I agree in some ways and also don't. While it's easy to dismiss people as sexist for treating me "as a woman," and they are sexist, it's more complicated than that.

I don't feel "like a woman." I feel like a person. Who has a vagina. And is therefore, by default, a woman. I've done construction and I've done dance. I lift and I'm the bug-catcher in the relationship. I sew and cook and hunt, and none of these things are done "as a woman."

But sometimes, I do feel pressured to do things, "as a woman." I always wear makeup, especially lipstick, for job interviews and meetings. I've found that women without it are more quickly dismissed as unprofessional--even by other women I've previously respected. There's an implicit bias factor against women who don't tow the line, and people don't even realize their own sexism.

To some degree, it's on them. But in other ways, the bullshit "rah rah makeup is empowerment!!!! boss bitttccch" shit is just so. Fucking. Insidious. I'm not a boss bitch. I'm a boss. I'm not a female leader. I'm a leader.

But unfortunately, because I am a woman, some things I do as I move through life and need to survive will always be done "as a woman." As a woman who doesn't shave, is a big one. While I'd love to dismiss everyone who sees a difference between a person who doesn't shave and a woman who doesn't shave... I'd be dismissing a large share of people in at least the US.

As a woman in business, as a woman who sometimes has to walk places after dark, as a woman, as a woman, as a woman. It's fucking exhausting that society has forced it to be different. And we must continue to push for it not to be.

I don't perform actions as a woman, but I'm sure as hell conditioned and perceived and treated differently as one. So I get both what you mean, but also why many women say it.

Sorry for the rantvomit. But shit is exhausting.

I'm so sorry someone did this to you. It's unfair, and it sucks, that it's just normalized to let young people do physical harm in pursuit of perceived mental health, without considering the long term ramifications of removing organs on your mental health down the line.

As you move through this, try to keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to be a woman. Some women are full, and some are flat. Short hair, long hair, masculine, feminine, all of it.

You are no less for having had this surgery. You are no less for the clothes you like.

You're enough. Even with this physical trauma, I promise. You're still good, and worthy, and can be whole with this body.

It's hard to cope with, and it isn't fair.

People who love you, though--the ones who really love you, for you--will understand. Explain the "why" to them. Talk through feelings. You were sold a false bill of goods, and it didn't alleviate what you needed.

You may lose some of that "male respect" factor, and that's dogshit. It's unfair to women as a whole that everything we do is under the lens of "woman" rather than the lens of "person." We can change it, slowly, by living as we want and taking active steps to reduce the stigma and expectations of "gender."

You're just a person, whatever presentation you like aside.

I've seen a few replies talk about needing to compromise on your physical requirements or that you need therapy to help you become okay with vaginal sex.

Listen. If you want to want vaginal sex, go to a therapist. But you don't have to. Not liking something isn't bad.

Relationships aren't about being "in competition" with others. If you don't want to compromise on allowing a sex act you don't like, you don't have to.

You'll find your person, or you won't. As another commenter said, bisexual men may simply be your dating pool, and that's okay.

I'm personally lukewarm about vaginal sex, and my current partner knows that. We sometimes do it, and sometimes don't. He is also a gender abolishionist, wonderful homemaker, and does everything in his power to support my career growth as our breadwinner. He also respects my choice not to carry children, and stays up-to-date on typical "mom" issues in preparation for the time when we adopt.

I spent years of my life in deep, deep dysphoria or self-loathing when I compromised on my needs and comfort to "widen my pool." Grooming and dressing to standards I thought my partners—male and female—would find desirable. Allowing sex acts I didn't like and that were physically painful. I thought I was broken. I felt like every day, and every sex act, was an act. And I felt like a failed woman.

When I began living life without those things, without wondering who would love me as I am, well.

I got better at loving myself. And I found someone who does, too.

"Compromise" is for big spoon/little spoon. If you don't want something done to you in bed, you're under no obligation to provide it. And you'll find no comfort in landing a partner at the cost of your own constant discomfort.

Like, if it's something she wants to want. As in, "I'm not into that, but I would like for that to be something I want, but I have some trauma/hangups/whatever."

If that's someone's situation, they should go to a therapist to figure out solutions. If you have a good therapist, they can help work through it, whether that means realizing that you can like something, or coming to accept that you just won't ever like it.

Sorry it wasn't really articulate phrasing!

It needs to change, seriously. Nothing more frustrating than being accused of a lack of professional appearance when I look like every man in the office.

I mean. A few things more frustrating. But not many, haha.

I never feel more dysphoric and resentful of my womanhood than when I'm wearing makeup and "professional female attire." Doesn't make me not a female.

I'd work to examine what about maleness feels true to you, and what about femaleness doesn't.

And then, out those things in bins. Which are emotional/perceived/stereotyped things, such as interests or clothing preferences, and which are biology, such as feeling as though your genitals are wrong.

The first bin is easier to tackle. There are neither male nor female interests, clothes, styles, nor ways of speaking. There are simply expectations, and expectations can get bent.

The second needs a deeper dive. What about those physical traits triggers you to feel they're wrong? And would they truly feel wrong in a vacuum where nobody could see them? It takes critical reflection, and you may not be able to have that when dealing with an obsessive component.

I, for example, suffered from compulsions related to my skin texture (of all things) for years. I would engage in strange routines of exfoliating, shaving, exfoliating again, moisturizing, etc in response to specific feelings against my skin that felt unclean. And not only on my face, but on my whole body, to the point where accidentally touching syrup meant three hours lost purging myself in the shower.

I worked with a behavioral therapist and, for me, found that working with a combination of exposure and delay/distract/distance tactics worked over time. For example, I began by not taking my "emergency bag" places for longer and longer periods. I built a panic plan that consisted of comforts and distractions, usually a phone call with someone who could lead me down other topics. A lot of things helped. I'm proud to say I now haven't shaved, other than my face, in over a year.

That all being said, I can't imagine how terrible that would feel as a gender compulsion.

Nothing is wrong with you. Brains are weird, and society is also weird, and lots of factors have compounded to cause this. You're not wrong, and you can live a fulfilling life.

Find a balanced therapist--and look out for any who specify specializing in gender. I've unfortunately found most "gender therapists," even those who claim to be balanced, tend to push toward "affirmation" and ignore literally everything else.