This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments demonstrate:
- Emotional depth and empathy in responses to others' pain.
- Personal, lived experience with mental health struggles and therapy.
- Consistent, nuanced opinions on detransition and gender issues over time.
- Varied language and sentence structure that is complex and human-like.
The user's passion aligns with the expected perspective of a genuine desister or detransitioner.
About me
I never felt comfortable as a girl, especially when my body started changing, and I found communities online that made me think I was a man. I took testosterone and had surgery, believing it was the answer to my depression and anxiety. After a suicide attempt, I realized I was trying to fix a mental health problem with a physical solution and started proper therapy. I stopped hormones and now see that my discomfort was from trauma and a fear of growing up, not from being male. I am finally learning to just be myself, a woman who is a little different, by focusing on my health and building an authentic life.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated, and it was deeply tied to my mental health struggles. I never felt like I fit in, especially during puberty. I hated the changes happening to my body; developing breasts felt like a betrayal and I was intensely uncomfortable. I now see this as a form of body dysmorphia and a deep-seated discomfort with growing up, rather than a true feeling of being male.
A lot of my initial feelings were influenced by what I saw online. I found communities that gave a name to my discomfort—gender dysphoria—and it felt like an answer. I started identifying as non-binary first, but that quickly shifted to identifying as a transgender man. It felt like an escape from all the things I hated about myself and the pressures of being a young woman. I had very low self-esteem and was dealing with depression and anxiety, and transitioning felt like a way to become a new, happier person.
I ended up taking testosterone and had top surgery. For a while, it felt like the solution. I felt more confident and in control. But the underlying problems were still there. The depression and anxiety didn't magically go away; they just changed shape. I started to realize that I had been trying to solve a mental health problem with a physical solution. I also began to understand that some of my drive to transition was rooted in internalized homophobia; it was easier for me to envision myself as a straight man than to accept being a gay woman.
I had a suicide attempt during the height of all this turmoil, which was a huge wake-up call. It made me understand that I needed to address my mental health directly, not just my body. I found a therapist who didn't just affirm my transition but helped me explore the reasons behind it. This non-affirming therapy was actually the most beneficial thing for me. We worked through my trauma, my anxiety, and my self-esteem issues. I slowly started to realize that my gender identity was a symptom, not the cause.
I decided to stop taking hormones. It was a scary decision, but I knew it was right for me. I don't regret my transition entirely because I needed to go through it to learn who I really am. But I do have regrets, especially about the permanent changes from surgery and the fact that I am now infertile. I mourn the life I could have had if I had dealt with my issues differently from the start.
Today, I see gender very differently. I don't really believe in it as an internal identity anymore. I think a lot of it is about the social roles and expectations placed on us because of our sex. I'm comfortable now just being a woman who is a little different. I focus on managing my mental health through a healthy lifestyle—therapy, good sleep, diet, and exercise—and building a life that feels authentic to me, without labels.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started puberty; began to feel intense discomfort and hatred toward my developing breasts. |
| 17 | Discovered trans communities online; began identifying as non-binary. |
| 18 | Socially transitioned and began identifying as a transgender man. |
| 19 | Started testosterone hormone therapy. |
| 21 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 23 | Attempted suicide; began intensive therapy to address underlying mental health issues. |
| 24 | Stopped taking testosterone after realizing transition was not solving my core problems. |
| 25 | Accepted my detransition and began identifying as a woman again. |
Top Comments by /u/SqueakyBall:
Younger people are not here for your common sense, which they dismiss as transphobia. Never mind that a transsexual your age or mine would say the same gd thing. They'd dismiss that as internalized transphobia.
It's sad that they try to live in world TRAs promise them, not in the world as it is, largely comprised of natal people, straights and gays, whose sexuality operates differently than theirs. That's the tension, it comes from the lies they're being told.
Nowadays I think about myself as someone who has about 75 percent of the struggles a woman has but who isn't female.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much pain, and hope you find a solution that feels right for you. At the same time it's surprising that you still don't realize how greatly girls and women are affected by their biologically sexed bodies. Menstrual and reproductive issues are an enormous burden for many, straight and gay, healthy and health-challenged, child-free and child-wanting. This is intended gently: But your math is way off.
OP, I hope you can find a good therapist, and that the two of you can can chart a path together for your future. If you decide to come off female hormones entirely, please know that you aren't destined to spend your life angry and anxious. A good therapist can work with you on those feelings. Anger, for example, can be a manifestation of depression. Or you just may need to learn ways of coping. Same goes for anxiety.
At one point in my life I had crippling anxiety and depression. Through therapy and meds, I was able to work through that. (It took a long time but I was a bad case.) Now I'm not on any meds at all. Instead, I try to practice a healthy lifestyle and living to help control my emotions: regular sleep, healthy diet, exercise, meditation, etc.
Good luck.
OP, does anyone in your family know about your suicide attempt last night? Can they help you get to a therapist to talk about what's going on? You do need support right now, more than people online can give you. A suicide attempt is very serious. i know, i've tried in the past. With the right help you can get past this and live a happy life, but you need to work through it. You can't just brush these feelings under the rug.
Good luck.
You're the last person in the world anyone would consider an idiot. You are so smart and have such a strong mind and character.
I am so sorry you've been going through this turmoil, in both directions. I want to be very neutral in my comments here. Just know that I hope you and your therapist, with the support of your family and friends, are able to chart the best course, one that will leave you as happy as possible and as comfortable as possible in your own skin.
Whatever happens, I'll be rooting for you. xoxo.