This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user provides an extremely detailed, consistent, and medically specific narrative of a long-term medical transition (including phalloplasty complications) and subsequent detransition. The emotional tone is raw, passionate, and nuanced, which aligns with the expected anger and pain of someone who has experienced significant harm. The advice given to others is complex and personal, not repetitive or scripted. The account's authenticity is further supported by its long history of engaging in debates and offering support with a distinct, consistent voice.
About me
I started my transition at 15, believing it was the answer to all my problems, and I medically transitioned for years. After a life-threatening complication from my final surgery, I was forced to question everything I had done. I realized my real issues were severe body dysmorphia and internalized misogyny, not a need to be male. I’ve stopped testosterone and am now trying to reclaim my life as a woman, though I live with many permanent changes. I’m finally learning to accept myself without needing to prove anything to anyone.
My detransition story
My name isn't important, but my story is. I want to share my experience so that maybe someone else can see a part of themselves in it and feel less alone. My journey with gender started when I was about 15 years old. I found trans YouTubers online, and their stories resonated with me deeply. They said all their problems more or less vanished when they transitioned, and I desperately wanted that escape from my own life. I came out as trans and began a medical journey that would last for years.
On paper, I was a textbook trans guy. I hated everything about being a woman and everything society expected of women. I checked every box for gender dysphoria. I did everything by the book: gender therapy, got all my letters, and was utterly confident in my decisions. I started testosterone when I was 20. For the first few years, HRT gave me things to look forward to, like my voice dropping and passing in public. I got addicted to the feeling of accomplishment, setting goals and achieving them. I had top surgery at 22, a hysterectomy (though I kept my ovaries) the next year, and phalloplasty the year after that.
But I always had this constant, nagging imposter syndrome. I never really felt like I fit in with men. My mindset changed on testosterone; I became emotionally numb, which I thought would be awesome but ended up feeling horrible. My empathy turned into irritability, and I started having random anxiety attacks. I became extremely introverted and avoided all social situations.
The phalloplasty was the turning point. It tried to kill me. I had significant blood clotting that led to an emergency surgery just over two weeks after the initial operation. I needed five blood transfusions, and they had to amputate half of it. The blood, gore, and pain were intense; I felt like I was dying. I was bedridden for about four months. Facing my own mortality like that forced me to think deeply about every life choice I had ever made and why I had made them.
That’s when I really began to question everything. I realized I hated being a guy. I hated being trans. I had changed myself so much to fit society's view of masculinity. I finally told my family I wasn't going to pursue any more surgeries and was hit with the "finish what you started" argument until I finally gave them the real answer: I think I fucked up.
I got back into therapy, and the running theory my therapist and I came up with is that I have extreme body dysmorphia and internalized misogyny, which, on paper, looks a lot like gender dysphoria. I hated everything about myself and everything about being a woman. I don't regret all of my transition. I hated my breasts—I was 5 foot nothing with DDs—so I don't regret top surgery. I hate kids and periods, so the hysterectomy was a relief. I only really regret phallo and HRT.
I’ve been off testosterone for over eight months now. Some effects have reversed. My libido dropped to a manageable level, and my porn addiction has improved drastically. I can cry again; it's an amazing relief. The anxiety attacks are gone. But some things are permanent: my voice, my facial hair, the surgical procedures, and the bottom growth.
I'm now looking into getting rid of my phallo and I've started voice training. It's awkward and hard at first, but consistency and practice have brought my baseline up over time. My voice used to automatically sit in a male register; now it's androgynous. I feel like a fake woman sometimes, like I don't deserve to call myself one because of the choices I made. But I've noticed that the more I accept everything, the less I feel I need to "prove" myself as a woman.
In the end, I don't think anyone could have convinced me otherwise unless future me came back and said I would regret it. I replaced people who didn't support me. It was my decision, and I learned so much about myself and the world in the process. The great thing about life is that it is all temporary and everything changes. Your hardships right now are temporary. Your appearance will change. This mindset has helped me immensely.
Age | Event |
---|---|
15 | Came out as transgender after being influenced by online communities. |
20 | Started testosterone (T) therapy. |
22 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
23 | Had a hysterectomy (kept ovaries). |
24 | Had phalloplasty, which resulted in serious health complications and emergency surgery. |
24 | Stopped testosterone and began to detransition. |
24 | Began voice training to feminize my voice. |
25 | (Present) Exploring surgical reversal of phalloplasty and continuing therapy. |
Top Comments by /u/Silhouettedchoas:
Long story short. The running theory my therapist and I came up with is that I have extreme body dysmorphia and internalized misogyny which, on paper, looks a lot like gender dysphoria. But I hated everything about myself and everything about being a woman. I found trans youtubers online when I was like 15 (10 years ago) and they claimed all their problems more or less vanished as they transitioned. From wanting an emo escape to loving and living life. I spent my adult years creating goals and accomplishing them, got addicted to that feeling of success despite the constant, nagging imposter syndrome. Did the, if I just make it to the next surgery I'll be okay and as soon as I finish this transition I'll finally be happy with myself game. I don't regret most of my transition. I hated my breasts or at least how large they were compared to my frame (5 foot nothing with DDs) so I don't regret top surgery. I hate kids and periods so the hysterectomy was a relief (kept ovaries). I only really regret phallo and HRT. But for the first few years HRT gave me things to look forward to. Voice drop, bottom growth, facial hair, passing in public, ect were all many goals that would give me this sense of accomplishment and success I am addicted to. The phallo, I hate it. And it looks fine, it's aesthetically pleasing. It's a great size. It's everything I hoped it would be. It also tried to kill me. But that's a whole different story lol. But when you're face to face with your own mortality, it really forced you to think deeply about every life choice you've ever made and why. This has gotten longer than I wanted it to. But that's a summary from the last 10+ years.
I can only speak to my experience. I came out as trans 10 years ago. I was on T for 4.5 years. I've had all the surgeries. I honestly don't think anyone would have been able to convince me otherwise unless future me herself came back and told me I would regret it. I've had countless people try to convince me out of it, tell me I'm wrong, point out every red flag, ect. But I simply refused to see it. I did all the research, I knew more, I knew myself and what I wanted. At least I thought I did. I set goals and I achieved them. Got a bit of gender euphoria along the way that would validate everything I did. I knew exactly what to say to get what I wanted and fuck anyone who got in my way. I focused on the blind support and pushed everyone else away. But it was my decision and I learned so much about myself and the world in the process. So, I guess in terms of can you force this person to see what you see and make them stop questioning or pursuing transition? From my personal experience, no. It is hopeless. Let them make the "mistake" and hope that they do not regret it. It is their life, their body, and their choice. An honest suggestion, appologize and support them. I replaced people who didn't.
None, I was a textbook trans guy. Hated everything about being a woman, hated everything society expected of woman, checked everything off in the DSM5 in regards to gender dysphoria and transgenderism. Came out as trans when I was 15, did gender therapy, got all my letters multiple times, started T when I was 20, top surgery when I was 22, hysto the next year, phallo the year after that, ect. Did everything by the book, checked all the boxes, was very confident in my decision. Now I'm detransitioning, I'll be 26 this year. There are a lot of reasons for my decision, too many to list out here and way too long of a story for each one. Long story short; internalized misogyny/homophobia and body dysmorphia played a huge part. I recommend listening to the few videos on YouTube from Pique Resilience Project. I can relate to a lot of what they all talk about and they explain it all really well. Start with the oldest videos. Testosterone is a powerful hormone with a lot of irreversible changes. In the end it is your decision and yours alone. I hope whether you decide to transition or not that you do it for yourself and you remain happy with your decision as the years tick by.
I had phalloplasty, with a lot of complications, and really began to question myself. I realized I hated being a guy. Hated being trans. I had changed myself so much to fit societies view of masculinity. I became extremely introverted and avoided all social situations. I told my family I wasn't going to pursue any more surgeries and was hit with the "finish what you started" argument until I finally gave them the real answer that I think I fucked up. Then they were like "oh. Well, shit." And theyve been great about it, I got back into therapy, I'm looking into getting rid of my phallo now and I've started voice training. Turns out I had/have extreme body dysmorphia coupled with internalized misogyny.
I heard a saying a long time ago in regards to self conclusion that has stuck with me.
It's not that you want to die, it's that you want life as you know it to end.
But the great thing about life is that everything is temporary. Your life will change and, technically, change as you know it. Thus an emo exit strategy is a permanent fix to a temporary situation.
It sucks, trust me, I know. But training works. It's awkward and hard to maintain at first, but consistency and practice will bring your base line up over time. My base line used to automatically sit in a male register, it's been several months now and it automatically sits in an androgynous register. My voice use to crack and waver trying to mimic my pre T voice and now I can do it with ease. It's still hard to maintain throughout the day but it gets easier. I used to have no hope and now I'm the most hopeful I've been in regards to my voice. It does get better though, as per personal experience. Don't give up.
The great, fantastic thing about life is that it is all temporary and everything changes. Absolutely everything. Your hardships right now are temporary. Your appearance will change. Depression symptoms are temporary, like the motivation to get out of bed. Friends and enemies will change. Yes, that also means the good things in your life are also changing and temporary but it makes them mean so much more because of it. This mindset of everything being temporary can help you get through the tough times knowing they will end and also enjoy the good times so much more than you normally would. I'm proud of you for being here today, for reaching out, not many people are able to do that and it's amazing that you can AND did. I think practicing the temporary mindset will help you if you can utilize it in a healthy, positive way. It's helped me in similar situations. Otherwise maybe you could take an LOA for mental health? Focus on yourself and make you your priority. If you take anything from my comment here though, let it be this; your death will never benefit your family or friends. They will blame themselves and spiral into their own depression if you complete. They will live the rest of their lives wishing you were there to share their experiences, accomplishments, sorrows, broken hearts, best and worst days with. They will go to your grave site and reminisce on days long past and days that never will be. They will shake their fists at the world and wonder what they did wrong to make you feel this way and come up with countless ways to fix it before it happened. They will dread family gatherings of any sort for the obvious hole in their hearts and mindset that you should have been there. For your family's sake, don't end it. You underestimate how much your presence means to the people around you. Even on your worst days.
In a detrans space like this, most people will say something along the lines of it not existing. I'm nonbinary. My opinion is, it doesn't matter. And no one else's opinion matters. It's not some big thing you need to figure out, literally no one cares outside of the internet. Just be you, fuck the labels.
Negative side effects for me; genital sensitivity to the point it hurt more often than not, increased libido leading to porn addiction, emotional numbness which I thought would be awesome but ended up feeling horrible, empathy turned into irritability, started having random anxiety attacks (I didn't realize they were T related until I got off and they quit altogether). Then of course the menopause symptoms, baldness, I personally didn't get much acne. From a detrans side after realizing you have made a mistake (took me 10 years, 5 of those on hormones + all surgeries, I was confident in all those decisions) then that damage includes, the amount of hair growth, especially facial hair, vocal depth, any surgical procedures, possible fertility issues, and genital deformity from bottom growth. I also had constant major imposter syndrome, less from T but more from trying to fit in with men as a man. Biggest thing about T for me, it does change you mentally. I'm not sure how to explain it but your opinions, perceptions, social tolerances, can change. Your whole mindset shifts. At least mine did, I haven't seen much shared about that, maybe just me 😅
Thank you. I had significant blood clotting blocking arterial flow resulting in an emergency surgery a little over 2 weeks after the initial surgery. Over 8 hours later and 5 blood transfusions they amputated half of it. Im told 5 blood transfusions, especially on someone my size in the amount of time I recieved them was concerning. The blood, gore, and pain was intense. If anything, I felt like I was dying. Plus they were not hopeful that it would survive and at any minute I could go back into another emergency surgery. They kept me on blood thinners to prevent another clot which in turn made me bleed more and kept my blood pressure consistently low which contributed to the blood transfusions. 11 days later the swelling and trauma of the emergency surgery caused insane wound separation. I had a massive gaping hole around over a quarter of the base. Then not long after that the stitches popped along the underneath of it. I was bed ridden flat on my back for about 4 months before I was even allowed to sit up. I did document it all as it happened under a different Reddit account if anyone is interested. However, trigger warning, it is gory and hard to look at. It's not pretty. I still have a hard time looking at pictures and I'm pretty good with blood and guts.
Do you not see the hypocrisy in your words? You're acting exactly the same way you claim these bigoted females act. You literally are what you hate. I can guarantee the reason females dislike you is because of your attitude towards them and your opinions about them. I would hate to be anywhere near you with that kind of mindset. This is the equivalent of "All men hate women and only want sex." You attract what you look for. If all you're looking for is misandrist women then that's all you're going to see. It's the law of attraction, you're doing it to yourself. It sounds like you had possible traumatic incidents with women that destroyed your confidence and how you view yourself. Something you should work through with a therapist.