This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly specific, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over time. They describe a complex personal journey involving a husband, financial struggles with transition, evolving feelings about their body, and detailed interactions with therapists and friends. The emotional tone—fear, regret, relief, anger at community dynamics—is appropriate for the sensitive topic and aligns with the passion and pain real detransitioners often express. The language is natural and conversational, without the repetition or rigidity of a bot.
About me
I was born female and never fit in, which made my childhood and teenage years really difficult. I started testosterone at twenty-two, but the financial strain and the physical toll of starting and stopping the hormones were awful. I eventually realized my discomfort wasn't with being a woman, but with the pressure to conform, and that I'm actually just a gay woman. I'm now detransitioning, but I'm scared to tell my husband, a gay man, how serious I am about it. While I have a lot of regret, I'm also trying to accept that my feelings can change and that I just want to feel free.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition has been long and confusing. I was born female, and from a young age, I never fit in with what was expected of a girl. I was gender non-conforming and got picked on a lot for it, especially in my hometown and by my family. It was really rough. I didn't even know what being transgender was until I was eighteen years old.
Looking back, I think a lot of my initial feelings were related to the discomfort of puberty and the pressure of being a woman. I hated my breasts and my very feminine name felt like it was used against me. I started to believe that my discomfort meant I was a man. I had several therapists, but they were all very quick to affirm that I was trans without ever really exploring my other options or the times I doubted myself. I wish someone had suggested I look at other possibilities, that it would be okay if I wasn't trans.
I started testosterone when I was 22. My insurance didn't cover it, so it was a huge financial strain and I was on and off it multiple times because I couldn't always afford it. The hormone imbalances from starting and stopping were awful; I felt tired all the time, gained a lot of weight, and had extreme mood swings. It made me feel like I was going crazy.
For a long time, I thought I was a man and saw myself that way. But then, a total switch happened. My female body stopped making me dysphoric, and instead, the changes from testosterone started to make me feel dysphoric. Shaving my face every day is what makes me the most dysphoric now. I began to question everything and see my past in a completely different light. I realized that what I thought were signs I was a trans man were actually just signs of me being a gay woman who didn't fit in. I am so relieved that I never got top surgery.
I told my best friend, who is trans, about my doubts. He just laughed and said if I wasn't really trans, I wouldn't have transitioned in the first place. That reaction made me dive deeper into the trans community to try and convince myself I wasn't making a mistake, but all I saw were other people constantly doubting themselves and only being told, "it's normal! You are trans enough." No one was ever allowed to suggest that maybe they weren't. I had to get away from it all.
I'm bisexual and married to a gay man. I told him about my feelings to detransition about half a year ago, but after his reaction, I got scared and tried to convince myself that transitioning was right for me. He said he would always love me, but I haven't told him how serious I am about detransitioning now. A big part of my fear is how people will treat him if I go through with this.
I am filled with a lot of regret now. I regret not exploring my options more and that my therapy was so affirming without question. I'm trying to break my mind out of the idea that nothing has to be set in stone. My feelings have come in waves; sometimes I feel a huge weight has been lifted off me, and other times it feels like the world is crushing me. I know that wherever life takes me, I just want to feel free.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12-13 | Started experiencing significant discomfort with puberty and social expectations as a female. |
| 18 | First learned about the concept of being transgender. |
| 22 | Started taking testosterone (T). Was on and off it due to cost. |
| 24 | Stopped T for good by my own choice. Had been off it for a couple of years prior to fully deciding. |
| 24 | Officially began my detransition by stopping binding and fully accepting I was detransitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/SkullsAndTeaTime:
There were lots of reasons but mainly I was done ignoring that my female body wasn't making me dysphoric anymore. In fact it was the effects of the t that started to make me feel dysphoric. It's weird, like a total switch happened and I'm not sure why or how. This got me to question so many things in my past and now I see them in a different light. Idk, I'm so filled with regret now.
I also doubted myself serval times before and during my transition. I also shrugged it off and went on through with getting T. I did have dysphoria but now what I was dysphoric about has gone away. I never gotten the chance to get top surgery and everything about my female body that made me dysphoric is gone. I feel dysphoric with what T has done to me. Like shaving my face everyday makes me the most dysphoric. (Keep in mind I'm speaking for myself)
I really did think I was trans and I saw myself as man. But now that this has happened to me I'm looking towards my past and seeing things in a different light. What I thought was signs that I was a transman now I see it how I was being treated as a not straight gnc woman (and a woman in general) in my town and family. It was rough.
Now I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I wish I could have known my other options. Had my therapist not be so quick to affirm I was trans. Had express all the times I questioned if transitioning was right for me.
My husband was very feminine back in the day. Like he still is feminine but he was really feminine back in his early 20s. He's friends would pressure him to transition and make jokes that he wasn't a gay man but a closeted heterosexual. When he told them that he wasn't trans but just a fem man they'd get mad at him
I agree. I once awhile back ago told my best friend (who is trans). How I've been feeling. He just kind of laughed and told me that if I wasn't actually trans then I wouldn't have had the feelings of needing to transition. I then told him there were multiple times in the past that I had questioned if this was the right thing for me. Again he chuckled and just said it was normal to feel that way. That if I wasn't really trans then I'd wouldn't have transtioned in the first place.
So for awhile I dove deeper into the trans community trying to convince myself that I hadn't made a mistake. What I kept seeing was there were other people who were constantly doubting themselves too but only being met with, "it's normal! You are trans enough." Which if it turns out that transitioning is right for them great, but no one has suggesting that they look at their other options. That it would be okay if they weren't. I had to get away from it all
People like Kalvin and Blair think they are helping the trans community but of course they aren't. If gender was confusing for someone like me who grew up without knowing anything about transgenderism until I was eighteen I can only imagine how much more confusing it is for young people now. I was picked on to no end for being gnc. These young people who are going through the same thing have so many labels to go through now. They are going to be picked on for exploring themselves by people who don't know how it feels not to fit in with your gender. They don't need trans people doing the same thing. And now that I have begun to question my own transtion I have really came to dislike the phrase, "real transgender people ".
Hey, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I was feeling very alone too not too long ago, but everyone here has been very sweet and uplifting. There's not much I feel like I can offer now but I'll do my best. There are others on here who out and have been through this longer than I have but if you want you can always message me if you need someone to talk to.
As far as the hair thing. I can only speak for myself and I'm going to have to get my facial hair removed by laser. I haven't been on T for awhile now and I have to shave everyday.
I was on and off it the entire time I was on T because I couldn't afford it. My insurance didn't cover it so everything was out of pocket. Now I'm speaking just on my behalf here Some of my feminine features came back and my face did soften up but not enough But what really got me was the extreme hormone imbalances. I felt tired all the time, I gained a lot of weight, and had extreme mood swings Like being on it and the going off it multiple times made me feel like I was going crazy
Hey thanks for the reply. To be honest I was kind of scared to post here but I feel relieved that I have.
As far as steps go... I've shaved and I've quit binding (I'm so happy that I never got top surgery). I've also haven't been on T for a couple of years. At first it wasn't a choice (life happened) but later it became my own choice not to go back on it.
So I'm bi and my husband is biologically male and gay. He kind of knows because he pulled it out of me about half a year ago that I was thinking of detransition, but after telling him I got scared and tried to convince myself that transitioning was right for me. At the time I told my feelings he said that he would always love me, but I haven't told him how serious I'm feeling about this now. I guess I'm waiting to talk to a therapist first. There is a part of me that is afraid our marriage will be over but more of the fear is how people are going to treat him if I go through this.
Thanks for sharing. It has been waves of feeling weight has been lifted off me to the feeling that the world is crushing me. I know that wherever life takes me I just want to feel free. I know that I have to be prepared for giving people some time if they don't turn their backs on me completely
I think looking into a Christian therapist is a good idea. I never thought of it that way but I don't know if would be right for me. I've had Christian therapists in the past and because my own religion views differ from Christianity they wanted to focus on that and not the problems I was dealing with. Still I might give it a shot. After all if the therapist I go to don't work out I can always go to another. I think that is one thing I have to break my mind out of. Nothing has to be set in stone
I'm keeping mine. Even before I ever thought of transitioning I loved the name Tristan and I connected to it more than I ever did with my birth name. I'm not a feminine woman and I had the most feminine first and middle name you could get. It was used against me so much even before I lived as a transman. So go with the one that makes you happy and that you feel more connected to. If it makes a difference I really like your chosen name :)