17 years old is so young. I’m so surprised that was even offered to you. You can’t vote or drink legally, but you can have your body permanently altered? What sense does that make? Anyway, normal sensation is something that would be very hard to come by. Your nerves have been cut, I’m sorry to say. Reconstruction is a possible solution, as women who have a mastectomy due to breast cancer have gone through. But you aren’t fucked up. You’re still a whole woman, even if you don’t have breasts. Someone who has a similar situation is /u/DetransLaura. She may have some useful advice.

At some point you might realize that gender just isn’t that important. Being on hormones your whole life, getting numerous surgeries and any further fixes, worrying about passing, living your life through what you see and post online to different subs...after a while it becomes more work than it’s worth. That’s without thinking about losing camaraderie with women, or the side effects of testosterone use, or wanting to keep kinship with the lesbian community. Sure, being a man has its advantages, but at some point you might feel that transition was just a way to escape the way you’ve been treated, or that feeling a connection with men doesn’t discount your experience as a woman. Feeling insecure of yourself as a female is just something every woman feels, much like hating periods, not liking your chest, not wanting to be sexualized. Being a man won’t solve all your problems, but being a woman doesn’t guarantee a seamless existence either. Then there are things like wanting to raise a family, wanting to be an example for your daughter, or niece, or younger women. Showing people that it’s great being a butch/masculine woman. These thoughts are all over the place, but hopefully you can extract something valuable from them.

Society is unfair to anyone who defies strict gender roles. Being lesbian means that men will target you. Being black means America will target you. I can see how why you feel so uncomfortable with your situation. A few people on here I’ve talked with about the disappearance of butch women. I hope you don’t mind that term, but it seems like you can relate. Even if you don’t have your breasts or your ovaries you can still fit in with women. You were born female, raised female, and there’s a kinship between women that men don’t understand. I really hate that if a woman is attracted to other women there’s an insistence that she is actually the wrong gender. So much for women’s liberation. But hey, you’re here now. Once you figure out how you want to proceed you can move forward from the gender obsessing and feel that weight off your shoulders. Your story was long but interesting. Thanks for sharing.

Let me assure you that you will be okay if you stop testosterone and reconnect with your womanhood. You aren’t being transphobic if you don’t want to live as male and go through a pregnancy. I know many people who never wanted children as an adolescent but as they got closer to thirty had changed their mind. Have you ever considered why you feel more comfortable identifying as male? What is it that draws you to the idea of a “soft male?” Trust me, being an androgynous woman is completely fine, and you can still have a great life. Regarding your home life, or lack of it, I’m sorry you had to experience that. It makes sense why you would want to get away from that situation, even though you missed out on your teenage years. But you can rectify your relationship with your parents if you’re interested in that. Your life isn’t over, and living as a woman is still a possibility for you. There was a post not long ago about someone who got pregnant after identifying as male. It’s something you can do too. Try to take care of yourself.

Well, you’ll be reliant on estrogen as well if you don’t detransition. You should be thinking about whether you can live with permanent changes like your body has experienced. You can navigate the world in any way you want, but will you accept yourself, or compare yourself to other men/women/trans women? Honestly there’s no “wrong way” to exist, as long as you are satisfied. But definitely consider talking to a therapist or someone who will help you explore your reasons for transition in the first place and why you feel it did not work, so that you can have some sense of closure on that aspect of life. Good luck with figuring everything out.

You really won’t know what the future holds for you. But I’ll say this: no female enjoys puberty. It doesn’t make you less of a woman to feel uncomfortable with your body changing in ways you never asked for. And as you get older you may find that your discomfort with how you look diminishes. There are women out there that end up getting a double mastectomy and wearing their hair short, and still acknowledge their female sex. Since you asked what you could possibly analyze, I would say to think about your dreams and goals for the future; does being female impede that in any way? Why is it that you feel more confident being perceived as male? What do you think your life will be like in five years, ten years, or when you’re old? Will you still be injecting testosterone? Finally, in what ways have you tried getting in touch with your body? I don’t mean sexually, but just having the awareness of your bones, your muscles, your dimples, and your freckles; before you decide to start altering how you look, how much do you feel familiar with in regards to the skin you’re in? Ultimately the “right choice” is something only you can figure out. Seeing a therapist may be a good resource, but find someone who will explore this topic with you, not just sign off on anything you ask for. And check out some detrans stories on YouTube or Instagram: /u/motaneul and Ryan Barnes (rivalmaverick) are both detrans women with very different stories but may have some wisdom for you. Good luck, and don’t hesitate to respond if you have any questions.

My you’re so young. It’s normal to have doubts about yourself, especially in your teenage years. Talking to an older woman about your feelings would probably be good for you. Just keep in mind that every woman feels uncomfortable with puberty and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a tomboy and being female. Reach out if you want to write out everything you’re feeling, as it’s important to get out what’s on your mind.

You don’t need to be “feminine,” just be yourself. With your questions I would say you have a little while before your period returns. I don’t think there’s a woman out there that doesn’t hate their period, so you aren’t alone. You can consider birth control to help manage your cycle, but you won’t know how testosterone has affected you until you’ve been off it for a little while. Mindset could be all over. It’s best if you have things to do or focus on. Your body hair will lighten but it won’t just disappear. Shaving can help you manage your facial hair, which may also become less prominent, but it is also mostly permanent. Finally, letting your family know does not have to be something you force yourself to do. Dress/live the way you feel most comfortable, and if someone asks then you can answer. If you do want to tell everyone at once, try explaining that you were in the process of figuring out who you are. You thought a male identity was part of that but discovered differently. I hope this helps.

There are women without breasts for multiple reasons, whether from cancer prevention or just to reduce the strain on their backs. So you aren’t alone, and you aren’t a freak. There’s nothing wrong with you. And if you resume life as a lesbian you will still be accepted by your fellow women. You may be surprised at the amount of detrans lesbians out there. Just take it slowly, you’ll be okay.

It’s normal for people to feel uncomfortable in their situation, especially when someone is a teenager. Puberty is traumatic, regardless of your sex. And becoming an adult means wanting space away from your family, your friends, and even yourself. I can see why people might think that certain experiences mean you belong to another sex, but there’s no wrong way to be a woman. And as for wanting children, I used to be the same way, insisting that I would never burden myself like that. But now, I want a child. Someone who I created, that comes from my flesh, that I can watch grow. You aren’t disgusting. And if other women don’t welcome you in the restroom it means nothing. You’re still you. As for how your brother(s) see you, well... you are a woman on testosterone. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I guess you’ve had a hysterectomy? It doesn’t discount who you are. You posted on r/ftm too, and really, no matter which direction you go in, you will always inhabit your body. It’s never too late to decide you want to do something different with it. Good luck.