This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced experience: The user shares specific, first-hand advice (e.g., spending time in gay bars, the shift in their early 20s) that reads as genuine reflection, not scripted talking points.
- Consistent, developed viewpoint: The arguments are complex and internally consistent, focusing on themes of community, reality-testing, and moving beyond identity-based validation. This is characteristic of a passionate individual with a deeply held perspective.
- No bot-like patterns: The language is natural, varies in structure, and responds appropriately to the context of different posts.
The passion and criticism present are well within the expected range for a genuine desister or detransitioner.
About me
I started out as a teenage girl who felt a deep discomfort with my body during puberty and struggled with being gay. I was heavily influenced by online communities that sold me transition as a solution, leading me to take testosterone and have top surgery. I eventually realized I was just performing a stereotype to escape my problems, not becoming a man. Getting out of those online spaces and meeting other gay men in person showed me a diversity and acceptance I never knew existed. Now I'm detransitioning and learning to live as a gay woman, with a lot of regret for the permanent changes I made to my body.
My detransition story
My whole journey started with a deep discomfort during puberty. I hated the changes happening to my body, especially the development of my breasts. I felt like they were this foreign, wrong thing that had been put on me. At the same time, I was struggling to come to terms with being a gay man. I had a lot of internalised homophobia and low self-esteem, and I think I saw being trans as a way to escape the realities of being a gay man that made me so uncomfortable.
I spent a huge amount of time online, and that’s where my ideas about gender really formed. I was heavily influenced by what I saw in online communities. They presented transition as this clear solution to all my problems. It felt like an escape from my depression and anxiety. I started identifying as non-binary first, but that quickly shifted to identifying as a trans man. I think for me, it was never really about having a true male identity. It was more about running away from being a feminine gay man.
I ended up taking testosterone for several years. I got top surgery and had a double mastectomy. I pursued all of it because I believed it was the only way to fix the deep unhappiness I felt. The rhetoric online enforced this paranoid belief that everyone was scrutinizing me, and that medical transition was the only path to peace.
But after a while, I realized that hormones and surgeries only let you achieve a crude imitation of the opposite sex. It’s an elaborate performance that depends on powerful drugs, money, and mental endurance. I had to admit to myself that I wasn't "becoming" something else. I was just performing an outdated stereotype. I was trying to solve a problem that didn't exist by subscribing to a lifetime of medicalization.
Detransitioning was about waking up from that delusion. The biggest change for me was getting out of online spaces and actually engaging with in-person communities. It wasn’t until my early twenties that I started going out and meeting other gay men. I was shocked by how diverse and accepting they were. I saw so many gender-nonconforming gay men who were completely comfortable and loved for who they were. I’d spent way too much time in gay bars and saw that these men often got more attention than I ever did. I had operated on this assumption that I would be rejected, but that feeling of unworthiness is actually a common thread that connects a lot of us. The real-life community showed me that most people don't give a fuck about your presentation; they're just living their lives.
I do have regrets about my transition. I regret the permanent changes I made to my body, especially the top surgery. I am now infertile because of the testosterone, which is a serious and lasting consequence. I regret that I let online influences and my own desire to escape reality push me into making such irreversible decisions. I benefited greatly from stepping away from affirming therapy and online echo chambers and instead just living my life as a gay man.
My thoughts on gender now are that it’s largely a social performance, and the current movement encourages people to escape basic realities that make them uncomfortable. For me, that was the discomfort of puberty and coming to terms with my homosexuality. I think it's important that people don't let detransition become their new transition. The goal is freedom from constantly scrutinizing your own appearance and seeking validation from strangers, which is what got me into this mess to begin with.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 | Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty, hated my breasts developing. |
| 16 | Spent a lot of time online, became influenced by trans communities, began identifying as non-binary. |
| 17 | Socially transitioned to living as a male. |
| 18 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 21 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 23 | Realized transition was a performance and not a solution, began detransitioning. Stopped testosterone. |
| 24 | Started engaging with in-person gay communities and began to accept myself as a gay man. |
Top Comments by /u/SuperGameboy64DS:
The reality is that at the end of the day hormones, surgeries, and behavioural training only allow you to achieve a crude facsimile of the opposite sex (usually one that reflects outdated stereotypes). There is no “becoming” something else, it is an elaborate performance dependent on powerful drugs, money, and mental endurance.
Transition used to be an absolute last possible resort to relieve debilitating dysphoria in transexuals. From what you have written, it sounds like you might be trying to escape the realities of being a gay man (I’ve certainly been there).
“Transgenderism” (as a social movement and not a meaningful diagnosis) is now seen as a way of escaping basic realities that make us uncomfortable, which include the completely normal feelings that people experience during pubescence.
While there are plenty of issues and problems amongst gay men, I’m not sure subscribing to a lifetime of medicalization is going to solve your problem. Because you don’t have a problem.
There is a long recorded history of successful feminine men, both gay and straight. There’s nothing stopping you from finding love beyond the limitations you’re placing on yourself. I suggest joining an IN PERSON meet up or community of gay men, you’ll get a much better perspective.
I think it’s important that people don’t let detransition become their new transition.
There’s been an influx of selfies in the sub of people asking for critiques of their appearance, and while I understand the desire for an opinion outside the umbrella of trans affirmation, relying on the validation of strangers is how a lot of people end up in this mess to begin with.
The best part of walking away from all of this is the freedom it offers, but you have to choose that freedom and that requires some fundamental habit changing. Having complete strangers scrutinizing your accessories, your neck, your hair, etc. is just going to keep you on a path to nowhere.
If you want opinions about your appearance, ask some close friends or family members that you trust. Hell, ask a colleague who sees you everyday. These people know what you look like and it isn’t just based on a curated selfie.
The nitpicking in the replies in some of these threads read like they are based on immature stereotypes, a lot of which are outdated and unworldly to begin with.
I can guarantee you that you will be fine. If you are really concerned, you don’t need to disclose anything about trans/detransness, it has very little to do with being a homosexual male. First and foremost just go with the intention of observing and listening.
I think it’s important to remember that the LGBTQ community is not as mono-minded as it sometimes seems. Transness and homosexuality are not interchangeable, they are distinct and separate things, conflated only because of a catch-all label that becomes more and more meaningless everyday.
The rhetoric of online communities enforces the paranoid belief that we should live in a permanent state of fear in regards to how others perceive us. Most people don’t give a fuck, they’re just living their lives and trying to get through their days like everyone else and aren’t going to give you a second thought.
This is why it’s important to engage with ACTUAL communities and not just sit around in the curated reality of discord servers, online interfaces, and the endless social media scroll. That isn’t reality.
A lot of these people’s illusions are maintained by bending the reality around themselves, no matter how ridiculous it gets.
They’ve decided certain things in their mind to support the conclusions they reach for their own identity, and encountering someone else whose mere existence breaches that (flawed) logic will be seen as some type of threat.
They are trying to foist their flimsy arts-and-crafts-made brain math onto you to maintain the infrastructure of their own (incredibly stupid) delusion. Not only is their answer to the problem wrong, but they’re actively changing the numbers in the equation to “solve” it.
Give it a shot. It really wasn’t until my early 20s when I started going out and actively participating in actual gay communities that I realized how diverse they inherently are. I always operated on the assumption that I would be rejected for some reason, but that’s kind of the connective tissue of gay communities if anything. A lot of gay men grow up feeling a sense of unworthiness.
I spent waaaay to much time in gay bars, and I knew plenty of gender non-conforming gay men who were always getting way more action and attention than me.