This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or not a real detransitioner/desister. The comments display a consistent, deeply personal narrative about grappling with identity, body image, and social anxiety. The emotional nuance, self-contradiction, and specific sensory details (e.g., discomfort with bras) are highly indicative of a genuine human experience.
About me
I never felt like I fit in as a girl and hated my developing body, so I started binding my chest and eventually identified as a trans man. I took testosterone and had top surgery, thinking it was the solution to my deep discomfort. After the initial high wore off, I realized I had made a huge mistake and began to miss my old self and envy femininity. I stopped hormones and now I'm trying to find my way back, letting my hair grow and exploring feminine clothes again. I'm working on accepting myself as female, though I have deep regrets about the permanent changes.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young. I never felt like I fit in with other girls, and I hated the changes that came with puberty. I developed a deep discomfort with my body, especially my breasts. I hated them and felt incredibly self-conscious. I started binding because I couldn't stand the way they looked or felt. I just wanted to be flat.
I think a lot of my feelings were wrapped up in low self-esteem and a kind of internalized misogyny. I was ashamed of being a girl and I thought that to be strong or to be taken seriously, I had to be as masculine as possible. I saw being feminine as a weakness. I also have sensory issues, which made wearing bras or certain feminine clothes feel unbearable. The feeling of the fabric was just too much.
I started identifying as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. It felt like an escape from all the things I hated about being female. I was so caught up in being upset that people weren't respecting my new pronouns and identity that I never stopped to question if it was what I truly wanted. It felt like reverse psychology; the more people pushed back, the more I dug in. I was deeply influenced by online communities that affirmed this path without question.
I took testosterone for a while. It gave me a deeper voice and some facial hair, which I'm now dealing with through waxing and looking into laser treatment. I also had top surgery to remove my breasts. At the time, I thought it was the solution to all my problems. I thought it would finally make me happy and comfortable in my skin.
But it didn't. After the initial high wore off, I realized I had made a huge mistake. I started to miss the person I was before. I began to envy women and their femininity. I realized that I actually love the aesthetic of feminine clothes and long hair. I'm letting my hair grow out now and I'm trying to find my way back to dressing in a way that feels good to me, even though it's scary.
I want to wear nice clothes again, like a simple t-shirt instead of a baggy sweater, or a nice long skirt. But it's hard. I get really nervous because I don't have breasts anymore and I'm worried about people staring at my chest or my nipples showing. It's a mixed feeling—on one hand, it's uncomfortable to be stared at, but on the other, a small part of me is glad that someone might find me attractive.
I'm still figuring out my pronouns. I know I like she/her again, but I'm not sure if I'm a woman or non-binary. I'm pretty sure I'm not a guy. I just know that I'm craving femininity to make up for all the years I missed out on womanhood because of a mistake I made.
I do have regrets about my transition, especially the top surgery. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it's okay to question your gender, but it's also okay to change your mind. My dream now is to be a stay-at-home mother one day, and I feel like my journey has made that dream more complicated.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
12-13 | Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and developing breasts. |
16 | Began identifying as non-binary and started binding my chest. |
18 | Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone. |
20 | Had top surgery to remove my breasts. |
21 | Stopped taking testosterone and began my detransition. |
22 (now) | Letting my hair grow out, exploring feminine clothing again, and working on accepting myself as female. |
Top Comments by /u/Silver-Midnight9383:
I'm sorry you went through that. It's like reverse psychology. I was so caught up in being upset that no one respected my pronouns or identity that I didn't stop to question if it's what I really wanted. I guess looking back, I had a lot of internalized misogyny, and I wanted to be as masculine as possible because I was ashamed that I was still a girl deep down. Like I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that it's okay to question my gender, but if I change my mind it's okay.
Well, I used the word staring because I didn't know how else to describe it. But it's just that when I'm talking to someone, for example, they'll keep glancing down at my chest. As well as people checking me out. And it makes me really uncomfortable. Although I have mixed feelings about it, because I'm glad that people find me attractive (or at least it would seem so).
That's not a nice thing to say. It's not misogynistic for me to want that, I was saying that it's internalized misogynistic for me to be ashamed of wanting that. And I don't think that's fair of you to say that wanting to be a stay at home mother is unnatural. It's my dream and being a parent is just as important of a job as any other job.
Yeah, I mean, it's not because I want to fit into the modern style that I want to dress differently. I just want to feel good about myself, and personally I mean... I'm not even aiming to wear anything too revealing because I would be uncomfortable with that. But I just want to be able to wear a t-shirt instead of a baggy sweater lol. Or a nice skirt. I guess I just want to be confident enought to wear nice clothes.
I see. I don't like wearing revealing clothes either, but I don't think it's healthy for me to be not allowing myself to wear nice clothes because I'm worried about being stared at.
Like, I want to wear more feminine clothes again, but maybe I'll try to ease into it to not overwhelm myself. I've tried wearing bras, but I can't stand it because I have sensory issues. And then I get nervous that people can see my nipples through my shirt, so I don't know what I should do. Maybe I'll look into bras that are more comfortable but still do their job. And then I was thinking a long black skirt so as not to stand out too much would be a good way to ease into it. Also, I can't wait for my hair to grow out.
But yeah, it did feel nice to express myself and also, people say that you don't need to express yourself femininely to be a woman. But I need to in order to feel like a woman again and I feel like I'm craving femininity to make up for all the years I missed out on womanhood because of a mistake I made.
I'll look into that. I think I want to try waxing first and if that doesn't help, I'll save up some money to get laser treatment. Thank you for your advice. I actually don't live in America, but I'll see if I can find a good place somewhere close to where I live.
I guess it took me a while to find myself, but I just love the aesthetic of feminine clothes and long hair, and I have realized that I like she/her pronouns, although I'm still deciding if I like he/him and they/them too and maybe I am nonbinary, I'm not sure. It's confusing, because I also used to envy the way men looked, and now I'm envying the way women look, so maybe it was just the male aesthetic I liked more, but maybe I was still not exactly a man. And now I'm just realizing that I'm more into feminine aesthetics now. I'm still questioning whether I'm a woman or nonbinary, but I'm pretty sure I'm not a guy.