This story is from the comments by /u/SolidElderberry that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's story is highly detailed, internally consistent, and emotionally complex. They describe a multi-year personal journey involving specific medical details (dosage, effects of HRT), therapeutic processes (EMDR, talk therapy), and a nuanced evolution in their understanding of their own trauma and internalized issues. The language is passionate and personal, reflecting the known anger and pain within the detransition community. The account does not read as a manufactured narrative but as a genuine, lived experience.
About me
I was born female and started testosterone in my twenties because I felt like an ugly woman and hated my body. I now understand my feelings weren't about gender, but were symptoms of trauma and a dissociative disorder that made me feel unsafe being a woman. After starting proper trauma therapy, I realized my transition was an unhealthy coping mechanism and I stopped hormones six months ago. I'm learning to accept myself as a woman and am working through my internalized misogyny with the help of therapy. While I grieve the permanent changes, I don't regret it because it was a survival tool that led me to finally get the right help.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is deeply tied to my mental health and a history of trauma that I didn't understand for a long time. I was born female, but I also have an intersex condition, which made my feelings about my body even more complicated from the start.
I started socially transitioning in my early twenties and was on testosterone for almost three years, from age 26 to 29. I never had any surgeries. At the time, transitioning felt like the solution to all my problems. I felt like an ugly, masculine girl and I hated my body, especially my breasts. I now understand that a lot of these feelings weren't true gender dysphoria, but were actually symptoms of other issues I was dealing with.
The biggest reason I transitioned was because of my trauma. I have C-PTSD and a dissociative disorder from childhood trauma. I didn't realize that dissociation can feel exactly like gender dysphoria—that feeling of not recognizing yourself in the mirror or feeling like an alien in your own body. I was running away from being a woman because, subconsciously, I didn't feel safe as one. My dad was severely homophobic, and I now see that I had a lot of internalized homophobia and internalized misogyny that contributed to me thinking I must be a man. I also struggled with low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
It wasn't until I started proper trauma therapy, including EMDR, about two years ago that I began to face my past. As I worked through my trauma, I realized my transition was an unhealthy coping mechanism, a way to escape my reality. Once I understood that, I knew I had to stop testosterone and detransition. I've been off T for about six months now.
I don't regret transitioning because it was the best tool I had to survive at the time, and it led me to where I am now. But I do grieve for my body and the permanent changes I made to it. I wish I had known then what I know now, and that I had gotten the right help for my trauma before I ever started hormones.
My thoughts on gender have changed completely. I see now that I was trying to fix deep psychological problems with a physical solution. I'm learning to accept myself as a woman, and radical feminism has actually helped me a lot with overcoming my internalized misogyny and being proud of who I am. I'm just taking things slowly, one step at a time, and seeing a therapist has been essential through this whole process.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 21 | First started thinking I might be trans. |
| 21 - 26 | Saw two different therapists, explored my identity socially over five years. |
| 26 | Started testosterone (T) therapy. |
| 26 - 29 | Lived as a man, was on T for almost 3 years. |
| 29 | Began intensive trauma therapy (EMDR) and started to understand my dissociation and trauma. |
| 29 | Realized my transition was a trauma response and decided to detransition. Stopped taking T. |
| 29 | Began the social process of detransitioning, telling friends and family. |
| 29 (present) | Currently 6 months off T, undergoing laser hair removal, and continuing therapy. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/SolidElderberry:
I'm a detrans woman and honestly im so mad this is the situation too. I didn't detrans for the same reasons but I sympathize with people who do really have sex dysphoria and want to transition to alieviate it. There are others who are not too far down the rabbit hole and they usually call themselves transsexuals. I'm very gender critical now but I still support them as they're doing the best they can to help themselves while still respecting women and women's rights. Check out Rose of Dawn on YouTube for some trans sanity. She does weekly videos on trans stupid, "because stupidity is intersectional too". Love her! Maybe a role model who is dealing with her sex dysphoria and avoiding the insanity will help you. Good luck.
It helps me to put it in perspective, but it still hurts. I'm sensative about the arm hair I gained after transition (ftm). I had arm hair before transition, but now there's so much more. Yeah women have arm hair, but it's the feeling that I wouldn't have this much arm hair if I hadn't gone on t. Every other issue I like this. Yeah there are men/women with this thing, but my body NATURALLY wouldn't be like this if it hadn't been for transitioning... So even if I could accept it as it is, it's a constant reminder of what I did and how I affected my body perminently. I don't think people understand that part. It's not just vanity. It's not just about physical appearance. It's the reminder that I transitioned and I perminently affected and changed my body and it was a mistake.
My first suggestion is to see a therapist to work on your mental health and have support going through this process especially because you said your mental illness came back and you're using drugs to cope. This is absolutely the first thing to do.
Next, you're not alone in this. There are a lot of other women who were on t as long as you or longer who stopped and have detransitioned. I was on testosterone almost 3 years before I stopped. Anecdotally, my voice has risen a little bit and with female vocal intonation it's even more passably female. (although my voice never got that deep anyway). Body hair is reversable too.
I definitly recommend therapy above all else though. I had so much internalized mysogeny before I came to terms with it and detransitioned and it sounds like you do too. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Life is a journey, we do the best we can to survive. Sometimes our paths change. No matter what - you will be okay and you will get through this.
I'm going to make a full reply to you in a bit but real quick I wanted to invite you to join the detransitioned women's discord. It's a great place to get support and make friends with other women going through a lot of the same things you are. https://discord.gg/bNTj2u
If you don't want to join the group that's okay too. I'm going to eat dinner then write up a full reply for you. Just know you aren't alone!
Done eating dinner!
So first just know you're not alone. This is very scary, if anything it's scarier than transitioning the first time I felt. But you can get through this. You did it once, so you can do it again! I was on testosterone for almost 3 years but I did not have any surgeries. I detransitioned after doing trauma therapy. The best advice I can give is to take things slow. You don't need to rush any of this. For me, stopping testosterone was an absolute must and I had to stop it ASAP to relieve my anxiety. I felt so depressed having to do my shots again. So if you need to stop doing that, definitely do that. Your period will come back unless you've had a full/partial hysto, but it usually takes a few months for that to start back up. Any effects of stopping testosterone won't be immediately noticable, so those around you won't notice and probably won't care unless you say anything.
But as far as anything else - do one thing at time. First I just told my very close friends. Then my family. Over time I experiments with my clothes and tried one item of female clothing. Then I tried small amounts of makeup. None of these changes are required either - I still wear 90% of the same clothes I did before I detransitioned and I'm happy with it. But I think for any changes you want to make, take it slow to give yourself time to adjust and so you aren't overwhelmed.
It will seem scary at first but I promise you coming out will not be bad. People will accept you. People will be happy that you are doing what's right for you and trying to be happy. I came out to people in groups - close friends, my family, my distant friends, my friendly coworkers... probably the best advice I got from my boss: you don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to. It's your private business and doesn't change anything. And that's still true! you're still you. You're just going to hopefully become a happier version of you.
I'd also recommend seeing a therapist as you go through this if you aren't already. It can be really good to have that outside support during stressful life transitions and as you continue you may find there are other things that come up. For example, I've had to deal with difficult feelings about my sexuality and my body image as I've detransitioned, and being in therapy has helped a lot through this process to manage my anxiety as well.
I mean I only took hormones, no surgery at all. I was ftm. I regret it but I understand it was a stepping stone to where I am now. I wish it had happened differently so I hadn't needed it, had gotten more therapy before hand, and on and on things I wish had stopped me. I grieve for my body, I grieve for the changes I made. I grieve for the years of my life I spent transitioning instead of learning to love myself and healing my trauma.
But it's not like the regret made me detransition. I have regret because I had to detransition at all. I wish I hadn't transitioned in the first place. I have regret because I wish I had known then what I know now.
"sometimes the way the world treats women stops me."
Honestly radical feminism helped me accept being female and unlearn my internalized misogyny. It's horrible how the world treats women, absolutely. Of course we want to hide and avoid being women. But that doesnt help other women does it? And that doesn't change the future for women, does it? You have to want to fight for better treatment even in the face of fear. It's not easy. But now I'm at least happy in my own skin and proud of being a woman.
It does take a lot of time though. I'm 6 months off T and some days it's still a struggle and I still face a lot of fear.
I agree. The only infants whose sex is assigned to them at birth are intersex infants.
But I think it takes people time to get out from under transgender ideology and ways of speaking. For people who are just starting to ask about, consider, or actually begin to detransition, saying A_AB is probably what they're used to and see others using. As they educate themselves further they might step away from that kind of language and choose instead to say they are born female or male. But it's a process of healing to feel comfortable with biology as reality. If we were already comfortable with that I don't think most of us would be in the situations we are. So I don't think we should shame anyone for using it, but help them to acknowledge that it's an inaccurate representation of reality.
The extremists definitly see detrans people as either traitors or examples of the failure of Tra ideology and transitioning.
My experience off the internet has been much milder though. All my friends and family have accepted me. My local FtM group accepted me and did not kick me out. As far as I know all my trans friends accepted me as well. I don't go to any community meeting things so no idea how I'd be treated there. I make a point of expressing the fact that I do not regret transitioning and it was the right thing for me to do at the time but no longer right for me to continue and this has helped fend off any of the "you were wrong" issues. If people say that they do not say it to my face.
So far... I've been accepted very well. Anyone who will accept me transitioning, but will not accept me detransitioning is a hypocrite and I do not need them in my life.
Holy shit... When I last had my eyes checked I showed pre glaucoma pressure or something... And had a few cases of swallowing problems and choking on food that terrified me... And urinary issues all while on t...i didn't ever think any of that (except the urinary issues) could be from t. It's so scary to wonder what else it's done...