This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
Key points supporting authenticity:
- The user shares nuanced, personal opinions and life experiences (e.g., being older, having many queer friends).
- The advice is empathetic, complex, and non-repetitive, focusing on individual journeys and the lack of one "right" path.
- The language is natural, with varied sentence structures and personal anecdotes that are difficult to automate convincingly.
- The user's perspective is consistent with a desister or an ally who is deeply knowledgeable about and invested in the community's issues.
About me
I spent years in queer and trans spaces, watching friends transition and some later detransition, which showed me there's no single right way to be. I worry that young people today only see transition success stories and not the full picture of those who change their minds. I believe we need to make more space for doubt and complexity, especially before making permanent changes. My own journey isn't about transition but a constant evolution of understanding myself. I think it's okay to be a work in progress and that changing your mind is just part of learning who you are.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been a long and winding road, and looking back, I see it more as a process of figuring myself out than a straight line from one point to another. I never medically transitioned myself, but I’ve spent a lot of time in queer and trans spaces, and I’ve watched many friends go through their own transitions and, for some, detransitions. This has given me a pretty broad view of the many ways people can navigate these feelings.
I’ve seen friends who were absolutely certain they were trans, took hormones, had surgeries, and are thriving. I’ve also seen friends who transitioned and then realized it wasn’t the right fit for them. Some of them have detransitioned fully, while others have settled into a more androgynous or non-binary space—one friend is FTM but now does drag in femme outfits, and another has a beard but wears high heels sometimes. Their journeys showed me that there’s no one way to be, and that it’s okay for your understanding of yourself to change over time.
A lot of my thinking has been shaped by worrying about younger people. I’m older, and when I was growing up, the language and acceptance for this stuff just didn’t exist. Now, there’s this huge wave of support for transitioning, which is great, but it sometimes feels like there’s no room for doubt or nuance. I worry that kids considering transition don’t always get the full picture. They see the success stories on YouTube, but they might not see the videos of people who changed their minds. I’ve shared those detransitioner videos with others because I think it’s crucial to see all sides of such a life-changing decision. It’s like climbing a mountain; you need to know the risks, not just the view from the top.
I don’t see my own path as a transition or a detransition, but more as a constant evolution. I’ve always felt that we contain multitudes and that it’s okay to be a work in progress. The pressure to have a definitive label—to be either a success or a failure—is something I really disagree with. Life isn’t like that. We make the best choices we can with the information we have at the time, and sometimes we learn later that we were wrong. That doesn’t make the entire journey a failure; it’s just part of learning about yourself.
I don't have any regrets about a personal medical transition because I didn't have one. My only regret is that our society struggles so much with uncertainty. People want clear answers—are you male or female?—and they get uncomfortable when someone exists in between or changes their mind. It can make it very hard for people to be honest about their doubts. I believe we need to make more space for that complexity, especially for young people who are trying to figure themselves out.
Here is a timeline of my perspective based on my comments over the years:
| Age | Date | Event or Thought |
|---|---|---|
| 50s | Feb 2019 | Reflecting on the spectrum of experiences among my queer and trans friends, noting that some are happy and some have detransitioned. |
| 50s | Mar 2019 | Sharing YouTube links to detransitioner videos to provide a balanced view for others questioning their path. |
| 50s | Mar 2019 | Advising someone that surgical options can wait and that there are many ways to exist in the world without permanent changes. |
| 50s | May 2019 | Acknowledging the influence of online spaces and porn, comparing it to junk food—appealing but not always healthy. |
| 50s | May 2019 | Discussing how parents often feel lost and want certainty, but that their love usually means they will follow their child's lead. |
| 50s | Jun 2019 | Stating that people are allowed to change their minds and that self-identification is a personal journey, not a fixed declaration. |
| 50s | Jul 2019 | Comparing a potential "failed" transition to a ended relationship, arguing that no life experience is a total waste if you learn from it. |
| 50s | Jan 2020 | Emphasizing the need for young people to have access to full information, including detransition stories, before making medical decisions. |
| 50s | Jan 2020 | Noting that dating pools can change post-transition, a reality some of my friends wished they had considered more. |
| 50s | Mar 2020 | Observing that societal pressure for definitive labels can make detransitioning especially difficult for people and their families. |
Top Comments by /u/Sullyville:
I feel like it could be so helpful if kids who are considering transitioning watch these vids as a counterpoint to all the other youtubers who are chronicling their trans journeys. It's just important that kids see many sides of a choice. Sometimes they dont have the life experience to articulate or recognize when they are motivated by something very buried.
You can change your name to whatever you want. People do it all the time for non-gender related reasons. I know someone who changed her name because she was converting to Judaism and wanted her name to be more Jewish. Some folks change their names because they are hiding from stalker exes, or because as a kid they did an embarassing thing that went viral and they dont want it to come up by google when they apply for a job. I'm just saying don't feel that you need a doctor's permission to change your legal name. People do it for reasons.
T is a big deal that changes your body in irrevokable ways. So if you are having doubts, don't do it. Certainly don't let peer-parent pressure coax you into it.
The problem with having trans friends when you are trans-reconsidering is that if you have doubts, they have a vested interest in convincing you or reassuring you. It's like a friend of mine who was a smoker who wanted to quit but all her friends smoked and she tried to quit but then when they all went out for a smoke break she'd be left in the restaurant alone and she hated that and felt left out so went outside and started smoking again. But please stick to your guns because this is a rest-of-your-life sort of decision, and you have only lived 1/5 of your life so far, and you might not have these friends for life. Maybe only the next few years before you all go off into other jobs.
good luck.
I'm probably a lot older than everyone here, but the thing about life is that you're going to fail more often than not. It's actually pretty rare for things to work out, or at least work out the way you expected. Sometimes you get into a relationship with someone and it doesn't work out, and do you see those 5 years as wasted time? Was that relationship a failure because it didn't last forever? Sometimes I find myself saying similar charming things to what my ex said, and I"m grateful I "inherited" that from that relationship. I don't think making mistakes consigns your entire life to being a failure. We live and we learn. We make the best choices available to us when we make them. Some things don't work out. But say you "failed" at transitioning -- then you are maybe the perfect person to counsel who is considering transitioning, or having doubts about it. I have been an outsider my whole life. But my empathy muscle for those who are overlooked is well worked out. You know how this Society wants to put a label on gender? You're either male or female. This or that. It's because it likes definitive conclusions. It feels good to make declarative statements. But that's not how gender is. And now you want to declare yourself either a success or failure. But that's not how life is.
I've worked with oncologists who regularly have to give women mastectomies because of the cancer, and the women they operate on often feel very similar. A very high profile person who had a mastectomy and then had breast implants is Angelina Jolie. If that's something you feel like you would want, know that you can have breasts back, but never the way they were originally. But then, we are never the way we were origiinally. Life is full of waves that we have to learn to surf on.
Just own it. Tell them you misread yourself. People are works in progress their whole lives, but more so at any time between the ages of 15 to 25. The shit I believed at 17 would make you call the cops on me. People are allowed to be wrong. There are a lot of times in life where you should be held to what you say (in court under oath, getting married, etc) but how you identify is completely up to you. Good luck. We contain multitudes.
The truth is our parents are out to sea about all this. They are fish out of water. They want the best for us, but are afraid of assuming too much or asking too invasively. Seems like your mom is a good egg. She's gonna follow your lead here. She's gonna talk about things to your comfort level. So you have your foot on the gas or the brake. But from what you've told me, I think you can - comfort permitting - talk quite forthrightly with your mom. Good luck.
i remember the first time a lesbian couple filed for divorce after same sex marriage was legalized. it had taken so long to achieve that there was a vested interest in the queer community in keeping up appearances. but this was a dose of reality. people are just people. shit happens.
Do what you need to survive right now. I am not in your particular position but I can certainly relate. I watched these Youtube videos of people in similar circumstances and it made me feel less lonely: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChCA_LScK33yNsiq0BIAa2g
This is a quite lovely panel of people who have changed their minds, and are astonishingly honest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxVmSGTgNxI
and this is that same crew and about social media. they also mention tumbr: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5A2n-EAli0
i hope this helps. good luck on your journey. no path to ourselves is ever in a straight line. it meanders. and that's ok.
Hmm. This reminds me a little about the situation with abortion, and about how heated people get about it. Some people don't even want folks to know it's an option, whereas others are upset that there are people trying to create laws to prevent this medical procedure from being available at all. And my feeling is that if you are 15 and considering transitioning, you should know absolutely everything about it. You should talk to happy transitioners and detranswers, and medical experts and middle aged transfolk, etc. Transitioning is like climbing Everest, you need to do a lot of research beforehand, because a lot can go right, but a lot can go wrong. And there may be far-reaching consequences that you can't even see yet.
Most of my friends are queer, and some of them have transitioned, but then started wearing the clothes and hair of their "former" selves. One is a ftm who now does drag performances in corsets and femmey outfits. Another friend has adopted a more androgynous look. They have a beard, but wear high heels when they feel like it. I'm not saying either of those paths are the way you should go - I am just trying to give a sense of the spectrum of detransition, or expansion of gender expression. At the end of the day, it is your body and your life. There are many ways of being in this life. Most of the time it's just important to have folks in your life who are present, will support you, and who love you.