I agree wholeheartedly, it feels like the FTM process in particular is often treated like sunshine and rainbows when it really isn't. The prevalent attitude shows, in stuff like mastectomy fundraisers being called "Get this off my chest!" and other silly euphemisms for a serious surgical procedure. The number of cutesy-wutesy nicknames I've heard for taking testosterone is kind of sickening in retrospect.

No talk of atrophy, pain, etc on social media, but behind the scenes many former friends would admit to the complications they faced in medical transition. But many people wouldn't want to publicly admit shit going sideways, especially with how public most people's transitions are nowadays. It's all become rather a spectacle.

I used to identify as nonbinary. Personally a lot of my disconnect with womanhood came from my mother sexually abusing me, but I think pretty much every woman goes through some level of trauma relating to our existence as female, even if it wasn't something as extreme.

I mean think about it, when was the first time you noticed an older dude looking at you in a sexual way? I was 9, and most women I talk to experience that shit at least once by the time they're a teen. Then there's all the media telling us the right and wrong ways of performing femininity, that women who are less feminine are "manlike," etc. It's a whole lot to deal with, puberty is already a big enough ordeal for us without society heaping on more bs.

If I could choose between pressing a button to make myself male, or another button that would get rid of all of society's sex stereotypes, I'd pick that second button every time. That's why I let myself live as a comfortable woman - prioritizing being comfortable is one of the most GNC things we can do! I don't shave, wear makeup, uncomfortable/thin/revealing clothes or heels, my hair will never go past my shoulders again, etc. But I accept being a woman in my own way - no matter how much I chose to transition, it's impossible to erase that I am born and will die female. I'm a member of the sex that can get pregnant, that's all "being female/a woman" means to me now - not any kind of bearing on my personality or interests.

Hard agree. Take care of your physical health first and foremost, that's way more important than gender stuff. Spend time recovering, then come back and consider how you're feeling about identity. Perhaps the time spent will give you the insight you need - it helped for me.

The only person I speak to from my family is my older sister. I was worried she would be all "I told you so" too, but her response was more just... relief. In fact, that was the response from a lot of people who weren't in the trans community I was active in in college.

Even if someone acts like an ass when you tell them you're detransitioning, just let it roll off your back. Don't let other people's opinions keep you from growing into yourself, which I know is easier said than done. I ended up losing most of my friends from college because I became a radfem after detransing (back around 2018), and while that did a number on my mental health (was getting anons from them on my tumblr telling me to kms), I feel so much happier and more self confident now with them out of my life. Not saying you have to cut out family/friends that act like asses about it, but anyone who's against you realizing you made a mistake and working to fix it... is probably not the most supportive person anyway.

I never went through with top surgery and am grateful every day that I didn't, despite having multiple friends who offered to help me set up appointments, drive me there, etc. I was considering not commenting because you specifically asked for experiences of people that did go through with it, but I once felt how you did - disliked my breasts, wished they were gone, etc. There is no harm in waiting and lots of possible harm from rushing into things.

It is possible to reconcile with your body. I'd say the average puberty experience for female folks can be traumatic af. Especially with social media constantly bombarding us with messages about how we should look and act, on top of all the physically uncomfortable parts of growing up. And dealing with grown men and catcalling. Some of us, way too many of us, even experienced SA and the like. Those are all great ways to make you feel less connected with yourself, to hate the parts of your body that mark you as a woman.

I know people on the internet like to say "touch grass" in a derogatory way but for real, go spend more time in nature or at least take more walks around your neighborhood. Get involved in a friend/hobby group that centers around something other than being trans. When your mind is no longer constantly ruminating over this, then the right decision may be more clear.

I agree that there isn't usually a perfect time to mention it, but if you feel like it's important to share then I encourage you to do so. She'll probably have some questions, and if she's as accepting as she's been then opening up will likely only bring you two closer.

I started seeing my boyfriend just before detransing, so it wasn't a secret or anything, but he still had a lot of questions about why I detransed, and why I decided to start transitioning to begin with. I can't imagine not being able to talk about that time with him though, idk about your experiences while trans but it deeply affected me - even still, and I'm almost 5 years detrans.

Also don’t buy into the idea of “gender euphoria“. I was told that, if transition “feels right” especially if if I’m starting HRT, that’s a good sign that I’m “tru trans” lol. HRT for trans men is Testosterone…it’s steroids, literally it’s a performance drug that, more than likely, will make you feel amazing. It’s also potentially addictive, IMO (at least, I personally felt that way).

That's actually part of why I quit T after just a month... it felt too good to be true. I didn't fully detrans right away but after I'd felt the starting effects I really started to question if it all was right for me. Eventually I realized the root of my dysphoria was in childhood abuse, and sought treatment to heal from that instead. 5 years out from making the decision to detrans and can confirm it was the right choice for me.

The age range is probably to target a specific group of detransitioners who may have been affected by ROGD (it was mentioned in one of the questions).

Also curious why she stipulates you must have IDed as transgender and must no longer. I was diagnosed transgender, and I still suffer dysphoria. But I never understood the "identify" language.

You can still have dysphoria and not identify as transgender. Dysphoria is the feeling of discomfort or distress at yourself that many trans-identified people experience (but by itself doesn't necessarily mean you're trans), whereas transitioning is actually taking steps to make yourself be perceived as the opposite sex. "Identifying as trans" is the state of wanting to be seen as a different gender, and may or may not be accompanied by the process of transitioning. Or at least that's how I differentiate it all (would love to hear others' opinions though!).

I still had dysphoria for a while after reconciling with my womanhood, but the key difference was that I no longer wished to be seen as anything else. Therapy that wasn't focused on how I wanted to change my body through transitioning helped me get to the root of my issues (which ended up being a boatload of childhood trauma) and working through that really alleviated the distress. Obviously everyone's situation is different though.

Is there anything you feel you'd gain from a trans identity, instead of just being a feminine guy? I personally think it's more progressive to say "I'm a dude and yes, I'm into feminine things." than "I'm not a dude because I'm into feminine things." Ya feel?

Since you don't seem to want to medically transition there isn't much practical difference in how you identify, but if you're in a very trans-positive friend group the identity itself could gain you some social standing. In college, I saw one of my former friends go from being the butt of the friend group's jokes as a "straight guy" to being suuuuper oppressed as a "trans lesbian" despite changing.... nothing apart from name/pronouns, and starting to post half-naked pictures on social media 🙄 so I mean that's one route you could go I guess lol

I totally understand the sentiment. We'd exist in this world regardless, but I'm so glad that more of our numbers are finding this place where we can share experiences. It can feel so isolating to have transitioned then desisted, a lot of us have lost friends over our journey... but we are not truly alone and that's a comfort.