This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user's comments display:
- Personal, detailed experiences with detransition (e.g., specific timelines, using an IPL device, vocal training).
- Emotional nuance and introspection regarding trauma, regret, and the complex process of re-identifying.
- Consistent, supportive advice that aligns with common detransition experiences, such as silent detransitioning and unpacking the reasons behind the initial transition.
- A natural writing style with varied sentence structure and personal reflection that is difficult to automate.
About me
I'm a woman who transitioned to live as a man for ten years starting at age fifteen. I now realize I was running from trauma and that my true self was always female. A major reason for my detransition was my deep desire to one day be a mother. I'm managing the physical changes from testosterone and learning to simply be a woman again. It's a difficult journey, but I'm finally embracing myself and my future.
My detransition story
My name isn't important, but my story is. I’m a woman who spent ten years living as a man, from the age of 15 to 25. I’m detransitioning now, and it feels like I’m about to drop a nuclear bomb on my family and friends. It’s incredibly difficult, but I know I have to do it for myself.
Looking back, my transition was never really about gender. It was my way of running from severe childhood trauma. I now see that it was a lesser way of dealing with it, one that not only took me longer to actually heal but also led me to do things to my body that I can't take back. At the time, it felt like the only option available to me, my only life raft. I don't regret trying to seek help, but I deeply regret that my solution was just to avoid and run from the pain instead of facing it.
A big part of what felt comfortable about living as a man was the invisibility. It felt safe to exist with less attention on me. I’ve had to really unpack that feeling to understand it. I also came to a huge realization about my future: I specifically want to be a mother to my future children. That was a powerful motivator for me to stop running and accept myself. I’ve realized my role as a mother is important to me and that I am happier embracing that.
I took testosterone for a long time, and it’s left me with changes I now have to manage. I’ve invested in an IPL device to deal with the body and facial hair. It takes time, but I’ve noticed the hair thinning and growing much slower; some follicles have just ‘turned off.’ My armpit hair was easier to get rid of, but the facial hair is more stubborn. I know the hair won't ever be exactly like it was before testosterone, but it will naturally thin out and grow slower now that I’ve stopped.
My thoughts on gender now are much simpler. I was born female, I have always been female, and even when I was performing masculinity, I was female. That’s a fact, just like my eye color. I don’t need to do anything drastic to be a woman again other than just introduce myself as one. Some parts of me still automatically perceive myself as a man out of habit, but I’m learning to just acknowledge that thought, laugh at it, and let it go without obsessing. Healing is on my own timeline.
To help, I’m trying to focus on what I actually like. I’m making Pinterest boards of styles and aesthetics I genuinely enjoy, not what I think I should like as a woman. This should feel like a transformation into being more myself, not a forced process. I’m also questioning what I even mean when I say I want to be ‘masculine’—is it my behavior, my style, my appearance? A lot of it is just generalized stereotypes that don’t hold up.
I don’t have all the answers, and the road ahead is long. But I know that I want to present as her, as myself. Anything else is just more hurt. It’s a struggle, but it’s worth it to finally live as the woman I am.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
15 | I began my social transition to live as a man. |
15 | I started taking testosterone. |
25 | I stopped testosterone and began my detransition. |
25 | I started using an IPL device to remove body hair caused by testosterone. |
Top Comments by /u/Sea_Treat9652:
So sorry you are going through this, I've been keeping my detransition to myself so far, but I know I'll likely be in a similar position where my detransition is likely going to be like dropping a nuclear bomb on my family and friends (I transitioned 10 years ago). It's incredibly difficult for us, but together we can get through this <3
You can consider silently detransitioning, you dont need to make a big announcement, you don't owe anyone an explanation, but you owe yourself to help yourself heal. You could put up a front of pivoting into 'gender abolition' style of queerness 'whatever pronouns it's all a social construct' 'clothing has no gender I can wear what I like' kind of thing. Also, idk if you consider yourself Christian but you could try to find a church community, you were a hurt child and made mistakes as a result. Most Christian communities will be very empathetic to that.
I regret it in the sense that I turned to a lesser way of dealing with my childhood trauma meaning that not only did it likely take me LONGER to heal from it but now I've done things to my body I cannot take back and several things I might be able to mitigate but certainly it is a chore to do vocal training, hair removal etc.
But I can relate that at the time when I chose it, it seemed like the only option available and I don't exactly regret trying to seek help, I just regret that what I thought was my life raft was really just avoiding and running from the trauma.
You were born female, you have always been female, even when preforming masculinity you were/are female. It sounds like from your post that you are laboring under the mentality still that this fact was somehow altered by a transition, but it isn't. You accept it just as you might accept your eye color. You don't need to do anything other than simply introducing yourself as a woman to not be trans anymore.
Now "some parts of me still perceive myself as a man", I think we all go through this a little, it really is just a habit and will go away with time. Don't obsess over it, it's fine to call it out and go "haha I just thought of myself as a man, so silly". As in, acknowledge it, don't feel like you need to suppress it (that makes it worse) and just let yourself heal on your own timeline.
Now I'd recommend making something like a Pinterest board or something of what aesthetic you like, don't force it, pick images of women with styles/makeup etc that you ACTUALLY enjoy.
This shouldn't be a forced process, this should feel like a transformation into being more yourself.
Also I would suggest questioning what you mean by being more 'masculine', do you mean behavior? style? appearance? Challenge those thoughts and see if they really hold up or if they are just a generalized stereotype.
I think it is one cause but that there are multiple causes, no singular thing is the motivator, from my pool of irl acquaintances there's a lot of CSA that drives wanting to be the opposite gender and that's what it was for me. This does seem, at least antidotally, more common amongst FTM but I've heard some MTF also mention this.
It will naturally sort of thin, the hairs will still be there but testosterone turns hair growth into overdrive so they will grow in thinner and slower than before.
Personally, if you have high contrast between your hair and skin color I would recommend getting an ipl for your body hair if it really bothers you but laser is too $. They can be very effective especially on body hair (facial hair is more stubborn) and cost way less, you just have to regularly do it until the hair is gone, at which point you do it once a month to keep the hair gone.
"I want to present as her" -> This right here is what will get you through this. Detransitioning is very complex and difficult. We all have struggles and that struggle makes it easy to partly wish to just keep things as they are. But ultimately, when we know we want to be ourselves as a woman, we have to live that, anything else is just more hurt. It's worth the struggle.
"yet part of me feel comfortable as a male" -> I feel this a lot too, I would recommend really reflecting on what it is that feels comfortable about being male. For me personally it is the sort of invisibility I was able to achieve, it felt so comforting and safe to exist with less attention. Unpacking the specifics of what I liked help me shift my thinking to something more productive.
Similarly, I went 15 -> 25 and a big part of it for me was realizing that I specifically wanted to be a mother to my future children. If you don't want to focus on the transition side of things you can focus on the motherhood aspect. Something like "I've realized my role as mother to my daughter is important to me and that I am happier being her mom than being a man."
I've invested in an ipl device, it takes time to fully get rid of hairs and it depends on your skin and hair color having good contrast, but I def have noticed both a thinning of the hair as some hair follicles have 'turned off' and the hair grows much slower so I don't need to shave as much. Using it on basically my whole body, some hairs seem more easily banished, my arm pit hair for instance only took a few sessions to start barely growing, facial hair is a bit more stubborn but still progress over time.