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Reddit user /u/RomanaOswin's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 21 -> Detransitioned: 25
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
porn problem
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
escapism
autogynephilia (agp)
depression
influenced online
body dysmorphia
retransition
homosexual
puberty discomfort
anxiety
only transitioned socially
benefited from non-affirming therapy
ocd
had religious background
took puberty blockers
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. The user engages in nuanced discussions about gender, dysphoria, and identity, showing a consistent and thoughtful perspective. The language is natural, complex, and shows an understanding of the community's specific terminology and concerns. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic account. The passion and critical analysis displayed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister.

About me

I was born female and my discomfort started with puberty, when I hated how my body developed. I later realized my obsessive questioning was driven by my OCD and internal struggles, not a true transgender identity. I socially transitioned for a while, but starting therapy that explored my underlying issues was my turning point. I came to understand my problem was my relationship with my body and society's expectations, not my body itself. I have since detransitioned, made peace with being a woman, and my dysphoria is completely gone.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started with a lot of confusion and pain. I was born female, but I never felt like I fit in with the expectations placed on me. I think a lot of my discomfort began during puberty. I hated the development of my breasts; they felt alien and wrong on my body, like they didn't belong to me. This wasn't just simple teenage awkwardness; it felt like a profound and distressing mismatch.

A lot of my questioning was driven by internal struggles. I have OCD, and I now realize that a lot of my obsessive thoughts centered on my gender and body. I would get stuck in loops, constantly questioning and analyzing myself. "Am I dysphoric because I am Trans, or am I dysphoric because I am expected to be a certain way because of my sex and this causes me pain?" I couldn't tell the difference. I spent a huge amount of time online, and I was definitely influenced by the communities I found. They provided an answer and an identity, which was appealing when I felt so lost.

I also struggled with my sexuality. Looking back, I can see elements of internalized homophobia. The idea of being a lesbian felt uncomfortable and maybe even wrong to me in a way I couldn't articulate then. The trans identity offered a way to be straight, to fit into a more socially acceptable box. My relationship with porn was also a problem; it became a form of escapism where I would fantasize about being someone else entirely. I now understand this as a type of autogynephilia (AGP), where I was projecting myself into the role of the woman I was attracted to as a way to experience sexuality from the other side. It was a confusing cycle of arousal and shame.

I started to socially transition in my early twenties. I cut my hair, bought a binder, and asked people to use a different name and male pronouns. For a while, it felt like a relief. It was like I had finally found the solution to all my problems. The clothing advice I gave to others—about the specific details that make an outfit read as feminine—came from my own intense focus on passing as male. I was trying to solve a deep internal pain with external changes.

I never took hormones or had any surgery. I am incredibly grateful for that now. I came very close to pursuing testosterone, but I was held back by fears and misconceptions about it, like the idea that it would make me aggressive and uncontrollable. That fear, in hindsight, was a blessing.

What stopped me was starting a different kind of therapy. I began working with a therapist who wasn't focused on affirming my gender identity but on unpacking why I felt that way in the first place. This non-affirming therapy was the best thing that ever happened to me. We dug into my OCD, my history of depression and anxiety, my low self-esteem, and the trauma of a religious upbringing that left me with a lot of shame. We explored how I used gender as a form of escapism from all of that pain. I wasn't running toward a true self; I was running away from a self I hated.

I realized that my problem wasn't my body. My problem was my relationship with my body and the expectations I and society had placed on it. As I said back then, "If we have no expectations of our body at all, then there's no dysphoria. We're just exactly how we should be." I had to learn to dismantle those expectations.

I eventually detransitioned. I stopped asking people to call me by a different name and pronouns. I had to relearn how to just be a woman, not according to any stereotype, but just as myself. I don't regret exploring transition because it led me to this deeper understanding of myself. But I absolutely regret the pain I put myself through and the years I spent believing I was something I wasn't. I am at peace now with the female body I was born with. My dysphoria is gone because I dealt with the root causes: the OCD, the anxiety, and the self-hatred.

I now see gender as a set of social expectations, not an internal identity. My goal is just to be me, without any labels.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
13 Started puberty. Felt intense discomfort and began to hate my developing breasts.
14-19 Struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD symptoms. Felt increasingly disconnected from my body.
20 Spent significant time in online communities and was influenced by trans narratives. Began to seriously question my gender.
21 Started social transition: cut hair, used a binder, adopted a new name and male pronouns.
22 Researched medical transition but was fearful of the effects of testosterone.
23 Began non-affirming therapy that focused on OCD, trauma, and self-esteem. This was the turning point.
24 Understood my feelings as rooted in internalized homophobia, escapism, and body dysmorphia, not gender identity. Stopped social transition.
25 Fully detransitioned. Made peace with my body and no longer experience dysphoria.

Top Comments by /u/RomanaOswin:

6 comments • Posting since December 18, 2020
Reddit user RomanaOswin (desisted) explains to a user questioning his gender that his heterosexual fantasies and ability to empathize with a female perspective do not make him trans, but are a reinforced compulsion he should work to abstain from with a therapist.
17 pointsDec 23, 2020
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Why I am not just normal straight cis man?

Everything you wrote sounds like a straight cis man.

What it sounds like you're doing is transposing your point of view onto the woman. The sex you're fantasizing about is still male/female sex (which is heterosexual), and you don't want to actually be a woman (which is cis). It sounds like you just have a knack at experiencing the world from alternate perspectives, and you've conditioned yourself to use this as a tool for fantasy.

You're weren't hypnotized by the stuff you did--that's not what hypnosis is. The "erotic hypnosis" was likely another form of indulgence, and every time you indulge, and especially orgasm, your body is releasing more chemicals into your brain that reinforces and encourages you to continue.

Since it's obviously troubling and controlling you, my suggestion would be 1) abstain from doing this, and 2) find a therapist to help work through the compulsions and confusion you're feeling.

Reddit user RomanaOswin (desisted) explains key clothing details for a feminine presentation, including leggings, fitted jeans with small pockets, and specific necklines and sleeve cuts.
11 pointsFeb 8, 2021
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Clothing depends on your personal style, but there are a lot of clothing that give off a distinctly feminine vibe. Leggings. Form-fitting jeans with narrow bottoms that end above your ankles. T-shirts with shorter sleeves that are cut at an angle (which is most women's t-shirts). "3/4" mid-forearm shirts. Scoop necks, v-necks. Almost anything with a racerback. Shorter, more fitted shorts. Camisoles with narrow straps.

With clothing, it's really in the details. If your jeans are fitted to your legs, have smaller back pockets, and end above your ankle, you'll already look distinctly feminine regardless of anything else.

Reddit user RomanaOswin (desisted) comments on rejecting societal gender norms, agreeing that the healthiest choice is to be true to oneself rather than be warped by narrow definitions of manhood or womanhood.
7 pointsJan 18, 2021
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I was about to post my own reply, but couldn't have said it better than /u/pipanpi. Don't let society's narrow view of what it means to be a man or a woman warp who you are as a person. The healthiest thing we can do for ourselves is be true to who we are.

Reddit user RomanaOswin (desisted) explains why autogynephilia, as defined by Blanchard, cannot apply to a gay man, describing it instead as a role-reversal dynamic within a homosexual framework.
5 pointsJan 22, 2021
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Technically, no, you can't be gay and fit exactly the AGP dynamic that Blanchard was describing. Part of what he's describing could still apply, though. The dynamic is a sort of role reversal, where you project yourself as the object of your desire and then experience sexuality as the recipient of own desire. You could absolutely experience that as a gay male, but there would be nothing transgender about it--both you and the sex you're attracted to are male, so whether you experience sex from your own position or project into the other role, it would be an entirely male dynamic. So, you could kind of experience a "trans" dynamic, but it wouldn't be gender that you'd be transitioning across... it would be more the sexual role/dymamic.

The "test" you performed mostly just sounds like you have a certain image in mind for how you perceive yourself and sexual preferences. Whether he's a femboy or not, though, it all falls within homosexuality, so none of this really changes your sexual identity or gender identity.

So, basically, you just have preferences, and you're playing around with how you perceive and experience those preferences. As long as it doesn't feel overly intrusive or make you feel like you need to change who you are, then you're probably fine. If you really feel a pressing need to "find out if you're really trans™," maybe it would be worthwhile to explore what sort of dissatisfaction you have with who you are right now. What's driving this exploration?

Reddit user RomanaOswin (desisted) comments on a detransitioner's fear of testosterone, suggesting the concerns stem from gender perception baggage that therapy could address, while anti-androgens might help in the meantime.
5 pointsDec 27, 2020
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Yeah--definitely not intended as medical advice.

My honest opinion is that OP has some gender perception stuff to work through, e.g. T makes a person aggressive, violent, can't be demure, uncontrollable sex drive, etc. There's some truth there, but also seems like some baggage that might be driving the fears.

That kind of stuff can be really hard to deal with, though--maybe anti-androgens can bide time while doing therapy in parallel.

Reddit user RomanaOswin (desisted) comments on the nature of dysphoria, questioning if it stems from being trans or from societal expectations tied to one's sex.
3 pointsDec 18, 2020
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"Am I dysphoric because I am Trans or am I dysphoric because I am expected to be X because of my sex and this causes me pain."

If trans is "I expect myself to be X, but I'm Y" (no chromosome pun intended) then these are mostly the same thing. Expectations that come from others might be easier to overcome, but there are things we can do about our expectations of ourselves too.

If we have no expectations of our body at all, then there's no dysphoria. We're just exactly how we should be. I know it's easier said than done, and maybe impossible to do completely, but I don't think there's ever a "never, always, this is the only way," etc, with this.