This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's narrative is highly specific, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over time. It details a personal journey of questioning, social transition, and detransition, including complex feelings about identity, community, and therapy. The language is natural, with personal reflections and self-deprecating humor that are difficult to fake. The account aligns with the known experiences of many desisters.
About me
I started questioning my gender because I felt awful about myself and thought being a man was the answer. I identified as male for a while and got mad at anyone who questioned me, but I'm now grateful they did. Seeing a therapist who helped me ask hard questions and leaving online echo chambers gave me clarity. I realized my confusion was tied to low self-esteem and that trying to be masculine made me unhappy. I'm now working on loving myself as a feminine woman and am glad I didn't medically transition.
My detransition story
My whole journey with questioning my gender started because I felt really bad about myself. I had no identity, no friends, and no confidence. I was in a place where I was looking for any answer to why I felt so awful all the time. I found a lot of information online, especially on places like Tumblr and trans subreddits, and it started to feel like maybe being trans was the answer. It seemed like a clear path: if I was trans, then all my problems could be fixed by going on testosterone and changing my pronouns. The idea of being cis felt like staring up at a massive mountain I had to climb, with no guarantee I'd ever find confidence or a sense of self at the top. Deep down, I think I really wanted to be trans because it offered a simple, fixable reason for all my insecurities.
I started identifying as male and using he/him pronouns with some friends. I also cut my hair. At the time, I was so sure this was the right path for me. I remember getting really mad at my mom because she was understanding but also firm in making me think about other reasons I might be feeling this way. I thought she was being transphobic and not listening to me. Now, I'm so grateful she questioned me, because I probably would have pursued medical transition otherwise.
What really helped me get out of it was seeing a good gender therapist. She understood trans issues but also helped me explore the possibility that I wasn't trans. She didn't just affirm me; she helped me ask the hard questions. I also had to take a step back from the online communities. When you're in them, you only pay attention to evidence that supports you being trans, which is really toxic. I still have a lot of trans friends and consider myself an ally, but I needed that space to get some clarity.
It took me about a year after deciding not to transition to really work on developing myself as a woman. It was hard and it felt like I had to find my own way to like myself, whereas with transition there was a set path to follow. I'm bisexual, and I also realized that a part of my confusion was that when I'm attracted to someone, especially guys, I get this urge to dress and act like them. Trying to be masculine though just made me feel unhappy. I feel most confident and like my true self when I'm a feminine woman.
Even now, I still feel a little uncomfortable calling myself a woman, and it's weird navigating spaces where people talk about trans issues. I know so much about it, but to new people I meet, I just seem like a cis woman who's trying too hard to be woke. I want to tell them I get it, but my experience is different.
I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to where I am now, but I'm very glad I didn't medically transition. I realize now that my gender questioning was deeply tied to my low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. I needed to learn to love myself, not change myself. I think the idea that there's one set path from questioning to hormones to surgery is way too narrow. We should allow people to experiment and be gender non-conforming without feeling like they have to follow those specific steps.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 2019 | Started identifying as male and using he/him pronouns with friends. Cut my hair. | |
| 2019 | Began seeing a gender therapist who helped me explore if I was truly trans. | |
| 2019 | Decided to stop identifying as trans and not pursue medical transition. | |
| 2020 | Worked on self-acceptance and developing confidence as a feminine woman. |
Top Comments by /u/SwellFloop:
I’ve been trying to stay away, so that I can get some clarity. You’re right that there’s a lot of justification. When you’re there you’ll only pay attention to evidence that’s in favour of you being trans which is really toxic. I still have a lot of trans friends though and I consider myself an ally but I need a bit of space from the community.
I was in the same situation as you, turned out I was not trans. One thing that trans people say a lot is that cis people don’t question their gender which is just sooo untrue. I’m cis and I spent a good year of my life questioning.
For me, it was laid out like this:
I felt very shitty about myself. I had no identity, no friends, no confidence. Either I was trans, and so then all of those issues could be fixed by going on T and changing my pronouns, or I was cis, which meant I had to somehow learn to love myself in my current state. Deep down I think I really wanted to be trans because that meant that all of insecurities were for one simple reason—and a relatively easily-fixable reason at that. When I imagined going on in life as a cis woman, it felt like I was staring up at a massive mountain I was going to have to climb, doubtful about whether confidence and a sense of self would even be found at the top at all.
That made it really hard to admit to myself that I wasn’t trans because I knew if I wasn’t, there was a lot of difficult emotional work ahead of me. About a year after deciding to not transition, I’ve worked on developing myself as a girl, and I’m so glad I did. Please DM me if you want to talk about this
I don’t have all the answers but I can say that when I first stopped identifying as male, the road to becoming happy with myself as a girl felt so daunting. With transition, there’s a set path that you can follow: social transition, hormones, top surgery... with detransition, you have to find your own way to like yourself as the gender you already are.
100% agree. Also worth being said that the idea of egg -> self-acceptance -> social transition -> HRT -> surgery is WAY too narrow and not the solution for most people who question their gender. If we just allowed people to experiment and be gender non-conforming without feeling like they have to follow those steps... I don’t know
Well I’m lucky cuz the furthest I got was cutting my hair and he/him pronouns around certain friends. What got me out of it was a good gender therapist who both understood trans issues but also helped me explore the possibility I wasn’t trans, and a mom who was understanding but firm in making me think of alternative explanations.
At the time I was so mad at my mom for not listening to me and I thought she was being transphobic. I’m glad now that she questioned me because i probably would have transitioned medically otherwise.
What would have helped me not fall down the rabbit hole at all would have just been (1) not being insecure and (2) not having access to tumblr and trans subreddits. But I don’t think those things could have changed really.
Wow our experiences sound very similar. I’m bi too and totally get what you said about wanting to look like people you’re attracted to. I don’t know why tf this happens but when I‘m attracted to someone, I get this urge to dress and act and be like them. It usually happens more for guys for some reason. Actually trying to do that and be masculine though just makes me feel unhappy tho, and I like being a feminine woman because I feel most confident that way, and I feel like I can attract more people haha.
I still feel uncomfortable calling myself a woman, even though I purposefully try to identify with that label now. It’s weird when people are talking about trans stuff and I know a lot about it but I just seem like a rando cis woman who is a little too eager to seem woke, you know? And when I meet new people who are trans it’s like I want to tell them I get it and but it’s like well to them I’m just another cis woman