This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The user's perspective is highly ideological and repetitive, which is common for passionate detransitioners/desisters. They consistently express a specific, personal theory (that male transition is primarily a fetish) and share personal anecdotes (e.g., losing interest in the "magic button" fantasy after getting a girlfriend). This repetition of a core belief is more indicative of a strong, fixed worldview than automated behavior. The comments are responsive to different posts and show variation in tone and advice, which aligns with a genuine, albeit very opinionated, user.
About me
I'm a man who started having sexual fantasies about becoming a woman when I was younger, but they completely stopped after I got a girlfriend. I realized my desire was a fetish, not an identity, and I saw how online communities push vulnerable people toward irreversible medical procedures. I came to understand that you don't need to change your body to break society's rules; a man can be feminine without pretending to be a woman. I never medically transitioned and I'm so grateful I avoided that path, as I believe it causes more harm than good. Now, I'm a fully comfortable man who is focused on living my life without being obsessed with labels.
My detransition story
My journey with all of this started when I was pretty young. I used to think the idea of turning into a woman was exciting, like a "magic button" I could press. It felt like a hot fantasy, something I'd think about sexually. I didn't have what people call gender dysphoria; I was just a guy who found the idea arousing. That changed after I got a girlfriend. The fantasy just lost its appeal and I didn't think about it anymore.
I spent a lot of time online and saw how these communities operate. Places like egg_irl are like brainwashing cults. They dig into people's insecurities, especially young and vulnerable internet users, and push them toward transitioning. I noticed that a lot of the people who are really active in grooming others online are trans men. They sell this dream that transitioning is wonderful and risk-free, but it’s a lie that turns people into lifelong patients.
I came to believe that for men like me, the desire to transition is mostly a fetish. It starts with imagining yourself as a woman, doing feminine things like wearing makeup and dresses, and being admired. Then it moves to sexual fantasies about having a woman's body. People dress it up as a cosplay or an identity, but it's often just a kink that turns into an obsession. They learn about transitioning online and are told it's an easy fix, but it doesn't solve the real issues underneath, like low self-esteem or depression.
There's nothing wrong with being a feminine man. Society has stupid rules about how men and women should act, and you don't need to change your body to break those rules. A man can be effeminate in his style without pretending to be a woman. I think people focus way too much on labels and identity instead of just working on improving themselves as a person. I don't live my life thinking about my gender or sexuality all the time; I just do my thing.
I never went through with any medical transition, and I'm so glad I didn't. I saw the damage it does. Doctors, who are often trans themselves, push people to take hormones and have surgeries really quickly, sometimes behind their families' backs. It's medical malpractice. These procedures don't turn you into the other gender; they just paint over your gender in a harmful way. You end up not being a man and not being a woman either.
I don't regret not transitioning. I regret that I ever bought into the fantasy in the first place. My thoughts on gender are simple: you can't change it. Men and women are different, and that's okay. Hating your body or your social role doesn't mean you were born in the wrong body. For women, I think it's often about trauma or hating the pressures that come with being female, not a fetish like it is for some men.
I benefited from just dismissing the whole idea. Some kinks are mentally harmful and turn into obsessions, and it's better to leave them in the bedroom. Living a social transition gives you an illusion that can ruin your life. I'm happy with the way I handled it, by focusing on my life without all these labels.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 16 | Started having sexual fantasies about turning into a woman, the "magic button" thought. |
| 20 | Got a girlfriend and the fantasies completely stopped; lost all interest in the idea. |
| 22 | Spent a lot of time online, saw how trans communities operate and realized it was a harmful path. |
| Present (25) | Fully comfortable as a masculine man with no desire to transition; grateful I avoided it. |
Top Comments by /u/SilentCity_:
Are we seriously meant to accept a group of non-trans people making discriminatory decisions about us whilst having the affront to pretend they're anything to do with equality?
When non-trans people gave them whatever rights they wanted i didn't hear them complain...
is there anything I can say that doesn’t make me seem like an extremist
Your friend is the extremist. That's why talking to him goes nowhere.
Edit because you probably want your question answered:
The problem isn't that you have different beliefs. The problem is that he gets upset over people having different beliefs.
This is immature from his part, there's not much you can do other than explain to him he needs to be more open minded, which shouldn't be hard since he is so progressive :)
I'm sorry to hear you feel that way.
Here is an article I think will be very useful for you:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/07/when-a-child-says-shes-trans/561749/
Also want to note "feeling chill" is not a male specific attitude. It seems you are idolising the male gender. With little information about yourself or how you feel I'm afraid I cannot do much more.
If you could answer these questions, it would be useful for everyone to better understand what the problem is:
When did you first start identifying as trans ?
What/who led you to believe you were trans? Was it online forums? Parents? Friends? Doctors?
Do you take cross-sex hormones? Have you had any surgeries related to trans?
Do you feel hatred for your own gender? If so what is it you hate? Your body or your "woman mind"?
Why do you believe becoming the other gender is going to solve your dysphoria? (FYI a lot of people here make the specific point that transition didn't help the dysphoria)
I'm not going to ask too many questions because this isn't a police interrogation but just so you know I'm willing to help you, so please answer these questions if they aren't too personal and don't harm yourself with knives.
Apologies if I am too straightforward.There is no such thing as transitioning to the other gender. People with gender dysphoria are sold a dream that transforms them into lifelong patients and does not fix the issues they had in the first place.There is nothing wrong with being more feminine than society has dictated you should be.
I believe men who wish to transition do it mostly (obviously not all) as a fetish. They do not suffer from gender dysphoria. They are not more likely to be homosexual or bisexual. They first imagine themselves as a woman, doing lady things like putting make up, cute dresses, being admired by others. They then wonder what they would do sexually if they had a woman's body (will not go into details).These men start putting make up on and cross dressing as a way to satisfy their fetish. They often tell others about it and in fear that they sill be shunned they lie and tell the world it is "just a funny cosplay".
The problem comes when they learn about transitioning online. Online forums and even some of the healthcare industry spread lies about how transition is wonderful and changes the life of damaged individual. They make it sound easy and risk-free. I have noticed most people who actively attempt to groom young and vulnerable internet users into transitioning are trans men.
There is nothing wrong with having sexual thoughts and imagining yourself as a woman, I am not the thought police. But from what you describe, I believe you fit what i explained above:
you say :
if I was more feminine maybe I'd be more inclined to "give it a go" as it would feel more "right"
Taking hormone pills and having surgery will not magically turn you into a bisexual. You do not need to have life ruining surgery to experiment whether or not you like men.
I may sound rough but I will not sell you a lie:
- There is no way to change into the other gender. Medical procedures and hormones are nothing but a lazy and harmful way to paint over someone's gender. They will not turn you into a woman. People who go this path will never be women and will no longer be men.
- You have noted that what's out there is more "pro-trans". I cannot explain why that is but the amount of medical malpractice and abuse towards children and young adults is terrifying. Doctors (who often are trans themselves) dictate to their patients what and who they are and that they should transition fast. From what I have read around here, most people transition within a year and are encouraged to take powerful hormones behind their families' back.
But you don't have to take it from me, instead take it from a trans person who deeply regrets it.
egg_irl is a brainwashing cult-like subreddit that digs into people's insecurities to propagate an agenda.
People who actively post in these types of subreddits very likely have sad lives and suffer from various mental illnesses. You should not take advice from these people who want to see others adopt a life-ruining lifestyle. These people feel no compassion for you, they don't want to see you get better, they want you to convert to their "dream human" aka transgender.
I was told it’s OCD which I can appreciate because I fit into all of the symptoms
OCD needs to be diagnosed by a professional. more information in this short video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbMUIlptZ0o
Who told you that you had OCD? Your family? Friends? Strangers on the internet who never met you? If you believe you may have OCD then by all means seek treatment but please keep in mind most pro-trans forums are populated by troubled teenagers, not medical professionals.
It makes me feel sick. I hate it sooooo much.
I hate myself for it because it’s causing me so much pain
I just fit right into what they describe
I'm sorry to hear you feel that way but I don't understand from your post the source of your pain. Who is "they"? What exactly is painful? Wishing you were the other gender? Not fitting in with friends? These things don't make you transgender, I mean I'm pretty sure those things happened to everyone at some point.
egg_irl is a brainwashing cult-like subreddit that digs into people's insecurities to propagate an agenda.
People who actively post in these types of subreddits very likely have sad lives and suffer from various mental illnesses. You should not take advice from these people who want to see others adopt a life-ruining lifestyle. These people feel no compassion for you, they don't want to see you get better, they want you to convert to their "dream human" aka transgender.
I'm sorry, but there's no way to stop being trans
There is no cure
This couldn't be further from the truth. These people should be giving you hope and empathy instead they scare you into transgenderism.
Stop browsing subreddits that are mostly run by over-sexualised men (egg).
Stop being so harsh on yourself :
I’m fat, have bad skin, and because I grew up with cultish, super strict gender roles
These things can change by having a better lifestyle (sports + better food), skincare and inner growth. These are just vague examples my point is you can still change and you have time. Don't let the trans cult rush you into a one-way street.
You asked for literature so I'm going to link some source (some are videos/interviews).
Btw I am glad you are taking the time to view all side of the trans argument.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7FI6_OKrzc
https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/d4x3ie/i_literally_had_a_perfect_transition_but_im_still/
Some of these are a bit conservative but as a rational person I'm sure you will find some use to them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UepYa1orqJ0
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/07/when-a-child-says-shes-trans/561749/
EDIT: this one is pretty good too
https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/fb888r/i_was_in_therapy_for_gender_dysphoria_as_a_teen/
Please keep in mind men and women are dysphoric for very different reasons. The subreddit you mentioned is mostly aimed towards men.
From what I have seen, men usually transition as a fetish and women do it because they hate their gender/body which is closer to trauma than fetish. This would makes sense considering you don't fetishise men's clothing which is the number one thing dysphoric men fetishise about.
Hating being a woman is not the same thing as fetishising being a man.
I'm not claiming to fully answer your question especially since I'm not a woman but I hope this was of help to you.
I can only give you advice based on my opinions and/or personal experience.
I would personally just dismiss it because I believe some kinks are more harmful mentally than others and quickly turn into an obsession. I think people focus too much on their gender/identity rather than improving themselves as a person, but again I've never experienced gender dysphoria.
I don't live my life with my gender or sexuality in mind. I just do my thing while vaguely putting boundaries on myself.
I am happy to hear you don't consider transitioning which I think is the point of the sub and my comment. I personally believe some stuff should stay in the bedroom so I do not recommend what people call social transition because it gives you the illusion that you can live as a woman. My advice is to stop living your life through labels; there is a difference between a man with a beard dressing up in public as a school girl because he wants to be what society dictates is a woman and a man using clothes to be effeminate because it fits his style.
I'm sorry to be of little help but I hope my advice/experience is enough.
Btw, when i was younger I used to think turning into the other gender was hot, like a "magic button" like you said. After I got a girlfriend I never found that thought sexy again. I wasn't disgusted or anything, I just found no arousal in imagining myself as a woman.