and got a call that insurance wouldn’t cover it because of how they classified my intersex body. I was devastated at the time and it led to a really dark period, but now I’m so incredibly grateful it didn’t happen. That stuff is so permanent.
What changed for me was accepting that I don’t have to fit into a perfect box. I struggled for so long wanting to be the archetypal woman or the quintessential man. Now I understand my identity is my own mosaic. I’m a boy. I like the words “boy,” “guy,” and “male,” but I still don’t really connect with the word “man”; it feels too masculine for me. I’m a femboy. I have breasts and a female-sounding voice because of my intersex condition, but I’m not a woman. I’m just an impossibly feminine boy.
Since I started identifying this way, my life has gotten so much better. I have an amazing boyfriend who is a gay man, and he’s the best partner I’ve ever had. He and his friends and family all know I’m a boy, and it’s such a relief not to have to hide anything. I’m so much happier now that I’ve stopped trying to tactically dress to pass as a woman and just wear what makes me feel good. I feel like I was acting before, and now I’m just my authentic self.
I don’t regret taking estrogen, because I need it for my bone health. If I stopped, I’d have to take testosterone instead, and I’d rather be fem. But I do regret the years I spent trying to force myself to be someone I’m not. I’m not militantly against transition, but I think people, especially young people, need to be really careful with permanent changes. My family was never supportive; they think my doctors are quacks and don’t “believe” I’m intersex, though my dad has come around a bit.
My thoughts on gender are that it comes from the inside. It’s not about how you look or whether you “pass.” Looking like a woman doesn’t make you one, and not looking like one doesn’t mean you aren’t one. It’s about who you know yourself to be. For me, that’s a femboy, and I’m finally proud of that.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 17 | Started low-dose estrogen after being diagnosed with an intersex condition to prevent osteoporosis. |
| 21 | Was on the way to get bottom surgery, but the surgery was canceled when insurance refused to cover it. |
| 31 | Stopped identifying as a woman and began living as a femboy. This is when I found real happiness and started a relationship with my boyfriend. |
| 31 (8 months ago) | Had reconstructive surgery on my nose after a disfiguring accident, which helped me feel beautiful again. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/RockyHorrorPitchaHoe:
Oh, sweetheart.
I'm so fucking sorry.
It's insane you were allowed to do SRS at 17. Idk how that's legal either, tbh. You may well have a case against that surgeon.
I did not have SRS. I was being driven on my way to the surgical center when I got a call from my surgical coordinator telling me actually insurance decided they wouldn't cover it after all. I was devastated and tried to end my life, but now I'm so grateful.
However, I was in a horrible accident that involved my nose becoming deformed. I lived with a deformed face for six years of my life. I finally had it fixed eight months ago and I'm honestly overjoyed at the results; I still have plenty of scars on my face, but I feel really beautiful. Maybe more beautiful than before, in a way.
That said, I have frequent nosemares. Never even bf is sleeping next to me, but he's not here every night, and on those nights I'll have horrible nightmares about it. I won't dump the horrible contents of these dreams on you, you're going through enough, but trust that I feel you on the anatomical nightmares front.
If you ever need someone to talk to, please know you have a friend in me.
Reading this...wow. I don't know what to say, and that's saying a lot coming from me.
Please write about your experience. Write and write and write. People need to hear your voice. They need to hear your experience. The best thing you can do is tell the world about your experience.
I'm so incredibly sorry, sweetheart.
Please feel free to tell me more, whatever is indeed, just get it out.
Early dysphoria, early transition, and truly passing for cis was my life up to age 31. But I've finally accepted that just because I “blend in” so well as a woman doesn't mean I actually am one, haha. It's uncanny because up until a year ago, on paper I would've sounded exactly like one of those “true transexuals” people talk about. Y'know, to contrast with the Caitlyn Jenners of the world.
I don't know if I believe that anyone who lived decades of their life as a male, even getting married and having kids, is really, truly a woman inside and will be helped by transition. Caitlyn waking up from FFS and freaking out with “temporary” regret is certainly an interesting anecdote they've shared! That said, I know from personal experience that checking all the “true trans” boxes doesn't necessarily mean anything either. Or maybe I was truly transgender, and now I'm just...not? Who knows. Being borderline certainly doesn't help with this whole «identity» thing
Oh, undoubtedly. I lived and passed as a cis girl for 14 years; 14 miserable years. I've been happier during the last few months identifying as a boy and dressing in whatever makes me feel good instead of tactically dressing to make myself pass the best. It helps that as soon as I started identifying as a boy, a truly amazing gay man asked me out and has been the best boyfriend I've ever had in my life, far better than any “straight” man ever was.
You can identify however you like, it doesn't matter what you have down there. I'm a boy with tits. You can be a boy with a vag, or whatever you want to be. I just want you to be happy so badly. I wish I could reach through the screen and pull you into my apartment and we could just watch movies and eat good food and talk and hug a lot. And we could help each other with our memoirs. I'm writing mine now.
If you're ever in NY please send me a message.
Everyone needs friends!
I did pass, lol. My voice is also female because I'm intersex, the one good thing about having an extra chromosome.
I didn't really detransition in the medical sense because I never transitioned in the medical sense either. But I did cut my hair short, stopped using the women's room, stopped dressing in a way that made me look as cis female as possible. Now I just dress however I like.
I did this because I'm not a trans woman, lol! Not because I didn't pass. It didn't really occur to me that someone would detransition simply because they don't pass for cis. I was pressured into identifying as a woman by many people, and with my intersex condition it felt like even my body was trying to tell me I was “really” a woman. But I'm not; I never really felt that way and it never felt right calling myself one. It doesn't matter that I look and sound and act like one. I'm not one; I'm an impossibly feminine boy, not a girl.
If you're worried about being too feminine to call yourself a boy, don't. Like I said, I have tits, my voice is straight-up female. I call myself a boy because that's what feels right to me. You certainly don't have to use the same word as me; but don't ever disallow yourself from identifying a certain way simply because of your outward appearance! 🫂
Is there a certain word you feel more accurately describes you?
I mean. I don't have to agree with someone, but I'm not gonna go out of my way to antagonise them either, lol.
It really sounds like you go out of your way to start fights with people, which I'd definitely recommend not doing anymore. I used to do that all the time when I was unhappy. I'd spend hours arguing with people I would never meet and who would never even admit it if I even could have changed their minds.
I'm not interested in debating the difference between sex and gender, whether gender is a social construct, etc. I'm definitely interested in discussing how we treat people, and why we do the things we do, though.
Oh, no, they totally do, though! There was an extremely cute boy I [at the time, a trans woman] used to hook up with. Tall and thin like me, and a very pretty face for a boy, but he was definitely a boy. He was kind of obsessed with me—I'd catch him just STARING at my facial features, at my hips, etc.—and not in a typical, male-gazey way. I would playfully tease him about it and one day he told me he had an appointment to get on HRT. I thought he was joking but...he wasn't. He wanted to be Emma now, and he wasn't sure if it was the “right path” but he'd read online that he could “try out” HRT for six months to see if he'd be hot “like [me]” and if he didn't look good, he'd just stop them and everything would be totally reversible.
This sounded insane to me and I actually cared about him, so I didn't encourage him at all. He was very hurt by this. I tried to get him to really, truly think about whether he wanted to be treated differently by the world, because this would absolutely make people treat him differently, whether he passed or not. He said he'd think about it and then completely ghosted me.
Miss you, Emma. Hope you're doin okay.
Yup! I mean, probably.
People think I'm weird as hell for calling myself a guy and using the men's room cos they think that just because I'm really fem I must be a woman. I'm not letting people pressure me into conforming into one box or the other box anymore, though. Learn from my mistakes (I'm 31!) and just be unapologetically yourself and enjoy being young 😸
I'm really sorry. I would strongly suggest that you not date “straight” anymore. They only brought me misery. I didn't think any gay men would be into me because I have small tits, but I was wrong.
Don't ever date someone who is embarrassed or ashamed of you in any way again. Don't be with someone whose family or friends you have to hide a part of yourself from. That's so much stress and drama you do not need. My bf's friends and family all know I'm really a boy and being around them is so fucking nice because I don't have to worry about anyone finding anything out. They already know!
Oh no 🥺 idk what's wrong with me but I always take stuff like this so personally. Guy Maybe it's also cos my bf just got held up at work and I'm prolly not gonna see him tonight. It's so easy to just totally derail me from a good day; I wish I were more stable.
Thank you for having my back, Ms. Mod! (Hope it's okay to call you that haha)