This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "Seeking_Knowledge21" appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex personal narrative that evolves over time, which is typical of a real person grappling with a detransition/desistance experience. The user's specific details about their medical history, internal conflicts, and social fears are not generic and reflect a genuine individual perspective.
About me
I was born female and started testosterone as a teenager, which I now regret because I was too young to make that decision. My journey was deeply tied to trauma from my mother's death and being bullied for being masculine. I stopped hormones a year ago due to health concerns and a growing feeling it was wrong for me, and I'm grateful I never had surgery. I've realized I can be a masculine woman without changing my body, and I've started to love and accept myself as I am. While I still live socially as a man, my detransition is a private process of finding peace with the female body I was born with.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition has been a long and complicated process of figuring out who I am. I was born female and was always a tomboy, never fitting in with other girls. I started taking testosterone when I was 15 or 16 years old. I was a teenager and my brain and body were still developing, and looking back, I find it disturbing that such a young person was allowed to make that decision. I was on T for about three or four years.
A big part of my story is tied to trauma. My mother passed away when I was nine, and my father later mentioned that he thought I might have identified more with my body and my biological sex if she had still been alive. I think my gender confusion might have had a PTSD component to it, though I’m not entirely sure. I also had very low self-esteem and was bullied for being masculine, which made me think that because I didn’t fit in as a girl, I must actually be a boy. That was a major reason I transitioned.
I was very happy on testosterone at the time, but I stopped about a year ago. Part of the reason was medical; the clinic wasn't monitoring my levels properly and it was causing health issues. But stopping also made me start to question everything. I realized I didn't want to be on hormones anymore. Surprisingly, even though I was super happy on T, I feel equally as happy off of it now.
I never had any surgeries, and I’m so grateful for that. My father was especially against bottom surgery, and he made me think twice about it. Whenever I thought about surgery, especially bottom surgery, I had a strong negative gut feeling—a kind of hesitation and a "wrong" body sensation that felt like a warning. I listened to that feeling and knew it would be a mistake for me. I sometimes get second thoughts about top surgery, but my gut tells me that would be wrong, too.
Now, I’ve started to learn to love my body the way it was born. It’s been a process of self-love and acceptance. I don’t feel much body dysphoria anymore; in fact, I’ve started to take pride in myself. I’ve realized that I can be a masculine female. I can wear men's clothes, act masculine, and like masculine things without having to be a man. I don't see a need to change my body to feel better about myself. I can connect my mind and my body without medical intervention.
I haven’t socially detransitioned and I don’t plan to. I still live as male, use my chosen masculine name, and have male gender markers. I hated my birth name and feel a real disconnect from it; this name fits me. I still pass as male very well because I was always masculine-looking, even before testosterone. My voice is permanently deeper now, but it’s not extremely deep. This detransition is an internal, private process for me. I don’t feel the need to tell my family, my doctor, or my friends because they were all so supportive of my transition, and I’d feel guilty bringing it up. I’m afraid a therapist wouldn't understand and would just act like the gender specialists I saw before.
I’ve been looking into butch lesbian communities online and find them really relatable. It’s comforting to see other women who are masculine, experience dysphoria, and question what it means to be a woman. I think I might fit in there, but I’m a little scared that because I was a trans man, I won’t be accepted.
I do believe that being trans is a mental illness, a product of the mind often caused by pre-existing trauma or other mental health issues. It’s not something that can be scientifically measured like a physical condition. For me, it was a feeling of discomfort that came from my mind.
I have no regrets about my social transition—living as male and changing my name—because it’s who I am. But I do have mixed feelings about taking hormones so young. I’m glad I never had surgery. I’m now focused on accepting myself fully as a masculine woman and living a happy, healthy life.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 9 | My mother passed away. |
| 15/16 | Started testosterone therapy. |
| 19/20 | Stopped testosterone therapy due to medical monitoring issues and personal questioning. |
| 20/21 | Began the internal process of self-acceptance, identifying as a masculine female while maintaining a male social identity. |
Top Comments by /u/Seeking_Knowledge21:
I agree that it shouldn't be legal until the age of 18. I find it really weird and even disturbing that young children and adolescents are being allowed to go on hormones when their brains and bodies hadn't even fully developed. So of course it's gonna be confusing - cis or not.
I was allowed to go on hormones in my mid teens (FTM) and personally have mixed feelings. I'm grateful my father had me think twice about surgery (he was especially against bottom surgery/removal of internal reproductive organs).
I think it's going well. I'm still very much in the stage of learning to accept myself (aka my physical body) and also how to accept how I express myself. It's really about self-love for me, I guess?
I had already stopped Testosterone, and even though I was super happy while on it - now I feel equally as happy without it. Not sure why lol. I still socially act as a male, and haven't legally detransitioned...just stopped the hormones and changed the way I see myself. So now able to take pride in myself I guess.
So I don't understand what they think the problem is? I don't see anything transphobic about having a place for people who detransitioned to be able to talk/etc? I didn't see anything transphobic here?
Is it cause of the reddit group in general or is there individual stuff their bothered by? Seemed like alot of assumptions..
I agree with much of the above, something that definitely helped me when I was considering my options (even though I went ahead with them) was how I "felt" when thinking about the various surgeries, any initial reaction I had.
Like for me, despite me always haven dressed/acted masculine when I was questioned if I wanted bottom surgery, my initial reaction was a negative feeling/gut feeling. A mixture of hesitation and a "wrong"/cringe body sensation. Hard to describe, but it shows that at least on some level - I knew this was not the right option for me. Of course seeing how I'm medically detransitioned/where I am at now, I didn't listen to what my body was telling me.
It didn't change my dysphoria (least on the social level - like dressing masculine/etc) but did help me realize that a medical intervention wasn't what I personally needed.
I think it is VERY possible to live a happy and healthy life after detransition.
Detranstition means what YOU want it to mean. You can partially, or fully detransition. I myself am only going to medically detransition, and change my legal name/gender markers. So do what feels right to you.
Understand it's okay to be YOU, without having to change anything about you. For a personal reference, I have always been a very masculine person, and because I couldn't fit in with other girls my age (got bullied alot for it) - I thought this must mean I'm a boy/want to be a boy. Which was a big reason for my transition. HOWEVER now that I am detransitioning, I realize that I can wear men's clothes, like "masculine" things -- without being a man. I can be me, and be okay with that. I can connect to BOTH my body and mind - without having to change myself to feel better. So now I just see myself as a masculine female. I'm okay with that.
These are just some personal lessons I have learned, and thought I would share - hopefully they can be helpful 🙂.
I tend to notice all the masculine features of myself even after being off of Testosterone for about a year. Been unable to really see myself as female (well my face more so). To me I almost seem like a mix. My body (not face) is obviously female, but when I look at my face/head...I look very male. So I'd say my perception might be altered as well.
Not sure whether it could be from dysmorphia or from the actual effects that Testosterone had on my body.
I was thinking about joining a Butch Lesbian/lesbian group but my fears of "not belonging" or that I was previously a trans Man might not bold well.
How much time off of T did it take to start passing as female more? I've been off for over a year...but I still pass well.
I just took a look at the butchlesbians subreddit, and I'm finding it to be relatable. Especially with some women mentioning dysphoria, and boxers! Seems like a good place. As well as questioning what it means to be a woman, like womanhood. Which I find relatable, given I don't conform at all to society standards of feminity.
I believe it is a mental illness. I mean it's something that is a product of the mind/brain more then if at all the body. I think it can be caused by pre-existing trauma/other mental health problems.
It's not something you can take a blood test for, not something a genetic test can say 100%, or something that can be measured scientifically other then by subjective personal report. Which leads me to believe it is more a product of the mind/mental illness rather then diagnosable, like how you can diagnose a broken bone/etc. It's a feeling of discomfort associated with ones sex, not something we can see or really measure except for behavior associated with that feeling.
Just my opinion, not an expert.
Yes, I have been off for about a year. Although I went off for medical reasons, the place I was getting them at wasn't doing a good job at monitoring my levels which caused issues.
However later came to question, and realize I didn't want to be on them anymore.
From what I've seen, we/this group have been respectful of the various trans subreddit/groups and let them have their space - so why can we not have our space to talk about our feelings and thoughts. There's always going to be more then one side to any matter/thing/etc and each side needs a safe place to discuss/vent/and share their experiences.
I think the being wary comes from a scientific and developmental concern?