This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts show:
- Personal Narrative: A consistent, detailed, and emotionally complex personal story spanning two years, including specific life events, therapy experiences, and evolving self-reflection.
- Engagement with Theory: They engage with common detransition topics (AGP, trauma, CPTSD) in a way that reflects personal struggle and research, not just parroting rhetoric.
- Natural Inconsistency: The user's views are nuanced (e.g., "I am not pro or against transitioning") and their focus shifts over time from AGP to trauma and Jungian psychology, which is consistent with a genuine person processing their experience.
The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the experiences of many detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I'm a man who almost transitioned after a lifetime of feeling like I didn't belong. My journey started with childhood trauma and bullying for being a sensitive boy, which made me believe life would be easier as a woman. I discovered my desire was a sexual paraphilia and a coping mechanism, not a true female identity, and I canceled my hormone appointment just days before it started. Now I'm in therapy healing my deep trauma and learning to feel secure as a man. My goal is to feel whole by embracing both my strength and sensitivity, not by changing my body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started from a place of deep pain and confusion. Looking back, I can see now that my desire to transition was tangled up with a lot of unresolved trauma from my childhood.
I was a sensitive boy who never really fit in. I now believe I'm on the autism spectrum, which made socializing hard. My mother was emotionally unavailable; she never really asked me questions or interacted with me much, so I grew up feeling like I had nothing to say and played by myself a lot. My father was emotionally absent too. I never learned how to be a man or feel secure in myself. I was bullied around the age of 10 or 11 for being sensitive, and I never learned to set healthy boundaries. This all created a deep fear of rejection, especially from women.
Around that same time, puberty, I started having fantasies about being a girl. From my 10-year-old perspective, girls' lives seemed so much easier and happier. I now understand this as autogynephilia (AGP) – getting sexually aroused by the idea of becoming a woman. For me, it felt good and calming to imagine being a woman. It felt easier to think about having surgery and becoming a woman than to face my fear of approaching a woman and being rejected as a man. This feeling got much worse in my adult life after a toxic marriage where my wife constantly emasculated me, telling me I was never good enough, and then again when I lost my income during corona and felt like a failure.
I was on the very brink of medical transition. I had a year of therapy with a gender therapist and was just three days away from my intake appointment to start hormones when I discovered the concept of AGP online. Learning about it was a huge shock. It made me realize that my feelings might not be about a true female identity, but were instead a coping strategy, a sexual paraphilia rooted in my childhood trauma and a traumatized male identity. Hearing stories from others, like a German trans woman who had immense regret after surgery, solidified my decision to stop.
I cancelled everything and found a new therapist. Now, I'm working on my core issues: the emotional neglect, the bullying, the rejection trauma, and the complex PTSD from my childhood. I'm trying to calm my nervous system and build my confidence as a man. My goal isn't to become a woman, but to find a balance between masculine and feminine energies within myself and to feel whole and secure as the man I am. I'm working on what Carl Jung calls individuation and shadow work, trying to understand what triggers my dysphoria.
I don't think transition is wrong for everyone. I've seen stories where it seems right for people, like a trans man named Tom I saw in a video. But I strongly believe the system is broken. Mental health care often rushes people, especially young kids with trauma and autism, onto medical pathways without exploring their deep-seated issues first. They offer HRT and surgeries like lollipops without doing the hard work of therapy. I believe many of us have gender dysphoria as a result of severe, long-term trauma that warps our self-image and makes us feel unsafe in our own bodies.
I don't regret exploring transition because it led me to understand my real problems. But I would have deeply regretted medically transitioning. I'm now focused on healing from my trauma, learning to communicate, and hopefully one day finding a loving relationship with a woman who appreciates a man who can embrace both his strength and his sensitivity.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 10/11 | Bullied for being a sensitive boy. Began having fantasies that life would be easier as a girl. |
| 21 | Realized I had social skills after a long conversation on a train, but underlying social anxiety and fear of rejection remained. |
| Adult | Entered a toxic marriage that emasculated me and reinforced my feelings of inadequacy as a man. |
| Adult | Lost my income during the COVID-19 pandemic; my desire to transition became severe during this low point. |
| Adult | Saw a gender therapist for one year and was scheduled to start HRT. |
| Adult | Discovered information about autogynephilia (AGP) 3 days before my HRT intake appointment. Cancelled the appointment. |
| Present | In therapy addressing childhood trauma, emotional neglect, complex PTSD, and fear of rejection. Working on building a secure male identity. |
Top Comments by /u/Sam4639:
My mother never asked me much questions of interest, so I developed less communicative skills. My mother prefered me to play alone instead of interacting with me so I developed more self-focused autistic skills that identify autism / Asperger
https://otsimo.com/en/strengths-challenges-autism/
https://www.aane.org/asperger-profile-strengths/
Until a 4 hour train ride, at the age of 21, I allways thought I had nothing to say. During the train ride I spoke continiously with a couple of girls. When I got out, someone told me I should work for a radio station...
It is emotionally to hear your story and realize it could have been mine if I didn't find out about AGP 3 days before my intake with my gender therapist. I am glad 4Just1Day shared this YouTube about this German Transwoman who describes her surgery the same as you did, the imense regret and the penis won't come back. I helped me understand the pad I was on was not the right pad for me, regardless that every step to become a woman felt good and calm. What you also see in the German YouTube is 2 people who transitions were right (reporter and transman Tom). It is just so painful to see how trans activists promote sweeping two distinctive groups on one pile and how the mental health care for transgenders see it also as one group. I have never seen such a list of childhood disorders as people here identify them selves with: codepency, narcissism, autism, porn addiction, interest in distractive coping strategies like fantasy and cosplay, but also being bullied when young, finding it hard to get a girl friend, having a father who has unrealistic expectations of his son so he can show of to his friends, passive fathers who laked any interest to be the role model for his son and emotional unavailable parents who showed that men and women can both emotional, that real man cry because they are human. So far I see two very distinctive groups of male born transgemders:
- those who never had a male identity, only a feminine identity, who grow up as this little child who wanted to dress like a girl since very early childhood, just like the other girls. For the most, 7 out of 10, I read this stops when hitting puberty.
- those who never had a female identity, but who have a traumatised male identity, who's fantasies to become a girl started at the age around 10, just like me. With the eyes of a 10 year old, life of girls seem so much easier and happier while I was just a senstive boy who was getting bullied because I was sensitive, never learned to set healthy boundries and I did not have this emotional available mother I could talk to or just cry (she still prioritises her own emotions over that of others).
It still pisses me off, how the transgender activitists and the mental health care for transgender locks young children in medical pathways. While presuring young children to identify with AGP/AAP, with any paraphilia is not ok as well. Just like some doctors see how men who return from having gender surgery done in Thailand, waking post-op (castrated so no testosterone to fuel their sexual fantasy) dscribe an immediate crushing sense of regret.
It just feels like the mental healthy care is offering all children HRT and surgeries, like they are offering children lollipops, it's totaly insane.
I really hope you can find the right help to establish any good and stable identity, what ever that is, that makes your life better and easier. Bottom line, I don't think there is not so much difference between both gender since there are women who identify with more masculine energy than I do and I identify probably with more feminine energy than most women do, so what. Life is for me is now about finding this balance between both energies and allowing my self to be more emotionally, get me a pair of shiny eyes and hopefully end up with this great women who knows how to appriciate a man who can share both qualities. https://www.voicesofyouth.org/blog/masculinity-and-femininity
I always say: if Nick can do so can I. Nick Vujicic is born without limbs and has now a loving wife with who he shares children. For me, he is the best motivator for my life because he is the man. https://youtu.be/6F8zK57Wa0A
https://youtu.be/YhsTB4rq1XU (The kind of song I sing in front of a mirror.)
Big hugs for you
Gender Dysphoria has no cause. Start identifying your childhood traumas like emotional (including neglect!), physical and sexual abuse and find treatment for a Gender Identity Disorder. If you get sexually arroused by the idea to become a woman, start climaxing on hetro sexual fantasies instead of dissociating trans sexual fantasies, visualizing to have sex as a man with a woman.
My parents did not divorce eighter, they are still together, never had much arguments, a major negative thing that my mother does is telling everyone how hard her life with my father is. Both my parents are nice, it is just that my mother feared she would loose me just like her mother did. My grand mother never had learned to cope with losing a child, neighter my grand father, resulting that my grand mother got severely depressed. My mother learned young that it is better not to attach with babies emotionally because they can die, what will result in even more devastation of oneself.
Parents can only show their children what they have learned. It is not about intenstions of hate but more about their childhood traumas in terms of fear, jalousy, shame and (self)hate.
Emotional neglect is not a PTSD but a complex PTSD for a young baby. My mother did not turn me much as a baby, because she needed all the attention. It made me feel rejected and insecure and resulted that I got bullied at the age around 10/11 and that I still fear rejection by woman in a love relation. Regardless this I got married, but it was toxic, my ex wife was daily angry, I was never good enough for her as a man. It resulted for me as well in emasculation trauma
https://www.lovepanky.com/women/understanding-men/things-you-say-or-do-that-emasculates-your-man
https://truelovewords.com/signs-you-are-emasculating-your-man/
Did you got bullied, did you felt accepted by girls? Do you have female friends? Many women feel insecure about their body, since they believe it is important to get a love relation with a man, just like men think they can't be emotional. Do you feel secure with the looks of your body and feel happy when a man approaches you for a love relation?
Seems like you all had a lonely childhood other then your own familily to interact with and learn from, sorry to hear. Perhaps you tried to fit in with your older siblings, while they found it hard to confirm to meet to the social expectations that commes with being a girl, like creating warm connections, communicating about their feelings and showing empathy. Perhaps they did not learn it from your mother, who never had learned from her mother, etc.? Perhaps this is now your struggle as well, when transitioning into a woman?
Approaching gender dysphoria as the result of trauma / core shame, so integrating new coping skills.
Working on individuation / shadow work conform Carl Jung for a better understanding and becoming conscious of what is triggering the gender dysphoria.
Start visualizing and integrating a desired future
I am not saying this will work for everyone, but it will make life easier.
For me it feels good and calming to become a woman, just like this group of female friends I have. For me it feels easier to have gender surgery, then approaching a woman for a love relation due to the fear of being rejected. I visited a gender therapist for one year, 3 days before my intake I found out about autogynephilia (= getting sexually arroused by the idea to become a woman). So far it seems related to severe childhood traumas in boys before the sexual development started. Next week I have a second intake with a new therapist for working on my rejection trauma and finding a better balance between male and female energy since I belief it would be more beneficial for my life. I told her as well, that unraveling my desire to become a woman has lots of focus, but is not my question for help since I see it as a result for childhood traumas.
https://www.voicesofyouth.org/blog/masculinity-and-femininity
I have been very active in the r/askAGP community since finding out about it, for understanding AGP and unraveling since about half a year childhood traumas. I have never seen so many severe childhood traumas in such a small community. My desire to become a woman became severe after 6 months in no income due to corona, I did already quite some work on recovering from my toxic marriage and personal growth before corona hit.
I am not pro or against transitioning, since some people seem to benefit from it and some don't.
See also my other comment, feel free to respond.
Here the same. For me it seems to be caused by complex childhood traumas. Wrote today a post on it, including my path and thoughts on treatment with professional neurofeedback and therapy, in order to calm down my nervous system, become more confident as a man in order to approach calm and confident a woman.
https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/15joads/the_complex_traumatic_impact_of_being_born_in_the/
Ok, in that case do you feel safe as a woman, do you want to become a woman like your mother? Most girls like to have a relation with someone like their father, because it feels familiar, how visible is your father in your life, are your parents devorced, how would you describe your relation with him? Emotional neglect can have severe impact and is considered as a Complex PTSD.
(I need to get some sleep now, will respond later)
Just insecure. How would you describe the relationship and quality time with your dad? I suffered a lot from emotional negelect, being bulied at school and an emotional abscent father. Feeling accepted and loved for who and what I am, and a sense of belonging, never got developed well to this day. It even feels good to become a woman like my female friends. Recently found a new therapist to work on the severe impact of my childhood traumas, and establish a persona (Carl Jung) that makes me feel accepted and loved for who and what I am. Working on identity is far from easy but doable. Doubt / feeling insecure when young or old, can mess things up a lot.