This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user expresses complex, emotionally charged, and deeply personal regrets about their transition, including specific physical and psychological details (e.g., loss of nipple sensation, self-harm scars, insurance pressure, dysmorphia). The emotional tone is raw, inconsistent, and self-contradictory—shifting from anger to sadness to gratitude—which is consistent with a genuine person grappling with a traumatic experience. The language is natural and includes personal anecdotes, making a scripted or automated origin highly unlikely.
About me
I started feeling a deep discomfort with my body as a teenage girl, which led me to identify as a man and take testosterone for five years. I felt a lot of pressure to be a "real" man, which pushed me to get top surgery, a decision I now deeply regret because of the physical loss and ongoing pain. Looking back, I think I was heavily influenced by online ideas and a linear way of thinking about being trans. I'm now filled with confusion, wondering if I spent years of my life on a lie, and it's terrifying to accept. I'm trying to figure things out now, and I'm grateful for the support I've found here.
My detransition story
My whole journey started with a deep discomfort with my body, especially during puberty. I hated my breasts and felt a general sense of not fitting in. I think a lot of it was tied to having a dysmorphic view of myself as fat and ugly, and that low self-esteem was a big part of why I transitioned in the first place. I also struggled with depression and anxiety.
I began identifying as a man and took testosterone for about five years. There was a lot of pressure, both from inside my own head and from the community around me, to be a "real" man and to "pass." That binary thinking—that to be a real man I had to have surgery—was a big driver for me. I never really got on board with the idea that gender doesn't exist; for me, it felt very real, and I believed strongly in gender dysphoria. I also felt a practical pressure to get top surgery before I lost my parents' health insurance. I thought I was running out of time.
I got top surgery, and that’s one of my biggest regrets. I wanted to pass, but I realized afterward that I can’t even be shirtless in public anyway because of self-harm scars and my own issues with my body. So now it just feels dumb. It sucks to have lost sensation in my nipples and to have ongoing pain. I also feel a sense of loss that there's nothing there for a partner to touch, which makes me worry about finding a mate someday.
Looking back, I think I was influenced by the ideas I encountered online and among friends. The path felt very linear: you're trans, so of course you get surgery. I'm now faced with the terrifying thought that I spent five of the best years of my life on a lie. Was I just not myself for all that time? It's devastating and confusing. I cling to the idea of gender identity because the alternative—that I made such a permanent change for a reason that wasn't true—is too scary to fully accept. I do believe dysphoria is real, but I've learned too late that it doesn't necessarily mean you have to change your body with hormones or surgery.
I don't have all the answers. I'm just trying to figure things out now, and this community has been a huge help. Remembering the small moments of kindness, like a nurse and a friend making a rough Christmas Eve in the ER feel festive, reminds me that there is still good in the world.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 14 | Started hating my breasts and feeling intense discomfort with puberty. |
| 19 | Began identifying as a man and started taking testosterone. |
| 23 | Had top surgery. This was influenced by a desire to "pass" and pressure to use insurance before losing it. |
| 24 | Stopped testosterone and began detransitioning, filled with confusion and regret. |
Top Comments by /u/SaltPainting:
I dunno. Sort of..that’s the path you take. Partly binary thinking maybe. But we’re all on a binary male/female I guess unless you’re intersex. I never really got on the gender doesn’t exist bandwagon I encountered at art school.
To be a “real” man, to “pass”
“So are you getting the surgery? Of course, you’re a man.”
There may also have been pressure to get surgery before I lost my parents insurance. I thought I was running out of time.
Fun story actually—I was going to be alone for Christmas but I got to party with a cute nurse and sing Christmas carols in the ER—it was really festive and it made a bad situation so much better. Shout out to him and my friend keeping me company on Xmas eve.
Thanks for reminding me of that time—it makes me feel a lot better 🥰 you guys on this Reddit are amazing and I appreciate you all
I wish I didn’t. But the idea scares me. That I’ve come so fucking far for a lie is terrifying. 5 years. Was I just not myself? For 5 of the best years of my life? So I do believe in gender identity. Or, I cling to it. I believe at least in dysphoria. It’s so scary, I just don’t know.
Even my 60+ year old parents believe in it and they’re scientists. We have some evidence that brains can be...different. Of course that doesn’t mean lopping off your breasts or going on T. But, I learned that lesson too late. And now I’m just devastated, all the time. Devastated and confused.
I think that’s why I got my top surgery. I wanted to pass. But I can’t even be shirtless anyway I realized, because of self-harm scars and horrible gross fat. So now it feels just dumb. It sucks that women can’t go topless. It also sucks to lose sensation in your nipples and have pain, and have nothing for your partner to touch.. :/
I hope that didn’t sound snarky, going through some stuff right now. Aren’t we all
That really puts me at ease, I worry about finding a mate sometimes. On top of no breasts I have a dysmorphic view of myself as fat and ugly, probably part of my transition in the first place. You are absolutely right my friend, and I appreciate your input. :)