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Reddit user /u/StillComedian7565's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 18 -> Detransitioned: 21
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
trauma
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user's comments are highly personal, emotionally nuanced, and contextually specific, detailing a complex relationship with a gay man and her own history of a brief medical detransition. The writing style is consistent, human-like, and reflects the passion and personal stake expected from someone in the detrans/desister community.

About me

I started transitioning because I felt uncomfortable as a woman and thought becoming a man was the answer. I took testosterone for a short time, but it felt wrong and didn't fix my deep-seated anxiety and low self-esteem. My relationship with a gay man was confusing and hurtful, making me feel like I wasn't enough as myself. I realized my transition was an attempt to escape trauma and the pressures of being a woman. Now, I've stopped all of it and am just focusing on learning to love myself for who I am.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender started from a place of deep discomfort and confusion. I never felt good about myself, especially as a teenage girl. I hated my breasts and felt a lot of anxiety about my body. Looking back, I think a lot of this was low self-esteem and maybe some internalised issues. I was also influenced a lot by what I saw online and by friends who were exploring their own identities.

I started to believe that my discomfort meant I was trans. I came out as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. I thought that was the answer to all my problems. I took testosterone for about two months. I didn't stay on it for long because it just didn't feel right to me. It didn't solve the feelings I had inside; it just felt like I was putting on a different costume. I never had any surgeries.

A big part of my story involves my relationship. I met my boyfriend when he was 20 and I was presenting as male. He identified as a gay man, and he was the first person who ever made me feel desired and loved. But our relationship was really confusing. He would say he loved me and found me attractive, but he also made misogynistic comments about other women and seemed to be more attracted to me when I presented in a more masculine way. He even told me that if it was just about sex, he would prefer to be with a man, but for a relationship, he wanted to be with me. That hurt a lot and made me feel like I wasn't enough.

He could be really hurtful, like making fun of me in front of his friends, calling me a klutz. When I had panic attacks, he would just go silent and seem judgmental instead of supportive. His family didn't accept him being gay, and they didn't really accept me either, whether I was a trans guy or a girl. It was a mess.

Eventually, I realized that my transition wasn't really about me. It was a form of escapism from my trauma and from the pressure of being a woman in a world that felt unsafe. I had this fear that heterosexual men would abuse me, and being with a gay man felt safer because there was no expectation of sex in the same way. I think I had a lot of unresolved issues that I was trying to fix by changing my gender.

I stopped testosterone and stopped identifying as trans. I don't really use any labels for myself now, not for gender and not for sexuality. I just am who I am. I don't regret exploring my gender because it helped me learn more about myself, but I do regret that I was so influenced by outside pressures and didn't get the right kind of help to deal with my underlying trauma and anxiety first. I think non-affirming therapy that addressed my self-esteem and past experiences would have been much more beneficial for me than transitioning was.

Now, I just focus on trying to love myself and find happiness. My relationship is complicated and often makes me feel bad, but I'm working on figuring that out. The most important thing I learned is that you can't let other people decide who you are. You have to find that for yourself.

Age Year Event
18 Came out as non-binary
20 Came out as a trans man, started identifying as male
20 Began taking testosterone
20 Met my boyfriend
20 Stopped testosterone after approximately 2 months
20-21 Lived as a trans man in a relationship with a gay man
21 Stopped identifying as trans, began identifying as a woman again

Top Comments by /u/StillComedian7565:

12 comments • Posting since February 1, 2023
Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) comments on her boyfriend's internal conflict, noting his misogynistic remarks, attraction to masculine-presenting women, and struggle with his sexual orientation identity.
25 pointsFeb 1, 2023
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Thank you for sharing your perspective. Now that I think about it, he and his brothers make really misogynistic and derogatory comments on all the girls they know, except from the ones that are older and look more 'motherly' to them. He likes women who look like men too, like bodybuilders (even the ones who have a very pretty and feminine face nonetheless). I'm really sorry for him because he even said that he struggles with his identity regarding sexual orientation, that for him it's an unnecessary tag but still he cannot do without.

Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) offers reassurance to a questioning FTM, explaining that teenage years are difficult for many women and that life, including having a baby, is still possible after mastectomy.
21 pointsFeb 2, 2023
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Don't beat yourself up. I don't know a single female that felt good about her early teenage years. They are so full of bad stuff. And you're still very young, this was a pretty though experience but it's not all your life is about. You could still be a pretty woman and you could still have a baby, there are substitute of breastfeeding. Also, there are women who did mastectomy because of other reasons, or just flat-chested women! You'll get out of it with patience and self-love.

Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) comments on an 8-year testosterone user's return of menstruation, attributing it to breaking free from indoctrination and expresses hope for their long-term recovery.
12 pointsJun 28, 2023
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And you took T for 8 years. This is what indoctrination does do people...I'm very happy for your self-discovery. I hope for you and for everyone that this experience will bring positive effects on the long term. You finally snapped out of that terrible state.

Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) encourages a confused user to define their own identity, affirming that they are a "beautiful guy" regardless of appearance or hormone use, and shares her personal attraction to feminine men.
12 pointsMay 12, 2023
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Don't let other decide what you are just for your appearance! You are a beautiful guy 😆, no matter how you dress or how many hormones you took (if you didn't, I'm sorry).

And P.S. I'm a bi girl and I really love feminine guys or that like to dress in a feminine way. Unless they tell me they are trans I would never say "that is a man with gender dysphoria".

Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) comments that her boyfriend's issue is not with her brief, 2-month testosterone use, but with the idea of her being a man, and that he called her transphobic for rejecting that identity.
11 pointsFeb 1, 2023
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Yes but I would have understood if I went on a "full" transition but I took T for barely two months. The problem is not physical it's just the presentation of it all in his mind. He still loves me and, as I said, he wants to have sex more than me and really appreciate my body and makes me compliments. The only thing is about this topic in particular. Once he told me that I'm transphobic just because I reject the fact that I could be a man.

Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) comments that her bisexual boyfriend, who has identified that way since middle school, would choose a man for sex but her for a relationship, leading her to believe he has unresolved sexuality issues.
7 pointsFeb 2, 2023
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That's his identity since he was in middle school. He came out only when he was eighteen, and he was pretty sure about that. He met me when he was 20 and now he's going to be 22 in April. He even said that between me and a man he would choose a guy for sex, but for a relationship he would choose me. And that's confusing. However people told me here to go on and to find my happiness. Even though I don't want to break up entirely with him I think he has some issues with his sexuality.

Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) comments on the complex family dynamics of her Italian boyfriend, whose parents rejected his coming out as gay and later his twin's bisexuality, and who also struggled to accept her during and after her transition.
6 pointsFeb 2, 2023
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Yup! We are Italian, but his parents didn't accept his coming out as gay either. The funny thing his twin came out as bi not so much later! His family didn't even accept me as a trans guy, and now they barely accept me as a girl. Don't know. Families are weird I think.

Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) discusses her relationship with her boyfriend, explaining that while he is keeping his trans label, they still love each other and plan to live together as partners.
6 pointsFeb 1, 2023
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Yes! I don't want him to change his label if he feels alright with it. But I still love him and he still loves me too, as you said he may feel guilty and unprepared for what's to happen. He wants to live with me as his partner. I would have already left him if it was an impossible case...now I just have to work on myself and I don't know what to do with him.

Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) explains that attraction to gay men can stem from a fear of sexual expectations and potential abuse from heterosexual men, often rooted in past trauma.
5 pointsApr 7, 2023
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I had the same problem as you! I loved gay men mainly because they didn't require me to "give" them something I didn't want to give (sex!). This comes from the bias that a (het) man may abuse you or rape you just for his attraction to females. This stems, usually, from traumatic esperiences and beliefs. You are not wrong, you just need to understand what you want and that you want to find a person that loves and respects you, and not a "gay man" just for the sake of it.

Reddit user StillComedian7565 (detrans female) explains her troubled relationship, describing her boyfriend's judgmental behavior during her panic attacks, his preference for her masculine past, and his tendency to mock her, such as calling her a "klutz" in front of others.
4 pointsFeb 2, 2023
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The reason is...I don't feel obligated. It was the first person that loved me and desired me as a partner. It's true that most of the time I don't feel good, especially at his home where he lives whis his parents and brothers. My feelings upset him a lot. More than once while I had panic attacks he fell completely silent and seemed judgemental too. Maybe he just feels clueless and impotent to help me. He enjoyed me more when I looked strong and more masculine. About him seeing other people...I just want to see him happy, though all the extra relationship were purely sexual and nothing else. I don't really know how I feel . I just feel bad when he mocks me in front of other people. He just has an idea now that I'm bad at everything. For example he plays the clarinet and I go see him playing even at rehearsal. I don't always hear him but this time his bandmaster asked him if I could play because they need somebody at the percussion, and he said I'm just a 'klutz' and I can't do anything. Without me hearing it was just a bad joke to made them laugh at me. And this is just an example.